Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Lamebooker Challenge: Lost in Translation

Time for another Lamebooker Challenge!
Please help us spruce up Ashley’s bio. Feel free to get creative with this one.

Upvotes will be tallied next week and a winner will be announced. Best translation gets 5 internets! Stay tuned!

previous post: Say NO to racism!

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27 Comments

  1. Looks like she’s either borderline dyslexic, or her keyboard is fucked

  2. On the second word, I realised it was being written in camelcase, i then presumed the following content was shallow idiocy, and I refuse to read further on.

  3. With love, the name is Ashley. I am 19 years young (do you see what I did there?). I graduated from Central earlier this year and now I’m attending ASU. I love partying and being the center of attention. I have attention defecit disorder and I hang out with everyone. I hate people who spread false accusations about me. I’m no longer the daughter of a lesbian, but that’s alright because my mom’s significant other is really radical. Act Caucasian or die African. I love to chill and relax a lot. I’m very short but I have a huge attitude problem. My nickname is “Shorty,” due to my height. I’m in the mindset for a relationship with a male, but I’m afraid to trust a male again. I’m immature sometimes, but it’s cute. I can’t tolerate males but can’t live without them. My favorite phrase, “I hate my life,” has now changed to “I love my life.” I talk a lot, but it’s out of my control. I love my hazel-colored eyes. I’m not conceited. My Zodiac sign is Libra since I was born in September. I’ve gotten back into a relationship with my childs father, Michael Dubose. We’ve been through so much that I don’t think anything can get in the way. He loves his son so much. Also, I work at Walmart. It’s pretty enjoyable for the most part, except for those days when you’re not in a delightful mood and you get rude customers in your line. *scoff sound*

  4. It seems my Google Universal Translator is on the blink. Therefore, I don’t understand a damned thing in this bio, and cannot comment on how to improve it. I find it stunning just how inept people have become at expressing themselves these days. You would think, in the Information Age, they would get better at it.

  5. The Name’s Ashley. I’m retarded.

  6. …Oh, AnD i’M nExT iN lInE tO rEpLaCe SnOoKiE! iSn’T tHaT aWeSoMe?

    It took me about 5 minutes to type that one line. I could never get a paragraph off before I’d lose my mind.

  7. Hello, my name is Ashley. I’m 19 years old with a severe case of regression because my mom used to be a lesbian. I have no fucking idea what I’m doing in college since I clearly belong in the sixth grade. I make up for how short I am by being a total cunt. After bouncing around from loser to loser I’m back with my main dick, Michael DuBose. Here’s where I digress into talking about my shit job working with annoying people like myself at Walmart because I’m about to flunk out of college. Peace, bitch!

  8. lYkE dIs If U cRy EvrYtIm!!! <3 <3 <3

  9. With writing like that, I’ll assume she is in ASU’s PhD program…

  10. I’m Ashley. To sum me up; I’m a short, attention seeking, unmarried, fuckwit of a young mum. And to top it all off, my shift key is fucked. FML!

  11. I am called Ashley. I have lived but one year shy of forescore upon this hallow’d ground, the earth. My graduation from Central one year hence has found me now a scholar bold at ASU, wherein revelry and merriment, my chief passions, are known throughout the land.

    Although my temperament be short (as a reflection of myself, no doubt), I find myself in strange connect with men of every kind, though slanders and rogues be not known to me, for their association dulls my brains and muddles my wits.

    My blessed lady mother has come round, for years, a fever (or some cursed affliction) filled her eyes with the unnatural love of women kind,but since she has yet found solace in the stronger sex. She is a good and kindly woman, although brazenly bold.

    Though I be of Moorish descent, I have taken on the dress and action of the lilly white against the rules of nature, lest I be judged as a ruffian and dispatched early from this earth.

    Although I be but little, I be fierce.

    My thoughts spin wildly at the thought of men, but my broken faith keeps me free of their faithless arms.

    My disposition, like that of a child whose hands are filled with sweets, reflects upon me favorably, as so ‘tis well.

    I was born under the sign of scales, a child of the ninth month, the fell season twixt life and death.

    My disposition, once filled with hatred of my days has shifted into a golden dawn. I awake, each morn, entranced with the beauty of the earth and the splendor of mother nature.

    My disposition is want for silence, my words rise up to heaven—I am wont to cease, ‘tis though the very Gods themselves demand my voice be heard.

    My good lord Michael Dubose is where I’ve left my heart, But that love, first learned in a lady’s eyes, lives not alone immured in the brain; but, with the motion of all elements,
    courses as swift as thought in every power, and gives to every power a double power,
    above their functions and their offices, for what we have seen together is doubly so than that which our eyes have gazed upon alone in solitude.

    I am known as the mistress of Walmart, a goodly employ for any maid such as myself, I’faith, the days in which my mood is foul and the rude will of those within my humble shop doth rub me wrong.

    Ugh.

  12. ^ They said to spruce it up, not to translate it.

  13. If I wanted an asshole’s bio, I’d fart!

  14. *boycotts on account of it being stupid bullshit*

  15. catieo:

    a score is 20 years
    4 score is 80 years

    soooooo

  16. My bad.

  17. I had a seizure reading this. It’s like trying to state at a strobe light. Everything started to become surreal.

  18. *stare

  19. I want proof that she’s actually a student and not just a volunteer for some crazy drug trial at the lab.

  20. I want chehig to win. Though I don’t think there’s anything borderline about her dyslexia

  21. I can’t read all this. Tell me about the strongest M & M again…

  22. Greetings, my name is Ashley. I am a mere 19 years old and I am a recent graduate from Central (I graduated earlier this year). At the moment I am attending ASU to further my education. But, that does not keep my wild side at bay. I am a soiree enthusiast and do so love to entertain the guests with my wild antics. I may be easily distracted but that does not keep me from enjoying the company with my familiar. But, I have no patience for those who choose to betray and spread filthy rumors. My mother has chosen to move from women to men, but that doesn’t conflict with me at all. Her new beau is just wonderful. (it doesn’t hurt to act different, if you don’t like yourself) As I have said before, I do love to see my familiars, I may be small but there is a giant under this skin. My friends endearingly call me Shorty. I embrace the dating scene whole heartedly, but I am careful not to be hurt. I may not act my age, but i find this one of my most endearing qualities. One thing I always like to say is “I can not stand men, but I can not live without them” HA! You will often catch me saying “I abhor my life” but as of late you will catch me saying “I adore my life!” I speak quite frequently, It is very hard to control! I would have to say my eyes are my most appealing feature. Nothing wrong with embracing what you were given. I was born in the month of September, Which makes me a Libra. I have recently Rekindled with my son’s father ,Michael Dubose. We have had our ups and downs, But I feel that has made us stronger and nothing with interfere this time. He is the true definition of Father. I am a proud employee of Wal-Mart Super Store, I do so enjoy it. You do occasionally get the discourteous person, which seems to always happen on my ruff days! But, thus is the job! *sighs*

  23. Hello all, MY NAME IS ASHLEY!!!

    I’m 18 (I will be 19 by the time you read this). I recently acquired my GED since leaving high school due to my pregnancy (more on that later). I am currently applying to local community colleges because I hope to one day own a daycare or be a pharmacist or work with animals or in an office building. Although my studies keep me busy, I have a bit of a problem staying out of trouble due to my budding alcoholism and daily weed habit. That being said, I enjoy partying and LOTS of attention from men (my dad wasn’t around). Which brings me to my family… YAY! I still live at home, and I used to have two moms!!! ;) As we all know lesbian drama is the worst of all drama, so my mom found us a great man who really takes care of us (although I’m confused as to what race I am). I enjoy smoking weed. My nickname is Shorty, which is fitting since I’m 5 feet tall. I’m a little overweight for my age, but hey… what can I say… alcohol has lots of empty calories. I really enjoy the company of men yet I can’t seem to figure out why I can’t sustain a relationship. All the guys tell me they love it when I call them “daddy” and talk like a baby. I used to say “I hate my life”. Now I say “I LOVE MY LIFE!!!!”, but I’m still secretly very unhappy. Gotta keep a positive attitude, AMIRITE?! I enjoy talking whether it on the phone, at a coffee shop, or at a party. Telling people your problems is very therapeutic, don’t you agree? I have hazel eyes and low self-esteem. I believe in Astrology and check my horoscope daily (I just LOVE Susan Miller!!) I’m currently in a complicated relationship with the father of my son, Michael Dubose. We were very young when we got together, so we weren’t ready for parenthood. While he really seems to love his son, I often confuse the love for his son with his romantic love for me. Gosh I wish I could’ve known my father. I work at Walmart where I spend my days mostly avoiding human contact unless I’m reprimanded by my superior. On those days I really don’t enjoy working. Wrapping up, if you are a man (or woman, I’m liberal) with a good job, that likes children, and would like to take care of me I please send me a PM.

    Hoping to hear from you,

    <3 Ashley

  24. My name is Ashley, and I am am quite young at only 19 years. This year, I graduated from Central High School and am currently attending ASU, where I love to socialize with my peers and talk about things that interest me. It may seem like I have many things on the go at once but I always make time for my friends, family and acquaintances, although I am not a fan of people who lie or gossip about others. I am sorry to say that I no longer associate with my mother’s ex-girlfriend, although I enjoy getting to know her new boyfriend (stay true to yourself). On any one day you can find me relaxing, as this is something I like to do frequently. I am also quite short in stature, but don’t let that fool you – I have a very big presence that can sometimes be misinterpreted as “attitude” – so much so that I have been given the pseudonym “Shorty”. Unfortunately I have been mistreated in the past, which means that although I enjoy fraternising with the opposite sex, I reserve judgement until I get to know a boy better. You will be surprised to know that sometimes people mistake me for someone much younger, but not to worry…most people are very accommodating when they discover that I’m ok with it. I can also admit that I am a fan of the male gender, although sometimes they can be a bother. My favourite phrase used to be “I am unhappy with my situation” but recently I have changed it to “Make the most of it!”. I love to talk to people, so please bear with all my questions. I am quite secretive and don’t consider myself narcissistic, although I will say this – I do have beautiful hazel eyes. My star sign is Libra and I was born in September. I am very happy to say that I have been reunited with my son’s father, Michael Dubose. We’ve had so many ups and downs that I think this time, we will be able to deal with anything that comes our way. Michael loves his son very much, and for this I am thankful. My job at Wal-Mart is very satisfying, but of course everyone has bad days every now and then! Sigh.

  25. My name is Ashley and I have spent 19 pointless years on planet earth. I graduated from Central Just this year and am now attendending ASU, incase you haven’t heard of either of those institutions they used to be a swimming pool and a Chinese restaurant respectively.

    I love to get completely banjoed at social gatherings and annoy everybody by not letting anyone else get a word in edgeways and if nobody takes any notice of me I cry and start a fight with the nearest unsuspecting bystander.

    I hate people who talk lie and talk shit although, some what predictably, I am am hypocrite who does both of those things as naturally as walking and talking.

    My mum went through a attention seeking phase/mid-life crisis of being a Lesbian but she’s over that now and her new man is Super Kick Ass! (Not like the film, he doesn’t fight crime or anything he just buys me beer).

    I like to relax and although I’m pertite I’m incredibly loud and obnoxious so as to overcompensate. My Nickname is Shorty and I’m a massive slut, becuase of this boys treat me like trash so it’s hard to trust them anymore. I’m wildly emmotional and illogical, my friends placate me and tell me it’s cute… It most certainly is not. I can’t stand boys (I know, try to keep up) but I can’t live without them.

    My favoutite phrase has changed from “I hate my life” to “I love my life”.

    I talk a lot, despite having nothing of any real interest or relevance to say. My eye are hazel and I’m not conceited although you could argue that those two things are to intrinsically linked.

    I belive that everyone on earth can be split into 12 seperate types with pre-defined personallity traits based on the day of their birth. I’m a libra by the way so if you’re a Virgo you can fuck right off!!

    I’m back with the loser that knocked my up (again try to keep up). We’ve been through so much that I don’t think anything can get in the way (until he gets bored and runs of with a stripper). He loves me so much, at least that’s what he says he lets me do his laundry so it must be love!

    I work at Walmart which is pretty cool for the most part except those days when you’ve got a monster hangover or when you get rude customers!

  26. I find it hard to believe that people actually take the time to type every other letter in caps. There must be an automated way of doing it, maybe through a text editor, Excel, or some other program.

  27. Ashley owes me a new keyboard, I can’t scrap all the throw-up out from the bottom of the keys of my current board.

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