Friday, January 14, 2011

Mothers of the Year

NSFW after the jump:

previous post: The Right Response

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79 Comments

  1. does she even have any boobs to hide?

  2. Wow! One of the best mom moments ever!

  3. Please tell me she’s placing her hand on her abdomen because she has period pain. Please. Just lie to me. :(

  4. I’m hoping the hand on her belly is just for artsy symmetry, because period pain would mean her boobs are likely tender and that makes her kid cradling them even more creepy.

    Just ew ew ew.

  5. Good point, Douche, it’s vile enough

  6. Never too early to start that sexual hands-on education

    I’m sure this is perfectly natural to… er… some…

  7. I think she is just hiding her stomach. I don’t think there’s any other reason for it.

    But, gross. He is definitely going to be a boob man.

  8. Hey kid…move your fucking hands, I can’t see.

  9. It does not look like there is much to see anyway.

  10. dude, do you have a pulse?

    Her skin is incredible as well..

  11. if that idiot IS pregnant and is holding her stomach for that reason, why the hell is she holding him!? aren’t pregnant women prohibited from lifting anything over 15 lbs!?

    and please tell me, that if she IS pregnant, that her boobs would be a TAD bigger than that!

  12. thataintwhaturdaddysaid

    I wonder where her 15 other kids were when this picture was taken?

  13. Pickpocketing?

  14. thataintwhaturdaddysaid

    I was thinking maybe foster-parent-jumping? It’s a tough call.

  15. @ sasha : Previous spawns do not care if you’re pregnant. You still have (and maybe even want) to care for them. Including picking them up. Nothing wrong with that unless you have complications… That has to be the least shocking thing about this picture

    AND if she’s pregnant, she can’t be far along and your boobs don’t necessarily grow 5 sizes overnight (or at all).
    Give her time. When she pops, she may have more. I’d explain if I remembered what montée de lait was in English but I can’t be bothered to give a further shit.

    There, I’ve done my part for education

  16. That kid is a motherfucker. Maybe that is the real identity of Imamofo?

  17. @sasha: Only if they’re not used to it already. Basically, if you frequently participate in strenuous exercise when you get preggers, you can continue it for at least the first trimester. Maybe longer, but I don’t know for sure.

  18. Did anyone notice the kid appears to have a blunt hanging from his lips?

  19. Im pretty sure its a lollipop.

    Either way, shes totally role-model material.

  20. Unless you have complications, there’s no reason to avoid lifting your other children even through most of the pregnancy. The no lifting thing is an old wives tale along the lines of reaching for something will make the baby’s cord wind around its neck. And the main problem with lifting in late pregnancy is your own center of balance isn’t where it used to be, so it’s possible you’d injure yourself but not endanger the pregnancy. You should somewhat reduce what you lift in the last months, but by something like 1/4 of the weight you’re used to.

    This post brought to you by my 18 or 19 childbirths.

  21. “montée de lait” is an idiom describing the loss of control over oneself, such as reacting severely without intending to or when your mood suddenly changes because a situation provokes something in you as if you were an animal.

    It is named thus because it is analogous to when women lactate, because it is without command. It just happens and your body doesn’t give a damn about civilization or convention.

    Have a nice day. :)

  22. @wandr, comment 21 was for.

  23. @sasha…15 lbs? I hope you read that somewhere on the internet. Sounds SUPER logical. Especially since she looks really far along, like a whole 3 months. Okay, sarcasm aside, you can exercise the same amount as usual up to 3, then cut down a bit, and 6-9 you have to cut out a lot…but uh lifting 15 lbs is fine. Unless there are other complications. This is speaking to a normal pregnancy.
    You kind of have to continue to care for your previous offspring before your replacement child pops out.

  24. @Douche… I agree, if my Mom wasn’t able to scoop up her children and run from predators while pregnant, you probably wouldn’t be reading this.

  25. She looks like a bloke.

  26. I wish I could hear you speak those French words, rather than write them, Pep. I’m a sucker for the accent…

  27. What the fuck’s a ‘bloke’

  28. @27

    Either that’s a test or…

    dude, it’s like, one of them there weird words that those people who live near kangaroos or hedgehogs say, ’cause like, they pronounce the letter “t” like a “t” instead of a “d” and all that crazy shit like mispellin’ “ass” as “arse”.

  29. If your body’s accustomed to it, you don’t even really need to cut down on exercise throughout pregnancy unless there’s complications. It’s starting new programs or increasing a workout that can be problematic.

  30. It was test, you ear waxy bastard.

  31. if you could be any fruit out of all fruits what fruit would you be?

  32. @26

    Est-ce que tu sais,
    qu’il est beaucoup plus facile de rimer
    en français
    qu’en anglais
    mais
    ça c’est un fait
    Je me demande “¿por qué?

    But really, don’t give English too hard a time. It’s syllable stressing structure makes it destined to dominate international pop charts (it really has a better beat than everything else in the world and Britain, etc. will always be overrepresented on the hits lists).

    At least you don’t speak German or make funny click sounds. That would be very awkward.

  33. mass, it is an Aussie term for a guy.

    What is with you today, Pep?. And what’s with calling me a number? I come from the land Down Under, yes, but there are no kangaroos where I live. Why does every single person outside of Australia think there are fucking kangaroos hopping down the main street? It’s the oldest and most boring cliche ever. That, and we throw shrimps on barbies. Jesus.

  34. ich spreche deutsch

  35. But the grass is always greener on the other side…I fetishize Spanish as the prettiest language of the world.

    That’s one upside to anglophones, though. Not everyone actually appreciates accents – the French themselves are known to be dicks about this, treating foreigners like they’re mentally handicapped because they say things that “aren’t French” (which means “not correct”) and insult Québécois to their faces for talking all wrong.

    It’s really only in the English-speaking world that having an accent is “cool,” so far as I know.

  36. @34

    And you should feel ashamed.

  37. *throws Koala on barbie*

  38. And we don’t even call them shrimps. We call them prawns, motherfuckers.

  39. @35 .. I do.

    Ever said that at an alter? No, eh .. probably just to your pharmacist.

  40. rhyming in english is only easier because there’s a lack of respect for the language/english-speaking people think it’s okay to just make up words when they run out of things to say….
    but at the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter if you’re rhyming in English or French…you’ll still manage to get laid either with your accent or the fact that you speak french. ;)

  41. @33

    I seriously am coming off of a prescription for citalopram (that antianxiety med I mentioned before) which I haven’t taken in a week and the serotonin levels in my brain are extending themselves independendently like nuclear explosions while I accustom myself to lithium (to get that to stop) over the next few weeks to treat what the doctors now say is my “actual” condition. You are a nurse, so I am presuming you know what I am indirectly saying.

    Will it create balance? We’ll see.

  42. Ah, sorry I called you a number again. I would like to have said wordy.

  43. Oh, but the lithium is not temporary. It is *forever*. It is just supposed to not reach its full potential until the passage of at least a few weeks, is what I meant to say.

    I apologize for interrupting the aussie references. Please keep them coming, mass, et al.

  44. ..great, now you’re ignoring me.

    I said that with a heavy German accent by the way.

  45. Pep, psychiatry is not my speciality, but I do know some stuff about the drugs you’re speaking about. Lithium is cruel. Long term use of that can do horrible things to people. They can lose control of their tongue…

  46. Pep?

    You in the washroom?

  47. Merci, Pep (@ 21, 22). I do know what a montée de lait is, both meanings too, I merely meant that I couldn’t be bother to figure out how it’s translated in English.

    lol @ Douche’s 18-19 kids

  48. Hey word .. always nice to see you!

    (cue vincent)

  49. It has a very small treatment window between doing nothing and being toxic, yes, but they have tests they can do periodically to make sure the blood and kidneys and liver, etc. are taking it correctly. I am in the age range where “it” shows itself and going without anything at all would do more cruel things in the long-run. But we don’t have to speak on such sour notes.

    I do not mean to ignore you, mass, I just can’t stop myself from finishing a line of thought which I have set out.

    I can’t think of any good German jokes at the moment…

  50. She does not in any way resemble a man. I have no problems with parent/child nudity or boob grabbing–her baby looks like a toddler, maybe he’s even still nursing. Actually she is wearing pants. In fact I have no problem with any of this until I remember it’s here because it was facebooked…

  51. mass, as it is to see you (another cue for vincent).

    Well good luck with all of that, Pep.

    valid, I could care less the kid is grabbing her teeny tit, also, but to me she looks likes quite masculine. It’s all about perception, and/or about the amount of booze and/or drugs one has consumed before entering the LB arena as to how we view something. It’s cool we all see the same thing in a different way. It’s makes it interesting. It’d be incredibly boring if we all shared the same opinions. There’d be no arguing on LB. And that would be tragic.

  52. *looks likes… haha.

  53. there are no good German jokes.

  54. i’ve got one, mass: treffen sich zwei parallele…

  55. I’m trying to keep up: word is australian, mass canadian, pep and wandr french from france?

    Valid- if it can walk, talk, smile for the camera, and/or make a hand-bra then it shouldn’t be breastfed. There’s a fine line between maternal bonding and incest.

  56. i got a thumbs up from a little old man for publicly breastfeeding… i still don’t know if he caught a peek or if he was just pro nursing.
    @55 i agree and also add teeth to the list.. and everyone should just move to canada.

  57. My tits are better.

    And I’m Canadian too, in case anyone cares.

  58. Well, she did a good job losing that first baby weight, and I salute her for that.

  59. jesuslovesthephillies

    and its things like this that make me think that maybe a screening process before procreating is the best idea for societys sake…. tsk tsk.

  60. @jellica .. I care.

    Alot.

  61. A lot, hey? Well I guess it makes (geographic) sense that it would…

  62. As I”m writing this I’m looking out over the Coral sea.
    Wallabies over in next doors paddock. Yes we do have the occasional kangaroo crossing the main street.
    Tho the paddock has recently been mowed so so we have also had a few snakes come up to the house.

    Maybe she is not the mom maybe the babysitter.

    I wish I had one like that when I was young.

  63. I’m thinking Webster up there is actually the father of the upcoming bundle of joy. He might be tiny, but he’s a stone cold pimp.

  64. ..nothing to do with geography, word .. it’s all about the boobs!

    Go boobs!

  65. First I’m forced accept that people in Alaska don’t actually live in igloos, now I learn kangaroos don’t hang out in people’s backyards in Australia? The internet is totally killing my perception of the world, damn it.

  66. Don’t worry, there are plenty of kangaroos hanging out in people’s back yards, just not in the middle of large urban areas.

    That’s because the availability of food left in bins in urban areas has favoured the native possums, whose average size has been increasing at astonishing rates. And the giant city possums have been chasing the kangaroos to the outter suburbs.

  67. …tell me about the koalas, Walter.

  68. Ok…

    There was a news story a few years back about a couple blokes who tried to steal a koala from a zoo. The koala fought back and they gave up and decided to steal a crocodile because it was easier. This is a true story.

    Some people think that some of the koalas have been eating some toxins that have leaked from power plants into rivers. And that there have been some genetic mutations that have been passed down through a few generations. The mutations are making the male koalas testicles develop faster and larger and they are becoming more aggressive. They even get evil red eyes and their saliva has a strong poison in it. But I’d still rather be bitten than scratched. The claws are like razor edged dagger with jagged teeth.

  69. When I hear ‘blokes’ I picture Tony Randall-types in bolo hats?

  70. I don’t care what country you’re from, this picture is hotter than a crack babies temperature

    (que corrective responses re: the typical symptoms of crack babies / the fact that most turn out to actually be ‘alcohol babies’…)

  71. Gonzo, I’m curious whether your name comes from the type of porn or Hunter Thompson’s writing style?

  72. I’d give that a right fucking in photo two….

    The mum ain’t too bad either.

  73. @ saffer – I *wish* I was French right now. Even the North of there is better than the south of here

    @ jellica – I strongly object to your statement. Let’s settle this with a Canadian tits contest, why don’t we.

  74. wandr @ jellica If you’re both going to have a Canadian Tit Fight, I want you to both fight fairly…no nippin’ and my the breast woman win…

    I’m sorry….actually no… no i’m not.

  75. This Canadian Tit fight brought to you by Molson.

  76. How does a canadian tit fight differ from an American one? Is it like the difference between American football and Canadian football?

  77. @comments: a 100% Canadian tit fight can’t be sponsored by Molson – I don’t think that it’s a Canadian company anymore…

    @jonjones: not much of a difference… Except that in a Canadian tit fight, both girls have a full set of teeth

    @wandr: you’re on, girl!

  78. I’ll ref..

  79. @jellica: You’re right, they partnered with Coors now – the beer is still imported from Canada though. It’s still Canadian with a little American in it. That being said, if we want to keep it accurate and put a little American into the Canadian, I’m willing to do my part.

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