I will translate to the best of my ability, for those unversed in stupid.
I cannot wait until my child Ryder is here. I do things better than you because Ryder, Matthew and I are happy together. Suck on that, you female dogs. My Matthew cannot stand you, and somehow that is what makes us a family.
How does it make you feel, that Matthew has already had my name imprinted on his arm after only a year of our courting? I believe you all are mad, and would make terrible housewives.
And so, the next time you think about attempting to woo my love or even make simple conversation with him, know that I will be beside him, watching your every move. I hope this irritates and annoys you like the antics of a mosquito, how he will be making sweet love to me at night, and playing with our son when you cannot.
Suck on it, female dogs, and may fate strike you down. We cannot stand the thought of you, nameless though you may be, you crazy canines you.
I love you, my dear husband and son! Soon I shall wed him, and life will be all the sweeter.