The passion was in the air. The Caribbean air was humid and the waves were crashing gently on the beach. There she was, standing there…”So hey, I just want to start by introducing myself I am happy to say my name is Aaron” — these were her first words to me. I nearly buckled. “I am very happy to hear your name is Aaron, Aaron.” She mentioned how she was 24 years old single. I didn’t know what she meant by that, but I assume it meant she was only 24 years old. Not a double (48) or a half (12).
“I also wanted to tell you I think you are smoking” she said…”No, I don’t smoke. Sorry” Then she said something about getting hurt but I was still wondering why she thought I smoked. I knew she was a badass because of the gang signs she threw out. But I knew she also had a heart of gold because of the emo-hearts I saw on her bottom right corner.
Then, not long after, another woman named Liam came and interrupted our passionate conversation. It was like a dream on the beach–two young romantic ladies, both trying to seduce me with their smooth-talk and charm. Liam was a little slow, it seemed. His conversations were pretty incoherent. But once she gave me a Dont Deny Yourself — act now! I was sold. It reminded me of my past loves (before the operation)–Billy Mays, and my former fiancee, Vince Offer. I did love his nuts. I did.
Liam, you had me at ‘kinda broke my leg’ — so eloquent. So mysterious.
Well, he’s happy to say his name is Aaron. That’s good.
He’s what people call a ‘nice guy’…sounds great to me.
Uhh, then he says he’s “the meanest, the baddest you’ll ever know in this planet”…AND he’s a hitman apparently (probably shouldn’t be advertising that around)…also kicks ‘real’ ass (as opposed to the fake ass out there). Aaron is also a ‘fucker’, and occasionally enjoys tossing up random hand signs as his display pic to bait women and show them his ‘baddest’ side..yes Aaron, I think we’ve had enough of the introduction.
Liam if you are wrong, and by the way you are, you’ve just left yourself open to the most exquisite blackmail opportunities from Sara. You broken-legged, hobbling, spazz.
Aaron, when you get locked up for pretending to be a hitman, you will meet a big, hairy, sweaty, tattooed man with a hormone imbalance in prison who will make you his bitch and take full advantage of your licking and fcuking skills.
LOL @ Mercure
He’s what us people call a ‘nice guy’ remember? Even though he’s a hitman (the next Richard Kuklinski) and lady licker. Does that include morbidly obese/ugly/old women too? I would think so.
@Mercure: Even for a ‘part time’ lady licker he is demonstrating poor technique…I myself would suggest the ‘Star Trek’ as the pre-eminent method when choosing to emply hand gestures that represent your lady licking calibre. Also, the Silent Duck technique ertainly warrants a mention here, though I believe that would be neglecting the ‘stink’.
what would we do without you americans? there would be only half the fun in the world! I love how you 300 million psycho’s just keep on producing these douchebags, idiots, sluts, extremists, capitalists etc. The USA is indeed the largest group of totally ignorant selfish bastards, and yes you are all bastards, ever known to man.
Prince Mishkin, that doesn’t make any sense. Why would one be more sympathetic towards him if he’s insulting your country… He insulted my name, should I feel sorry for him? Once a douche, always a douche. I don’t feel sorry at all.
Svetlana sucks lemons across from me,
and I am progressing abominably.
And I do not know my own way to the sea
but the saltiest sea knows its own way to me.
The city that turns, turns protracted and slow
and I find myself toeing th’embarcadero
and I find myself knowing the things that I knew
which is all that you can know on this side of the blue
And Jaime has eyes black and shiny as boots
and they march at you, two-by-two (re – loo – re – loo);
when she looks at you, you know she’s nowhere near through:
it’s the hardest heart beating this side of the blue.
Geez. Did Liam ever attend school? And as for Aaron…just what the fuck.
Also, Koobamel? Why don’t you go fuck yourself too. You know as well as I do that idiocy knows no borders. There have been plenty of British and Australian douchebags featured on lamebook before. Get off your America-hating soapbox, dickweed.
It’s true, @Prince Mishkin, that we have a good deal of stupidity, hypocrisy and meanness in this country of ours, but as an anthropologist I feel safe in saying that the same could be said of any group in any location.
Also…I can make fun of my family all I want, but the second someone else starts in, I get the peculiar urge to punch him in the face. So, like I said before, GO FUCK YOURSELF, KOOBAMEL.
I was kinda hoping to pick a fight, maybe provoke one of my neighbors into posting “Hey, I’m Texas Proud!” (that’s an actual state-sponsored marketing campaign!). Then the Brits on here could ask, What part of speech is the word “proud” in that sentence? Remember how Dubya actually bragged about his cluelessness at cabinet meetings? Stupidity may be universal, but “No Place Else But Texas” are people PROUD of their dumbassedness! So, we’re Number 1, and I’ll punch in the face anyone who claims to live someplace MORE lame!
@ Koobamel: YEEE HAW! It’s talk like that that will get you invaded! Where do you live, any oil there?
AAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahaha yes!!! Thank you for having a sense of humor! This one made me laugh more than anyother, accept for the fact that I have actually recieved messages like this one….. eww
I like how he opened with saying people would call him a nice guy, then tries to make himself out to be Mr. Big Shot.
What people call a part-time hitman ass-kicker that refers to himself as the “meanest and baddest” guy who finds it appropriate to inform a woman he’s “one hell of a fucker” when he first introduces himself a “nice guy?”
Wouldn’t it be awesome if the girl you’re hitting on had just been previously hit-on by Liam and Aaron. It’d be like shooting fish in a barrel for even the nerdiest guy.
The poor girl would be so desperate to reaffirm some kind of dignity and attraction to the opposite sex that she would fling herself into the arms of the nearest non-douche.
@SeaBea & The Scarlet Pimple:
Hey, hey, hey. Just ’cause you guys got trashed talked on Texas, doesn’t mean that you have to put Canadians on the same pillar as Oklahoma. Canada totally owns Oklahoma. We’ve got Whistler. And Bacon. And REAL maplesyrup. So like…ha XD
You’re mistaken. It’s eh.
As I watch my hockey game you’ll be at the rodeo, hm? Nvm, I’m just glad that you didn’t put us in the same basket as Oklahoma.
Come on, can you only dish out the hockey jokes? A Canadian team hasn’t won in the past ten years. I think. I don’t watch hockey so I wouldn’t know. Lol.
You know that when a guy tells you not to be afraid of him, points out that he won’t force you, then winks to show how sincere he is being… well, he is being totally 100% honest, in a non-stalker, non-creepy way, and is definitely good marriage material.
In this case, yes, but too many people don’t know that if the focus is on the self (i.e. “Your chi is your self”) it is two words. I’m not sure which is worse: using the one word when you mean two or the two when you mean one.
@SeeBea:Now you’re just talking about the Maritimers dude. Yeah, if you do go to Quebec out in the country, they stare at you if you start to speak in English, but don’t get me wrong they’re much easier to understand than Alaskans–who you’re starting to confuse a whole bunch of Canadians with. Basically, I think THEY say eh, haven’t you heard Sarah Palin talk in a while? Idk about you, but where I am, I’ve never heard eh being used casually in a sentence. Maybe in the Maritimes and up in the arctic, but not anywhere else.
++”Down here,” Lol, you’re really funny though.
OK, late to the party but I just wanna say that creepy, random pickup attempts make me angry. Like, flames on the sides of my face. I’ve been putting up with this kind of crap since I was 13 years old, and I’m average looking! I’m surprised the really good looking girls don’t snap and go around shooting guys in the crotch. Perhaps this is where the idea that all hot girls are bitches came from, because they must have to spend a good portion of their day every day dealing with idiots like Aaron. I wish someone would provide just ONE instance of this type of lame attempt to get laid EVER working so I could understand why men keep doing this shit.
“Idk” it means I don’t know. Sorry, I was too lazy to type in my blurb. Or perhaps, was my foreigness too much to comprehend? Lol, there’s tons of other abbreviations, but I’m way too ooc to tell you k?
I’m a guy and I can’t beieve a guy thinks that this works either.
But the one that gets me the most is how a guy (or girl) could think that hitting someone out of jealousy is going to endear them. “I love you baby (PUNCH) don’t leave me baby (PUNCH).” What is that?
I LOVE that I’ve been reading this website since it existed and now I know someone here. Sarah (mind you, Liam spelled her name wrong, minus the H) is my best friend. Awesomest awesomest awesome. Both these guys SERIOUSLY need to get laid. If they can. Or at least try in person. Not over facebook. Or at least invest in some porn. Come on now boys!
PS- I hear Liam is actually pretty good in bed…any takers? (HAHAHA!!!!)