Friday, December 18, 2009

My Girls




previous post: Just Don’t Reply



  1. Oh, for the love of…

  2. From the makers of the ShamWOW and the Clapper, comes the next greatest invention to sweep the nation. The Chinease*!

    Are you ever at home watching tv or playing World of Warcraft on your computer and you get sick and tired of holding your head up? It’s heavy and useless and you already have enough to think about, instead of worrying about whether or not your head is upright.

    This simple tool straps around your chest and has two chrome-plated bars extending from the front. They attach to a Chin-Cozy which holds your head erect for hours on end, without you having to use any muscles at all!

    The next time you are raiding on WoW and your healer lets you die, because he was too busy playing to remember to hold his head upright, tell him about Chinease!

    *Not for sale to Chinese people

  3. ChinEase? Is that for her sore achy chin?

  4. The Scarlet Pimple

    “cold mushy pees”????
    Oh goddamn. Fuck ‘em all.

  5. Deity on a pogo stick. This makes me want to kill.

  6. Oh, and is it illegal to rape presents? Or was the a type-o and she meant peasants?

  7. What the fuck does “littliess” mean?

  8. Un-motherfucking-believable, possibly the most dumbest pepole I’ve come across! And remember, I live in Texas!

  9. Lucy is as smart as a meatball.

  10. This Christmas, I want to hunt these chicks down and kill them.

  11. This species has the atomic bomb. Major sadface.

  12. mcowles..your post was pretty much the highlight of my afternoon..I can picture it being like the “slap chop” commercial

  13. Mcowles, you are hilarious. Also, as a fairly sleepy night elf druid healer, I could really use that Chinease- what was that number again?

  14. @Rick, I was wondering that myself.

    I had to read the second one five times to figure out what she was trying to say. I’m still not sure…

  15. They’re 7 yrs old, right?

  16. Brooklyn’s Nanna is a horrible person for raping those poor presents. On Christmas Eve, I like to turn the lights down low, light a fire in the fireplace, put on some Barry White and pour a glass of red wine. Then I make sweet, sweet love to the Christmas presents.

  17. The stupid! It burnses us, precious! It buuuuurnses us!

  18. Nana RAPED THE GIFTS? Oh no she’s going on the naughty list!

  19. That Nanna is one sick fuck…

  20. @Lorizig

    From a grateful tank, I’m glad you’re planning on purchasing the Chinease. The number is 1-800-Chineasee. The last ‘e’ is for SAVEINGS!

    *The spelling of this post has been checked by the three lovely women up above.*

    BTW, I was deciding between the Chinease and the Pe(e)pole as a infomercial products. I think I made the right choice.

  21. as infomercial products.*

    Damn typo.

  22. Mcowles I keep falling asleep while driving.
    Is your Chinease adaptable for safe operation of a motor vehicle?
    I also have several chins – does this mean I need more Chineases or do you have some sort of adapter available?

  23. @schleimeimer

    You’re in luck! If you order now, you’ll not only get a Chinease**, with an operator manual and a coupon book with coupons valued at over $500, you’ll also get this car adapter!!!! The car adapter allows the Chinease to plug into any standard car cigarette lighter, in order to help keep you awake. How would that work, you may ask?

    Well, I’ll tell you how!

    When enough pressure is applied to the Chinease, in “car mode”, a jolt of electricity is sent through the Chin-Cozy, helping to “motivate” the driver into staying awake and alert! No more 5-hour energy drinks or eating dozens of gummi worms needed, with this simple car adapter!

    And if you buy two Chineases today, we’ll throw in this Double-Chin Connector piece AND a free vegetable chopper! Make your friends think that you’re finally getting your life back on track and eating/drinking healthy vegetables! The chrome design of this vegetable chopper keeps dust away longer, so that even though you’ll never use it, it’ll look like you do!*

    * Vegetable chopper comes with orange tint to the inside, to make people think you’ve made dozens of carrot smoothies.

    ** Still not for sale to the Chinese

  24. I am in love with you, mcowles.

    I’ll marry you for your brain, but stay with you for the billions you are sure to make with your Chinease empire. Especially when you start adding the accessories.

    The Pe(e)pole for littliess, too short to reach the urinal without assistance.

    The Present Raper for when a lump of coal just doesn’t send a strong enough message to the annoying’est person you’ve come across.

    Cold Mushy Pee’s for … eh, I got nothin’.

  25. mcowles, do you gave something for these guys too?

  26. That grandma will be convicted for present rape, electric chair NOW!

  27. i mean have, not gave

  28. @ Miss Shegas

    The empty throne sitting next to me in this vast Chinease empire is yours for the taking. You only need to say the word. Hmmm, which you already have, I guess. I will buy you anything/everything that you could ever want. I will buy you the world! (As long as it has easy monthly payments, of course.)

    Cold Mushy Pees, hmmm. Are those to help cool you down, when you’re too busy to get to the bathroom and too hot to hold it in?


    I think I’ll wait until I get home from work, to click on a random tinyurl from this site… no offense, haha.

  29. Sad, sad, sad. I wonder if these girls have parents that let them stay home from school posting idiocy for all to see instead of attending an higher learning institute? I suppose so. Shakes head……..

  30. haha mcowels … but you don’t have to be afraid, it’s absolutely safe for work. i promise :)

  31. lucy, go away please!!!

  32. @mcowels
    You, my dear, have purchased the key to my heart, $19.95 at a time.

    I would even brave a case of the Cold Mushy Pees to bask in the superior firepower that is your brain.**

    **Not from Texas, but likes the boom sticks nonetheless.

  33. Oy! This Chinease™ you sold me isn’t working pr


  35. Lucy if you’re hungry I have the solution to your problem right here! It’s called cyanide, please do enjoy it! :D

    WTF is a pepole? Is it a pole in a park that people can pee on?

    I have heard of a Sportsman double, but that consists of a mother/daughter three way. So what is a grandmother/granddaughter three way called?

  36. i dont see anything wrong with Brooklyn’s, Lucy is prob just really young and/or immature, but alexis… i dont understand why that would make her mad… like my FB friend made an update saying ‘dont be friends with me if youre friends with my enemy’ and im like ‘you dont have mutual friends…?’

  37. …you don’t see anything wrong with “raping” presents o rly, aleesh?

  38. @catfeetfog:

    Everyone is out raping gifts this time of the year. I LOVE gifts…

  39. *CHRISTMAS. Sorry, I think “raping” is the only thing I could spell right.

  40. Nanna is filling her box with boxes, sort of like a Russian nesting doll.

    There is a product called AnalEaze, which is for um, love behind the brown door. I figured ChinEase would be something like Bengay for people who suck a lot of….. cold mushy pees.

  41. ahhhh BoiToy is better

  42. I’m starting a band called Cold Mushy Pee’s.

    Or Raped Presents. I can’t decide.

  43. Chinchillazilla, you rule!

  44. Teasing Granny: “Oooh, Brooklyn dear, I’m in the other room raping presents, but I won’t let you watch! Muahaha!”

  45. @Kay: “But granny, I REALLY wanna watch you rape the gifts. In fact, I wanna rape gifts too!”

  46. Lucy, I suggest you stop talking before someone suffocates you.

  47. beautifuldisasterxo

    hahaha i just laughed so hard i nearly pissed my pants, raping christmas presents LOL…

  48. Hell with a “Dislike Button”, let’s get them to build a Spell Checker into Facebook first!!!

  49. 48…that’s already done, its called the BROWSER…people just need to realize that red squiggly line is not there for aesthetic reasons.

  50. 47- I know! this is prob my favourite lamebook of all! Nannas raping the xmas presents again :(

  51. oh and i didn’t spell favourite wrong! i’m Australian!

  52. Lame-0

    I’ll second that! FAVOURITE! is the correct spelling (in Australia)

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