I tried but it won’t let me post links here. Just type in “why is today star wars day? there 11 other 4ths in a year” into Facebook, and search “public posts”. Her page is the only one that will show up.
the only thing that could make it worse is if that stupid bitch slug (or maybe flamsie? where the fuck is flamsie?) were to poke it’s joy-sucking visage in here and suck out the last remaining bits of my will to continu
In what corner of the Universe can (Sarah) Jessica Parker be considered attractive? From some angles (typically one that hides at least 66% of her face) she’s bangable, but attractive? You Sir, are incorrect.
hello msanne, sorry i’ve been away, i can tell you’ve missed me! i’m back now though! still talking about me huh…i do have that effect on women. fucking gossips.
got something special for ya though, coming right up. hope you like surprises!
The Bridge – a tale of a misanthrope, a white knight, and a whole lot of foul-smelling faeces.
Chapter 1 – A misanthrope’s beginnings
Once upon a time, in a magical land far far away called the internet, there lived an ugly little girl named Anne. Anne had a rather caustic personality that caused her natural parents to spurn her, so she went much of her life without love.
One day though, at at a birthday party, this all changed. An uncle of hers explained that he did love her, and in fact wanted to express this love for her, and led her off to show her just what he meant. Much to his surprise, not only did Anne relish the experience, he found that his enormous wang was completely swallowed up by the gaping maw that was Anne’s nether regions. This was unusual for him with little girls and he had difficulty getting the required friction going, but managed to pop off eventually.
When Anne’s parents found out, they were most upset. They had not been paid, as per the usual arrangement in such a scenario. They ran the uncle out of their little hamlet, and he fled, thinking “that was SO not worth it”.
Anne was distraught, she had known some love, and now it had been stripped away. She ran away, in search of her uncle.
Eventually, she came upon a river. She’d heard of it before, Lamebook River, it was known as. It was a bit of a filthy stream, to be perfectly honest, but importantly, she saw someone hiding under the bridge. Her uncle!
Not noticing his fearful expression, Anne started demanding more ‘love’. Despite his protestations, Anne was quite insistent, so he obliged, all the while making an escape plan for when she fell asleep afterwards. But Anne was not to be denied. Her nether regions had grown so hungry, they had sprouted teeth! The uncle was devoured whole.
Anne sat under the bridge, and cried and cried. She’d destroyed the only thing that ever loved her. As she sat under the bridge, hatred, bitterness and a good dose of the river’s influence, lameness, crept into her heart.
As the years went by, Anne got by, by ambushing unwary travellers attempting to either cross the bridge, or travel underneath it. Occasionally she would squat and deposit a foul smelling deposit, she liked to call these ‘comments’. These ‘comments’ were everywhere. Her ugliness was renowned throughout the land.
Her favourite ‘comments’ were kept right beside her in a big mound. She liked to call these ones ‘fat jokes’. Whenever an unsuspecting traveller came nearby, she would fling her ‘deposits’ at the travellers until they were so grossed out they’d find another way. If they tried to fight back, she fell back to her mound of ‘fat jokes’ and flung for all she was worth. Most of the time, it worked too.
Whilst she was a mere annoyance at worst, her ugliness had brought a dark cloud over the land. People were fearful of going out, lest they be pelted with more poo.
Something had to be done.
slg are you this obsessive and mental in real life? If you are, I hope you are getting the help you need. If you aren’t, I think perhaps you need a little holiday from lamebook. Maybe a week or two to calm down and get some perspective.
chapter 2, coming right up, despite that attempt at democracy, up at number 52 there. bacchante, you’re doing it wrong.
and there’ll be more chapters too! i might keep em coming a bit faster from now on, if time permits.