Thursday, August 23, 2012

Lamebooker Challenge: Lost in Translation

Help us translate this submission into English.
Whoever has the best translation wins 10 internets!

Find out the winner of the previous Lamebooker Challenge here!

Find out the winner of this challenge after the jump!

Votes have been tallied! Congratulations nakedsnail! You’ve won with the following translation:

Meet your new obsession: Kayleigh, also known as “Kaely” or “Breezy”.

Keep your mouth closed unless an opportunity of a male member presents itself to you. Do not listen to rumours but judge my actions for yourself.

I am currently single; although many things trouble me, I do not have a boyfriend to worry about.

Would you like to go on a date with me? Sorry, but I’m out of your league and have a reputation to uphold.

I am amazed by the fact that many of my actions are unpredictable. I may be small, but I have won a few fights, probably because I am not worried if I get hurt.

It irritates me when other people slander my name, I can tell when people are lying and it makes me angry. If you have a problem with me, I would rather you addressed the issue to my face instead of talking behind my back.

I can guarantee that you are a woman of ill repute, and I will punch you extremely hard for no reason. I smoke marijuana but I do not take any other drugs. I have been known to experience extreme mood swings, psychopathic and stalkerish tendencies.

My words and actions may shock you, but when I am happy, you will smile too – I have that effect on people. I am an imbecile, and utter such idiocies you will never be able to wipe from your memory. I drink too much and usually end up in a pile of vomit (hopefully my own) at the end of a night out.

I frequently make fun of others, but if you do not appreciate bullying then you should stay away from my social media page.

I am a misogynist and feel threatened by others of the same sex. Women are cruel and do not uphold a good reputation. I also have trust issues, and prefer my own company for fear of getting hurt. I am emotionally stunted and cannot handle any situation that requires empathy.

I do not care what other people think of me, as long as they do think about me. I am not dependent on anybody and fear emotional intimacy. You cannot make an impression on my life. When people say mean things about me, I am not insulted, but entertained. If you try to take advantage of me, you will be making a mistake, because I am an expert in taking what I want and delivering cutting remarks.

I have cultural identity and self esteem issues. When I am in a relationship, I submit completely to a man, but before you approach me I would advise that you find out more about me, as I have been in trouble with the police many times.

Whether or not I have been good or bad to you, I will stay in your memory for these rest of your life; I am unique, crazy, and mean, and will leave you questioning your sanity.

I was born in 1994, am writing this in 2010, and reserve the right to ownership of this autobiography.

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