Thursday, May 6, 2010

Joe Knows Tattoos (part 1)

previous post: It’s Complicated

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74 Comments

  1. Joe, you suck. I certainly hope you aren’t charging people for that crud.

  2. Is that the same Joe in the last 2 pics?

    What the fuck is going on here?

    What is he sitting on?

    And Tanya, I want to know that one too.

  3. JesusOnADinosaur

    My corneas are burning.

  4. Am i missing something here? i dont see anything too interesting

  5. That guy has had his right shoulder area completely massacred.

  6. I wonder what Joe calls his business. Joe’s Discount Tattoos? Tatpoo? Slightly Better Than Cracker Jack Tattoos? And what the hell is that last one supposed to be? It looks like a crescent moon barfing.

  7. rosinbackrider

    Joe is Ben.

  8. Troy (whose last name is pretty visible under the picture) sure is a glutton for punishment. He’s gone to Joe at least twice.

    And Joe sucks at tattooing.

  9. Aw, they fixed it so now I look retarded.

  10. Joe – quit your day job. I mean that sincerely.

    You can find a new job at careerbuilder.com. Take the time you spend on facebook hanging out there instead. They have pictures and ask for your work too … Just make sure you don’t mention any of this.

    kkthnxbai

  11. I just realised that they are ALL Joe, and it says (part 1).

    So that means there has to be more to follow today.

    Aren’t we lucky to be witness to so much of Joe’s artistry?

  12. glueyourfingers

    …to clarify, by professional, I mean shit.

  13. Well now I’ve had my dose of early morning art appreciation, I’m gonna head off to work. I’ll check back for part 2 later on tonight.

    Can’t wait for that one.

  14. Yeah glueyourfingers, I found him — and couldn’t help noticing his latest status update: “well goig to fight a stupid bs restraining order.”

    What a surprise.

  15. wow… id rather have an ex gfs name tattoo than one of joes

  16. I think Joe found a new way to torture people. Those are horrible.

  17. Seriously, I’d rather have a penis tattoo on my arm than one of Joe’s… man, that’s truly bad. And the Mom tattoo is how I wrote when I was in 2nd grade for sure, it’s so accurate to how I wrote that they could have literally stolen the mother’s day card I made back then and used it as a stencil. And if the Troy tattoo was supposed to have the R backwards, that’s fine, but why is the Y spaced so far down? Badbadbad.

  18. Super Nintendo Chalmers

    You wanted something different, Troy? How about something other than your f’ing name, moron?

  19. So wait, Troy got his own name tattooed on his arm? What kind of self-absorbed douchebag does that? I also like that it took him 5 and a half hours to go from “is it really backwards” to “oh yeah, I meant to do that. Sure you did, pal.

    Apparently Joe learned the art of tattooing from the local crackhead at the county jail. He needs to commit more serious crimes so he can upgrade his training at the state penitentiary where the tattoos are a hundred times better.

  20. @Sensible Madness- It’s two different Troy’s, different pictures.

  21. I really hope no one is paying for Joe’s …..”art”

  22. @Malice: I choose to believe he changed his profile picture between the two posts. It’s funnier that way, and I prefer not to be constrained by reality when laughing at other people.

  23. haha, it definitely would have been funnier if it was him both times like I had originally thought, so I will accept your version. :)

  24. wow. these are terrible.

  25. I like his work so much I have reposted his ying-yang on my profile. I found it in his photos. Why isn’t it on here? It’s easily lamer than the other stuff.

  26. Sometimes you just see a tattoo and think ‘what fucking thought process led to you getting this tatto?’

    #1: ‘You know what I’m tired of doing? I’m tired of telling people my fucking name. Fuck that shit. Why open your mouth when you can just lift up your forearm? And what’s with having people know your real name? I’d much rather have people thinking ‘what is that? Is that meant to say Toby?’ than know my name.’

    #2: ‘You know what I don’t tell people enough? I love my mom. I think I’m gonna get it tattoed on my arm. Not her name, mind. Just ‘mom’. Cos I love her and all, but I’ll be fucked if I acknowledge her own person. Also I don’t think having ‘MOM’ tattooed on my arm is obvious enough, so make the O a fucking heart. Now NOBODY can question my love for my mother…’

    #3: Wait, what the fuck is this?

    #4: ‘I’m fucking insane.’

  27. Everybody is talking about the tattoos, but look at troy’s lips… They’re so… BIG, and feminine. Probably got the tattoo in exchange for a BJ, prison bitch style.

  28. I realize that the hospital morgue doesn’t work like a library… and, it’s a good thing, too. We don’t need people just checking bodies in and out. Still, I think that Joe needs to take his portfolio down to his local hospital, and just see if they’ll loan him a couple of the John and Jane Does from the morgue and just practice on the cadavers for awhile so he doesn’t do any more permanent damage. Practice makes perfect, Joe, and you’re going to need many… many bodies. Heck, they make doctors start on dead bodies, why not tattoo “artists”?

  29. It boggles my mind that no one has tried to figure out what, exactly, #4 is…seriously, is it an optical illusion of some sorts? Like an autostereograms; if you stare at cross-eyed for long enough it turns into a 3D image or something resembling ANYTHING at all?

    One more thing: it’s on that guy’s back! At least he doesn’t have to look at it everyday of the rest of his life.

  30. Oh Hobo! Your comment just made my day. “You know what I don’t tell people enough?” Too funny.

  31. ok, fine… time for guesses for what number 4 is

    guess 1 – pacman with a herpes outbreak

    guess 2 – A giant toe with an ingrown nail

  32. MsBuzzkillington

    I was thinking it was a moon of some kind, with some teeth.

  33. It’s the moon from the old Mac Tonight McDonald’s commercials, except instead of hamburgers, now he’s hitting the drive thru for crystal meth.

  34. Joe stop doing tatoos and go work for Alen002 you may have better luck

  35. #4 is a moldy croissant.

  36. I think I saw a one-eyed fish in there after looking at it for a few minutes. I will now proceed to wash my eyes out with bleach and drink a 40oz to myself.

  37. wow…the last one is brutal. i feel sorry for joe’s friend because i would never take my shirt off again with that thing covering half my back.

  38. Oh, and I think I’ve just given myself a neckache from looking sideways at the last photo. The closest I came to deciphering that hideous thing was in thinking that it may possibly be a tattoo of a moon. A really bad moon. And did he run out of ink at the very end and improvise with a ball-point pen?

  39. i don’t know what’s worse, those tattoos, or naming a child “Caylum” – which sounds like something that comes out of your penis after chemotherapy for ball cancer.

  40. why would anyone go to Joe for a tattoo? Haven’t they seen how shitty his “work” is already? ARGH

  41. liketotallycool

    Crap tattoos. Very, crapy.

  42. liketotallycool

    *crappy

  43. @BritishHobo (28)- I love the ‘thought processes’ of getting these ugly tattoos.”Fuck that shit”. So funny.

  44. Umm.. wow, those are just bad.

  45. I found the rest of the photos wow it is bad.

    @throwingtofu I thought the same thing. Maybe he beat up Joe.

  46. Maybe he did these during an earthquake while on PCP? Something like that… or while have a massive seizure. Then I’d consider him to be a decent tattoo artist.

  47. I have concluded that the 4th picture is a moon that is crying blood because it’s so ashamed of it’s own existance.

    Or it clawed it’s eyes out…..

    Both are completely possible

  48. Holy shit.
    My sister had a boyfriend in high school who started doing tattoos with a needle and a Bic pen. I thought that’s what these were done with… yet there he is holding a tattoo gun (albeit a clunky looking one). All Joe’s friends must be blind.

  49. Wow.
    I would be surprised if Joe and Troy’s total IQ reached double digits. Joe should be ashamed he did this to people’s bodies, not posting photos on Facebook.

  50. I’m sure troy got his name tatted on his arm so that police can identify his body after he’s “accidentally” hit by someone he pissed off…

    oh, and joe should be slapped in the face with a horse dick. just sayin…

  51. Mouldy croissant moon art is going to take the world by storm. Watch this space…Joe is the next Banksy.

  52. rebarbativebecc

    D: I just saw these after the first ones, clearly I was wrong about him just doing them on himself D; this should be illegal.

  53. Damn. Just…damn.

  54. Joe is so awesome! We all should be Joe! isn’t he the coolest? Look at his work, it’s amazing! (do you not sense the Sarcasm?)

  55. It is KILLING me that I can’t figure out what that last one is!? KILLING ME.

  56. At least he wears gloves to protect himself from the disease infested crackfuckwits he is inking up!

    At least if one of them ever sobers we can rest in peace knowing one of them will track him down and blow his fucking brains out, you’ll see it on the news someday =]

  57. Slanderous Princess

    @47 hahaha, a moon that clawed it’s own eyes out, I’m crying laughing, lol

    I think it’s a moon too, and I love how he’s sitting on a safe. It’s probably full of all his money from selling pot and tattoos. Free tat with a quarter ounce, haha! He probably has like $50 in there.

  58. Slanderous Princess

    I hope they post the finished product of that teddy bear : )

  59. This is going to be the idea for a slogan for the anti-meth smoking campaign. “smoke meth and become Joe”

    please for the love of god someone give me his last name!

  60. Joe Doe =]

  61. To give Joe a tiny bit of credit, he can do letters.
    & You can actually get prosthetic skin to practise on, you don’t need to go on a body hunt or anything before you start inking people.

    Well, if Troy’s stupid enough to go back to this guy, leave ‘em to it.
    Ouch, my eyes >_<

  62. Ah It’s killing me that I can’t figure out his last name to stalk him on facebook!

  63. rebarbativebecc

    I only just saw the last pic and my screen was tilted down. It really looked like he’d tattoo’d around a Male’s nether regions…as I think Troy thought, too.

  64. That guy is not getting anywhere my skin! Find another job!

  65. #4 incredibly seems to be a small person (gnome perhaps?) clawing his way out of a giant rectum.

  66. That last one…like…is that a croissant?

  67. Is it the old man in the moon? Is that even a thing?

  68. solidsunshine

    holy crap!! i think i’m starting to get it! that barf-like stuff in the middle of the moldy croissant kinda looks like a duck in water if you stare long enough.. the head&beak on the left, tail on the right and so on
    epiphany..?

  69. Momentary.Thing

    I feel like I’m at some modern art show. I keep tilting my head to try and understand the last one.
    The best interpretation I can get is the man in the moon, except it’s more like the man in the moon on crack. What might be the face is horrific, and it would be even if it was done by a better tattoo artist. It’s the mouth that really gets to me.

    What I really like, though, is that it looks like he’s doing a teddy/gummi bear in the 3rd one. :]

  70. Remember when there was a heap of bad tattoos and a lot of comments were insulting tattooists? Well, Joe deserves it. Great way to help out your people… Although, if you can go out and buy a tattoo needle, owning it does not make you a tattooist…

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  72. lol

  73. Is #3 Squirtle?

  74. To be honest, the 4th one does look like a moon. It reminds me of the symbol of this motorcycle racer, Valentino Rossi. He used to use the sun and the moon as his symbols.

    http://www.rossimerchandise.com/contents/media/valentino%2Brossi%2Bmoon%2Bsew%2Bon%2Bpatch.jpg

    Of course, Joe just made a really crappy version of it

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