Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Makin’ It Manly

previous post: High Times

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88 Comments

  1. lol

  2. crap

  3. Nick does have a point… So does Sean, in fact.

  4. but it’s a bit (fel)late to be saying that now…

  5. #2 really does sound dirty! Gross.

    And I guess I don’t want to start a Chuck Norris quote-a-thon (actually, I probably do) but this really reminded me of my favourite

    “Chuck Norris is so powerful, he created a rock so big that even he couldn’t lift it…and then he lifted it anyway just to show you who the fuck Chuck Norris is”. :-)

  6. I was actually pondering the possibilities yesterday: a movie starring Chuck Norris, Steven Segal and the Hoff with special guest appearances by Jackie Chan and Carmen Electra.

  7. Steven Seagal is being investigated for sex trafficking allegations :-(

  8. Chuck Norris once visited The Virgin Islands and now they’re just called The Islands.

  9. i love malteaser too

    “You taste what you are made up of, you might bend until you break…”.
    Sounds mysteriously like indulging self in some tongue party.

  10. i wud never want to be de-clittered

  11. I love big elections, nothing excites me more than watching boxes be filled, the anticipation, who will come the winner once the box is finally stuffed full to bursting. I love the TV coverage too, watching the bar of my favorite getting bigger and bigger, swelling and surging as the votes are counted. Knowing that I might be the one who pushes him over the edge.

    Wow, I am all worked up now, think i’d better go and cast my vote. *buzzzz*

  12. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

  13. Btw Ian, you’re only tasting sour because you’re not rolling it around your mouth to allow contact with the sweet taste receptors at the tip of your tongue. Rookie mistake.

  14. Chuck Norris knew were going to say that.

  15. hehe off course he does. I am trying me very best not to spam this thread with Chuck Norris facts because some of them are just 2 hilarious not 2 share with the world.

  16. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    Hey it’s Malteaser, I have an Election for you babe.

    how the hell did Ian not the that pineapple joke coming (pun intended)

    Also Chuck Norris FTW, ALWAYS.

  17. themilkmans_son

    foul taste in the mouth….. dirty sanchez?

  18. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

  19. Chuck Norris doesn’t make Chuck Norris jokes anymore, because they’re lame

  20. @dare2claire (#6):
    Your wish is extremely close to coming true. Google “The Expendables”.

  21. shipoopi , thank you for sharing your infinite wisdom with us.
    I am glad you informed me of the fact that the Chuck Norris jokes are lame , i found some of them to be pretty darn good but after reading your statement i shall now rethink my position and accept that the cool thing to do is finding something popular lame …

    At first it is cool and when the world discovers it well then it becomes lame

    *sigh*

  22. Father,

    well, to be honest, it became mainstream about 2 years ago didn’t it?

    Anyways, my joke just further proves how awesome CN is if he thinks the jokes are lame, right? Therefore, I am adding to his legacy.

  23. Chuck Norris jokes will never be lame, shame on you.

    I’m chewing Dukey’s election (Y)

  24. Also, I think a joke is officially lame when Mike Huckabee starts doing it, reference Huck Chuck facts

  25. I like that last one xD

  26. @Father Sha:
    Chuck Norris jokes were “cool” for about three weeks, well over three years ago – then the world discovered it – and it got overdone and lame. Where have you been? Watching “All Your Base Are Belong To Us” videos?

  27. Zoobert, that is blasphemy! I am a huge ‘Chuck’ fan. I’d acutely do him. (The Chuck from 20 years ago, preferably around the Side Kicks era!) He’s 70 now, and I just can’t handle nasty old balls.

  28. So, what else is in the news? Oh did you hear that they’re wanting to impeach President Clinton over the Monica Lewinsky affair? I guess he was hoping it would just BLOW over!

    *applause light*

  29. @zoobert #20, the expendables looks like a ridiculously good film, all it needs is more Ahhnold in! fuck Chuck!

  30. Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

  31. haha ok i am old , i admit it

    I just dont like the whole “if something is mainstream it is per definition lame” mentality

    If i read/hear a good joke well then i laugh , i went back to the CN sites today and some of those jokes/quotes are just hilarious

  32. I was chuckiling until the last one, that made me lol. Who cares how mainstream is gotten? Its still damn funny.

    I’m from Texas and a few years ago we had a anti-littering commercial with Chuck Norris in it firmly telling us all to not litter, and well, let’s just say the highways are A LOT cleaner

    true story

  33. Type in Chuck Norris in the google search bar and click ‘I’m feeling lucky’. =D

    Oh, and aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet Chuck Norris is on.

  34. Making the “this is sooo last season” type of remarks is not lame ?

  35. It’s all lame, especially Jay Annie. “Jay Annie”….?

  36. I feel like I’m going to get lynched, but I have no idea who Chuck Norris is. Like, I’ve heard people mention him online, but apart from that, nothing. I get the jokes, but maybe he (if he’s real?) was never big in Scotland… =(

    Have I missed out on a life-changing person?

    <3

  37. @Zoobert – Bwahaha! Classic… The name is rather appropriate too, I think

  38. Father Sha,

    Oh no, saying that something is lame makes you “hipster-cool”, wait no, that is synonymous lame.

    Damn, ya caught me. Yeah, if you find the jokes funny, more power to ya, it just gets frustrating sometimes when the internet refuses to let a joke die ala Terry Shiavo (everyone’s getting in on the act!).

    The Walker Texas Ranger Lever on Conan was funny

  39. On another note , i just ate a lot of pineapple and am looking for a female participant to test out Sean’s theory

    All in the name of scientific research off course.

  40. Elle Bee: It was nice knowing ya.

    BTW, here is a little info on the Chuck Norris.
    http://www.chucknorris.com/

  41. Elle Bee!! ELLE BEE!! *GASP!* Ever heard of Walker, Texas Ranger? That awesome Country Guitar music is playing in my head as I type… “D-Dwang-dwang! Dwang dwang dwang…”

  42. Father Sha: It’s all in the name of science! =D

  43. @ Father. I’m happy to oblige with the research, but can i call you “Daddy”? ;-)

  44. I just ate an apple, does that count for anything? Maybe a handy?

  45. jay annie is spoiled… pity the fool that hits that

    amber sounds passionatly slutty… hey amber

  46. Elle Bee , he is a very lousy actor so you haven’t really missed anything.

    They just started to make jokes and quotes about him being invincible and the alpha male and so on …

    It’s an Internet meme/joke thing.

  47. Father, you’ve been very saucy lately! You need some lovin’?

  48. claire , depends on how old you are :p

  49. i lost my funny genes eenerbl , now i am just a dirty old man creeping through the internet looking for young victims

    Sha: laughs demonically

  50. i love malteaser too

    OMG, Chuck Norris is so awesome that he makes the lamebook community forgo discussions on fellatio and sex and make them discuss him instead.

    On that note, Chuck Norris’ gmail id is gmail@chucknorris.com

  51. i love malteaser too

    I should’ve said almost forgo.

  52. lol, yeah the dirty old man just peeping through. It’s ok though, Chuck get’s me worked up too! And for the record I’m 10 years over legal.

  53. Chuck Norris jokes? Welcome to 2004.

  54. This is the first thing I thought of when I saw ‘declittered’.

    http://www.cracked.com/video_16077_clitter-body-glitter-your-vagina.html

  55. eenerbl lol

    If you did the Chuck got me worked up too thing on purpose then you are full of win, dear !

  56. Noah: Welcome to roundhouse kick.

  57. Father, a daring 26. Thing is, is “Oh Father” just doesn’t have quite the same ring to it as “Oh Daddy!” :P

  58. LOL @ Ilovemalteasertoo

  59. Well looks like you both fit the demographic for this little experiment.

    Any other fruits we could try out ?

  60. pomegranate?

  61. Or always a favorite of mine… Bananas!

  62. Cherries!

  63. Sha : running around in the street desperate to find a fruit store

  64. Just don’t use dragon fruit or pineapple, eek. Unless, of course, you’re doing prep work.

  65. Naa, those we’ll use for juice. However, the banana and cherries… that’s a whole other ball game!

  66. Father Sha, maybe Chuck Norris jokes have come full circle and they are cool now because cool-hipsters, who were cool back in the 90′s and now are just old, said they are lame so that makes them cool.

  67. you can use me for juice eenerbl… i could sub for the banana too… im multitalented like that

  68. slim, I already know you can sub for the banana. Your fruit works wonders! Plus, I thought you were using me for juice? (clit tap and all)

  69. The phrase “you are what you eat” cannot be true based on the amount of pussy Chuck Norris eats.

  70. eenerbl… 69 baby… 69

  71. Oh slim, I swoon. It’s like you’re reading my mind!

  72. well i have to since we can talk with our mouths full

  73. hmm.. My parents still get me “expensive” birthday presents… I don’t know if that makes me a spoiled brat though…

    As for the rest of it (except Chuck Norris), it’s over my head.

  74. Very true slim, and what a pleasure that way.

  75. *was whoops!

  76. As far as action heroes go, Chuck isn’t on my radar, nor is that wooden Steven Segal (and he’s not wooden in the good way).

    For mine it is, and forever will be, Jet Li.

    For the record, if somehow I ever got declittered, I would want to be put down immediately.

    The thought scares me more than anything, so I’ll talk to my local vet to see he’d do it for me if such a tragedy occurred.

  77. How about this one. Chuck Norriss is so good, he submits posts to lamebook everyday . . . . From a payphone!

    *qeue bouts of laughter and clapping*:-P

  78. Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

  79. Lmao @ bigsmitty… That was HILARIOUS.

    But however awesome Chuck may be, he, in turn, checks under his bed at night for Toph Bei Fong.

  80. I’m sure I’ll go watch “The Expendables”, if not to see sooo many of the 80s-90s action stars on one screen. It’s like a testosterone orgasm with all those people in the flick.

  81. Ben = Frodo = Chuck Norris …. And none of them have a pool

  82. No one else has mentioned it but I must admit the my first impression of the split rock was how much it resembled a butt. In fact until I read the first post, I felt sure it was going to be all about how the girl is peaking out of someone’s asshole. LOL

  83. kiwis are tried, tested and true on that fruit debate

  84. I actually wanted to ‘like’ Simon’s status! Then I remembered where i was. De-clittering – brilliant!

  85. Matthew FTW. Sim too, unless his status is copied from somewhere else, which I think is likely

  86. hahahahahahaahahahahaha…
    -Gods investment in you (His son!) was SO great, he could never abandon you!-

  87. -Gods investment in you (His son!) was SO great, he could never abandon you!-

  88. elixabeth, you accidentally doublespammed.

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