Thursday, June 17, 2010

Help Wanted

previous post: The Power of Win



  1. BEN!

  2. Jade is a hell of a good friend… o.O

  3. Jade is certainly a better friend than I’ve ever known

  4. I’m eating breakfast at the moment. Did not enjoy the last one …

  5. Is Andrew dyslexic, or is that really his stand on abortion?

    If Logan made that statement the morning after, he must have checked for signs of unlawful entry to be as sure as he sounds.

  6. I’m sure glad Christie isn’t on my friends list right about now. Bat. Shit. Crazy.

  7. Andrew ftw.

  8. I hope Andrew impales himself on a fence post.

  9. Strange thought occurs that Andrew may have been using the juxtaposition of normal trains of thought to create a humourous effect.
    A joke, if you will.

  10. Christie…YOU’RE CRAZY! Proofs in the pudding sweetie.

    Really Kate? Really?

    T.M.I. Annie, but I’m glad you have a good friend. She even left you little x’s!

  11. i thought shitting myself in class was the nadir until i got herpes.

  12. Jade is all shades of saintly.

  13. Andrew is the kind of person I could hang with. Srsly.

  14. @Pedanticoldgit
    I’m with you on that one. The obvious stupidity of his statement combined with the correct grammar is a give away. Kate on the other hand….

  15. HHAHAHAHAHHAAH Andrew. You made me lol.

  16. Yes, Andrew’s is most likely a joke, but alas, some people really do think that way.

  17. i’m pretty sure kate’s an idiot. just sayin

  18. @wordpervert: We all know modern technology will ensure that Andrew will have full reproductivity. As sure as we know the greatest medical minds are spending all their time curing hairloss and prolonging erections!

  19. I didn’t think these were going to be good until I got to Andrew’s post. They just got better from there.

  20. As a woman, Andrew’s shouldn’t have been fuuny, but it made me spit freshly baked cupcakes all over the place! (don’t worry I promptly hoovered up!!)

  21. ‘Undergound Ship’……….really Kate???
    If only Kate was apart of that era, she could of prevented it all!

  22. I know I shouldn’t be, but something about Andrew’s comment made me exceptionally attracted to him.

  23. Queencow, oh yes, they’ve come up with remedies for those things, but no surprises there, being issues that affect the male population. Priorities, after all. Having said that, I do prefer a hairy man that can go the distance.

  24. nice legs penny. if you’re baking i’ll have a slice.

  25. Hmmm, I’m somewhat bemused by the female reaction to Andrew’s comment. Even if it is a joke, I was expecting more of a united girl front in opposition to it. I’m almost on my own in thinking it’s not that funny. I must be missing something.

    I agree, alord, she’s got good legs.

  26. Andrew’s comment is great but then again I love morbid humor.

  27. I didn’t think it was very funny either Word. I get what he was going for, and still, not so funny. If a joke has the words “Killing Babies” in it, it’s pretty much guaranteed to NOT make me laugh.

  28. I hope that’s Annie i know who said that!!! :)
    Andrew seems like my kind of guy! that’s the best update in a long time to facebook, good man! :) <3 x

  29. From a feminist stand-point, yes, Andrew’s comment makes me want to punch him in the throat. And killing babies is wrong. In all, his status was just horrid.

    But it made me chortle, so I have to give him points for that. Something about having confidence in saying something stupid, I guess. I think it’s like the Ann Coulter-effect.

  30. Poor Kate. Probably never paid attention in history class, and took things way too literally.

  31. Christie, your sense of humor is crazy for you to have been able to concoct a crazy status like that. It really left me with the feeling that you are crazy with a sense of self control.

    Kate, they are called submarines, and they go underwater.

    Andrew, Just WOW. You’ve got balls of steel. I was impressed with the fact you were able to cone up with two terrible reasons to support the pro-abortion team and anti-abortion. I laughed at the outrageousness of it.

    Logan, if he’s not gay, I wouldn’t worry either.

    Katie, hook me up. Then we can hook up.

    Annie, thanks for the advice. Jade, are you sleeping with the janitor?

  32. Kate makes me want to rip my eyes out.

    However, you would be surprised at the number of people I’ve met who actually think the “underground railroad” was an underground railroad. I need new friends.

  33. @HelveticaNude,
    Your Ann Coulter reference made me laugh more than anything else.

  34. having read helvetica’s post, i decided to look up ann coulter (being from across the pond, i can hopefully be forgiven for not casting my lobster pots into the undercurrent of american socio-politics).

    i have just spent the last 30 minutes reading her lengthy wiki entry, full of statement, testimony, rebuttal, confusion, sublime, absurd, explosion, 100% beef and also sourdough. there were moments of utter disbelief at the ridiculousness of her comments, but she does have an eye for a quip.

    my favourite snippet amongst the bio, though, was this:

    During Coulter’s speech at the University of Western Ontario, she told a Muslim student to “take a camel”, in response to the student’s question about previous comments by Coulter that Muslims should not be allowed on airplanes.



    i’d still do her though.

  35. It was so embarrassing that he shit in class that he had to share it on facebook. Makes perfect sense.

  36. Andrew FTW.

  37. Also, an underground ship from Poland to Canada would have been such an obvious thing to do. Makes me frustrated too, Kate.

  38. Christie must be a republican…

    Poor Kate, someone show her a map, please…

    Is there a reason why Logan can’t spike his own drink?

  39. @eyeheartbrains,
    One more compliment and my pants will be mentally off!

    She’s one of the reasons why I prefer learning about American politics over Canadian politics. She’s like a goldmine of asshatery.

    If she didn’t look so much like an anthropomorphized fork I’d be more inclined to dip my balls in it. I’ll take Christina Hendricks with a dumb mouth to bump vag’s with, thanks.

  40. “Don’t get me wrong: I love the idea of killing unwanted babies; it’s just that the notion of letting women make a decision doesn’t sit well with me.”

    —Zach Braff on abortion

    Sweet Andrew. If you’re going to copy someones words and try to make them sound like your own at least do it in a swift way like Zach instead of sounding like an ass.

  41. i want to spend a day with kate,just for fun

  42. Wait. So he wants to kill babies? Am I getting that right? But he’s against it because it gives women a choice? So he’s a psychopath in the making? Andrew confuses me, I need to drink more, I’ll have to come back and reread…again to figure this out.

    p.s. lamebook, I need more side boob. Where the hell is it!?! You’re depriving me out my only lesbian impulse. Well not the only one, there is still word. Love ya word :)

  43. Andrew’s has to be the best.

    Too bad I can’t copy it. Well…I could, but my friends would think I’m even weirder than they already do.

  44. HelveticaNude, thanks for introducing me to the horror that is Ann Coulter. Add Nancy Grace to the mix, and you guys have a very scary female duo of media commentators in your part of the world.
    We simply have no equivalent here in Aus.

    Yes ee, where have all the side boobs gone? Does a showing of bottom boob do anything for you? I could help you out on that one, but not here.

  45. word, this lack of side boob has really gotten to me. I could spot them a mile away, and make saucy comments about them. I fear my reservoir of imagery has dried up. Damn you lamebook! As for bottom boob, I’ll talk what I can get. Just as long as you’re the one dishing it out.

  46. Also, HelveticaNude I love your name. As a graphic artist, I have a fond respect for the fonts of this world. (If my assumption is correct. If not, oh well still love the name! Clever indeed.)

  47. Andrew and Zach Braff have the right idea if you ask me. Abortions make the world go round! Just think of how many Annie’s, Christie’s and Kate’s could potentially populate the earth. I don’t know about you guys, but thats scary to me…

  48. ee, I’m a bit choked up right now. Just saw some new pics on my facebook feed of that far away loved one. Pass me a tissue, and I’ll give you some bottom boob.

  49. krasivaya_devushka

    OMG Ann Coulter is one crazy bitch.

  50. @wordpervert,
    I try to spread it around. But Nancy Grace and Ann Coulter really should team up in a united ‘annoy the shit out of everyone’ front. They’d be the perfect duo for the job. Coulter’s a fuckwit and Nancy Grace’s “inside voice” is like everyone else’s “setting off a fire alarm through a megaphone.”

    Be still my heart! I’m glad someone caught what I was going for! There are so many horribly stupid font jokes I can make, but I can’t even fathom how nerdy I would come off.

    My vote’s for all boob. Preferably, boobs that should be seen through a lacy nun uniform.

    Also, google informs me that lacy nun uniforms don’t exist yet. Someone should get on that.

  51. word, cheer up! I’ll pass you a tissue, don’t make me sad too. If I sense a tear, they come rolling on. Smile my word, don’t be sad. I’d give you a hug if I could, 14 hours is too much for us.

    Helvetica, you have high favors in my book. No need to feel nerdy, I’m around fonts all day long. My favorite is Vag, only because I call it Vage. Every time I use it I giggle and get all warm and tingly inside.

  52. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    word and ee, the word for bottom boob is “Neathage”

  53. Neathage? Really, I shall use that in a sentence today to make it stick to memory. Thank you, you have been very helpful in my quest.

  54. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    yeah, like a weird pastiche of “underNEATH” and “cleavAGE”

  55. @ee,
    Aha! I think I just made the most unappealing snorting sound at that! Honestly, once I started making more graphic artist friends a whole new world of wonder opened up.

    I think there’s some sort of romance between artists and puns.

  56. Makes sense. Although I do love that bottom boob (Neathage, thanks Dukey ;) ) I still have my heart set on that oh so wonderful side boob. Makes my heart stop.

  57. ‘Neathage’ reminds me of ‘Neanderthals.’ I can only picture Neanderthal women flouncing about in Hooters uniforms. While it’s entertaining in my mind it’s not entertaining in my pants.

  58. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    It IS fucken sexy as hell though. I remember the first one I saw in real life. It was at this club in dallas TX. I hit that like there was no tomorrow. Lol, ok you girls are getting me worked up, hold on let me grab an ice cold one.

  59. That there is Helvetica, we are in a world all our own. I have to be careful though, I design children’s books. Can’t have any of my x-rated Tendencies filtering though, no good could come of that. Other than scared children.

  60. Dukey, love it!. Between that, and ee’s virtual hug, I feel so much better.

  61. word, I was wondering where you went. Are you feeling better? Don’t make me fly over there and cheer you up! Unless you wanted me too, in that case, I’ll book a flight ASAP!

  62. Oh, but ee, for me, creating a children’s book would be a dream! I’m sure if we teamed up it would at least be educational on a sexual front. They all have to learn at some time, right?

  63. lol! God help the children!

  64. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    Actually @ ee, I wish I were one of the children

  65. Oh shit Dukey, your doomed with corruption. Brace yourself!

  66. Well, I don’t know about you guys and gals, but I learned all I knew about sex and lust from watching The Rocky Horror Picture Show when I was eight. I’m sure a children’s book could do less damage, right?

    Dukey would enjoy it, so at least we could have sold one copy.

  67. Children’s books about BDSM and paraphilias will only enhance his knowledge. It’s totally acceptable. I’ll pitch it later.

  68. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    Helvetica, each copy would end up being too sticky and so I would buy 6 every week which would become some sort of residual income.

  69. Dukey, you’re just making me think that ee and I would make more money if we made a series.

    Or maybe we could make it easy to clean, like some of those plastic children’s books? We’re here for our readers, after all.

    What if we made them into pop-up books? I think that would be more valuable and crippling to a child’s psyche than a simple flat book.

  70. Helvetica, you had me a Rocky Horror Picture Show. One of my all time favorites!

    Dukey, no sticky pages! Think of the children!

  71. Pop-up books! Holy Shit! We could make a fortune in the porn industry with this. Think of the possibilities!

  72. word…did you leave me? I’ll do a all out web call for you if I have to! Don’t temp me!

  73. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    lol Helvetica, the books would not be the only things that are popping up.

  74. Helvetica, I wish to call you Nude. Can I call you that, it seems more fitting.

  75. I’m here, ee, I’ve been busy sending pictures.

  76. Oh, ee, we’re just made for each other, don’t you see? Clearly we must throw toast around and dance about. We can’ just dream it – we must be it. I think this is a sign, clearly.

    We could! Not only would it teach the kids how to do basic movements and simple positions, but our books could be props for student-teacher pornos.

  77. All this talk of “Rocky Horror” has put me in a time warp.

  78. Dukey, I’m glad. Then my plan has worked perfectly. I do hope you put that to good use. It’s a waste not to.

    ee, you can call me anything you like. Preferably ‘lover’ but I can’t be picky, Nude fits ever so nicely.

  79. word, let’s do that time warp again, shall we? Shit, now I’m going to have to watch that tomorrow night, but I’ll think of you while I’m doing so.

    Nude (lover), I’m not much for crumbs, but if we must dance about with toast we shall.

  80. Girlfriend, I hope you appreciate what I do for you, and I hope you’re laughing right about now. Inside joke between us ladies, fellas. Apologies.

  81. word, ee, I’ll give you both permission slips to touch-a, touch-a, touch-a, touch my side boob.

    It is a must! Hopefully the crumbs won’t go in anywhere naughty. Or, hopefully they do.

  82. dietpillpyramidscheme

    It’s not really relevant to the post, but American Apparel should market themselves in fundamentalist Islamic states. By making an otherwise attractive women completely desexualised, surely it achieves the same purpose as the Burqua.

    I think they’re on a winner.

  83. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    OK, I’m leaving now. I will let y’all continue your lesbian threesome. Maybe if Malteaser were here, she could have convinced me to stay by saying those three lil letters.

  84. Listening to Cornershop’s “Brimful of Asha” at the moment. The line “Everybody needs a bosom for a pillow” fits this conversation nicely.

  85. word, our love runs deep, and I mean that with all sincerity. They just don’t get it. Keep those smiles upturned my dear.

    Nude, thanks so much for the invite. Much apprechiated, it will ease my lust for the eveing.

    With that ladies (and Dukey who has played so well), I am off. My bed beckons and I must adhere. To all a good night.

    word, till next time. :)

  86. Oh, word, you are so right!

    ee, I’m glad I could help somehow.

    I must be off, too, though. Blasted early mornings and whatnot. I had a loverly time today, though. Many thanks for that.

  87. fecesbook.

  88. wow.
    Christie, this way for a nice white suit that buttons up at the back…
    Andrew, way to get your priorities right on this issue…
    Logan, and yet still wondering why your bum hurt’s like a mo’fo everytime you let him spike your drink…hmmm…
    Annie, i think enough dribbling’s been done, you REALLY didn’t have to share this..

  89. LoL what ever happened to the sentiment called “Shame”?

  90. Christie scares me…

  91. good god! Annie, Jade is a good friend…keep her around.

  92. All jokes aside I recently read somewhere that Playboy had came out with a 3D version for blind people.

  93. I didn’t read the rest of the comments but Nonnie, do you mean Braille rather than 3D?

  94. No BH, well yes, I suppose it would also be in Braille, but I meant 3D. They used plastic molds I believe to depict the images, but I did not actually read the whole article as I was called into my appointment so I am not completely sure. I do not think I thew the magazine out so if I come across it I will let you know for sure.

  95. Ohhh, right. I thought you meant this whole 3D glasses kinda thing. I thought the people working on Playboy For The Blind had made a REALLY stupid choice…

  96. I thought Andrew was hilarious. He gives a fresh new take on the old abortion argument simply by switching the positive and negative. He’s AGAINST women’s freedom of choice and he’s FOR killing babies. This could very well be the way people who hate the world and everybody in it think. I do hope he MEANT it to be funny.

  97. Understatement of the year? lol I guess as though, as I have never been blind, maybe it will add a little something for those who are. I find it unlikely, but hey, who knows.

  98. I googled it but all I could find was an old-ish article about making the articles Braille… ‘making blind people the only people who REALLY read Playboy just for the articles.’

  99. Andrew most definitely was influenced by a guy named Maddox. His website is “The Best Page In The Universe” with the address Go to the link titled “Looking for a safe stance on abortion? Me neither.” Some of it is verbatim. The other posts have some truly brilliant material. Maddox started the emails years ago titled “I Am Better Than Your Kids”. They were drawings made by small children and then graded (harshly) by Maddox.

  100. I agree with Andrew, except for the baby killing part…

  101. Let’s hope Logan’s buddy really is as good a friend as Jade…

  102. BH, Here’s an online article on Playboy for the Blind and the actual pictures/plastic molds.

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