Tuesday, April 28, 2009

His High-lynol

highlynol

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39 Comments

  1. i’m so glad you were able to get up and eat a hot pocket. thank god.

  2. I know, right? “The Lord and Jesus, who is also the Christ, gave me the power to get up and nuke a Hungry Man dinner. All praise be to Christ Jesus.”

  3. I am awed by the power of Panadol. Praise be. Amen.

  4. The worst thing is, by the statement, “Thanks everyone”, this means she ASKED people to pray for her headache to go away.

  5. FUCK LAMEBOOK

  6. Wow, somebody’s wasting prayers. If it works so damn good, why not pray for something a little better?

  7. OH FUCK OFF

  8. Er… why did “God” give her the headache in the first place then? This flies in the face of logic.

  9. cos ‘god’ cares more about some twats headache than starvation, war, blah blah blah *falls asleep*

    these people never cease to astound and disgust me

  10. Fuck,I hate these religious morons

  11. Karen…

    May I ask why you “hate these religious morons”

  12. i don’t understand why this is lame?

  13. Trust me, its lame.

  14. Comment #3=WIN!

  15. oops…i meant #13….fail.

  16. I’m sure God really gives a shit about your headache.

  17. :o wow Lizzie :o
    Takes some balls to give the big guy a “fail”

  18. I am actually Jesus o_O

    hey im jesus

    i take my dads 12 footer up my arse

  19. Calling people morons for expressing their faith? This thread is what makes this post lame.

  20. “Calling people morons for expressing their faith?”

    No, we’re calling them morons for thinking the fucking Creator of the Entire Universe is responsible for the amelioration of a minor inflammation in their (so-called) brain. What pathetic, ditzy, childish, moronic, ill-educated, wilfully-ignorant, cowardly, primitive, lazy, arrogant, unimaginative bullshit.

  21. Two prayers to be taken four-hourly, not more than eight to be taken within a 24 hour period. If prayers cause any unexpected side effects, consult your GP. Do not pray if you are pregnant, or are suffering from a congenital heart condition.

  22. @20 thank you for putting Andrew right in a far more eloquent manner than i could have.
    @21 genius

  23. dear god please personally remove the sand from my vagina

  24. If God really answers prayers, I would bet my soul, he isn’t going to get rid of a headache for someone, he is going to make sure no one goes hungry, or stop all the idiot leaders in all the countries from going to war.

    We spend Billions on building bombs, while thousands of lives are lost to hunger each day. What I am saying is, people that pray for this petty shit should go live in a fucking hole and stay there.

  25. what some of y’all don’t realize is that God answers prayer big and small, yes he may have very well healed her headache, but that’s not to say he isn’t looking out for the little man. besides its not like he just made it vanish, its the trail she took to make it go away and the suggestions that were given to her sure prayer is a big thing and may seem petty for something like this but at the same time it happened for a reason, and usually god doesn’t start the bad things Satan does god takes care of the clean up.

  26. You mean you guys still believe in god? And if you got internet why didn’t you get education?

  27. @25 dan,

    Isn’t He supposed to be omnipoetent *and* omniscient?

    In other words, He created and causes evil because He (knowingly) created The Fallen One. Everything that has, does, or will happen is because He allows it.

    I’m all for wanting there to be a higher power; just, there is also a required higher purpose.

  28. #27, Oh how I love reading posts like yours. If you even took the time to research, which you obviously haven’t, these answers will become clear.

    He didn’t create evil, He doesn’t cause evil. He gave humans this thing called Free Will. We get to choose wether we do good, or we do bad. Evil is only present in the absence of God. Not with his presence. Therefore, if God isn’t there, then he couldn’t create evil. It’s with light and dark… There is no dark, it’s a made up word. Dark is just the absence of light. It’s the bottom amount of light you can have. You can have an infinite amount of light though. Bright Light, blinding lights, etc. Or cold and hot. Cold is a made up word. There is the absolute lack of any heat, which is about -460 degrees fahrenheit. You have a limit to cold, or no heat. But there is no top measurement for max heat, or Absolute heat. Cold is the lack of heat.

    He doesn’t allow it, we allow it to happen.

  29. first, you cant measure good and evil like the fucking temperature. an absence in “good” doesnt automatically mean an excess of “evil”. Only a complete moron would think otherwise.

    second, going by your ridiculous logic, god didnt create evil. But he did create man, and created in man, the capacity for evil. Which, I think, is just as bad.

  30. @effU- First, I didn’t know you were the subject matter expert in these things. an absence of “good” doesn’t automatically mean an excess of “evil”, it just means that an absence of one allows the other to thrive, given the chance. So yes, one could measure Good and Evil using examples of temperature and light, if one were so inclined.

    second, stop using the “God created man’s capacity for evil” argument. It’s old as fuck and no one cares; faith is faith and there’s no need to be threatened by it. Done.

  31. @ Travis. If you are saying that evil is merely absence of good, then god *does* create evil merely by existing. Were there no god to define “good”, there could be no evil, in the same way that you can’t have light without having the existence of dark.

    However, this argument creates a deeper argument that isn’t addressed in conventional christian mythology, to wit: what existed before god? Claiming that diety isn’t responsible for evil/dark/et cetera requires that the diety not be truly omnipotent; there would have to be some greater force at work above and outside this diety-figure.

    @5150pacer: I can think of some great reasons to be threatened by faith. A)The Taliban. B)Hutaree. C)Branch Davidians. D)Unification Church. E)People’s Temple. F)Scientology. Would you care for more?

    Finally: ‘Tard.

  32. @nyarlatothep, if you are threatened by those things, then y attack Christianity?? For the most part Christians are kind & humble people, yet it is the only religion that is constantly ridiculed & attacked. I believe most of u know that God is real & that’s why u r threatened by any devout believer. I feel bad for you. But God is good, He will forgive any transgression…

  33. Christianity is constantly attacked and ridiculed because it is filled to the brim with hypocrites who cannot practice what they preach and yet have zero problem preaching to anyone else.

    I believe very much in God, but I am no longer a Christian because I didn’t want people to think I was a hateful bigot in anyway. And no not all Christians are hypocritical, hateful bigots…but, uh, I’m seeing a theme here…

  34. @geologyst

    So because you didn’t want to be viewed as a hypocrite, you stopped believing in Jesus? That’s worse than hypocritical. That’s fickle and shows you had a lack of faith to begin with.

  35. I never said I stopped believing in Jesus. I said I left Christianity. I view Christ as a very important teacher, but not a messiah. If there is any salvation to be had, it will come from God and we don’t need a middle man.

    It’s not fickle in the least, It shows I use the mind God supposedly gave me for rational thought and choose not to be sucked in by rhetoric and dogma. And yes I do have weak faith…..but that’s because it’s pretty damn hard to believe in an invisible sky daddy who lets bad things happen because of some free will BS.

  36. Wow. Ok.

    So: Epicurus: Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?

    2nd: Christianity isn’t the only one. Judaism, Islam, Various forms of Buddhism, Mormons (if, as some people you consider them non-christian which is a hilarious idea in itself), Atheists, Paganism, Diests (founding fathers, not really christian,believed god went away after making earth and man.)

    Lastly, Christian persecution is mainly caused by who else? Other christians, Baptists, Catholics, Mormons, Presbyterians, Branch Davidians, Anglicans, even to the beginning of the religion: Gnostics, even to which apostle was most right in their preaching. The followers went to war, Peter’s won out.

    Religion Major in Christian History FTW?

  37. I tried reading through all the theological bullshit, but it started giving me a headache that would not go away no matter how much I prayed and asked my friends to pray. So now I am here to give you the truth (as I see it).

    God and the whole religeon thing is a myth. Created by man to explain that which man cannot explain in any other logical way. All things created by man are destined to fail. Hence the need for garbage dumps, land fills, and grave yards.

  38. I understand and accept the fact that not everyone believes in God. What i do not understand is why those who have no faith find it impossible to resist mocking and ridiculing those who do.
    geologyst- if you in fact, as you stated, gave up on Christianity simply because there were hypocrites in your midst, you were not only faithless, but a far bigger hypocrite than any of those you mentioned. congratulations on proving yourself to be what you claim to despise. and dont worry about the shame, i have enough concerning you to cover us both.
    as for the good vs. evil debate, this is the christian point of view. yes, God does indeed have the ability to force us to do good. however, he created us in his own image, and with that came free will. he sees war, famine, murder, disease, and it breaks his heart. it hurts him far more than it will ever hurt you and i, because he hasnt just seen it for the last few decades, centuries, or even eras. he has watched this happen since the second generation of mankind. but he is not the one who lifts his hand to slaughter our fellow man. WE cause all the pain inflicted on this world. He allows this because we choose to cause it, and he has given us the freedom to do as we wish to our home. He gave us something else as well. He sacrificed his Son, knowing the whole time that most of the world would make fun of not only Him and His Son, but those of us who believe in him. He knew that some of us would be humiliated, tortured, and murdered for our beliefs. and despite it all, those who have been killed often died singing and rejoicing. because when you have true faith and love for God, he gives you a happiness you could never find elsewhere.
    as for the facebook post that started this whole debate, God does heal, both headaches and much larger problems. my Mom told me once about a man who was diagnosed with stomach cancer about 30 years ago. they opened him up to remove the cancer, took one look, and sewed him back up because the cancer had spread to far to remove. they sent him home with 3-6 weeks left on his life. he hadn’t been able to eat for days, but on the way home to die, he told his wife he had a craving for collard greens and cornbread. when they got home, she fixed it for him and he ate it all. a week later, the doctors ran tests, and the man was completely cancer free. tonight, that man will be in the church i grew up in, just like he has every weekend for much longer than i can remember. i have seen God work miracles first-hand, i have felt His power, and i stand in awe at His mercy and love.

  39. ^Lame^

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