Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Lock Him Up



previous post: Creepy Creepsters



  1. first again, life is sweet.

  2. WTF? This is just way to strange to even comment about.

  3. So wait, is the joke that this guy accidentally drank his own bong water and got into an extended argument with himself on Facebook?

    Totally been there, dude.

  4. What the fuck is going on in this post!

  5. Arguing on the internet is like winning a gold medal in the special olympics. We all know how that little chestnut goes. Now, arguing with yourself on the internet. Well played Mr Hyde.

  6. huhhhhhh?

  7. Is this guy schizophrenic?

  8. Why is he having a conversation with himself?? WTF

  9. Whoa. Thought that the person he was arguing with just deleted their comments and then I realized that he’s referencing himself in all of these comments. I really have nothing to say to this.

  10. Oh, and who the f**k is Smackey the bear??

    Smokey’s evil twin, perhaps?

  11. WTF?! This just makes my brain hurt.

  12. I think he may be referencing ‘Smacky the Frog’ from the Mitch Hedberg comedy skit. But I could be wrong?

  13. John FTW!!! Oh…

  14. John is probably going to give John a high 5 for winning this argument, before taking John out for a commiseratory drink because he lost the argument.

  15. @jelly I don’t know, I think this is going to come to blows, and John is going to totally kick John’s ass. John will be sorry he ever tangled with John.

  16. it’s obvious what the problem is. He’s up way to early. 6am to move? I’d probably mug myself that early.

  17. john, you might want to mix those numbers up a bit more.. looks kinda easy to crack. oh and 6am.. 6AM!

  18. The Scarlet Pimple

    Whoa…what? Take your meds, John.
    Also…Smakey the Bear?

  19. reminds me of fight club.

  20. The Scarlet Pimple

    Also, lol @Kenada.

  21. I love this=].

  22. I don’t think he has just woken up.

    I strongly suspect our hero John has been awake most of the night on ‘Bong Water’ (as sensible madness puts it) and a family size box of other contraband pharmaceuticals.

    Hell – he has probably not only been talking to Smokey the Bear and Smacky the Bear, but their friends Pilly, Cracky, Sniffy and Trippy the Bears too.

    John sounds like a legend to party with, but I don’t fancy his chances of driving his UHaul to Tahoe…

  23. Here’s a theory: The pic was uploaded from a cellphone; so maybe the real John was logged in from that same cellphone, and someone else who possibly lives with him and knows his password (his brother, for example) was also logged in under his name at the computer. And they are talking to each other using the same account. Is that even possible? I don’t know, but at least it makes a bit of sense if you see it that way, and I needed that for my head not to hurt.

  24. I’m gonna have to agree with Mercure on this one…

  25. This is perfectly normal!

  26. @kickapoo

    normal, you’re crazy! That is insane.

  27. @kickapoo

    Pssssshhh, you’re nuts. Just sit there on the computer all day and be a slob! I’m going out and living my life!

  28. @kickapoo

    You’re crazy.

  29. @el-monty

    the comments are so close together. Why the hell would someone be like, “hey man, you’re standing right next to me….but can I borrow your phone to comment on your picture? Oh, don’t worry about signing out…I’ll just do it on your account.”


  30. Wait…what?

  31. I’ve got another theory:
    John is a ventriloquist, his dummy is typing too.

  32. And my theory – he was up all night, not sober, and posted what he considered a funny picture. Not wanting to look like an idiot that doesn’t know shit about locking shit, he felt the need to justify himself (and was hoping he could when someone else commented asking about it). When no one commented calling him out on his stupidity, he just did it himself (you know, to not seem stupid about locks).

  33. jefke- Agreed, or he’s lamer than anyone else and has deleted the other comments to make himself famous on Lamebook

  34. kickapoo gave me lulz!
    :) )

  35. The Scarlet Pimple

    Notice that in the last comment he berates himself for being “medically considered overweight” and too lazy to get up early and watch the sunrise like he (himself) regularly does.

    I don’t even know.

    But in my opinion, this is one of the FUNNIEST posts I’ve ever read on Lamebook.

  36. Creepy as shit.

  37. My brain hurt before I started reading, and now I’m slipping into a doooooood-induced coma.

  38. Wow.. The stupidity amazes me. The person he was talking to OBVIOUSLY deleted all his comments when he realized he was defeated! Are you all really that dumb? How do you even turn on your computers without help?

  39. @Tainted. Did you even read the comments to realize that each comment refers to something that he himself had previously said? Sigh. Probably not. Unless you’re just being sarcastic, in which case I give you a tip of my hat.

  40. lol… Pleasure to meet you AGS.

  41. …….is he responding to himself? and one of his personalities can’t spell, but the other can? i’m genuinely confused.

  42. Mr Haiku is
    going home to drink sake.
    This is fucked up.

  43. *This is too fucked up.

  44. Pot head. <33

    This is my favourite Lamebook post so far. Much better than shit.

  45. John must be fucking bored! I wish i were that crazy! Then i wouldn’t be bored all the time.

  46. @Insane : Isn’t that why we’re on here? ;)

  47. wow cool , john , u re my new best friend

  48. hitmewithyourrhythmvic

    Um, Mr Haiku. Can I have some of that sake? I think reading that just caused my brain to turn on it’s axis. Nothing. Makes. Sense.

  49. Mr Haiku – check that syllable count. Second line is also only 6 syllables! We do still love you though.

    The fact that John actually mocks himself:

    “..u really think i’d lock 15k in stuff..”
    to which he replies
    “..or well your (cough) 15k in gear..”

    makes me really like this guy. And maybe by gear he actually means: ??? (1st definition)

    I wish whoever posted this would at least tell us if he is indeed a schizo, druggie or just thinks he’s really funny.

  50. @insane: Only boring people get bored.

  51. @ Petard #49

    You are mistaken.
    Sake does not rhyme with ‘fake’;
    It’s two syllables.

  52. Vince from purchasing

    Mr. Haiku, I respectfully submit that you’re taking liberties pronouncing ‘fucked’ with two syllables. I scan ‘This is fucked up’ as having 4 syllables, not 5.

    My esteem for your work has not diminished, however.

    An example where a liberty could be taken would be De Niro’s Bickle, who clearly pronounces talking as if it was one syllable. Hence, we can have

    Are you talkin’ to me?
    I don’t see anyone else
    here – you talkin’ to me?

    Sorry – not teaching you to suck eggs – I jes’ love haiku. :)

  53. Vince from purchasing

    Aaagh. I didn’t read your immediate correction, “This is too fucked up”. My apologies.

  54. @Seabea: I wish i had a rebuttal, but all i can do is cry :’(

    @Svetlana: Touché! I believe i made a typo though. What i meant to say is “I wish i were as crazy as John. If i was then i wouldn’t be so bored. I would be able to talk shit to myself on Facebook all day long without a care in the world”. Damn flashing light distracted me!

  55. @tainted, and others.


    Look carefully at the images – there are 2 different images.


  56. @tainted, and others.


    Look carefully at the blurred avatar pictures – there are 2 different images.


  57. These pictures look the same. However if you compare each picture to the next (and previous) they are all pixelated differently. If they are two different Johns then I for one need more proof.

  58. Errrrm, when did I write that?

    I must have been drunk – yeah they are all different, you are right


  59. Turn your massive fail into a massive drink for Insane!

  60. woww…. and of course he’s the same person, for those of you idiots who believe he’s not.


    @sbs_kcbaby – as someone suggested earlier, it could be 2 people logged into the same account – that’s what I think too

  62. FlapjacksAreAmazing

    wait, he can open that lock with a size 14 shoe? So if you get him a REALLY big shoe, he could open a safe?

  63. the only thing i can think of is that he was actually arguing with someone else called john and that the second john later went and changed his profile picture to the same as the first john’s. then took the screenshot himself and sent it to lamebook. long shot though!

  64. [...] Lamebook – Facebook Fails, Wins, LOLs And More » Lock Him UpI think he may be referencing ‘Smacky the Frog’ from the Mitch Hedberg comedy skit. But I could be wrong? Antarctic Circle December 9th, 2009 at 2:59 pm. John FTW!!! Oh… jelly De… [...]

  65. John Players Standard

    It’s funny to see a conversation between two people but one person either blocked by you or blocked by them because it looks like the person is talking to themselves. This however is not the case. This guy is just wierd.

  66. ALL these comments and only ONE person pointed out that they are two different pictures.

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