Monday, September 14, 2009

I Would Never Had Imagined

I Would Never Had Imagined

previous post: My Oh My!

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57 Comments

  1. So touching.

  2. If my husband ever even thinks about posting something like this, I’ll kill him.

  3. He had me at “milk clot”

  4. Milk clot, what the? I nursed two and I never heard of a milk clot? Wow, on so many levels.

  5. For the love of God. STOP POSTING THINGS LIKE THIS!!!

  6. lmfao @ mellie

  7. Everybody eat shit

    Why in the fuck would he post this for the whole Internet to read, god what a fucking moron

  8. Also, just noticed the “2 people like this.” How pervy.

  9. If anyone DOES imagine themselves being in that situation in three years’ time…

  10. I imagine myself doing the same thing in about ten minutes.

  11. is he able to imagine a divorce in his future? My god!

  12. I don’t know what his problem is; I DEFINITELY see myself letting my boobs out to air and uncurdle in three years’ time. It’s every couples’ dream…

  13. What’s the big deal? Back in the Mobile Home Community (MHC) we walked around topless all the time. The women wanted equal rights–something you city folk clearly haven’t heard of–plus who doesn’t love checking out a nice set of milk jugs? Children need to be fed and titties need to be sucked, it’s a simple fact of life. The finer folk of the MHC realized this and soon the Mobile Home Community for Womens Equal Rights and Breastfeeding Task Force (MHCWRBTF) was formed. The task force, however, was met with a whole slew of issues.

    First was Teddy J, who was known for his adventures in stealing breast milk and replacing it with the bovine variety, while he stockpiled the bottles and bathed in it.
    The task force caught Teddy J in the act and gave him 50 lashes along with three years in the JailerTrailer.

    Semen Scotty was the second offender–the semen blended in with the breast milk wonderfully, so he would quickly rub one out into a woman’s stockpile so he could one day tell the child–on their 18th birthday–that they are gay for swallowing his semen.

    Many residents cried foul at the fact that the task force would not assist inbred children. Equal rights are equal rights, and just because Judy K banged her cousin Wilbert, it should not jeopardize the welfare of the child. It could be argued, however, that Judy and Wilbert were on their 13th child and the force simply could not afford supporting another, and therefore had to create an amendment to protect their own.

  14. By “milk clot” I would presume he means a blocked milk duct – I’ve had that – ouch!!!

    Ewww. If my other half posted details of me walking round with my knockers out in such detail he’d get the look of death.

  15. AnonisGay: Cool story, bro.

  16. I take it he’s a boob man.

  17. Sing it with me if you know the words: “This belongs on STFU Parents!” There are plenty of lame FB posts that DON’T INVOLVE GESTATION AND TITTIES.

  18. Can someone explain to me what is with the blurry writing at the beginning of this?

  19. …why would you even…?

    Is this some kind of passive-aggressive thing? Does he hate her?

  20. P.s Kudos to Anon for not mentioning his Uncle.

  21. @17 CT,

    Moron, it’s filed under parents/family….

  22. It’s great how she’s “massaging those same boobs” as opposed to different ones. This guy is just so classy. And thoughtful.

  23. lol @ jonas

  24. “as we trying…”

    It’s all one long sentence, it should be submitted to http://www.bulwer-lytton.com.

  25. That’s funny–I have some regrets, and they all have to do with reading this posting.

  26. Grossed the fuck out

    BARF

  27. Some pretty sissy dudes here… who let the juggz out?

  28. I am totally trying that “milk clot” line at the party I’m going to tonight. Wish me luck.

  29. I think i was just sick a little in my mouth reading that :(

  30. Oh my God if my husband ever wrote something like this for the world to see… Why the hell do couples think other people want to know all the intimate parts of their relationship??? Some things are supposed to be left between the two. God! So gross!

  31. Barf! Why do people feel they need to post this crap publically? Oh yeah, to make sure all their single friends are green with envy. Um…NOT!

  32. Ugh. Breeders.

    @ Boz – Good luck, dude. I genuinely hope that works out!

  33. Billy Wilders Dead Monkey

    boz fucks little kids

  34. @AnonisGay

    You should consider writing a boob.

  35. Gosh, I meant book, but you can understand my confusion, right?

  36. He sounds like the proud owner of a prize cow – OMF

  37. @21 Camel Toez: the point is that ALL this crap belongs on that other site. I’m sick of seeing it here.

  38. @hitmewithyourrhythmvic

    I got shot down. One particularly interesting specimen didn’t know what it meant. Then I had to admit that I didn’t know what it meant either. Then I told her I saw it on lamebook.com. Then she said she didn’t know what that was.

    We’re going kayaking on Thursday. I can’t swim.

  39. as we trying to break up a milk clot
    break up a milk clot
    MILK CLOT

  40. Oh! Oh my gosh! Oh!
    Make it stop!!!!
    It starts out all mushy and romantic… then gets kinda creepy as he talks about his woman getting her tits out…
    and then MILK CLOTS!!!???
    My night will be plagued with images of Isaiah attempting to help his girlfriend massage out her milk clots.
    WWWWHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???

  41. I feel violated…

  42. @Boz

    Did you find out if your lady friend is lactating? Trust me, once you’ve had the sweet, sweet lady juice from the source you can’t go back to the bottle. Breast is best!

  43. comments 1 through 3 made me laugh out loud a lot.

  44. Comments 43 had me not laughing out loud a lot can ya dig?

  45. Funny!!!!

  46. he’s either really bad at being sentimental, or really bad at being smart

  47. He should’ve stopped right after mentioning being with his wife and daughter. And why would someone massage a woman’s boobs while the baby is being breast fed?! Crazy world we live in…

  48. Fml

  49. @CT I made that argument a couple months ago and got flamed for it. I just gave up after that. People don’t want to have to check two blogs, plus I think the editors of Lamebook want to put STFU, Parents out of business, I mean they have almost every good STFU, Parents post double-listed on Lamebook already. Pretty soon there will just be one blog: LookAtThatFuckingAwkwardHipsterParentsPhotosInWalmartPostedOnLamebook.com

  50. Nothing says true love like massaging out milk clots. All the good ones are taken

  51. Grosssss…

  52. WHAT. THE. FUCK.

  53. This is fake. Probably just wanted to get on Lamebook.

  54. This is not only psychotic but disturbing. WTF?

  55. for the love of god. breaking up a milk clot. really? man really…..

  56. I actually can’t breathe, I’m laughing so much.

  57. John Donne, eat your heart out.

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