Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Not a FANtasy

previous post: On the Plus Side

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121 Comments

  1. gay

  2. WTF is this? PLEASE, do not tell me they are quoting the Twilight series. Please.

  3. You know how I know you’re gay? That post.

  4. When it said “Read the rest of this entry” I thought there were more. I didn’t think the original stupid ass, non-funny post went on and on and on and on and on. That’s time I’ll never get back.

  5. James is awesome. I haven’t laughed that hard in awhile.

  6. Truly douchetastic.

  7. I was all like “come-on, when’s she going to say no as this is the most long-winded, anal-retented proposal I have ever heard of!”

    The fact she said yes was just sickening!

    I was also hoping that Shellie was going to knife Ariakan and then blurt out that Jamie is hers and she’d slept with him last week. That at least would have been entertaining!

  8. I would rather watch someone wank over an electric fence. Than read this shite.

  9. Wait, wait, wait…. let me get this straight. Did they just make up a screenplay with a keyboard complete with actions, attire and breathing techniques as a REAL marriage proposal? On facebook?

    I can just see this recollection in the future. “Mom, how did Dad propose? Oh honey, he wore a tux, had a rose, howled for me and presented me a velvet box with a sapphire ring” “Wow, really?” “Well, he typed that he did…”

  10. lol, wow. I’m glad I skipped straight to the comments after reading one small paragraph.

  11. I really hope this was just some shitty roleplay and not an actual propsal. If it was… I can’t believe she would say yes to something like that.

    Saddest part is that I actually know people who do this over statuses/wall post.

  12. *proposal.

    And @Mimi, no they’re not quoting twilight. They’re that stupid on their own.

  13. urm..*coughs*..*clears throat as she pushes the wisps of hair from her boggling eyes*… “what the fire truck was that!!?” … Never before and oh please lamebook pleeeease!!! Never again!!

  14. in addition.. the only hero i see in this story is James.. My hero <3

  15. and where exactly is this funny?

  16. too long to read, dislike

  17. God, that was the most painfully embarrassing thing I’ve ever read. I give it three months before he types out the screenplay for their divorce.

  18. don’t worry guys, we might have a good post today.

  19. oh snap, I just noticed the first poster’s username.

    <3 that you, cowley?

  20. @DemonKoala – Thanks, I was worried there for a second. I gave up reading halfway down so didn’t quite get to the “proposal” part! Sheesh.

  21. @asriel: same here.
    Also, just because nobody’s said it as such: tl;dr.

  22. this is the most lame facebook post I have ever seen. The perfect lamebook entry. well done.

  23. thatguyfromsyracuse

    You have got to be fucking kidding me. I don’t care how much you love a woman, that is just goddamn pathetic.

  24. Okay, I’m gonna stand up here and defend these guys. It was sweet! xD A little bit.

    Okay, at least it was better than the picture of the hot sauce with ‘marry me’ written on the packet. And it was original. You’ve gotta give them that.

    And hell, his girlfriend liked it and went along with it, so he’s gotta be doing something right.

    Wonder what happened to my testicles.

  25. erm.. glad i skipped to the comments

  26. Although… I fucking love that in this little roleplay, HE wrote that she has panic in her eyes and starts to get up. xD Kudos on the self esteem there, kid.

  27. Guh. My tea is coming back up. Not the thing to read over breakfast.

  28. I can’t believe I am saying this, but I wholeheartedly agree with anonisgayisgay’s one word critique.

    So society has now gone from facebook proposals to dolpin rings and then down to imaginary/virtual rings now?

  29. found them on fb and the sad thing is, every convo there is like this.

  30. Oh I can’t believe I forgot to add fucken hot sauce packet proposals.

  31. Maybe they met on a roleplaying site.

  32. what the fuck? this is ridiculous.

  33. Wait, I just actually thought about this, and now I’m just sad that people have gotten so lazy. Unless they’re only able to communicate through Facebook/online, what’s his excuse for… well… not just actually doing this? Minus the wolf shit, which I didn’t even understand.

  34. I don’t get it. Is it an actual proposal? Or a collaborative shite screen play? I feel so old…

  35. I hope Dan_Fargis shows up and tells us EXACTLY how these people are going to suffer in hell. Except James of course.

  36. I think that maybe these are like those werewolf kids in San Antonio that wear tails and have stupid names… there was a post about it on here awhile ago, and it was on the news

  37. Jesus H. Christ. They have yet to use any of my submissions making fun of the morons on my Facebook but they post this shit?

  38. Charlotte Sometimes

    did anyone else think of Tuxedo Mask from Sailor Moon when his “leather pants and vest change to black tuxedo with a red long stem rose” in his hand? Anyone??

  39. god this was awful.. I hope they don’t breed.

  40. love the blue sapphire silk shirt with only the two bottom buttons done! hahaha!

  41. @tennotsukai how did you find them, I would love to read their profiles lol

  42. Okay okay…I admit in the 80′s I was a bit of a “Dungeons and Dragons” geek. At least when me and my friends role-played with the papers, pencils, assorted multi-sided dice, and the whole bit, we were hacking and slashing through endless hourdes of the undead, pillaging towns, warring with orcs, spilling the blood of the innocent with battle axes, etc etc…

    Somebody please tell me this is NOT what modern role-playing has turned into! Something out of a lame-ass Twilight movie? Please tell me it ain’t so!

  43. I couldn’t even bring myself to read more than one paragraph of this bullshit. Are you guys seriously telling me this was a marriage proposal????

    someone castrate that asshole….and sew her shut! we cannot risk these 2 procreating.

  44. and thanxs bumpit for the LOL.

  45. I put on my robe and wizard hat…

  46. oh…hey… awesome.

  47. All those sparkling moonlight and leather pants references and not one mention of George Michael? Something isn’t adding up here…

  48. I really hope this is some ridiculous group role-play and not actual people/furries. I really really hope. For the sake of humanity.

  49. Damn….#45 beat me to it by moments, lmao.

    I’ve been known to play some D&D and such, but I can’t say I’m a fan of animagus/shifter RP’ing. I also would never, EVER, be lame enough to do this shit through Facebook statuses. Keep it in the MUDs and forums designed for it, people. Wow. :P

  50. @mimi. no they r not quoting twilight.

    and its sweet. but dont propose on fb. thats lame… like roleplay. and that girl, lets a dude walk all over her then take him back? dont let a guy rule ur life…

  51. i had a guy in highschool pretend to put a “love spell” on me. I never talked to him again. ever. I find the fantasy nonsense so incredibly lame… I hope his parents saw this post (because I’m sure that mommy is Jamie’s #1 top friend!) and sent him to football camp or even space camp..something…

  52. Holy shiznit, that is the first post I HAD to skip.

    Not because it was too long, but because after the first super lame stalkery paragraph my hackles started to rise, and I was sure there was a serial killer named Jamie hiding somewhere in my office, waiting to plunge an imaginary knife (that would then turn into an icicle and melt away thus making it the perfect serial killer murder weapon) into the back of my neck.

    That is how much this creeped me out. Well done, Lamebook. Well done.

  53. When furries, roleplaying and proposals combine….it’s truly a scary thing. o__O

  54. Summer, you need to stop these thoughts from leaving your little head ( or at least learn how to spell them ). You’re not exactly doing womankind a favor by posting this. Thank God we’re not all as pensive as you, my dear.

  55. Furry role play facebook proposal. It doesn’t get any better than that.
    But I HAVE to know, were their user pictures them in costume?

  56. Does anyone know of a good eye surgeon? I need my eyeballs reinstalled. I gouged them out following the reading of that steaming pile of crap on a Sunday morning breakfast table.

  57. I had to create an account just for this.

    what. The. FUCK.

    I can’t comment on the UTTER lameness of these guys (to really consider it would make my head explode, I’m afraid), but I have to mention the ring. Sapphire and opal? Sounds like the fugliest piece of jewelry ever.

    I would have defriended these two immediately. IMMEDIATELY. I think James summed it up nicely.

  58. I know some of you would like to think that Jamie is gay, but nope. He’s a breeder. Just like you. Think of it straight guys: when you read Jamie, he is a reflection of you and your world. Yours!!

    You straight guys. HAHAHAAHA!!!!!!

  59. Fucking Furries.

  60. I had to register specifically to say that I am SO weirded out by this post. I actually couldn’t read it all because my skin was crawling. Good job I caught the last comment though, made everything a little bit more OK :D

  61. Question:
    How the fuck as a wolf did they get him into a tux…then into silky shit and boots? Also, they should feel so very much shame.

  62. dirtylittlepretty

    i am at a complete loss for insults…this is just too fucking moronic. holy shit. i mean fuck…FUCK…FUUUUUUCK!!!!!

  63. *clearing the spent round from my rifle* I know it’s frowned upon to shoot wolves, but there was just something about this one that screamed “shoot me.” I walk to collect my kill and spot the Jasmine and Orchids. What the hell was going on here??

  64. I figure these are only friends over the internet, and as hobes said probably a roleplaying one. They said something about distance so I reckon they live far away, too far away for a real proposal. It’s nice in its own way, if she likes it then well done to him for it. Still, to all us it is the epitome of lame, so well done Lamebook. Keep shooting CommentsAtLarge, you’ve got another 3 to shoot yet.

  65. “How the fuck as a wolf did they get him into a tux…then into silky shit and boots?”

    Blondebimbo: you are my hero.

  66. There was a proposal? That literally sucked the life outta me.

    @tennotsukai; you have to be kidding?!

  67. Can’t believe their friends got into the lame tirade of never ending bullshit. Except James of course; he’s awesome!

  68. My head hurts.

  69. Also, I really don’t get the “lil bit” thing?!

  70. Let us all make a solemn vow to forget this post and never, ever speak of it again. Agreed?

  71. What the fuck is “lil bit” ?

  72. Andrizzle, I’m totally in the same boat as you are. They never post my submissions, ever. Some of them may not be side-splittingly hilarious but they’re better than THIS crap.

  73. Harry Potter meets Harlequin meets Twilight. Also James is the hero of all.

  74. I think they’re role playing. Please say they’re role playing.

  75. Fuck. I was really hoping this would get dirty.

    Not even a lil bit.

  76. @MikeyMike; I completely agree, I think that’s the best option

  77. Oh my Jesus..
    Please someone tell me that was just a shitty roleplay brought on by too little fucking and too many paranormal romance novels.

    If my boyfriend ever proposed to me like that, for reals, I think I might just have to shank him. Then mutilate his corpse. Then find a way to resurrect him so I can do it again.

  78. I found their facebooks. Apparently they are indeed engaged and are “Verified Roleplayers”

  79. lol @ furries.

  80. Yeah, this is just a roleplay guys. Granted, I would never roleplay something like THIS, if I roleplay at all. Nor would I ever do it on Facebook. This is just laughable and shudder-worthy.

  81. Ok so I did some Facebook stalking and figured out what is going on here – apparently these people are in a role playing group called Dark Hunters. They make fictional Facebook pages and write out story lines. I think they plan it by posting a note and only the people tagged in the note may participate. It is unbelievably nerdy, I found one where this married couple has one going where they are just talking about what they want to eat for dinner in their fictional life. They even have a Dark Hunters Kids group where you can have a fictional kid and it’s like a day care, but on Facebook…? And they post pictures of their kids on there, but it looks like pictures of kids just stolen off the internet. Check it out, it is mind blowing, I can’t stop saying, “What the FUCK????” Where do people find the time to do this??? It is, by far, the lamest thing I have ever seen on the internet.

  82. Holy fucking hell that was a waste of my time…

    @absbabs you sound Irish

  83. I’ve read every lamebook entry that’s ever been posted. This one fits the site name better than any of the others. Jesus Christ, I got lameblindness for a second and had to take a break from reading this.

  84. God I was hoping they were reading Twilight together too, wtf. And even sadder than all of this, I am more irritated she said yes to this douche when he didn’t even buy her a diamond, opals and saphirre’s?!?!! LOSER!

  85. As soon as my eyes met the words of this post I was engulfed by a wave of vicarious shame and horror. I read on, and each new line felt like somebody injecting lighter fluid into my chest cavity with a basting syringe and packing the hole full of Roman candles. I was transported me back to a past in which my OWN simpering bleeding heart poetry and sniveling crap was probably just visible to all the sensible people around me. The only saving grace was that I didn’t grow up with access to Facebook, or the internet, or blogs (thank GOD, THANK SWEET GOD IN HEAVEN…THANK YOU JESUS). Just as Dan said, this is truly…… TRULY what Lamebook is rightly all about.

  86. They forgot *after sniffing each other’s butts, they then dug some poop out of the catbox and shared a snack.* They are supposed to be canines, right?

  87. …What’s more lame, this, or that time that guy proposed over WoW…

    This. Definitely this.

  88. Wordyperv,

    In some circles, this is downright pornographic. Granted those circles are probably in the Mormon church, but still…

  89. To be fair, they’re probably laughing at all of us right now for mocking the fake proposal… well, you lot. I was with them all along.

    Right guys?

  90. Hah. They are definitely roleplayers… I found Ariakan on FB, and he had a single ‘like’ listed: ✔Verified Official RolePlayer
    Jamie & Misty are on his friends list too, none of them use real photos.

  91. If my boyfriend proposed to me like this I would punch him in the face with his own dick. Then I would use the ring as a cocksock holder.

  92. This is the absolute best thing I have ever read in my entire lifetime.

    Dude thinks he’s a wolf. Fantastic.

  93. JacksSmirkingRevenge

    Never in my wildest dreams did I think this would be THIS long.

    (That’s what she said.)

  94. I like the part where the one friend watches from a distance and then another friend notes that this is a homosexual romance

  95. Um, I’ve been on the internet a long time, and never have I seen batshittery like this.

  96. ……. in the infamous words of one James Norton…. my teeth itch

  97. I’ve done some nerdy Harry Potter roleplaying in my day, but my lactose intolerance was acting up from all this cheese.

  98. hitmewithyourrhythmvic

    This is a proprosal?! I’d fucking murder someone for proprosing to me like this. I have never seen anything like this.

  99. I’d fucking murder a guy who thinks he could seduce me in a “sapphire blue silk shirt and leather pants.” Fabio here skeeves me out.

  100. War and peace would have been a quicker read! pffttt

  101. Oh god I found Jamie. It’s Jamie Kvasir.
    His picture… the horror….

  102. Yeah, Jamie is quite scary, but take a look at his fiancee

    Misty Castalia

    I think this may be a case of the “We’re just lonely, horny, twelve year olds, whose read the twilight series, that want to make that special fantasy of our own.”

  103. wat.

  104. Misty is 35……and she likes corsets and Deadliest Catch. lol
    I’m also glad I didn’t eat breakfast.
    Sometimes I can understand roleplaying and such, but it’s always people who get SO in to it, it’s not your real life, people, it’s a fantasy. These people just take the cake.

  105. Im pretty those pictures arent actually them… Misty’s picture looks like Brittany Spears

  106. People, read the comments section before commenting, please?

  107. anonisgayisgayisgay

    My favourite fact about these particular freaks? Misty’s DOB is Nov 7th 1975. Her “daughter”‘s is Nov 1st 1975. Those crazy wolves and their retrograde, week-long pregnancies.

  108. Do research if you’re curious people.

    #1: facebook – Ariakan (not a very fucking common name)
    #2: identify the parts of the picture that are disfigured with one that could match his actual profile pic (the last ariakan 20/20 in the list of people)
    #3: locate “✔Verified Official RolePlayer
    © Profile Original & Official” on his page.
    #4: accept the fact that this is not funny, but it is infact super lame.
    #5: gay.

  109. upon further research we have our big-titted wife to be roleplayer: http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc4/hs207.snc4/38675_127331493978418_100001047052161_151302_1652391_n.jpg

  110. Just adding my research to that which is already on here..

    This is actually a role play group called the Dark Hunters (as Tootsie found out). The appears to be based on a book series called “Dark Hunters”, which seems to be a fantasy/romance/erotic series, going on titles alone (including: “Fantasy Lover”, “Kiss of the Night”, “Sins of the Night”, “Kiss of the Night” etc.) But then the series also seems to have a related teen series (Chronicles of Nick, for those who are wondering), so I really don’t know what the heck is going on. Some of the people involved in the roleplay seem to be actual characters from the novels (such as Acheron Parthenopaeus, who is friends with Jamie, Misty and Ariakan at least), while others seem to be entirely made up by the RPers. Strangely enough, all of the facebook for mister Parthenopaeus seems to be the EXACT same info as is given under the character section of the author Sherrilyn Kenyon)’s site. So either they’re really sucktastic role players and can’t come up with their own ideas, or Ms. Kenyon is encouraging this.

    But yeah, in case you were wondering, you can thank Sherrilyn Kenyon for spawning this particular idea. Maybe in her books she explains how wolves can wear tuxes.

  111. Aw. I don’t think it’s terrible. Nerds need love too.

  112. This is the most amazing thing I have ever read in my life.

    I wonder what he did to make her so mad in the beginning?

    I also hope to dear God that this guy is shooting blanks.

  113. *The hunter aims his gun carefully at the back of the girls head, hoping to get two kills on one shot he takes a deep breath and squeezes the trigger of his rifle. The bullet flies with amazing speed through her skull turning her face into a crater, then continuing right into her male lovers chest coming to a stop inside his spinal cord. The hunters family shall eat retard this week.*

  114. These people are strange. I looked them up, they all use fake profile pics of other people with hot bodies or else pics of them in highschool in the 80′s. And they all like Nickelback

  115. I’m just curious as to why no one has pointed out what I feel to be the funniest part of all.
    Jamies interest are Farmville, Collecting Roses and INTIMATE MOMENTS.
    @Word Pervert, you almost got your wish! I’m sure he wanted to make it dirty. Maybe it wasn’t the time or place. Or maybe it was too difficult to arrange, (because lets not forget he was in a tux.)

  116. I kinda think it’s cute, in a not at all cute in any form kinda way…

  117. Sweet cream on an ice cream sammich!!
    What in the blue hell does that Jamie think he’s doing?
    He just showed the world that he is, without a shadow of a doubt.. the biggest Mangina walking Gods green earth!

  118. I think they were role-playing :P .

  119. Ok, I know I’m way behind everyone else (noob), but I’m actually a little surprised that no one has pointed out that this is kind of exactly what happens on Second Life every day. And yep, I’ve seen a wolf wearing a tux .. weird!!

  120. Are you freaking kidding me? A facebook proposal with creepy voyeurs watching? A shirt to match the ring? Does he have a sword to match the blue shiny shirt and leather pants with boots? Is his hair silky and long like Fabio? Was she naked when he slipped the dress on? What stunt did he pull? If she doesn’t trust him enough to hesitate, why would she trust him enough to say no? Wtf?? Why would she marry such a stupid tard in the first place?

    For being so long-winded there are so many DETAILS THAT ARE MISSING! I need to know!!!

    Just kidding, this is f-ing retarded.

  121. I mean, *say yes? Man, stupid typos

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