Tuesday, August 11, 2009

I’m So Lawnly

I'm So Lawnly

previous post: Their Their, Chris



  1. “I wish I was grass so I could cut myself.”

    I wish you were a Slap-Chop so I could slap you.

  2. She doesn’t have to be grass to cut herself. She knows that, right?

  3. I wish you were grass so I could fertilize you with crap.

  4. That’s what you get for cheating on your cool nerd boyfriend by getting drunk and blowing a Dave Mathews fan at a frat party. Ladies, take heed.

  5. I’m pretty sure this is my husband’s ex. It sounds just like one of the tearful, drunken 3am voicemails she was so fond of leaving.

  6. emotional vomit.

  7. There is a bottle of sleeping pills in the medicine cabinet with her name all over it…

  8. Shudder.

  9. Somebody read too much Dickinson in 10th grade English class.

  10. Sounds like she’s had too much Dicking-son from elsewhere, that’s what’s caused the problem.

  11. WTF…get a fucking life…no person is worth that kind of public humiliation…or introspection…..hey look there is lint in my bellybutton….


  12. Without the “grass” line and the “happiness to crap” analogy, this would actually be genuinely painful to read.

  13. AHAHA!

    grass – that was perfect. i love it.

  14. Grass can’t cut itself.

  15. My sunshine becomes my night….deeep

  16. Matt makes a very valid point.

  17. Cutting grass is only a state of mind.

  18. Ellipsis make me sound so… What’s the word… Not deep… Spineless… Retarded…

    No. Pathetic.

  19. “I wish I was grass so I could cut myself”.

    I wish I was grass so I could smoke myself and enjoy this epic Hallmark Gold Crown moment.

  20. this is sad. We’ve all been young and in love and it’s true, the first cut is the deepest. (pun somewhat intended)

    “Lawnly’ has to be the best play on words I’ve seen on this site yet.

  21. Grass doesn’t cut itself …

    The original phrase was “I wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself”. He’s obviously heard that somewhere, but mangled it beyond reason.

  22. I’m sure we’ve all had horrible break-ups like this, when we feel completely torn in two. And I’m sure we’ve all written those angsty, terrified, angry, scared poems and stories as a result.

    Ah, but to have them preserved for all time on facebook and lamebook…

  23. Helena Handbasket

    I was going to say something clever but all the good lines are taken.

  24. Someone needs to teach babygirl about verb tenses.

  25. It I die today, what will you do? Come after me, or just pretend

    Are we talking coming after you into the grave? This line baffles me. In 2 weeks I´m sure she will be doing someone else.

  26. If someone I dated ever wrote this, I’d go out of my way to make sure I’d never even associate with them ever again. And erase all evidence that I ever knew them.

  27. Is she making a “sad baby face” in her photo? Manipulative whore.

  28. “My sadness becomes crap” lol, if sadness were to become anything it would most certainly have to be poop

  29. grass yess!

  30. “thrown my dreams away” HA HA HA HA areyouforreal

  31. angst angst angst

  32. “Now i’m alone… just because of you”

    does she realised whatever the reason they broke up was clearly her fault…

  33. WOW! Someone needs a hobby!

  34. Sigmund Freud FTW!!!!

  35. Uh, if someone doesn’t want to be with you, repeating ‘I love you’ isn’t going to help. And certainly not publicly.

    I thank Gebuz Facebook wasn’t around when I thought I was in love with grade A assholes. Sinking to my depths in private was hellish enough, thanks very much.

  36. wow.
    Someone needs a life. Grovelling isn’t gonna get the boy back.
    It just makes you look pathetic.
    save it for a diary, not for facebook.
    some people these days…

  37. It makes me sad to read this because of the gross misuse of what are meant to be ellipses. An ellipse has THREE periods. ARGH. Also, it’s “A LOT.” I’d be less annoyed if her sad ramblings were grammatically correct. *sigh*

  38. She does know grass can’t cut itself, right? Deep much. If someone said that to me I would probably stare at them before pointing at the nearest TV set so they could take tips from Dr Phil.

  39. She was dumped because she don’t know when to shut up. :D

  40. I would say that the main traits of the target victims of Lamebook should really be arrogance, self importance and a blantant disregard for common sense and privacy. Essentially, the “douchebag”. This person has clearly sent a personal message and the recipient has posted it on Lamebook, for reasons unknown (but I am guessing it may have escalated into a messy breakup). If this was a status update it may qualify as fair game, but as it is, this is just bullying. Shame on you all, you may have pushed this person over the edge.

  41. You still can cut yourself.. you can.. just try

  42. You had me at “it’s over”…

  43. This clearly a note, posted publicly for all of her friends to see, not a personal message.

  44. wow, that shit is DEEP. I’d hazard she’s written some positively hilarious poetry

  45. Ok then, I’m not too au fait with the various channels of facebook correspondence. It’s still probably a cry for help though.

  46. I mean, this was bad. And then she mentioned the grass thing and it just became funny.

  47. There’s nothing worse than stupid people trying…….. to be…… profound

  48. I would love to see the original photo. I imagine it’s hilarious.

  49. I wish my grass was EMO, then it could cut itsself.

  50. “My happiness becomes crap.” – classic

  51. this girl is an ACTUAL idiot!
    “I wish I was grass so I could cut myself”

  52. this is like a collection of shitty quotes that people set as their statuses.

  53. I find such pleasure in other people’s pain, for me it’s not over!! Their tears become my laughter.

  54. she’s a cutter!!!! this what happens when you listen to Emo music!

  55. i wanna find a needy one like that

  56. Crisis centre now, betch.

  57. Well, if she does cut herself at least the gene pool is safe.

  58. This is why people should be conscious of hitting that ‘publish’ button. Keep off the grass may help love

  59. I wasn’t aware grass is able to cut it’s self… I know humans can, but the grass thing is news to me. Why have i been mowing my lawn for years if grass is able to cut it’s self? Learn something new everyday…

  60. Well, I wish… that she was a… fish? So I could… gut her? Or maybe a gun, so I could shoot her?… :P

  61. I wish I could time travel so I could unread this.

  62. flash_in_the_ pan

    Wow. It must suck to be her.

  63. LOOOOOOL poor one !!! i bet she feels sorry about her self

  64. I wish my grass would cut itself!!

  65. BTW, the joke goes “I wish my grass were emo so it would cut itself” and she’s already emo, so cut away!

  66. Im reminded of Chris Crocker…

    First three comments = best five minutes of laughter Ive had in a LONG time lol

  67. She wrote “I am lonely for a year”. One year of depression, but how long was that relationship? 2 weeks? ;o)

  68. I’m not mocking her… this just depresses me.

    But… ‘I love you… I hate you…’.

    Huh? Whut?

  69. wow. because all know that grass can cut itself. you should have said “i wish i was grass so i’d have a reason to be cut” nice one idiot. you’re probably full of crap like fertilizer seeing has how you couldn’t just say this to the person’s face. you had to be all cheesy and use facebook. no wonder they dont want you.

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