Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Love Sick




previous post: Problem Solved



  1. http://graphjam.files.wordpress.com/2008/10/first.gif

  2. Whats so lame about the first one? its more beautiful and cute

  3. Third!

    Month anniversaries FTW! I’m celebrating my 39-minute anniversary with my significant other in, oh… about 35 minutes. Get me something nice.

  4. Nina: it makes everyone else gag. That’s something you say in a private message, not on someone’s wall.

    Sam, you don’t say you’ll “let it speak for itself” halfway through the second paragraph of your insipid babbling about it. And what’s with this “little Kale” crap? Did you start the relationship off with an abortion or something? I’m sure you’ll look back on this post with fondness on your 2nd 9-month anniversary when your ex-”sweet babboo” is busy being impregnated by the third guy she cheated on your candy ass with.

    I’d criticize Adrian as well, but apparently he can and will kill me in my sleep, so I’ll just back away slowly.

  5. Zac – go back to sleep and STFU. Your typing will wake Brittany.

    Sam – 9 months and you’re a “wonder to all around us”? The only wonder is they don’t throw up in the presence of your gooey eyed self delusional sentimentality. If you make it to 9 years let us know.

    Adrian – Felicia, run before the king starts messin with you. Seriously. Run soon, and run far.

  6. I think Sam is in middle school.

  7. nothing like a midnight assassination to pull at a woman’s heart strings.

    Sappy, sentimental drivel is just as effective.

  8. Why would you name a child after a vegetable? I can just imagine the family they end up having will sound like a salad recipe.

  9. Killing people in their sleep isn’t terribly difficult. Try giving them notice, when they’re awake. Much trickier I’ll bet.

  10. Future marine? Damn, I knew it.

  11. the picture is fuzzy, is Sam a chick or just queer?

  12. You can’t have a 9-month anniversary. It’s the definition of the word.

    But even if you could? It’s not an accomplishment. “Go us! We’ve been able to stand each other long enough to have made a hypothetical child! We didn’t, but whatever!”

  13. The Scarlet Pimple

    Aw, Sam! It’s so sweet that you two have stayed together, even with all of your friends constantly breaking up and hooking up around you. Longevity in relationships is something that…wait, what? Nine months? Fuck off, Sam. That barely even counts as a relationship.

  14. @Chinchillazilla good work. I’ve always said that to people. Anniversary literally means “returning yearly” which means you can only ever have 1 year, 2 year, 3 year anniversaries…

  15. Queen ‘boo’ must just love a guy who’s brave enough to sneak up on someone in their sleep to slay them.
    That’s QUALITY.

  16. You are sleeping next to me and the first thing I thought of, was NOT touching your body, or even whispering in your ear.

  17. I don’t see what’s wrong with the first one

    I’m disappointed, you said “self delusional”.

  18. Zac is sick. Poor girl, she is being stalked, even in her dreams. Let the poor girl sleep alone you sickzac !!

  19. @stickfigure
    Now that you’ve mentioned it, ‘self’ is pretty obviously redundant.
    Me too.

  20. Zac is lame *dry reaches*. Sam’s brown-nosing made me throw up a little in my mouth. It’s people like him that make me wish i wasn’t human! WTF Adrian?? What’s the bet that Felcha has already cheated on him – and he has no idea!?

  21. What is a “dry reach’? Is that a sexual term? God, I hope not.

  22. Ok, I’ve been married for nearly 11 years. I didn’t feel free to think about how long we’ve lasted until maybe our 9th anniversary. Our 10th is when I said out loud to a few people, “Wow, we really made it.”

    9 months? SHUT UP! My husband and I have spent 9 months just waiting for each other on the john.

  23. @Anitalaff: LMAO! As much as I would like the term ‘dry reach’ to be sexual, I am afraid that it is not. Dry Reach is when you go to throw up, but nothing comes up at all. In terms of throwing up, it is like shooting blanks!

  24. @gentlefury “the picture is fuzzy, is Sam a chick or just queer?” Saying things like this makes you sound like a moron.

  25. The Scarlet Pimple

    erm, @Insane, don’t you mean dry retching? Yeah. I think you do. And I think Anitalaff was comically trying to point that out.

  26. “I will kill you in your sleep”

    Right, because it’s hard to murder someone that’s having a snooze.. What a tough man he is.

  27. @The Scarlet Pimple: I am from Australia and here we use ‘dry reach’. So NO! I do not mean ‘dry retching’. Anitalaff is an intelligent woman and I am confident that she posses the skills to directly correct me, rather than rely on someone else to do it.

  28. Vince from purchasing

    re dry reach/retch – I’m an Aussie and I’ve never heard anyone use dry reach, or write that phrase. I and my chunder-buddies always dry retch.

    Not, I hasten to add, that it actually matters that much.

  29. @insane: no, we don’t use “dry reach” in Australia. What Vince said.
    Also, the future marine is making me want to smack him and take him down a peg…. And I’m a pacifist girl :-/

  30. We dry heave in America.

    gags at second post. the whole we could have had a baby thing is retarted. (lol)

  31. Vince, I must admit I have never seen ‘Dry Reach’ written/typed, I have only heard it spoken. To my surprise around higher education institutions. That leaves me to conclude that I have made the mistake of believing in slang (and I didn’t know). Sigh. I will endeavour to keep using this slang, as slang, after learning the hard way on Lamebook.

    @lorne852: See how easy it is to admit you are defeated/wrong?

  32. I wish -I- had an assassin with poor grammar for a hubby. >:

  33. dry heave, dry retch, dry reach, gag. Who cares? So long as people know what is being said.

  34. The Scarlet Pimple

    Rawr. Yeah, I knew what you meant. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for it to get all cat-fight. Was just pointing out what seemed like an amusingly muddled idiom.

  35. stargaze00, seriously, you are going to visit a site dedicated to making fun of the idiocy of facebook, and you are going to call me a moron for criticizing one of the idiots. Wow, get a life.

  36. How is 9 MONTHS proving to the world that not all relationships are destined to crash and burn?

  37. I’m a little disappointed that it’s not a sexual term.
    Can we MAKE it one?

  38. I’ve got it.
    Dry Reach: The act of giving your partner an unexpected reach around

  39. See: Reach Around

  40. Insane missed humour again? Sigh! Sorry Scarlet. Apparently a hungover Insane on Lamebook is not the best idea :P If it makes you feel better I actually thought my wording was legitimate. Thanks to you I actually decided to go and look it up at dictionary.com and urbandictionary.com. I know now I was wrong. I still love that slang :)

  41. @Anitalaff: Awesome stuff! We need to get this onto UrbanDictionary stat!

    @The Scarlet Pimple: I forgot to add LOL re your last post.

  42. K, who the fuck is “little Kale” and why is he comparing their relationship to a pregnancy!?
    Men, never ever say things like this.
    You come off as a queer pussy and the woman will quickly lose interest.

  43. hahaha, oh dear sam, if this is the sorta thing u usually post, it’s no wonder yer thrilled to hold onto a bird for 9 minutes, let alone 9 months..

  44. dumb and boring

  45. It’s nice when they spell everything correctly and the message is profound, but then you get these barf-o-rama posts:

    “Ooshie wooshie cutie poopie pie dumpling buttercup shittycake!”


  46. Poor Adrian, he’s trying to be so sweet and I want to stand on his neck with steel caps.

  47. ok, that’s so damn love-sickening and flat out disgusting that I think I just lost IQ points. Please, introduce anyone who speaks to you like that to the Darwin Awards on behalf of all humanity.

  48. Zac im typing in response to your post on lamebook.com and i think you’re a cunt.

  49. I looked in the dictionary and it appears that a”dry reach” is “A dry or no longer active branch or reach (i.e. segment) of a river”
    “Retch” means to make an effort to vomit, to strain as if to vomit.
    I always hear people say it as “dry reaching” but assumed it was spelt retching. I think it’s one of those Aussie slang things. I’m Australian too.

  50. What the fuck is a ‘babie’?

    Also, people in Australia *do* say ‘dry reach’, even if it’s technically wrong.

  51. I honestly don’t find these all that bad…

  52. Seriously, I love a bit of romance. But I think Sam’s cock just shrivelled up & dropped off…

  53. Thesaurapist 13F
    FOR THE WIN OF ALL WINS. I think I love you for your 1st comment.

  54. I’m thinking that Adrian is very paranoid about what Felicia will be getting up to when he gets posted to Afghanistan, but seeing as he is such a charming, level-headed guy to Felicia, he should have nothing to worry about…

  55. Sam needs to seriously find his testicles, and soon.

  56. When I see guys posting soppy crap like this I cannot help but think of that song from the late 80′s (possibly early 90′s) entitled ‘Detachable Penis’.

  57. Awwwww. Just three more of those nine-monthaversaries and they will have been together blissfully long enough to have Little Kale, Little Collard Green, *and* Little Brussels Sprout. Naming your kids after cabbage FTW!

  58. these aren’t that bad. Lame that they are up on facebook for the world to see…

  59. Meh. I’ve submitted much more sickingly gushy stuff than this, and it didn’t make the cut.

  60. That was the fucking gayest shit I’ve ever read.
    I can’t believe that after 9 months Sam and his girlfriend have named their potential first child. And what the hell is with him thinking all their friends look up to them? A wonder to all those around you?! The only wonder is how you think you’re ever going to knock up that girl of yours seeing as you clearly possess no dick, no balls and no testosterone.

  61. 9 months… AHAHA. I love how he’s named their child. I can’t wait ’til she finds out he’s gay, because it will happen. 3rd formers+love+Facebook=pass the bucket, I’m gonna spew.

  62. Zac is the least lame, at least he got her into bed

  63. I think Adrian is one of those dogs from the movie UP with the communication collar around his neck. SQUIRREL!!!!!

  64. sam makes me want to barf, and adrian is crazy

  65. Who has that barf bucket?? Pass it on cuz this is so cheesy! I would break up with a guy(sam especially) if he’d posted that on my fb wall…..

  66. Zac’s comment is cute and sweet

    Sam seems like steps away from stalker/freak

    Adrian proves thug love is alive and well.

  67. How come no one else came up with the idea that Sam might be a girl trying to tell her boyfriend that she is pregnant?

  68. because no-one on this site speaks fluent retart. I’m glad to know we can rely on you hidh!

  69. I’ve gotta say, I LOVE the comments that are insanely long and disgustingly cheesy and filled with ridiculous declarations of love… and then the other person comments with just ‘aww’ or ‘ly’

  70. *barf*

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