Saturday, October 24, 2009

Holy Stripe!

stripes

previous post: Have a Hell of a Weekend

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83 Comments

  1. I love how people have to hide behind religion when good things happen to them. Jesus.

  2. we are all purchased fully from the blood of jesus and the stripes on his back, for he is a wonderful god? that doesn’t even fucking make sense. she was talking about jesus, then said because he is a wonderful god? if i was ian, i would’ve told her she is fucking nuts, instead of just saying ooohhhh lolzzzzz

  3. oops, *Jesus *God
    i don’t want to go to hell

  4. ……………. *Hell

  5. Nachos, relax, it´s the weekend. I don´t think the grammar police work, although those religious people sure do on Sundays.

  6. txikiwi, this is lamebook. the grammar police don’t breathe!

  7. nachos you’re going to grammar hell!

  8. Just because she is Religious doesnt make her lame. Obviously Ian is lame. Making fun of peoples religions is lame. so..point made.
    Just because its not your religion doesnt mean you should mock it.

  9. Agree with Shea. I’m cool with people having a faith, as long as they don’t they try to preach at or convert me.

  10. I don’t think it’s her beliefs that’s being made fun of, more her calling Jesus’ wounds “stripes”. The phrasing makes him sound like a racecar. But that’s not nearly as funny as other posting on lamebook. Plus maybe she likes to think of her Jesus as a racecar! He’s fast and furious and gonna win your soul with his high octane blood spilled for you!

  11. So is Jesus white with red stripes or red with white stripes?

  12. cymro, who said Jesus was white?

  13. I like to get credit for the cool things I do. But when bad things happen, I insist that Rodger gets the blame. Rodger is my evil twin brother that no one’s ever seen.

  14. Hahaha,lol at cymro,good point there!

  15. I checked and Jesus isn’t even on Facebook. Neither is God or Lord.

  16. Geonardo DiMetrio

    Oh man…you tricked me into checking. :P There are, of course, profiles for a ton of Jesus Christs, some Christ Jesuses, and many variations on the word God.

    And? Jesus has a FAN PAGE. I’m not surprised, really…just kind of disappointed. So tacky.

  17. Geonardo DiMetrio

    And seriously, it took me a minute to figure out what this “stripes on his back” thing meant, too. The first image I got in my head was of a skunk or a tabby cat or maybe a chipmunk…but I like Hamboner’s racecar imagery better.

    Hey, Hamboner! Let’s write a sitcom called My Saviour the Car! It’ll be just like My Mother the Car, only Jesusier!!!!!

  18. “We are all purchased”!? Say what?

    What a crazy bitch

  19. My favourite God-bothering status updates are the ones that start off being normal and then weave God into it, like ‘Mary is happy that it’s the weekend and is happy that Jesus Christ died for all our sins’.

  20. Hahaha yes Geonardo! But only if John the Baptist can be the wacky neighbor/mechanic!

  21. Haha a

  22. I was laughing so hard I hit the submit button early.
    “Judas, did you put sugar in Jesus’ gastank again??”
    “Who me?”
    wah wah!

  23. Jesus is probably happy to see nobody outing themselves as morons by using the “@” sign.

  24. i was imagining zebra stripes on Jesus’ back when i read the status :D lmao….

  25. @ @@@@@@@@@ :P

  26. There’s a girl on my facebook friends who does exactly this. I am fine with people being religious/faithful – but I absolutely cannot stand the people who post 50 status updates a day (like the girl on my facebook friends), each and every one of them having something to do with Jesus this, or Jesus that. It gets increasingly worse with them attempting to convert people within these status updates. But the catch is, they’re often times the worlds biggest hypocrites and hardly as ‘Godly’ as they make out.
    Pisses me right off.

  27. Mind you, the absolute worst are people who just quote scripture as their status update, with no qualifying comments. What’s that all about? Do they honestly think that they’re going to convert somebody? No quicker way to get your updates put on my blocked list… (and I’m a regular church-goer – but there’s no need for facebook – or any other – evangelising!)

  28. It’s their own status update, so why can’t they put whatever they want in it if that is how they feel and what they are thinking about. I’d rather hear that than “dilated 6 cm, almost here” or “I took a poop today”. Block them if you don’t like it, just like I block the people that annoy me.

    And the stripes reference is directly from scripture. Actually from prophecy that was written and recorded over 400 years before Christ’s death, which did involve him being whipped prior to his crucifixion, thus, stripes.

  29. Blah blah.
    @@@@@@@@

  30. zoned is a homo

  31. I’m a religious trigonometry fan. I believe Jesus died for our sines.

    *tap* *tap* …is this thing on?

  32. I respect people being religious, but if anyone on my friend list preached or displayed gross religious utterings such as that one, I would have to use the Hide-function and if that didn’t help, the Remove friend-function. Keep your religion to yourself if you have friends who aren’t as… I need to choose the right word here… as convinced as yourself, or, like me, don’t believe at all. Good thing is that people in my country hardly are religious at all anymore. :)

  33. If we’re all Gods children what makes Jesus so special?

  34. Yes Ryan actually I am. Wanna hook up?

  35. Again, people have every right to post their own religious views as their status updates. Quit freaking out, you are not going to catch Christianity through your computer. Block them if it disturbs you so much that other people feel certain ways. Last time I checked, the status updates where for your own personal status, not “gee, I wonder what my facebook “friends” would like to hear me say today”.

  36. I agree with 35. Chill out people.

  37. @ Spike Nesmith

    For some reason, I laughed uncontrollably at your comment. You’ve made my day!

  38. @33
    Jesus is a part of God. That’s why he’s special.

    I don’t think a scripture every now or then’s gonna kill you. I’ve seen worse. If it annoys you then block them

  39. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TTyfqVOFTFc

  40. Thesaurapist 13(F)

    Jesus built my hotrod.

  41. What, for like… sex? Does being a homo always make you desperate, or are these two co-incidental traits that you have?

  42. 40… yes, he built mine too, since he did one for Ministry he’s been overloaded with work, good really, cos he had sod all else to do.

    I’m so glad to be British, cos I’ve not got one friend who quotes scripture, and as such has no opinion on your argument people! I say fuck it, if you don’t like what people put as status updates then you really need to evaluate why they’re your “friend” as surely thats a part of them? Or is that a bit too simple?

    Oh and…. @ @@@@@@@ wtf lmao rofl lol

  43. I hate to admit that I have a girl I went to HS with that posts that shit every day. *cringe*

  44. @19….its worse when they warp it into these random whacked out quasi-philosophical statements that when read with a more literal mind, they sound like drivel. A kin to a little kid thinking its the coolest thing when he learns to cuss…or in this case when a supposed “intelligent” person things they’re “intelligent” by spouting off big words all in the name of “inspiration”

  45. @Richard Cranium glad to be of service! Now that I’ve made one vaguely amusing joke once, look for my new Comedy Central standup special!

  46. @@@@@@ryanoceros No it just happens to be a trait that comes with the whole package. So you want my package?

  47. @Jonas
    Stop posting hilarious videos for us all to laugh at.

    Fine!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25lIafv-Sfs

  48. Jesus is my drinking buddy…you never drink alone with a friend like Jesus, plus when you get too hammered, he supposedly picks you up and carries you the rest of the way. The only issue I have is his drinking stories tend to always be very didactic and have some stupid “moral” attached. PLUS he only has so many and I get tired of hearing about the time he saved mankind….

    PS. Please look for the movie Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter. :)

  49. only if I can staple it to your leg

  50. Jesus right beside me
    He never buys any smokes

  51. “rides” beside me, genius.

  52. I totally agree with comment number 35… when something great happens in your life, you post it. For some people, God does amazing things in their life, so they should be free to post it. If it bothers you so much, there’s something called “Hide”. And maybe you shouldn’t be friends with them in the first place if it’s so bothersome, since obviously God is a big part of their life.

  53. For all of you who are getting offended by us making fun of people who post these stupid religious status: you needa get the hell over it and get off lamebook. Stop trying to bore lamebook with your serious concerns. IT’S LAMEBOOK PEOPLE, get over it. It’s a funny post and the comments about these types of people are dead on. If you wanna defend them go to a church or one of their bible studies, but in the meantime get your uptight ass off lamebook ’till you can find a sense of humor.

  54. statuses*

  55. perfidious_albion

    53: Word

    And why do you suppose they are so precious about it anyway? Why does it ‘deserve’ respect, over and above, say, belief in the Tooth Fairy to those of us who don’t believe in it?

    And we’re not worried about catching christianity through facebook, thanks. But since you guys seem so desperate to remind the rest of us constantly about what you believe – is it cos you MIGHT catch atheism off the internet?

  56. What’s so cool about a cult of ritualised cannibalism anyway?

  57. The worst thing about holy communion is that the priest never asks if you want thigh or breast meat.

    If there is a hell, I guess I’m going.

  58. Do you think when Jesus was being crucified, he was thinking about how one day, someone would post about it on Facebook?

    Seriously people, get over it. This is Lamebook, we make fun of EVERYTHING here. Especially when people give credit for their own hard work and success to some invisible guy in the sky. THAT’S lame.

    Boy, I hope I’m right and Hell doesn’t exist, because if not, I’m surely going.

  59. ^ Awesome, I’ll meet you between the torture racks and the burning brimstone.

  60. We can do evil things together, like sanction homosexual unions, dishonour our parents, look at porn on the internet and take the lord’s name in vain.

  61. Look at at this way.

    #8 and #9

    I disagree entirely. Anyone who has faith weak enough to be destroyed by mocking doesn’t really have faith. Any god who is shaken by mocking does not deserve to be worshipped. Any god that can be destroyed, should be destroyed. And even Hillary Clinton knows that no argument of religious sensitivity should be used curtail freedom of speech.

    Besides, most religions claim that all other gods are false, which is blasphemous in the context of those other religions. The mere act of identifying with one religion implicitly mocks the others. Calling jesus the messiah instead of just a prophet is heresy in islam and judaism. The only difference between atheists and Christians is that Christians reject 99% of all gods and atheists reject 100%. We are 99% in agreement.

    I’ll mock what I choose to mock. Telling me I can’t do that denies my right to freedom of speech. My mocking your religion denies you nothing. You be religious and I’ll be blasphemous. Then we should all be happy.

  62. @61, agreed.

    I will mock anybody I damn well please. There’s a creationist in my history class this semester. I’m thinking of buying him a book on evolution to explain it to him.

  63. Any of my friends posted such lame arsed crap on their wall then i would have to deny them, 3 times as the cock crows and then have them flogged and crucified. PS 62 D, good look with the creationist baiting, practically anything by Richard Dawkins will do, why don’t you become fb friends with them too. You could post little extracts of it on their wall every day just to be a complete twat.

  64. Look at at this way.

    Nice point, #63

    The God Delusion, by Dawkins, is excellent. I also recommend God is not Great, by Hitchens.

    I’m going to go and update my status right now.

  65. Thesaurapist 13(F)

    Christianity.
    “The belief that a cosmic Jewish zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree . . .
    Yeah, makes perfect sense.”

  66. Wow, is there some kind of atheist party going on in here? Give me a break.

  67. Jessi, I would just like to point out that I’m not an atheist. I believe in God. Just not the orthodox Judaeo-Christian God. My God has horns and likes it when you get drunk and dance naked round the fire widdershins and eat virgins.

  68. Wow, atheism must be like the new black: the new cool, hip, and happening thing to do. I feel so horribly out of date with my belief in God, whatever am I going to do?

    I find a lot of atheists stand on a lot of shaky ground for their beliefs. Can’t tolerate the idea of something that disagrees with them. I guess they just need to have a little faith and stop trying to impose their beliefs on other people, hm?

  69. Look at it this way.

    #68 Yeh, but I was an atheist before it was cool!

    By the way, you obviously don’t comprehend atheism. We don’t stand on “shaky ground” at all. We are a-theists, not anti-theists. We take the rational approach that claims of god need evidence, otherwise the claims are as worthless as the exceptionally thin paper they are written on. We represent the null hypothesis, not a different alternative hypothesis. Different alternative hypotheses are presented by other religions.

    And I can quite happily tolerate the idea of something (i assume you mean someone) that disagrees with me. In fact, I quite enjoy the debates. Interesting that you say atheists are trying to impose their “beliefs” on other people, IMMEDIATELY after you say “they just need to have a little faith”. Hypocritical much? I don’t need a little faith, I’m doing perfectly well without it, thanks very much.

    Trying to impose beliefs is pointless anyway. If your mind was open to rational thought, you would reach rational conclusions all by your little old self. Keep your faith, I don’t mind at all. But if you venture into the secular world trying to impose faith-based ideas upon me, I will try my hardest to slap you down. Yay for martyrdom!

  70. Look at it this way.

    PS, the White Stripes are awesome.

  71. #69 – I was being tongue-in-cheek with the faith idea. To believe wholly in rationalism, you need to believe that there is nothing else in the world save for rationalism. Agnosticism is more what you’re thinking of, there’s no concrete evidence for, but then, there’s nothing definitively against, either. Simply the will to believe, or not believe.

    Oh, I agree that imposing beliefs is wrong – I think if people are to believe in God, they have to come to it on their own time, on their own terms, walking their own path of belief. I also believe in the abilities of reason – if there’s a tenement of my faith, a value I’m supposed to hold, that doesn’t stand up to reason, I don’t hold it. =P God being the one thing beyond rational proof, it’s simply a matter of “yes” or “no”. You have free will, you’re perfectly allowed to make that choice.

    And trust me, if someone tried to use God to justify a false or crappy law, I’d be right there knocking it down, too.

    PS: They’re not bad, but that’s just proof you’re a heathen. =P I listen more to progressive music, along with death/black metal, myself.

  72. so, I’m guessing no one around here owns a dictionary. Or is independently literate.

    Otherwise you might know that a “welt, long scar, or wound,” is an acceptable, if old, definition of stripe.

    I’m so disappointed in you, Lamebook.

  73. Um, “A little amazed,” you need a sense of humor and you won’t find one in a book. It’s not funny because Alexis used “stripe.” It’s funny because Ian “lol”-ed at Jesus being whipped.

    Oh that?!?! Yeah, hilarious.

  74. Look at it this way

    Happy to be a heathen then :)

    The debate seems like it may be on the verge of getting definitional, and those debates bore me to tears, so I’m ejecting, though I will reiterate my rejection of your assertion that I just need to have a little faith. Anyway, you seem like a sensible and witty kind of guy Aaron, have a good life.

    Vincent, you seem like a fuckwit.

  75. #63 and #64

    If either of you truly knew anything about theism and atheism, you’d know that when it comes to philosophy and theology, Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens are hacks.

    Dawkins is a biologist, and “The God Delusion” avoided almost all of the central (and strongest) arguments for theism. His central argument in his book was laughably inconclusive, and did not in any way, prove that God does not exist. He’s an expert in biology, no doubt, but in the realm of philosophy he has no chance.

    Hitchens, on the other hand is a JOURNALIST. His book, “God is not Great” centrally appeals to what is known as “the problem of evil,” a subject that is more or less not debated anymore as it no longer has any worth for the atheist to press against the theist. God and evil can coexist.

    Hitchens actually debated William Lane Craig, a noted Christian philosopher a number of months ago, and Hitchens’ performance was absolutely embarrassing, appealing mostly to satire and anger to attempt to convince audience members of his point.

    Sorry, but neither of these guys have a clue.

    Quentin Smith, a noted atheist, has himself even expressed his dissatisfaction with Dawkins attempt to enter into the world of philosophy. Basically called him a fool.

    So many atheists claim that Christians are clueless. Beware, that shoe fits just as well on your feet too.

  76. @75
    You’re kidding right? The strongest agruments for theism? Name one.

  77. Look at it this way

    #75. Yeh, name one. Between them, those two authors have demolished Augustine “proofs” and all that ridiculous ID stuff.

    As an atheist, I do not claim Christians are clueless, cluelessness knows no borders. As I said before, the theist Aaron seems interesting and well informed, the theist Vincent seems like a clueless twat. And there are plenty of idiot atheists around too.

    Incidentally, what do you think was the “central argument” of the God Delusion? Atheists don’t need to prove that god does not exist, they just need to debunk the arguments that he does. Similarly, creationists don’t need to prove that evolution is wrong, scientists need to prove that it is right. The null hypothesis stands until the alternative is proven.

  78. How could any of you possibly think that anyone cares about your take on whether God exists? You are an atheist? Wow, no one cares.

    You are a Christian? Wow, no one cares.

  79. @everyone in regards to the last comment: let us all worship the name of FOD for what he says is good.

  80. OK so I had a rough day today so I smoked a nice spliff after work and found this hilarious website. Then i checked out the comments on some posts and came to this one which started out typically and then the atheist debate was interesting and the religious folk were present making there case (lol) and then i was sober and wondering what the FUCK I HAD BEEN DOING FOR THE PAST 2 HOURS???!?!!!? what are we all doing here? life is bizare folks that’s all i can say

  81. jeremy. you are my fucking hero.

  82. Wow, here in Aust there is never religious updates to our facebooks… I suppose we are just a way less godly country…

  83. old post.. but thats because in aust our religion apparently revolves around southern cross tatts and unit stickers

    ugh

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