Friday, July 30, 2010

More Wonderful One-Liners

previous post: A Simple Status Says It All

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42 Comments

  1. FIRST OMG OMG OMG

  2. OMG second!

  3. Tasting birth. Sounds yummy!

    How the FUCK do you get a watering can stuck in a vagina? No really, what the fuck is up with that shit?

  4. powerstanceyall

    need a backstory to the watering can fiasco.

  5. @Xepher

    How else is she going to water all the seed that has been planted in there?

  6. The watering can one is fake. It’s GOTTA be.

  7. Is it weird that I’m kind of interested to see how she managed it?

  8. CommentsAtLarge

    Nah Hobes, I’ve been pondering the physicality of that myself.

  9. ew

  10. Where’s the fun in using a dead mouse?

  11. Maybe she meant the tip of the watering can, like the spout? When I think of a watering can I think of something like the following*:

    —– —
    _| | / /
    |_| |/ /
    |______/

    *artist’s rendering. May not be accurate

  12. Dammit…they messed up my picture with their left justifying. Nevermind. Use your imagination.

  13. Pregnant wife: I bet the uptight wife was more offended by a homeless person talking to her, give him your afterbirth and don’t worry about where he spends it. Vjj/watering can: put a stick of dynamite in the other hole, ignite. Roomate: start the jack, your roomate will leave, if not – you’ve got worse problems. The rash: be glad he’s gone. Vjj vs tampon: Wash it in hot water, then tumble-dry high – it always works in shrinking my jeans, if that doesn’t help go to Sleepy’s and get a mattress, leave the tag on.

  14. ps give the poor man a spoon

  15. Congrats Mallory! Yay!

    word, should the mouse still be alive? Maybe get a little wiggle action in the process of absorbing?

  16. Leviticus 15:19-30 -

    When a woman has her regular flow of blood, the impurity of her monthly period will last seven days, and anyone who touches her will be unclean till evening.Anything she lies on during her period will be unclean, and anything she sits on will be unclean. 21 Whoever touches her bed must wash his clothes and bathe with water, and he will be unclean till evening. Whoever touches anything she sits on must wash his clothes and bathe with water, and he will be unclean till evening. Whether it is the bed or anything she was sitting on, when anyone touches it, he will be unclean till evening.If a man lies with her and her monthly flow touches him, he will be unclean for seven days; any bed he lies on will be unclean.

    When she is cleansed from her discharge, she must count off seven days, and after that she will be ceremonially clean. On the eighth day she must take two doves or two young pigeons and bring them to the priest at the entrance to the Tent of Meeting. The priest is to sacrifice one for a sin offering and the other for a burnt offering. In this way he will make atonement for her before the Lord for the uncleanness of her discharge.

  17. Absolutely, ee. There’s no fun to be had with a stiff mouse.

    Hmmm, maybe there is…

  18. Bahaha. Use the damn washing machine, it gets rid of the impurities quite efficiently.

  19. glitterandtrauma

    @dan Hmmm really? so in effect anyway a man can have sex with a woman during the time she is ‘unclean’ anyway as he’s only unclean for a week after. No big deal there then.

  20. I have no problem with the sacrificing of pigeons.

  21. Fargis the troll strikes again.

  22. dammit farg we already heard the whole “all women are unclean” speech the last time they posted statuses about that time of the month!
    …Do better next time

  23. Dear Dan,

    You came out of your mothers crotch(with a bunch of other stuff) does that make you ‘unclean’?

  24. PeanutButtercup

    And what is so special about evening?

  25. “give him your afterbirth and don’t worry about where he spends it” That’s marvelous.

  26. So if someone sits on a womans bed during her “time of the month,” while it’s already evening, does that mean they are safe from becoming “unclean?”

  27. Only a man would make that up – thanks Leviticus for the “enlightenment.” I’m going to go make it with my husband now because this bunny is extra dirty from having her GOD GIVEN monthly gift.

  28. danny boy has done the job today getting people hot and bothered on several posts. And for that, I’ve got to take my underwear off to the bastard.

  29. glitterandtrauma

    @wordpervert dan always gets me hot and bothered, it’s all that talk of ‘laying with women’ and the whole ‘sex, masterbation, drinking and drugtaking are terrible sins.’ Makes me want to get stoned and drunk with him then see how easily he can resist porn and a striptease.

  30. I don’t get why people even read Dan’s crap anymore. I only read it if everyone else’s reactions are emotional enough to wonder what the hell he said in the first place. Honestly, he’s just a troll anyway, and when I DID read his shit it was inconsistent from day to day.

    You know he only keeps commenting cuz he keeps getting reactions right? I’ve noticed he posts a LOT less when people just ignore his stupid crap.

  31. That being said….I don’t understand how you can get a watering can stuck in your vag. Just pull the damn thing out. WTF?

  32. @slippysloppy – I post every time I read an entry here. I’ve been busy with Church retreats and youth groups (hence the absence of posts on the weekend or some week days). This is, after all, the busiest time of year for instilling solid Christian values in youngsters.

  33. oh really? how sad.

  34. Sorry mallory, they’ll be coming back soon!

  35. note ALL: I, dirtybunny, did not write: “give the man a spoon.” Nor did anyone use my computer. No one has been in my home all day except for myself. What does “lamebook,” have to say regarding this?

  36. I understand how Wick should feels.
    Damn my roommate.

  37. Erica, 1) write down steps taken to insert watering can into your massive vagina. 2) perform opposite of each step in reverse order.

  38. “This is, after all, the busiest time of year for instilling solid Christian values in youngsters.”
    TRANSLATED
    “This is the best time of year to recruit begin grooming youngsters and introduceing them to my solid christian penis”

  39. 2nd and last one are amazing.

    @little and @glittery BAHAAHAHAHAHA. Made my day.

  40. Mixed up in all the dan_fargis talk, did dirtybunny just say that the name-stealing thing is still going on?

  41. TRDB (The Real DirtyBunny)

    Right! I did not write what was written.
    I am a lb-newbie, so was not aware that “name stealing,” was a thing. How lame (and on lamebook too). Glad that I only use “dirtybunny,” here on lb and on my credit cards, oh yeah and my membership card to dan’s church.

  42. somewhat off the topic, however could all those people guilty of saying “first” in a forum and then not actually saying cock all kindly go lick a plug socket while sticking a fucking knife in your face

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