Thursday, April 19, 2012

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75 Comments

  1. I only saw the Dick Clark/Mayan one about 15 times yesterday. That and the “booo hooo hooo, New Years will never be the same” load of tripe. I can’t decide which was more irritating.

  2. I’ll decide. You’re more irritating.

  3. I like how Kony has been around for 20ish years, got popular for like a month, and is back to being unkown. Silly Facebook.

  4. Who’s Kony?

  5. Fuck Dick Clark

  6. Hehe. Funny. Apart from the second one, of course.

  7. I don’t get the Dick Clark thing (granted, I barely even know who he is) being connected with New Years. Someone please explain.

  8. He was the guy who hosted the ball drop every year. He usually wore a big headset and a windbreaker. Try Googling a pic of him, you’ll recognise him.

  9. @crane: Dick Clark always hosted the TV program “Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve”, the most widely viewed show on NYE in the US. The Mesoamerican Long Count calendar used by the Mayans essentially ends on 21 December 2012, leading many a nutbag to predict that the world will end then as well. Make sense now?

    @ToTheFlames: Stay classy, dude.

  10. I know about the Mayan calendar but I had no idea of any television programme about balls, so thank you for clearing it up for me. Makes sense now. The post still isn’t very funny, though.

  11. At 82, Dick clark was experiencing ball drop more often than just New Year’s Eve.

  12. I HATE mayans. December 21 is my birthday, but those little shits couldn’t wait to ruin it again. I’ve been emailing them for months seeing if they could change the end of the world to the 22nd so I could party like a mofo, but nooooo instead of chuck e cheeses I get apocalypse. suck.

  13. Never heard of dick Clarke. But as a child of god, he will be missed… I’ll pray for his family blah blah blah. I miss you Fargis. Come back.

  14. #3 – cardboard fight, excellent! I was in a big one at Bestival in 2010 which lasted about half an hour, people picking up cardboard from a rubbish pile and laying in to each other. The first time I’d been in one since school days, and huge fun. Good to hear bums enjoy them too.

  15. Only the first one was funny

  16. sisqi, are you fucking kidding me? the party at the end of the world? AND it’s your birthday? how can you not see the positive?

    on 21/12/12 i’m going to party like there is no fucking tomorrow.

  17. hmmm you might be on to something. i can finally drink that ass whiskey ive been too afraid to touch ’cause dead > hungover. i’ll take it under advisement.

  18. ass whiskey?
    Also, I think Jono might be a socio/ psychopath.

  19. siss-qi, if you’re really that old and frail that hang0vers are such a problem, then I could tell you a magic cocktail of common vitamins that will make them not happen. no matter how much you drink.

  20. MsAnne, spill. And quickly.

  21. I second a spillage.

  22. In time for this evening’s efforts of course.

  23. 2x l-lysine, 1 x zinc, iron, vit b complex and vit c.
    i know it sounds like a lot, but it is worth the effort.

  24. What is l-lysine?

  25. Thanks. Have taken note of your concoction for future use. Will most likely give it a whirl tomorrow after tonight’s serious assault on a bottle of Merlot. Will let you know if it does the trick.

  26. err.. no. you have to take it before you get your drank on.
    the best cure is prevention (and other smug clichés).

    l-lysine is an amino acid. found quite cheaply in health food shops, pharmacies, aussie supermarkets.

  27. Whoopsy. Too late this go around then. Next time…

  28. alcohol is awesome at ridding the body of vital nutrients. supplementing may help but there’s no way of defeating one of it’s main bad effects on the body – dehydration. contrary to popular belief, drinking lots of water does not prevent it, as alcohol switches on a mechanism in your body whereby you rid yourself of even more water/liquid than you’re drinking.
    regular drinking is for chumps, basically. from a health perspective anyway.
    you should all give it up.
    look forward to hearing your commitments in this regard.

  29. Imagine the news…
    Two middle aged men have been found dead in their apartments after taking a lethal concoction of seemingly harmless over-the-counter vitamins. It is believed they received the recipe from a ne’er-do-well on a popular website forum frequented by alcoholics…etc etc etc

  30. I really fucking missed you crusty.
    eat shit.

  31. SL(u)G.
    i just went and read the first 2 chapters of bukowski’s ‘factotum’. i compared that filthy old drunk’s brilliance and style to your whiny little self…then i poured myself a double gin.

    i don’t think you even understand what i’m saying to you, do you?…
    still, let’s try this; –

    unless you have actually tried what i am talking about and have an informed, empirical understanding – SHUT THE FUCK UP.

  32. Funny, I picture you all as middle aged alcoholics too.

  33. you pictured me? niiiiiiice! i try to think of yall as normal but im just coming up with lawn gnomes mostly.

  34. You noted my absence.

    Lick my sphincter you old whore. I’ve been eating nuts AND candy floss. Once you’re done nibbling you can use one of my pubes to floss the flakes that have gotten stuck in your dentures.

  35. oh dear, did i upset you msanne? all i was trying to do was provide some helpful health advice! your knowledge of nutrition and health sure is formidable, and i assure you, there is no way that little old me could come up with a better solution for avoiding the ill effects of alcohol.
    whilst your magical little tonic does have some pluses to it, i admit, i’ll also say this – i laughed at you when i read this. your knowledge is partial…incomplete at best, dear. not trying to be mean, but you should possibly stick to what you know.
    besides which, the fact that by your own admission, you drink regularly, hardly makes you an authority on health, as anyone with an ounce of sense could tell you that alcohol is very bad for your health. according to your logic, that means you should be the one to shut the fuck up.
    for the record, i’m no teetotaller, but i don’t use alcohol as a “coping mechanism” or a life strategy, as seems to be the norm in this country. it’s pathetic. people who drink alcohol regularly are in more dire need of the advice “get a life” than any other group.
    taking care of yourself instead will make you happy and healthy. try it and see if i’m not right.

  36. @curlybap;- I dislike the term ‘alcoholic’.
    I prefer ‘boozehound’.

  37. ‘diseased addict’

  38. seasoned boozehound.

  39. ‘chronic diseased addict’

  40. happy seasoned boozehound

  41. ‘chronic diseased addict who is currently drunk’

  42. hah. happy seasoned boozehound who is currently drunk and stoned.

    I just had a conversation with the shadow of a coat on a door. and it was still more entertaining than your ass.

  43. you’re lying. otherwise you wouldn’t still be talking to me.

  44. laughing at you.

  45. that’s still more entertaining than talking to a shadow, i reckon!

  46. but you would reckon that.
    i imagine being alone with your imagination, such as it is, would bore me to fucking tears.

  47. way to change topic! where did my imagination come into things?
    you’re making little sense. at least my imagination isn’t filled with elaborate fat jokes.
    i guess that’s to be expected from a brain pickled by alcohol.
    i sincerely hope you enjoy shortening your lifespan and buying into health problems. you’ll be old before your time.
    there’s no need to be so butthurt just because i called you out on your crappy little anti-alcohol elixir.

  48. topic? there was a topic/

    i thought i was chucking random insults in the (admittedly slim) hope that you’d fuck off.

  49. seiously.
    you should consider fucking off.
    really.
    maybe there is a boring, unpopular loser forum somewhere that would hate you as much as i do?

  50. SERIOUSLY.
    fuck. i need a drink.

  51. ^Spoken like a true lonely, single alcoholic.

  52. i bet you know that from experience.
    you’d drive the pope hisself to the bottle.

  53. yeah i think the topic was “how did so much sand get into your vagina”, but memory may fail me here.
    i’ve seriously considered your request, msanne (NO REALLY!), but i regret to advise that i try not to leave a party while i’m still having fun, and this is no exception.
    your alcohol remedy sucks, msanne. you suck. maybe you should be the one to fuck off. i know a great many people that think that would be a fucking fantastic idea. whilst i have no doubt that i have my share of haters, i’m pretty fucking certain that with a winning personality like yours, yours would far outnumber mine.
    so perhaps, you should…like…think of the lamebook community as a whole (we’re important msanne, and we matter), and take your own advice, and fuck off. but i don’t mind if you stick around, msanne. at least you’ve got the spine to pull no punches, and i like that in a chick.
    just sayin’!

  54. i am still left wondering why you seem so sure of yourself.
    you offer no original content. no humour. you have nothing of any substance to say at all…

    i am simply better than you.
    why do you keep bothering?

    slug?

  55. I’ve never drank, actually. And I, among most other people on this site, think SLG is funny. Unlike you, everyone just thinks your a crotchety old fucking bitch with a bottle to her lips all day.

  56. And I’m sure you’ll make some crack about me not drinking like the sad, pathetic lonely old alcoholic bitch that you are.

  57. the reason that i’m so self assured is because i’m healthy, happy, have a great lifestyle, and don’t rely on drugs and alcohol as a coping mechanism to get through life. i also don’t feel the need to invalidate others to try to gain personal power, because i have plenty of my own (the fact that you make statements like “i am simply better than you” says a lot about you, it’s not about me and you msanne…don’t you realise that?). i live life instead, help people and do good in society in general. i have a positive balance on the karma scales and i’m respected amongst my peers and professional community.
    i’m happy in myself, msanne. i don’t need your, or anyone on lamebook’s approval to feel that way. that’s why i’m so sure of myself.
    don’t worry about my motivations, darl. they exist. once they no longer exist, i’ll fade into the background again (because i simply won’t have time for this) and you can go back to spouting off your ill-formed views and petty insults without interference.
    but for now, get used to this.

  58. ^moan. moan. moan
    bitch. bitch. bitch.

    did i miss one of you amazing points? i stopped reading this shit days ago.

  59. Wooh, some nastiness going on while I was lying at home steaming all weekend, being a happy seasoned boozehound. MsAnne, I went to the chemist but it was too late. I was already shitfaced and forgot what the l one was. You were up bright as a button after taking it though yeah? Some love <3

  60. ok i’ll summarise for you msanne.
    i’m not going away. not til i’m good and ready.

  61. ^shut up. i didn’t want your crappy summary. you suck.

  62. curlybap, i am a glowing picture of health. its the bonhomie i radiate what does it.
    it keeps me vital from the inside.

  63. msanne, have i told you today how much your alcohol remedy sucks? no?
    oh dude…it really sucks arse. seriously! it’s terrible! you really didn’t think things through did you? what kind of medicine woman are you anyway! you should be ashamed!
    oooh now that i’ve said that again you’ll no doubt feel the need to go off on a mission to go through the last 10 pages of lamebook or so to try to burn me on every page.
    right?
    and i don’t matter to you. but you put that sort of effort in?
    hmmm…something not adding up here. i’ll figure it out soon enough!

  64. ^o you ever shut up, fool?

  65. Yeah, “o you ever shut up?”

  66. you cannot polish a turd.
    but you can wipe it off on syndi.

  67. bullshit you can’t polish a turd. what do you call a kia rio then? you make no sense at all, msanne.

  68. ^you suck at funny.

  69. you suck at alcohol remedies, msanne

  70. Alcohol doesn’t need to be remedied. Duh.

  71. slug is dumb.

  72. not as dumb as your anti-alcohol remedy msanne! besides which, who came up with the dumb idea of even trying something so pointless?
    oh that’s right, it was you.

  73. What the fuck are you doing, SLG? I don’t understand why you’d repeat the same unfunny shit on every single active thread.
    And there is no “ownage” here. Your attempts are laughable.

  74. i seem to be annoying you bacchante.
    which is pretty fucking cool if you ask me.

  75. Pfft. You don’t have the capacity to annoy me, you mote. This is my new good works; you’re a fucking charity case.

    Whenever someone is making an absolute ass of themselves and seems to be unaware of it, I let them know. On Saturday night, a chick came out of the bathroom with her skirt tucked into her tights, so I whispered in her ear to fix her shit up.

    Your ‘jokes’ are the online equivalent.

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