Friday, July 2, 2010

Not My Type

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94 Comments

  1. Jesus was circumsised to keep the sand out of his cock. For safety reasons. Is there sand where you live? Have you tried the sexual maneuver known as the Egyptian sarcophagus? Am I still drunk?

  2. katypants – In the time of the Creation, foreskins were necessary as men were walking through high brush and in the wild where dust and dirt could get into a male’s urethra and lead to a potentially fatal disease. Much the same way the appendix was used to break down rough foliage which (most of us) we no longer have to eat.

    Don’t forget, God may have given us these “unnecessary” parts but he has also given us the science to remove them. It is all part of his Divine plan.

  3. Wow Dan… you’re good. Howaboot the bit about Jesus? How do you know he was circumsized? Are there photos? And how did they do it all the way back then with no scalpels? Did they just bash it with pointy rocks till it fell off?

  4. Dan… The urethra is more exposed to that shit without a foreskin… Isn’t it just because of hygeine purposes and they didn’t clean themselves properly and didn’t wash that crap out from under it?

  5. mcowles, sometimes, there’s a man, well, he’s the man for his time and place. He fits right in there.

  6. @katy – Jesus was circumcised according to the passages found in Luke.

    As for “bashing it with pointy rocks”, circumcision has been around for a long time. Many Egyptian societies performed the act, as demonstrated in their paintings and drawings.

  7. @nuff – The point is that as humans have strayed away from jungle and desert life, the need for a foreskin has diminished. Which is why it makes sense to remove it in places where it is unnecessary (i.e. civilized society). It’s a bit more of a gray area in Africa, where they are obviously less advanced. However, most recent studies have shown circumcision to reduce the likelihood of catching/spreading AIDS which is why folks like Tim Tebow go to remove the foreskins of Africans.

  8. Ah, Dan… you are opening my eyes more and more! So then, what did the cavemen do? I would guess they would have been a bunch of penis rock bashers. Or do you not believe in cavemen? Oh, and who’s Luke?

  9. bollywood_rocks83

    I think I’ll come back after the Brazil/Nederlands match and take out my anger on Dan.

  10. bollywood_rocks83

    NO! God did not create cavemen. He made Adam and Eve who gave birth to everyone else. Right,Dan? To believe in cavemen would be a blasphemy.

  11. krasivaya_devushka

    @39…he never stated which one he is.
    Someone mentioned he could be Jewish or Muslim since they circumcise children.
    Now, Dan referred to himself and others as “God’s children” in another comment somewhere out there, and Muslims don’t call themselves that. So my point here is, he can’t be Muslim.

  12. @Bollywood: Pretty sure cavemen had to exist, and God sent them here to save us money on our car insurance so we would switch to Geico . . . Not to far off, pretty sure.

  13. Oooh, what does Dan_Fargis think about dinosaurs and fossils predating humans? Does god hate dinosaurs as well as homosexuals and liberals?

  14. @Loki: I think God only hated the gay-liberal dinosaurs that roamed the Earth. The others were totally let into dino-heaven.

  15. wait a minute. have i been labouring under a misapprehension all these years? i thought the whole point of god was that he hated everyone with more than 50 brain cells…?

  16. dietpillpyramidscheme

    I started loving Dan’s contributions as soon as I realized he wasn’t serious. Sadly, as a troll there are people who actually believe things more extreme than what he was posting.

  17. Bet you anything Dan is an atheist who just trolls with his “religious” ideals to show how stupid religion is.

  18. @Eusadnama: No gay-liberal dinosaurs? Count me out.

    And penpen and dietpill: He’s got to be a troll, of course, but it’s definitely scary that people do believe similar things to what he’s posting. Best I’ve heard is fossils were put there by Satan to challenge the faithful. Can they believe THROUGH logic and fact?

  19. I thought Dan was serious until he mentioned circumcising little African boys…. then I REALLY started to laugh. WTG Dan!

  20. God, I’m high…

  21. @Dan #57: Ok, so I am now able to prove your lack of intelligence and common sense by referencing one comment. You seriously believe that the removal of a foreskin will prevent AIDS? Really?? I suppose you think a shower helps too? Or are you of a mind that sex with a virgin will cure you?

    I’d love a reference to a reputable website which claims that circumcision assists with AIDS prevention. AIDS management, perhaps, but only in temrs of cleanliness.

    It is because of people like yourself with your ignorant minds that AIDS continues to spread like wildfire. Why don’t you just tell ol’ Timmy boy to pass on the message to all the illiterate, uneducated Africans in the rural areas where they still practice ritual circumcision that once they have been circumcised, they are immune to AIDS. Same as making a claim such as yours on a public forum.

    Seriously, go do your research before making random claims.

  22. *terms

  23. By the way, Dan? I am African. No, not African American, or pseudo “My ancenstor from 300 years ago came from Africa” African. Real African. So be careful with your generalisations, my bible thumping friend.

  24. @MasterDebater – why would I care if you are African? That’s no more descriptive than saying one is “Asian” or “South American”. Having been to 7 different African countries, I can say that some are great and some are tragically impoverished and in trouble. That doesn’t change the fact that AIDS is more rampant in African countries than anywhere else in the world, nor does it change the fact that Africans are being (thankfully) circumcised to reduce the likelihood of getting/spreading AIDS.

  25. I am not reading through all of these to see if someone already said it, but leaving the “nevergivesup” part to her name? Really?

    She was the only one on facebook with that name. I sometimes wonder who “edits” these things.

  26. and now I see that lots of people already commented on her page. *ahem*

  27. the bottom four are awful…seriously, there is absolutely nothing funny about them. Oh no, someone mispelled. The top one of those four is the absolute worst, she didn’t even really spell anything incorrectly (read on) she was just typing so fast (probably on a phone) that she accidently misplaced a letter, added an extra letter, and forgot a letter.
    Does anyone here actually think minor mispellings are funny? is this site plagued with pretentious english majors who will soon discover the true value of their majors? (nil)

  28. A mind is a terrible thing to baste.

  29. I’m circumsized and I grew up in an atheist household. -shrug-
    I fucking love spacejam.

  30. Best comment thread ever.

    Jesus was most definitely circumcised because he was a good Jew. God made Abram cut off his foreskin as a reminder to himself and all of his descendants of the covenant that he made with God. That promise was that he would follow the 10 commandments. So basically its a reminder that if you dont obey God you are going to get a whole lot worse than part of your pee hole cut off when you get sent to hell.
    God gave men a way out of circumcision when he said, ok Jesus can die for your sins to be forgiven. If you are a Christian, then you dont have to be constantly reminded of how much worse hell will be than having your weiner cut off.
    That is the theological basis for circumcision. I am trying to figure out why dan is using an evolutionary argument for the lack of need of foreskin if he cares about what the bible says? The bible says, God made it just the way he wanted it.

  31. @MasterDebater
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Circumcision_and_HIV

    I don’t know if you would call it reputable, but there are links to reputable journals showing the strong evidence to support male circumcision to help prevent the transmission of HIV

  32. …Wait. People actually think Dan’s serious?

  33. This Charming Man

    I was under the impression that circumcision originated out of hygienic reasons.

    Also, how the he’ll did dan_fargis’s original comment turn into a serious discussion?

  34. This Charming Man

    *hell

    (stupid autocorrect)

  35. <3 Dan

  36. I am ben

  37. amtrak4lovers lol

  38. @ ALL THE PEOPLE who are under the impression that circumcision reduces the risk of HIV.

    Here’s a “fun” fact: I am a circumcised male of 24years of age. I am also HIV positive. And rather angry and disillusioned with the “knowledgable” people out there who spread myths about HIV.

    Jacob Zuma said showering will prevent the spread of HIV. A health minister claimed eating healthy vegetables will prevent the spread of HIV. Many health organisations claim circumcision will prevent HIV. These are all wonderful storied to ensure people can turn a blind eye to the real problem: unprotected sex. After all, if you convince yourself that you will only be able to catch it if you are dirty, uncircumcised and a poor eater, well you may just be safe, righ?

    Yeah, that’s what I thought too – until it happened to me. I do not have AIDS as yet (thank God) but I am HIV positive. And sadly, I only found out after I infected my girlfriend, now ex. Yeah, circumcision worked for me. LEt’s all get circumcised, then we can all ingulge in unprotected sex. After all, we’re protected ‘cos we’re circumcised.

    Right?

  39. Some research (not from Wikipedia):

    http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org/info/HIVStatement.html
    http://www.cirp.org/library/disease/HIV/vanhowe4/
    http://www.mrc.ac.za/policybriefs/Malecircumcision.pdf – this one states that results of the research are inconclusive, but that there are several influencing factors such as age, sexual practice, etc. So yes, Circumcision helps prevent HIV. Provided you are wearing a condom.

  40. *peeps within*

    Whoa! WTF??

    *politely and quietly leaves with a warning to others: Enter at own risk*

  41. I always wonder if most Americans are truly as stupid as Lamebook makes them seem. Seriously, you only have to learn and master 1 language. It’s not that difficult.

  42. Jacob Z is a god! And sweet potatoes can cure ANYTHING! Everyone knows that!

    Dude, just chill. It’s supposed to be a fun site.

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