Thursday, October 29, 2009

Intoxican!

intoxican

previous post: Twilight Saga: You Sure it Was the Beer?

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102 Comments

  1. Should probably add: 11) stop drunk lamebooking

    oh, and learn to type FFS

  2. …Wow. I’d hate to see what her drunk texts look like.

  3. I wish I was as cool as she is.

  4. I wander how she’s getting on?

  5. What’s a chugger?

  6. Chug chug chug chug chug niggah!

  7. Any of her friends that replied to this with something other than “ya right Amber” deserve to be run over multiple times.

  8. I kindaaa gett aa little toooo sillaayyyyy wen i drink toooo so i no where dis girlll is coming frooommm!!!!! lololzzzz

    Ugh. I can’t even type like that for more than a minute without feeling like a stupid whore.

  9. That’s my kind of girl. Loves to party. Not enough girls drink.

  10. Can’t really say much, this used to be me, except I wasn’t as stupid, and could type. Also, I had the presence of mind to not preserve my drunken bullshit as something that will live on the internet forever. I hope someone prints this out and shows it to her when they go visit her in rehab.

  11. I call attention seeking slut.

    I also blame the parents for giving her a stripper name like Amber.

  12. Only in America!

  13. “learn to drink moderately or whatever”

    Beautiful.

  14. Hilariously dumb list. At least 11 wasn’t: “limit black out gang bangs to three guys once a month.”. She may be a drunk, but there is no direct evidence she is whore yet.

  15. Ohmygod guysss, I’m so cool, I DRINK SO MUCH, that makes me suuuuch a BADASS haha LOL!
    And just in case you guysss hadn’t noticed my desperate attempts to look like a rockstar at parties, I want to make a note about how MUCH I DRINK and tag you all in it so you know how COOL I am.
    Please add comments after, just little stories about WHEN I GET SO DRUNK at parties and do sillayy stuff, cuz it’s just soooo funny that I’m SUCH A DRUNK MESS!! LOL!

    Chick probably gets wasted after a couple of pre-mixed lolly waters.

  16. I think her keys are stuck…

  17. she so sillayyy!
    amber needs to learn how to handle alcohol

  18. Goodest Spellerer

    Why – oh please, tell me WHY – do these stupid young girls always feel compelled to repeat the last letter on every damn word they type? Have I missed something, internet?

  19. She’s probably drunk as she is speaking. She seems to have a bit of a slurrrrrrrr.

  20. Boz, I’m always drinking, like alllllll the timeeeee, i get drunkkkk at partiessss and then throwwww up, on the hoooooostt, i one time pulllllleeeed a kniiiiiifeeee from the cutlery drawer, and accidentally stabbed some random guy in the forearm.
    after it happened on a monthly basis i added it to my list of things to do.
    1 – Don’t drink so much that I go looking for a bottle opener and wind up with a cleaver again. Although it works, people may doubt my sobriety, and give me shit or something about it the next day.

    Whateveh, no one really gives a fuck.

  21. BOZ- I drink. Probably a little too much. But good lord…I would never, EVER type something like this. Jeeeesus Christ.

  22. She’s “sillayyy” if she thinks she can outdrink me.

  23. lolocaust,

    Wrong.

    J,

    HAH! That explains it.

  24. She already FAILED at her own number 4.

    I have an additional one for her –

    11) will not using multiple letters when one (or two) will suffice?
    Or, maybe just a catch all:

    12) will stop being such a fucking eejit

  25. Aim high, Amber. There are no harder choices to make in your future than, “limit blacking out to only once a month!”

  26. @Bananarama
    you rock!

  27. hahaha the sad thing is i actually wrote a note almost exactly like this… except I didn’t type it out like a twat, AND I managed to follow all of my rules :)

  28. Best o luck Ambitank…

  29. this is probably the most embarrassing thing i’ve seen all day.

  30. ambitank is a GREAT nickname, and i should hope she strives to maintain it.

    as an aside, i’m really glad she doubles up all the last letters of her words. i think it’s all to often we don’t appreciate the last letters of words when we use them, -and her gratuitous overuse really made me sit back and think, “yeah, I’m glad I stayed at school”.

  31. stupid.

  32. Interventionalist Pleeze

    Seriously??
    If that’s not the saddest cry for help I’ve ever seen, then I don’t know what is. I feel like we all owe Amber the courtesy of checking behind our vehicles to make sure she’s not passed out back there and then, you know, move her a little bit so we only smash up her legs when we back out of the parking space.

  33. @ Mike,

    There may not be direct evidence, but I’d say that there’s some indirect evidence. First of all, take goal (3): Amber doesn’t want to be “the drunk girl.” Now, what can we say about the drunk girl? The drunk girl, I would contend, almost inevitably ends up irritating her decent friends to the point where they start going out without her, and she ends up hanging out with people who are enthusiastic about her level of partying (this may be limited if she is in a sorority, but the following will likely apply to her anyway).

    Who are these people? Typically, they will be of the bro/frat boy mold, and their female counterparts (this is how the sorority thing gets her back into the generalization). And what happens to the drunk girl at bro/frat boy parties? QED.

    For another example, take goal (5): Amber wants to stop trying to drink “more than the boys.” What kind of guy gets into drinking competitions with girls? For one, the very bro/frat boy type identified above. For another, guys who have engaged the girl in a flirtatious manner. In any case, there is likely to be a vaguely sexual overtone to the competitive nature of the drinking activities. Further, by habitually seeking these activities out, Amber signals that she is more likely to be an attention-seeker and someone who is in need of approval and admiration. On the basis of this collection of evidence, it does not seem unlikely that many of these drinking competitions end with Amber engaging in some level of sexual congress with one of the guys with whom she is drinking.

    Granted, all of the above is based on gross over-generalizations and profiling. Clearly, Amber could very possibly not be a promiscuous girl. But if my familiarity with the sociology of Amber’s actions is informative here, it seems that we could at least draw some speculative conclusions about the sorts of things that Amber is doing while drunk.

  34. Danny,

    I used to be “the drunk girl”, but at least I’ve never been part of the douche fratboy crowd, so there goes the longwinded, oversimplified, overly stereotypical and generalised point you were trying to make.

  35. Join AA if you’re serious. None of this other stuff will last 2 minutes.

  36. I can chug cum all night

  37. @ Bananarama

    1) Glad you got out of that lifestyle!
    2) I certainly didn’t mean to suggest that all “the drunk girl”-s are promiscuous; perhaps just that they are statistically more likely to be promiscuous than the baseline population.
    3) Your writing is better than hers; that has to count for something. I would bet that the number of times that someone has typed “sillayyy” correlates to some degree with promiscuity (though perhaps through a common cause: stupidity).
    4) Did you drink-compete with “the boys”?

  38. I have a hard time remembering who I meet when I’m sober. I’m impressed by anyone who can remember someone they briefly talked to while wasted.

  39. Danny are you slow or something? Go back to Twitter if you want to use the @ symbol you ignoramus.

  40. Are you 12? I ask not because you are acting like it, but because you seem to be unaware of how the @ symbol had been used on the web for the 15+ years before Twitter even existed.

  41. Danny,

    1) Thanks, so am I.
    2) Alcohol does lower inhibitions and impair judgement etc, so you do have a point there. Not that I think there’s anything wrong with being sexually active, I just think it should be an informed, safe choice, which isn’t always the case when alcohol is involved.
    3) Hahaha. Even when I was in kindergarden and writing my name with a backwards J, it never would’ve crossed my mind to say/write something as ..well, as silly as “sillayyy”. I don’t think being sexually active automatically equals stupid, so long as everyone involved is a consenting adult and being safe, but that is, again, not always the case when alcohol is involved; alcohol rarely leads to smart choices.
    4) I’ve never met anyone, of either gender, who has drinking competitions. I think this is at least somewhat connected to the fact that I’ve never hung out with fratties.

    Abel,
    Hah! Same here.

  42. Why is the use of the @ symbol grounds for calling someone an ignoramus when people like Miss Amber here are prancing about the internet using words like “similarrrr” and “sillayyy?” Pick your battles, man.

  43. @ mittens: No, no, you misspelled “similiarrr.”

  44. Damn! You’re right.

    But you used @, haha that means yer stoopid. Didn’t #39 teach you anything?

  45. If she really wanted help you’d think she’s go to an AA meeting. Not just repeat over and over (which by the way, seeing as she seems as though she is laughing through the entire thing REALLY makes her seem fake) that she needs to stop being such a drunken idiot.

  46. @33 Danny – not sure why there’s an assumption that this is a sorority girl. Sadly I knew way too many of these at Uni and we don’t have sororities in England
    @38 Abel – me too. I have no memory for faces/names. And I barely drink these days. Maybe it was my drunken yesteryears that screwed it up…
    @43 Chincillazilla – Hehehe
    @42 Mittens – don’t get @@@@@@@@@ started! He/she is just a douchebag who needs to change the f*****g record and get f*****g a life! Same whine every time. It’d be okay if it was even marginally inventive. Actually, no. It wouldn’t.

  47. Eh alright, fair enough. I just had to point out the douchebaggery.

  48. @39
    seriously why is the @ symbol such a bone of contention? It pisses me off when people over-use ellipses… but that’s too bad since as far as I know nothing on anyone’s keyboard – punctuation, letters, symbols etc. is copyright.
    Sometimes I like to use the @ symbol when I’m sending emails. Hope that’s okay with you.

  49. ^ “Sometimes I like to use the @ symbol when I’m sending emails. Hope that’s okay with you.”
    Jane FTW. Still laughing

  50. @…well…@@@@@@@@@

    I suppose if using the @ symbol is objectionable, then I’m guilty.

    @ Bananarama

    2 and 3) I’m definitely not suggesting that promiscuity is itself objectionable. It is, perhaps, more likely to be the sort of promiscuity that signals a lack of virtue when it is the indiscriminate sort that sometimes accompanies heavy drinking on the part of stupid girls (and boys). And it should definitely be pointed out that I’m not saying, “Sexually active people are more likely to be stupid;” rather, I’m hypothesizing that perhaps, “Stupid people are more likely to be sexually active.”
    4) The drinking competition thing is a big part of my stereotyping. During my freshman year as an undergraduate, when the search for free beer led me to a number of unsavory parties, I met a number of these girls. A pathetically small sample size, to be sure, but good lord: they left an impression.

    @ flips

    I wasn’t making that assumption. My point was only that when “the drunk girl” is a sorority member, it is less likely that she will be abandoned by her decent friends. For their other faults, sorority girls are often extremely loyal.

    I take it that a lack of decent companions has something to do with making bad sexual decisions. The drunk girl, I wanted to suggest, may lack such companions in light of her lifestyle choices. If she were a sorority girl, these choices might not have this effect. But, I also wanted to suggest, sorority girls might be statistically more likely to hang out with d-bag guys, which would seem to counteract this advantage.

  51. @ @@@@@@@@@
    Using @ has been around a lot longer than twitter….

  52. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

  53. what a dumbass. i would like to punch her hard.

  54. @-@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

    I now love you.

  55. Another one of these girls… awesome.

  56. @sillllaayys
    Who? Amber? Or @@@@@@@@@

  57. Wow this is just really sad. I mean, maybe i’m just old fashioned, but who the hell would want a girl like this?

  58. I WANT TO BE HER FRIEND!!!!

  59. I really wanted to comment on this, but it’s so hardd to come up with shitt.

  60. I’d love to get her a donkey punch.

  61. What a dumb bitch.

  62. She needs to clean her keyboard. Looks like some of the letter keys are getting stuck.

  63. She’s crying for attention. Much like the @@@@@@@@@ idiot who is trying to get his own dramatica page, or some shit. It’s not even a remotely creative way to troll. the end.

  64. Just so you know @@@@@@@, if it is indeed you playing as Leverhunder there, jojo got his ip address suspended for foul and abusive language as well as impersonating others. It might be a good idea not to follow in his/her footsteps

  65. Get her a donkey punch? I don’t make sense sometimes.

    STILL LOVE GIRLS WHO PARTY

  66. Learn to drink moderately “or whatever”. LOL

  67. I guarantee you that “Ambitank” is a nickname she made up and gave herself. I don’t understand the whole adding additional letters to the end of words thing. When you type like that it makesssss you look likeeeee a fuckinggggg imbecileeeeeee.

  68. Dear Ambitank,
    I’ve got repetitive letters for ya: AA. Check it out.

  69. This is one of the best ever!!

  70. being a cummm dumpsterrr wasss lefttt offf the listtt

  71. I honestly feel like I should be the lamester of today, just for actually reading that.

    Fail on me, honestly.

  72. Im sure she is one of many young women who drink a few beers and a couple shots, then wander around acting stupid all night. The ones who cant handle a little liquor and then act retarded all night…..are the same ones who are proud of that fact. The real drinkers are the quiet ones, the ones who arent proud and retarded about the fact. Women like Ambitank are a dime a dozen, can be found in any bar, leaching free drinks off of guys, in hopes that the guy thinks they are cute. They arent cute, sexy or attractive. Most of them are fat animals that need a treadmill, not another drink or late night taco.

  73. @68 – I am with you on the additional lettersssssssss comment. Stupid. Apparently proper grammar is no longer a requirement at college – but damned if you tell Ambitank otherwise.

  74. … She was SOBER when she posted this.? WTF..

    LOL.!

  75. Don’t forget #12, Wobby: Eliminate redundant consonants.

  76. my sphincter lost 3lbs in three days.
    Ask me how!

  77. Amibitank is perhaps a reference to Frank the Tank from Old School? Either way she’s sloppy

  78. she’s a right moron.

  79. she should get her keyboard cleaned. It looks like the letters have a tendency to stickkkkkkk.

  80. It’s amazing, everything she said here resounded within me as a throwback to my drinking days…dear me, I knew I was a noted and particularly sensational alcoholic, I didn’t know I was being *shudder* TYPICAL!! Eeek!

  81. She could have just shortened that list to “1) grow up.”

  82. Well said, Hughe.

  83. I’m really happy I never did something this stupid while I was drinking. If I ever meet her in AA, I’ll be sure to mention this ended up on lamebook.

  84. Yes, #64 (‘me’, rather?) A whole lot of people would like to read a page about someone who makes the occasional comment about an amusing lamebook entry, and who sometimes agrees with, or chuckles at, someone elses comment. Simply enthralling, it would be. x) If that is what I’m aiming for then I suck *big-time* at it.
    (/sarcasm)
    <3 liverdogs

  85. I feel like I know a celebrity.

  86. Goal Number 11
    Move to a more respectable trailer park.

  87. witness signature

    She should change her name to “Ambien” because her attention-whoring is putting me to sleep.

  88. I bet you she’s extremely insecure…

  89. HELLO alcoholism

  90. To reach Amber, please call 555-EASY.

  91. http://ihatejade.com/?id=ayrkjvfwh9o66zb449z4cz8uncaf0u

  92. I hate people.

  93. my tummay hurtss fromm laffin so effin’ harddd

    sillayy drunkk.

  94. What an idiot

  95. I wish idiots like this would learn how to type correctly.

  96. But it makes them easier to identify!

  97. What a fucking cooze.

  98. http://www.aa.org/

  99. bahhhhh

    Stop talking about drinking and just DO IT

  100. This is Boxxy isn’t it.

  101. 101 what are you talking about?
    Boxxy is a cute little theatre kid.
    Not a binge drinker.

  102. White girls named Amber = FAIL

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