Friday, July 31, 2009

I Sense Sarcasm

Thank You 1

Thank You 2

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80 Comments

  1. Awesome!

  2. OH MAN! This is the Dramatic Reading of a Breakup Letter X2. I’m so gonna find whoever made that website and email his response to them. Added irony, “i am in college also.” Your writing skills don’t show in Jord, sorry.

    LMAO.

  3. it** – Fail

  4. I love sarcasm.

  5. I love how Kyle mocks Jordan with a dictionary link, claims to be more well-read, and then tells ol’ Ash she is the ‘vain of his existence’. Brilliant!

    Also, Jordan dear, you might not want to threaten a person–ever, really, but especially not when there is hard proof of it. If something does happen to Kyle’s car/house/person, I think it’s safe to say you’re a prime suspect.

  6. “and i got a lot of connections in state college” — Oh. Now you scared him.

  7. Well said, Summer.

  8. Hahahaaa, “i am sure you two have a very passionate love life when lying on top of each other like beached Whales…”

  9. vain/bain. I’m willing to concede it was a typo. Kyle wins.

  10. its actually ‘bane’.

    i think there should be an equivalent to lamebook, called awesomebook, just for this kind of diss. and for those lamebook posts that include someone actually telling off the vacuous wastes of life that frequently appear on lamebook.

  11. my favorite part was when Jordan said Kyle probably kissed this bitches lips the same day that he sucked his dick. What idiot doesn’t see that also works in reverse.

  12. I was like.. oh god kyle, you’re pathetic
    then I read what jordan had to say.

  13. what kind of an asshole/idiot admits, in writing, that his girlfriend is fat??

  14. I'll Speak with Your Mama Outsider

    Maybe she just didn’t want to see The Dark Knight…

  15. Yay for Kyle! That was fantastic.

  16. “lying on top of each other like beached Whales” did it for me…

  17. This is the greatest.

  18. “Asslee Fatrick” hahaha wow.

  19. Kyle : 1 Jordan: 0

  20. Even though Jordan’s response definitely breaks a few laws and basically precludes him from taking any of those actions, lest he be indicted using this post as evidence, I have a lot of sympathy for him. Kyle is a massively lame douchebag who is so desperate to get back with this girl that he wildly insults that he typed out a massively long message to Jordan.

    Jordan would have done better skewering him with words. I’d love to have written the rebuttal on this message. “Vain of my existence” would probably be my starting point. I’d then point out how lame it is to forward this message onto his other friends, who probably lost a lot of respect for him because of this. I’d also note the implicit irony in being happy over his break-up with Ashlee that clearly left him devastated enough to watch them at the movies (which sounds like a thoroughly awkward and disturbing encounter) and then write a facebook message to her boyfriend. I’d then point out that every awful thing he puts on Ashlee could be cross-applied to him, especially after the heinous cancer comment.

    All in all, Kyle’s response is both lame and cruel.

    I also want to point out that one of two categories of people had to post this here. Technically it could have been Jordan, although given the threats he made I highly doubt it. The must more plausible scenario is that one of Kyle’s “friends”–who he claims will have his back in this fight–thought it lame enough to submit here. Brilliant!

  21. tl;dr

  22. It definitely wasn’t Jordan who submitted it. It says “Add as a friend” under his name.

    It either was Kyle, or more likely one of the “friends” he forwarded it to.

  23. Kyle wins.

    Jordan can go beach himself.

  24. Riley, brilliant.

  25. These are obviously children in the throes of passion and hopefully law enforcement will take this into account when they investigate this. Jordan should not be punished for being the dominant male in this Darwinian setting. The positive path for Kyle to take would be one of deference and humbly bowing out.

  26. TLDR. I don’t think I’d even bother reading it if some ass hole sent me a message this long. FUCK THESE BITCHES.

  27. oh kyle kyle kyle. i mean the whales comment did it for me. HILARIOUS. however its too long and when you read Jordans response, what was the point in the first place? Jordan is obviously going to be on the real world michigan in like 2 years, “slapping a bitch” because she hid his ECKO shirt. As much as i enjoyed the sarcasm it was too long and such a waste of time. Lameness on both sides.

  28. J:
    It was probably one of the “friends.” On the top, it is between “Jordan, Kyle and You” in the blurred part.

  29. uhh LOL! how can someone say that being in IT is useless and nerdy. LOL ok so im guessing this kyle guy is doing something we all need more of..like footballer or something so important. hahahhaha. i think kyle has the same sense of humour as me. i love it. LOVE the link to the dictionary he sent that was classic. and for jordan to call him a cradle snatcher was like wtf wernt you f**king this girl at the same time so wouldnt that make you one too? dumbass

  30. they both fail, hard. kyle is a sexist douche who apparently thinks his ex is a whore for 1. ‘letting’ someone rape her and 2. sleeping with someone who isn’t him. she’s his property, after all! he also fails for the vain/bane error. jordan…oh lawdy. that poor dumb child. love the anti-intellectuals who mock the ‘nerds’ and IT people (because oh no, THAT’s not a lucrative career…) and write like they are in preschool. oy. what does the girl in the middle of this see in either one of those idiots?

  31. I agree with #20. Kyle isn’t even half as witty/smart/sarcastic as he thinks he is, and it’s the lamest shit EVER to write a hate email to someone who’s been dating his ex-girlfriend for a year now only to talk crap about both of them. If anything, it proves that he’s NOT over the break up, which is fine, just shut the hell up about it.
    Yeah, yeah, yeah, Jordan’s response sucks, too.
    They just both make me sad.

  32. I’m with the awesome LadyPac. It’s been a year. Let it go.

  33. finnaly some one willing to wish cancer on someone. STACY = KYLE???????????????????????????

    or shes the female version of that already effeminate lame fuck.

    i dont generally care about spelling and grammar, but i HATE cos for some reason. it makes no sense to me.

    PS. i hate all people involved in this post.

  34. Please. Channel your hatred into positive constructs. Some of the greatest poets, writers and artists took their emotional rage and transformed it into works of beauty and art.

  35. i do click on the link and you can see 4 your self (no its not a blog)

  36. I hate both of these people so much.

  37. there both arseholes

  38. Candy Blackmail

    The phrase is “bane of my existence”, not “vain of my existence”, Brainiac. Hope you kept that dictionary link bookmarked, Kyle.

  39. If Jordan hadn’t reduced himself to threats then I would be on his side, despite my general dislike for the Affliction shirt-wearing, douchebag type that he probably is. If anything, Kyle should be upset with his ex for cheating, but after a year, just fucking get over it. Seriously, Kyle = uber-lame. Also, it really annoys me when people proclaim themselves to be smart. In the end, they seem to be the most insecure of all of us.

    Jordan is just too huge of a douchebag for me to side with though, so I’m torn.

  40. International, I am glad to see you engage in positive constructs with your emotional outlet. I applaud you and wish you the greatest success in this harsh and cruel world that we live in. Fight on.

  41. These two guys want to bang.

  42. holy hell that was alot to read!! im going to apologize if anyone else has mentioned this (too much going on.. lol couldnt focus on everyone’s opinions after that letter!!)
    but i love how he mentioned that ash girl going down on jordan, and kissing kyle on the lips after.
    you can just picture this, and all in all, i find it hilarious.

    he must have brought it on himself. XD lol poor bastard.

  43. “i believe she is one of two people in the world who deserve cancer.” who is the second one???????

  44. i think jonas is onto something.

  45. lame is as lame does

  46. I KNOW WHO THIS IS.
    I work with this person and they are TERRIBLE and I HATE them.
    I turned them down for a date and they have been a bitch ever since. It’s been like a year, dude.

  47. Jordan is a whores name.

  48. By far the stupidest person in this situation is the girlfriend, Ashlee. Because she’s hosing both of these morons.

  49. so is it just me, or did the douche bad (the retarded “college man who uses letters for words”) just fuck himself over? Now all of his threats are posted all over the internet, good move Jordan (Which I believe is a girls name? Yes? No? Hmm I could be wrong.)

    Ohh and yea, the Dark Knight was DEFINITELY a 5 year olds movie.. thats why it rivaled the Titanic in revenue and sales..

    The first person here is clearly my hero :)

  50. This is pretty funny to read but holyshit they’re both retarded.

  51. LOL “vain of my existence”

    Man I don’t even know who is the biggest douche. The girl is a slut for cheating, the ex is an idiot for pretending he’s not jealous, acting superior when he’s really a moron and calling her fat. The new bf is a dickhead for threatening to slit his throat and burn his house down and actually describing in detail how he will do it.

    They’re all a bunch of douches.

  52. Why are people praising kyle? They’re both incredibly lame.
    Word of advice, if you’re going to sound high and mighty going on about your superior linguistic abilities, you better proofread to avoid looking like a total moron….. those typos can sure be the vain of your existence.
    Not to mention the fact that this guy probably spent an hour writing this long letter to describe how “totally fine” he is. He’s only making himself look pathetic by laying on so many insults about his own ex – a YEAR later. Especially calling her a liar for saying she was raped. Gee, what a supportive boyfriend he must have been; can’t imagine why she’d want to cheat on him. I can’t stand guys who don’t understand how rape works.

  53. Wow, Jordan sure told Kyle off. <– also sarcasm

  54. Jordan, by even replying, comes off as just as pathetic as Kyle; by responding like a ‘suburban-hip-hop-gansta-”I’mma f*ck you up, yo”‘ makes him the less respectable of the two in this exchange, not to mention put yourself in an awkward legal position (were I to receive a threat like that over the internet, I would say “try it”, or something equally laconic, to call the bluff). He mentions that he is in College although I’m guessing it is on some kind of scholarship that they give to high school seniors who have let their steroids go to their heads before the Jack Daniel’s (wait until the football dream doesn’t work out and you’ll be having a good cry while shooting pigeons on the roof)

    Finally Moving on: Kyle, with the exception of the Bane/Vain errors, you seem like you could have a future in writing. I can see how this has really hurt you and your expression of it was clever and sarcastic enough, I thoroughly enjoyed it and with the exception of the Bane/Vain errors, you seem like you could have a future in writing. Nevertheless, writing this will not help you get over her, the best thing to do would be to let it go, because you come off as pathetic to your testosterone-filled peer, the so-called “whore” he stole from you, and all of us on lamebook. If it’s really bothering you that bad, it’s time you discovered alcohol and cigarettes, and saved those cleverly cutting remarks for release in small doses when you get the chance to talk to this muscle headed fellow in person. You simply come off as way more confident that way.

  55. Who the heck doesn’t want to watch Dark Knight? That’s crazy.

  56. Jordan could’ve won that argument by replying with nothing but “TLDR.” Instead, he went for a more wordy reply, and now he looks like a retard. There’s a lesson in that.

  57. Some of the things Kyle said were fairly lame, but Jordan is incredibly stupid for threatening Kyle in an email (clearly a bright one) and i love the whole ‘beached whales’ thing so Kyle wins. Also, i would just like to add that people who put so much thought into these comments are awesome. Keep up the good work folks.

  58. btw, well done pleasant jones. You are totally right. How does a person not get that it works the other way aswell?

  59. Although Kyle was a bit lame, Jordan is just a prick. Threats? And hello, The Dark Knight was totally cool.

  60. I’ve concluded that this girl must truly be a hideous whale if her top 2 choices are these 2 losers. Hopefully she enjoyed the “sucking my dick and to think you probably kissed those same lips the same day” comment as much as I did.

  61. Kyle wins. It took me like 10 minutes to read all of this, and the only clear thing is Kyle’s inate desire to win. And he totally 100% wants her back. The whale thing almost made me pee myself it was so funny.

  62. At first I was like, holy shit I’m not reading this. But then I did.

    And now I’m confused as to the whole situation. Is Kyle’s girlfriend bisexual and was stolen by jordan who is a female?

  63. Connor just won this battle (no sarcasm). I was confused as well but then I realized Jordan is a guy .. I think …

  64. Kyle and Jordan were obviously friends first. Why else would anybody write a 12 page letter to someone regarding their ex-girlfriend from over a year ago!?! Ashlee sounds like a slut, Jordan sounds like a stupid jock, and Kyle sounds like a girly boy!Lame post!

  65. This started out as: amazing.

    It ended: slightly disturbing.

    (Yes, lets all tell people we hate how we’re going to kill them slowly and painfully – including detailed methods.)

  66. Yeesh, I hope these two are taking a few pre-law courses. Then hopefully they can at least learn the definition of sexual assault and utter threats.

  67. Do you have to believe you are batman to watch the dark knight? This Jordan guy’s an idiot….

  68. has any one been charged for the facebook equivalent of uttering threats yet?

  69. I thought Kyle was being a complete arsewipe claiming intellectual superiority after I read his initial message. After I’d read Jordan’s reply, I realised he wasn’t deluded afterall.

  70. good grief. too many words! after experiencng this over and over again i resort to an old chinese pearl of wisdom: if a man steals your wife the worst punishment you can give him is to let him have her!

  71. Why on earth are people looking for a winner between these two? They’re clearly both pathetic, immature losers.

  72. The shallow end of the gene pool.

  73. LOL does kyle have a life??
    seriously why take the time to write all that to your ex gfs new bf?

  74. how does he claim to be well read ? farther from the truth ? hello. it’s further..not farther. he could possibly hv meant vain of his existence tho..possibly…somehow…

  75. Both of these guys are lame, however if your looking for a winner its definitely Kyle… because Jordon thinks The Dark Knight is for 5 year olds… O.o who doesnt love batman?

  76. miidnightrain4590

    Dark Knight was awesome Jordan McFatface can quit hatin’

    but really “vain” of your existence ? you shoulda proofread bro

  77. I’m actually kind of mad that Kyle took the time to write that long ass note. Granted it was obviously dripping with sarcasm, but it does make him seem like he wants her back… just saying

  78. Up until the middle of the second paragraph I really thought Kyle was gay and writing to an ex boyfriend. The whole part about stealing his girlfriend shocked me. Jordan shouldn’t have slept with Kyle girlfriend but if Kyle can still be this angry and hateful after a year I think he needs to step away from the computer and take a good long look in the mirror. Work on improving yourself before you call someone else a loser. This last sentence applies just as much, if not more so to Jordan. Trying to read his response made my head hurt.

  79. Kyle needs to get into protective custody ASAP – Jordan’s state college connections… I’m sure that’s like some “Donny Brasco” shit right there. Kyle better watch his back. Those thugs that work in the Student Union don’t play – just ask Jimmy Hoffa.

  80. i was possibly gonna consider giving jordan the benefit of the doubt but then he dissed on batman…

    …wanker

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