Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Jon and Josh Joke

previous post: Clay is Still Killin’ It

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66 Comments

  1. Fake. No nazi joke, really? This is incorrect.

  2. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    No amount of “HEY OH!”s would help any of these “jokes”.

  3. Man, there wasn’t even a sammich joke wedged in there.

  4. The Bridge – a tale of a misanthrope, a white knight, and a whole lot of foul-smelling faeces.
    Chapter 2 – The rise of the SLG
    As SLG rode his horse, MoralOutrage, throughout the magical land, he pondered his last victory over the forces of evil, and scratched at the scar this had left on his cheek. Weary and battered from that battle, he had won a victory, but at great cost. Off in search of a new battle, he had heard the residents of a nearby village required some assistance with a particularly troublesome troll. In fact, in order to reach the village he had to pass over the very bridge where the troubles supposedly lay! But SLG was a fearsome warrior, a veteran of many campaigns, and was not deterred. Indeed, as he rode his steed, MoralOutrage, closer to the bridge, he thought he spotted the beast.
    It was hard to believe such a vile creature existed. It wore a pear of tattered bunny ears (a remnant of that special birthday party, so long ago), was covered in pustulant boils, and a foul-smelling, thick jelly-like gloop resembling a mix of strawberry jam and cottage cheese would dollop from between the creatures legs at random intervals. It held a glass of gin in one hand, and a bong in the other, and there appeared to be some sort of mushrooms dangling from its hips. As he reigned in, he saw that this hideous troll had just squatted and left a vile “fat joke” deposit on the ground, and had picked it up and flung it at someone unseen. SLG had seen enough. He knew that negotiating the commission for destroying this horrifying creature after it’s demise was not the wisest business move, but he felt compelled to act. He shouted a challenge out to the vile creature “Hey…you know…making fun of fat people is kinda uncool…didn’t you know? It’s a misplaced positioning of your hate and anger with the world, you dickhead. Stop being such a fucking bully.”
    MsAnne, as she now liked to be called, after having spent some time at a book-lernin place (and assumed that this made her super-intellekshul, don’t you know), saw this self-righteous, yet magnificent looking knight, in his white armour, and thought “I wanna stuff that cocky prick up my arse”…I mean…who was this jonny-come-lately to question her or her deposits?? MsAnne had spent much time developing a sophisticated comedy routine of naming herself as the type of person who hates humanity, and then relentlessly acting out this persona under her little bridge. Very clever indeed! Much to SLG’s horror, it appeared that MsAnne also had a few allies, as more depraved, foul creatures dragged themselves from under the bridge. People actually appreciated her shit?? Oh there was clearly no accounting for taste!!
    Being called out in such a concise and correct way irked MsAnne greatly, but she was thus far unused to dealing with white knights who also appeared to be capable internet warriors. There was only one thing for it – fat jokes. She fell back to her mound and started flinging, and invited her fellow trolls to join her. Fat jokes came flying at SLG thick and fast. SLG was no slouch, however, and unsheathed his “Sword of +5 Internet Troll Slaying”, after all, he had a wicked THAC0, and his AC was off the charts!! As he charged in, the fat jokes pelted him mercilessly. They were insignificant and inaccurate but were leaving foul smelling stains on his armour. Just as he reached the group of trolls, disaster struck!
    MoralOutrage had unwisely left its mouth open as they charged in, and had tragically inhaled one of the fat jokes being flung at them. This noxious poison had an immediate effect, and SLG found himself on the ground, looking at his dead horse, surrounded by trolls flinging fat jokes. He fought his way free, hacking this way and that, and managed to break free. He even managed to swipe one of the foul bunny’s ears off, but he knew he needed to regroup, his armour was befouled with so much foul smelling shit that he was concerned he was going to pass out from the fumes. No, he realised that he needed to approach this situation differently.
    As SLG retreated, he had to watch MsAnne stuff his beloved mount, MoralOutrage, up her bum, all the while moaning ecstatically, and he vowed that he would have his revenge. Just then, another troll, Bacchante, walked up, and started chewing on one of the horses legs that was protruding from MsAnne’s bumhole, causing the horse to kick a few times, and Msanne to moan even harder. Truly foul beasts.
    He trudged his way back to the village, bloodied, but not beaten.

  5. tl;dr

  6. good morning msanne! :-)
    yeh you did. you’ve just got…nothing.

  7. oh and because i haven’t said it in a week or so, i hope you’ll allow me to indulge here – your alcohol remedy sucks, msanne!!
    beefcake!! :-)

  8. No offence SLG, but no one probably read that wall of text.

  9. Is there a possibility that I may appear in chapter 3?

  10. No offence slug, but you’re a fucking idiot.

  11. ah teeko, then you missed out on a ripping yarn!! all good tho mate, each to their own. you are welcome to say something more offensive if it pleases you..oh one of the ol’ “TL:DR” variants will do, or you could just say i’m a boring, longwinded, fuck? does that work for you?
    t1000 – requests now huh? haha…that’s kinda funny.

  12. aw msanne…did i hurt your feelings? don’t be upset sweety, just telling a story. after all, you’re all about the “prose”, right?? hahahahahahahahaha……..

  13. Okay. I read your lovely story SLG, and it prompted me to make an account just to tell you how awesome of a reading that is! lol

    Now, to see what kind of shenanigans I can possibly get into on this site since I’m now a citizen :-D

  14. Anyone who has an anagram of Idiots Out Walking Around in their screen name can just fuck right off right now.

  15. Nah. Not in the right mood right now, but thanks for the suggestion!

  16. are you having a breakdown because you’re obsessed with me, slug? or are you obsessed with me and that’s why you’re having an embarrassing ‘public’ meltdown?

    either/ or, it doesn’t matter. Just remember that in your desperate rush to get my attention, that you’re just probably pissing most everyone else off.

  17. I saw “The Bridge” and thought for a moment that it was going to be a review of the harrowing yet brilliant doco about the Golden Gate jumpers. But no, it’s just a massive pile of shit that tells me you’re completely obsessed with your nemesis, SLG. So much effort. So fucking weird.

  18. We posted at the same time. Yay!

  19. slug’s gonna do a wee!

  20. msanne – “oh SLG you must be losing your mind to be so obsessed and stuff” fuck…is that the best you can come up with? accusing me of being obsessed, and then accusing me of being obsessed again (what were you even trying to say there, seems like you kinda lost it there in the middle…)? this, coming from someone who often goes back more than ten pages of lamebook comments to hurl insults at me? weeeeaaaak! whatever happened to poking me with a stick ‘cos you’re a bully? who’s obsessed with who, msanne? :-) c’mon…if you’re so hard, hit back! but you won’t, because like most people, when push comes to shove, you’re soft…
    wordie – if you think that was an effort, you need to work out more! i can (and did) smash that out in about ten minutes. if you call that “so much effort”, well…i’d hate to see the sort of effort you put into anything, frankly. so i think i’ll go ahead and discard your worthless opinion, you lazy fucker!
    iowanchick – thanks for the appreciation, however the tale is also a cautionary one!! :-)

  21. *sploosh*
    (does wee)

  22. ^that is some top quality not-at-all-obsessed-ing.

  23. ^ and there’s some more!

  24. look, you clearly have my attention, so do you have anything to say?

    I mean, apart from the fact that I’m a terrible cunt of a person and I made your feelings do a big hurty – heard before; didn’t care then either – do have anything of any value to add?

  25. do YOU have anything of value to add?

  26. anything at all.

  27. ….and too late.
    you lost my attention.
    I’m going for a walk in sunlit bush to look at a waterfall.
    you can fuck off and buy a new keyboard.

  28. nah just read the story, msanne! (i know you did already, so cool, mission accomplished). you give yourself too much credit mate, there’s no hurt feelings (or ill-will towards you IRL, for that matter, just so we’re clear), i do think your persona on here is a bit of a cunt, but hey that’s cool, right, the feeling’s mutual. no biggie man.
    it made me chuckle, msanne, writing it. it’s a fictionalised account of our interaction with each other, and you can probably expect more chapters…and just think, every time you respond to me, it’s potential fodder for more.
    it’s a goldmine for me! i actually enjoy interacting with you because you’re such a fearless cunt, so please keep going, and i’ll work it all in to the story.

  29. the “walk in sunlit bush to look at a waterfall” is definitely making it in msanne! thanks for that one! (that actually sounds rather nice, enjoy yourself mate)
    my keyboard’s doing super, msanne! it’s one of them logitech gs15 thingies with lots of lights and stuff! wicked! it cost me $0, msanne! i can be a right scammer sometimes! :-)

  30. Stay tuned for chapter 3 – the fist of justice

  31. I read the first chapter. There’s no fucking way I’m reading the second one.

    For fuck’s sake, SLG, embrace the paragraph already.

  32. @ word, did you see that dude spread his arms and jump??? He had balls, by the time he hit the water they were probably in his throat, but damn what a way to go.

  33. It was funny when the horse went up the bumhole…

    I liked that. I’d like that in any story, in fact.

    Funny to see people arguing over who is the most obsessive and poorly-adjusted. As far as I’m concerned, you all get a gold medal!

  34. Yep, I saw all of the tragic bastards, laugh, and as far as I’m concerned, they all had balls of steel to do what they did.

  35. eugene snorkelbender

    @ 16 ms anne:

    “are you having a breakdown because you’re obsessed with me, slug? or are you obsessed with me and that’s why you’re having an embarrassing ‘public’ meltdown?”

    Both the same thing. Just sayin…

  36. *reads SLG’s posts*

    ಠ_ಠ

    Are you high? No seriously, are you high? I don’t know what’s sadder, that you actually took the time to type that useless drivel or that you actually thought anyone would enjoy reading it. Why would we want to read a “a fictionalised account of [your] interaction with each other” when we can just read the factual account of your actual interaction… neither you nor your fictionalized impression of MsAnne is anywhere near as entertaining as the real thing.

    @14: Anyone who doesn’t know the difference between an anagram and an acronym can just fuck off right now.

  37. *yawn*

  38. stomabeutel v1.1 with added empathic capabilities

    @SLG, you misspelled butthurt.

  39. SLG, i only skimmed the story, but i hope “the fist” will end up in the same place moral outrage did.

  40. now that i read it, all i can say is “good job, fatso”

  41. SLG, you seriously got problems dude. Anyone can see your obsession with Msanne goes WAY past the time she’s willing to invest in you. “That only took me 10 minutes to write!” (you excitedly exclaim). How about instead, spend that 10 minutes with your wife and my kids; it’s much more rewarding.

    Go see a doctor, chief. You’ll totally get all healed up.
    And this has nothing to do with Msanne – I could give two shits or a fuck about that. No, this is just a keen observation from someone with generally half a brain most of the time.

    You need help bro.

  42. All i’ve learned from joining this site is what a retarded douche Ms Anne is, like seriously there’s no point in engaging him because he’s a complete fucking troll. I would love to meet the big fat loser in real life, just because I can’t get over people who make it their job to just be as annoying as possible. Must be problems in regular life that cause them to detach from their real life and play this role that they think is so powerful in their head

  43. yes. just…yes.

  44. All I’ve learned from joining this site is that people get offended way too easily. Seriously, guys, chill out. This is the internet.

  45. Joining lamebook to learn stuff…. that’s pretty retarded, laila.

  46. Joining lamebook…. That’s pretty retarded enough right there.

  47. Lamebook reminds me of the times when I attended church. The way things are right now, it wouldn’t surprise me to see two or more different lamebooks in the future, with all of them claiming they are the originals, and each having their own group of followers.

  48. Holocaust jokes are not funny, anne frankly I won’t stand for them.

  49. Where can I find Chapter One… This is awesome

  50. I did a quick search to see if my name was in that “chapter”, and it wasn’t, so I just skipped over it. I’ll tell you what jokes ARE funny: White people jokes. Too bad there aren’t any.

  51. Dawn of the Dan

    I don’t care for jokes about people having sex in hot air balloons.

    They’re fucked up.

  52. I don’t care for jokes about altar boys.
    They blow.

  53. I don’t care for jokes that aren’t funny.
    They make me want to hurt you.

  54. some people are investing a lot of time here. I wonder if it will pay dividends?

  55. Let up, already, slugfucker. What is your problem that you need to go off on one person you’ve never met at such length? I’m guessing it’s one there are no pills for.

  56. SLG, this is lamebook: for discussing and making fun of facebook posts and occasionally slinging shit at each other. You want livejournal: for writing long-winded, high-school grade “creative writing” prose on how you can triumph over everyone and everything that is out to get you.

    Having said that, please then post a link to your livejournal page- I just *have* to see how this story ends.

  57. as Eddie implied I’m blown away that a person able to profit $7977 in four weeks on the internet. did you look at this site N u t t y R i c h d o t c om

  58. I read up to the part where it said “he had won a victory.”
    SLG’s enthusiasm doesn’t really make up for all the things that make all his posts a chore to read.

  59. Are you people serious? Some of you are waiting for chapter 3? Don’t fucking encourage it!

  60. i’m not just waiting for chapter 3, i’m waiting for the whole book!

  61. Ok talking about the picture in the post, am I the only one who found it ironic that he(she?) ended the status with Period. Now isn’t THAT a vagina joke? :O

  62. ^ Try to keep up, Woofwoof.

  63. ^I didn’t read the comments :( What did I miss?
    I searched for the word Period on the page, didn’t find it, so commented. :|

  64. ^if I were you, I’d read the comments here.

  65. ^Comments you say.. I saw that guy write a short(?) story there.. I wouldn’t blame myself for skipping that :D

  66. Definitely skip that “short” story. However, “period” was such an obvious pun, it didn’t need mentioning.

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