Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Keep It on the Down Low

previous post: Read ‘em & Weep

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67 Comments

  1. this hurts my eyes

  2. ^first btw

  3. let me guess, the south?

  4. I feel much less intelligent now.

  5. I couldn’t read any further down than the second comment…I feel I would have become stupider…

  6. i guess i’d be confused too if i hooked up with a tranny….

  7. Now… How the fuck am I supposed to get anything out of this without hurting my brain? Gave up on the second comment.

  8. *at the second comment…

    See? Dumber just by reading that.

  9. I went to the tranny’s profile… how on earth did he NOT know?!

  10. You see what happens, Quintin? You see what happens? This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass, Quintin! This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!

  11. Can anyone here really say that they read the entire post? I can’t get more than halfway through one of these without trying to stab myself in the eyes. Thanks for the intervention mom.

  12. No, please. I need a translation.

  13. Can we get Merriam-Webster in here? I’ll even settle for Funk & Wagnall’s. The issue is not what manner of apparatus explored which recternal region, but rather, DID ANYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 22 PAY ATTENTION IN ENGLISH!!!???!!!!

    It’s the language of Keats and Shakespeare, nd u mofos b twstn da sht all 2 hl cz u 2 lzy 2 cl smbdy nd u b spndn yo lif tryna b wht ngz expeck u 2 b.

  14. @teo FTFW. It will be hell attempting to top that reference.

  15. I read almost the whole thing, but then I stabbed my eyeballs out with a pencil because it was less painful than continuing to read that mess. I have a headache…

  16. I read it. I admit it – but only out of curiosity. I can not understand how people who are illiterate can communicate like this. I understand phonetics, but there is nothing phonetic about any of that – how is it possible?? How can they know what the fuck each other is saying?

  17. @princesszelda
    that’s rich coming from the queen of cross-dressing!

  18. Quintin: Golly, I’m receiving a lot messages in reference to a situation that I was allegedly a part of.

    Chris: My friend, Quintin, is not a homosexual. He likes females.

    Agealena: Ever hear of “Down Low Brothers” or any other name for closeted gay males? At least, Siani, is comfortable with who he/she is and not hiding it.

    Chris: I’m from a town that starts with a “B.” Quintin has also been a friend of mine for a long time and I believe him.

    A: So is my friend. She wouldn’t lie. I believe that they slept together. Your friend is gay.

    ::Blah blah blah::

    Q: (Loudly) I love females too much to mix up genders. I’m not lying. Believe me.

    A: I don’t believe you.

    Q: Well, I might have made a mistake…

    Aaron: Haha

    Q: Ok, she was a transvestite. But I didn’t do anything. She’s upset that I wouldn’t talk to her.

    I’m bilingual.

  19. They definitely forgot to blur a name out on that one… Siani looks like the Ram’s Stephen Jackson

  20. By the way, in case anyone is wondering I think they are from the Baltimore, Maryland area. Bville could be Baltimore and there are adjacent towns named Laurel and Seaford just across the border in Delaware. There is also a Laurel, Maryland.

  21. yep, got about 5 comments in and my eyes glazed over. what the FUCK are they saying?!!!!!

  22. Thank You Elli :)

  23. FlapjacksAreAmazing

    my brain vomited into my mouth a little

  24. Sorry, I don’t speak ghetto. It appears Elli does though, so thank you for that.

  25. http://abcnews.go.com/US/wanted-ebonics-translator-federal-dea-job/story?id=11462206

    Feds are looking for an Ebonics Translator..Maybe Lamebook can hire one..

  26. Thanks Elli .. the salvia salad I had for dinner made the post hard to read.

  27. Us gon get raped!

    Eraka Badu up in this hizos! Mah ya hear dat shiz/ Dayum sun, homey be playin dat wayz!

    YOu cribbin dawg!

    That is my audition for Airplane 3, the search for more money.

  28. I read it all. My head hurts. I went and found “her” FB. I checked out “her” friends, and I found one of the funniest names ever….

    Antwaneshia.

    I would pronounce this… Ant wayne she ah

  29. I didn’t understand a fuckin word.

  30. That ain’t Wayne’s Shea, is it?

  31. how do people this fucking stupid manage to function in society? it bottles the mind.

  32. I just tried to read all… can someone please call an ambulance for me? I think my brain is hemorrhaging.

  33. Yes historyprof, it bottles the mind kinda like when Coke bottles its soda..

  34. I called … there’ll be two of us in it.

    Oh, they’re here..

  35. I had to read the whole post. I couldn’t pass it up. Sure my eyes convulsed into seizures and my gut was checked a few times. I haven’t seen drama like this since my parents found out my brother was gay. My dad had this look on his face like somebody just told him John Wayne was actually a dike.

  36. Any chance we can skip the posts that are over 75% written in Ebonics?

  37. If I thought for a moment that my children ever spoke like this… I would beat them senseless and then proceed to reintroduce them to the english language. Beat and repeat as necessary.

  38. That’s not written in Ebonics. It’s written in Stupid.

  39. English FTL

  40. Haha these people are from Delaware. The slower, lower part of Delaware that is. Figures.

  41. Thank you, mass. I’m sure the various hospitals worldwide are wondering about the influx of patients with brain trauma.

  42. @starrlite I think you stopped too late. I suggest stopping at the first comment. It has worked for me.

  43. The sad part is, stereotype tells us that a majority of the folks in this post are black. And I believe it. As a young black female who is a linguist…this hurts my head and my heart. Bah.

    Polishsausage is right…English FTL

  44. So the gist of this is that two people are discussing the fact that one’s friend had sex with the other’s friend (who happens to be a transvestite) and are using poor language and grammar to convey this message?

  45. Ok…seriously. There’s no such thing as ebonics. Ok. It’s called slang, the same annoying shit that every other subculture group uses.

    And I do believe that Quintin admitted to the butt secks and then tried to renege it… Idiot. Just click delete.

  46. where’s my GPS? i am totally lost…. like those who speak and write proper english would be…. i need a bex and a lie down ;)

  47. As usual, I read and understood every word. It’s not funny enough to bother translating.

  48. Also Lamebook seems to be reverting to its classic style today.

  49. I’m bored at work and had nothing better to do, so I attempted to translate the whole thing into something legible that still retains a certain linguistic…flavor. I’m not 100% sure that everything is accurate, but I did the best I could. Enjoy!

    Quintin – Damn, I’m getting a lot of messages about this situation, and what I know is that it’s true lol.

    Chris – My boy, Quint, isn’t a faggot. If you think so, fuck you. My boy is straight for that pink, bitches.

    Agealena – Lol, hahaha. Have you ever heard of ‘Down Low Brothers’, Chris? Have you ever heard of ‘trapped in the closet’? Have you ever heard of denial? Lol, let me leave this shit alone because at least Siani is comfortable with who he/she is, and [she] isn’t ducking, sneaking, and hiding.

    Chris – Shit, I’m from [Baltimore?]. Quint has been my homie forever, and I’d have his back on anything. And I’m not saying that she’s not being herself. I’m not dissing on anyone. I was just saying that my boy is real.

    Agealena – And so is my friend. Tranny or not, she’s not going to lie about a nigga hitting it. But it’s noble of you to have your friend’s back. I wouldn’t want to believe that my nigga was butt-fucking other dudes either.

    Chris – Who’s your friend, yo?
    Chris – And I don’t know the situation. I was just saying.

    Agealena – Siani! The “tranny” your boy was banging!

    Chris – Do what? Is she on here?

    Agealena – The situation is: your home was banging my friend and got mad and called her a tranny. Okay, so she is, but he knew that before, while, and after he was butt-fucking her! Tell me you wouldn’t know a set of balls from a pussy. Get out of here! Your homie is ‘down low’.
    Angealena – Yeah, Siani [last name redacted].

    Chris – Hey, I could tell the difference. OK, then I don’t know for real. I sent you a request.
    Chris – Yeah, I saw it.

    Quintin – Fuck you, Agea. Somebody told me she/he was a tranny so I brought it to his/her attention. I love pussy too much to get caught up with mixed genders. [Ed. note: At this point, Quintin starts referring to Siani as ‘it’, which makes reading his comments really confusing.] Or, even if that’s true, what the fuck are you thinking that I don’t know what gender [Siani] is? All I know is that I’m not a ‘down low’ nigga, for one. And second, that bitch got mad at me because I told [Siani] what somebody else that knows [her] was saying about [her] before. Lol, the fucking Laurel and Seaford chicks can all die because I’m in the state of mind for killing.

    Agealena – Maybe they can, honey. I’m not from Seaford or Laurel. And watch how you come out your mouth to Agea. I’m sure you don’t need the type of problems I could send your way. And real talk: if it’s not true, why do you have so many statuses about it?

    Quintin – I’m not even worried about it. If y’all believe that shit, then that’s y’all. I’m not a faggot, but today is a new day, and I’m moving on to better shit in my life. All of this fussing and shit isn’t necessary. We both were acting childish, but we squashed it. And I’m not a ‘down low’ nigga, so get that shit out of your head. I didn’t know that that that person was a tranny until people told me. But if people come up to me about this, I’m going to tell them that it was a mistake and nothing happened.

    Aaron – Damn, blaqstar [?]! Getting that man hole.

    Quitin – I didn’t do anything with that shemale. [She] got mad because [she] wanted to talk to me and I said no.

  50. After celebrating all night that i was first for the first time, i woke up this morning, went to work, and tried reading this again. I didnt make it halfway before i forgot how to read and write. Had to go away, get an energy drink and shake it off to come back and write this.

    Im so happy kids here in norway (although they use alot of different slang and abbreviations, as you would on the net..) never stoop to this kind of writing.

    Your in pain
    Ballah

  51. Yours*

  52. Quintin – I’m quite upset, I seem to be hearing a lot of unfair opinions about this situation

    Chris – My Lord Quint here I assure you is not one of THOSE types.. I swear he loves women’s parts…

    Agealena – I do declare, this conversation tickles my funnybones. Have you but heard of ‘Down Low Brothers’, Chris? Have you ever heard of ‘trapped in the dressing-room’? Have you ever heard of denial? I will continue to laugh but will further stay out of this conversation as I assure you my Lady Siani is true to herself… himself…

    Chris – Why Chris has been my Lord for a cows age, and I will always stand by him through any storm!

    Agealena – My dear Lady Siani, as impossible as it is to tell her gender, is also my true friend and companion, and she is nothing if not honest. But I do declare, it is noble of you to have your Lord Quint’s back. I too would prefer to think of my friends only engaging in socially-acceptable behavior.

    Chris – Who is this Lady Siani?

    Chris – I do admit, I don’t full understand the situation, I am merely declaring my unswerving fealty towards Lord Quint.

    Agealena – Why, Lady Siani is this lady/ man in question! She is what this whole discussion is about!

    Chris – Is she a member of Facebook?

    Agealena – Let me explain the situation: Your Lord Quint has been alledged to have engaged in intercourse with Lady Siani, whose gender is somewhere caught in the middle of male and female. Lord Quint knew this before and while he was engaged with her.

    Angealena – She is Lady Siani (Last name hidden)

    Chris – Blah blah

    Chris – Blah

    Quintin – I am most appaled, Agea. Somebody told me Lady Siani was both man and woman, but I my heart and loins long only for a true woman, thus Lady Siani was not for me. I declare: I am not a lover of men, or a lover of women-men. Secondly, I indulged Lady Siani in rumours that other ill-tongued people had spoken of her. I am so angry that I declare: pistols at dawn for any who oppose me, because I am in a foul mood!

    Agealena – Please be more considerate of who you are speaking to for you are offending me, good sir

    Agea: Please be advised good sir, that not only could I beat you in pistols at dawn, but I am a fearsome wench in other areas of life.

    Quintin – I am no longer worried, though I act as such. I am not a man-lover, and that said: I would like to move on with my life now and forget this situation and conversations afterward. Though I have previously declared I DID know she was a tranny, I now declare that I infact, did NOT, making me incredibly unbelievable. Nevertheless, we have been acting childish. It was a mistake and has been blown out of proportion by lies

    Aaron – Oh I say, are you a man-lover?

    Quintin – Lady Siani has been spreading horrible lies. That is all. Good day to you all. *tips his top-hat towards the crowd and leaves*

  53. That is truly awesome, anotherllama! I’m tempted to do it in kiwi/Maori slang now.
    I don’t know why you’re all complaining of headaches, I think it’s quite a fun little puzzle, understanding this kinda thing.

  54. What Dukey said. This is what Lamebook’s supposed to be here for, not endless one liners about Justin Bieber and Twilight.

  55. What Dukey said. This is what Lamebook’s supposed to be here for, not endless one liners about Justin Bieber and Twilight, or pictures of fat people with hard-ons.

  56. Why’d it send twice?

  57. Siani’s sex is listed as “Female,” so I can see why Quintin would be easily duped.

  58. how do you people find these fb people w/ only their first name? “siani” gives hundreds of responses….

  59. Thank you those who attempted to translate that mess of a facebook post.

  60. I don’t get why it’s necessary to write in their stupid fucking dialect as well. I wonder if they write the same way on their school work? I’m not saying be a total fucking grammar Nazi, but at least write in a way that doesn’t require you to read over it more than twice in order to decipher that bullshit.

  61. Finally, a good translation-needed post!

  62. Elli and anotherllama – those are precious skills you have. Hold on to them, for they will be worth a lot one day.

  63. I am in fkn stitches!!
    These comments are much funnier than anything Lamebook has ever posted.
    Thank you everyone, just made my day.
    And I learned a new word – Ebonics. Brilliant.

  64. Oh.my.sweet.baby.jesus.

    All of your translations have me laughing my butt off.
    I’m… My sides literally hurt from laughing so hard.
    Especially Anotherllama’s. SO funny!

    :D :D :D

  65. cainraw, there’s stupid people everywhere, not just the South.

  66. *there are, meep

  67. Found all guilty parties. They’re all from Laurel, Seaford, Bridgville, DE. Easy to tell Siani is a tranny.

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