Friday, October 23, 2009

Have a Hell of a Weekend

helluva-weekend

previous post: Parents Just Don’t Understand.

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110 Comments

  1. Wait…WHAT?

  2. uhh…i’m not quite sure what to make of this exchange

  3. Exchange? All I’m seeing is random text, like there was a hamster on the keyboard.

    *headscratch*

  4. Both of you are going to hell for being stupid.

  5. In-jokes should be kept to private messaging, because nobody wants to be subjected to this kind of douchebaggery.

  6. I’m not hip like you kids today but doesn’t “eating someone out” mean cunnilingus, not fellatio? Or would a guy also say someone ate him out?

    I thought Mickey was a gay dude harassing Gaby about being a ‘phobe. But maybe I’m confuzzed.

  7. He might be talking about somebody munching his bumbum.

  8. You can eat out a man. It’s called Rimming. Analingus. Tongue-in-ass, to be more direct.

  9. I wanted to root for Mickey, but both of these people are irrecoverably stupid.

  10. Fake.

  11. it’s also known as salad tossing or getting a dirty sanchez etc etc.

  12. Those random strings of numbers are so totally lame.

  13. Even worse is the fact that she could have just copied and pasted the number he had originally posted, instead of quoting a lesser number, meaning that she still indirectly admits to having sex with hundreds of thousands of black men.

  14. @ Spike Nesmith it was a gerbil.

    *leaves thread in shame*

  15. Thanks guys for enlightening me…I knew all those other words for ass-to-mouth action but it never occurred to me to refer to it as “eating out”. I am slow. :/

  16. All three are going to Hell for poor use of the english language. If you can call it english.

  17. @ 16. Kaoss

    The ‘e’ in English is capitalized. Now you’re going to hell.

  18. Well . . . Gaby is right. Gays will go to Hell. I’m not a homophobe or anything, but it’s in te bible that a marriage is to be between a man and woman. No, a tranny doesn’t count. So unless the gays don’t believe in God, they’d be going to Hell either way.

    J-man, the ‘h’ in Hell is capitalized, as well.

  19. the*

    My fault.

  20. it makes no difference to me. i don’t need your precious rules of the english language. i am the e.e. cummings of the lamebook comments page. i also don’t become an uppity faggot when i read someone’s poor grammar like 75% of the commenters.

  21. Um, you need a comma between “grammar” and “like” in that last sentence.

    *ducks*

  22. @KPH

    So… because a book of moral guidelines written out as stories says marriage should be between a man and a woman, anyone who isn’t interested in the opposite sex is going to hell. Even if they don’t get married. O… k.

  23. Do I even bother justifying KPH’s comment with a response?
    Lamebook isn’t exactly the place for a theological debate.

  24. As an added fun fact:

    The phrases “I’m not a homophobe or anything,” “I’m not a racist but…” etc. are *always* followed by homophobic or racist comments.

    Bonus points for adding “…but I have gay/black friends” after said comment.

  25. @T

    I don’t think Lamebook ISN’T the place. I mean, the comment area seems to be a free-for-all and I have seen some pretty impressive conversational tangents. Makes for an interesting read.

    :3

  26. @KPH and S Hol, and any other fundamentalist nuts who subscribe to something as outdated and as prejudice as any religion…

    Just wondering if you believe in magic?
    Of course you don’t.

    Then why would you believe in the bible?

    It’s basically a collection of fairy tales, and all religion has held back humanity for far too many years.

    Religion is a creation of man, and is POISON to all of humanity… please stop this nonsense.

  27. The bibles says lots of crazy shit. You can be stoned to death for wearing mixed fibres. Where are your placards now?

    Also, gays are probably going to hell, but not because of what it says in the bible.

  28. My apologies, Jarvis. I wasn’t agreeing, I was trying to wrap my mind around the bollocks KPH was saying. Reiterating his ridiculous idea by typing it out.

    What you say about the bible is what I believe – a book of stories. Not much more.

  29. @ SHol

    Oh OK, I get it now… I misinterpreted what you said!

  30. so let me get this straight….Gaby and Mickey are slave traders?

  31. I love giving rim jobs to guys who have the runs.

  32. @ #11 – a dirty sanchez is totes something different. check it – http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=dirty+sanchez.

    definitely worse than just licking some butt.

  33. @ 32

    It’s in cases like this that Urban Dictionary’s offer to put definitions on mugs, truly, truly, makes sense.

  34. perhaps Mickey is a chick.

  35. For if you don’t own the whale, you are but a provincial and sentimentalist in Truth.

  36. Mickey’s an idiot, but Gaby’s the real loser in this one.

    KPH, the Bible says a lot of shit. It condones slavery, and selling your children as such, and the subjugation of women, and the bashing of babies against rocks and so on and so forth. You might want to brush up on what it is you’re choosing to believe in.

  37. they both are so low class….I think they deserve each other/
    and for #36 the Bible doesnt condone anything of that…. you clearly forgot it presents part of the history of the world, wether you like it or not.

  38. STFU, deviant.

  39. Even with a typo, I still hate them.

  40. deviantfairy,

    And in those parts of history, those things were okay. And so the Bible goes along with that and condones those things. Sorry to burst your religious bubble, but them’s the facts.

    Actually, I’m not sorry at all. Wake the fuck up, zombiepod.

  41. @ KPH

    You do realize that the bible also says you are to not eat anything from the water that does not have fins or scales? So basically, by your standards, if you ever ate shrimp or crab (or clams, muscles, lobster) you would also be going to hell.

  42. @ KPH

    Pro tip: Heaven doesn’t exist.

  43. @KPH- Why wouldnt a tranny be able to be married, or go to heaven? Because they are born different? Then does that mean that all people with a misformed hand or that are missing a finger cant go either? Retarded people get scrapped and sent to Hell also? Interesting.

  44. Mickey is obviously an attention-seeking gaylord, who is either oblivious to the fact that he is a second-class citizen or is trying to fight for the right to be all kinds of gay all over the place. Look. If you’re some kind of non-dominant culture, how about not trying to ‘irritate your way in’ so maybe everybody won’t hate you? I don’t think that marching up the street in assless chaps is a way to get people on your side. Gaby is just sick of his shit. She has probably endured weeks or years of this fag basically being an idiot. And now he’s actually gay? He’s obviously just come out if he’s still a virgin, and if he thinks it’s all tongue in the ass, well then he’s sadly mistaken.

  45. aniskai – agreed, but i think this one would make the best mug.

    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=alabama+hot+pocket

    ahhh…hazelnut.

  46. @ 45 Adam
    Hahahahaha. The terminology of that definition is pretentious enough for mug indeed.

  47. for a mug*

  48. I’m all about the love kids… free passes for entry into Heaven to everyone (apart from Mickey and Gaby… clearly).

    Said a lot in the bible in the past, one man and one woman jargon, then let that Abraham guy have 700 wives and a couple of hundred concubines… I just go with the flow…

  49. Hey ryanoceros, your argument is invalid and your statement is sending you to the fiery pits of hell you seem to believe in because I said so. I get sick of straight peoples shit all the time, should they not be ‘straight all the time’? Should we stop having protests about violence and racism as well because it’s ‘irritating our way in’? What the fuck are you even talking about? The people’s stupidity on this website amazes me sometimes.

  50. zoned, wtf are you talking about?

  51. Dear Everyone,
    Smashing religion is not cool, niether is saying that gay ppl are going to hell. so..everyone just calm the eff down and make fun of these people for being the dumbasses they are.
    the end

  52. there is a cure for gay people, its called aids

  53. Jesus was quite clear on the subject. He said “those that lie with another after their own kind shall be cast to bottomless perdition, there to dwell in adamantine chains.” Or maybe that was Milton. It doesn’t really matter. The point is I hate gays and if you don’t hate them too, you’re wrong.

  54. mickey gives gay people a bad name, i SOOO wont have sex with him now

  55. by the way im a dude (y)

  56. and no im not gay it was a joke (y)

  57. Cuz like, straight people don’t get AIDS. Neither do heroin addicts or people who share needles.. right? Just for the gays? Fail information.

    Boz – I’M RIGHT AND YOU’RE WRONG AND OMG I’M GOING TO PITCH A FIT IF YOU TELL ME I’M WRONG CUZ THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO.

  58. I think we should bring that selling your kid thing back.

  59. @ Boz
    Sometimes you make me smile.

    Does anyone else see the unintentional irony in Gaby’s original statement? “your going to hell for being gay cos that’s not in the bible”
    What, you mean that part about gay people going to hell is not in the Bible? You’re right, Gaby. It’s not. I wonder if the logic here is that whatever’s not in the Bible is what’s actually true. That would be an interesting idea for a novel.

  60. Geonardo DiMetrio

    Funfact: “sodomy” actually refers to any non-procreative sex act (not just gay buttsecks). Therefore, according to the Bible, ANYONE who gets oral sex, a handjob, engages in a 69, or I guess even masturbates is condemned to hell for all eternity.

    No wonder super-religious types always seem so uptight. :S

  61. @Rebecca

    Good. That’s the point.

    Also, there seems to be an irony deficit all over the internet, as exemplified by @Fail

  62. @zoned: go pee on a baby

  63. This is the worst thread possibly ever, with few people having valid points. The education system has failed most of you, and for that I am truly sorry. :(

  64. ryanoceros: the biggest homophobes are the biggest closet cases.

  65. I see my comment has started a bit of controversy. Well, yes, I do know what you, StealthBanana, are saying, but that stuff is in the OLD TESTAMENT. You don’t go by the Old Testament anymore. We abide by the New Testament.

    And “Satan,” a tranny is someone who was born a man or woman and went through a procedure of a sort to become the oppisite sex. We are born who we are for a reason. It’s not as if a mentally challenged person chose to be mental. He/She was born that way. Same for a person born with misfeatures.

  66. Oh boy, just got back to this thread. Seems like it needs a little theology after all. I’m going to take a non-judgmental approach; I’m not even going to bash your religion, but work with it.

    First of all, let’s rule out any condemnation in the Old Testament (such as the Leviticus verse that many folks like to quote) since the ‘old law’ was wiped clean in the New Testament, therefore invalidating nonsensical laws in that book including “Men shall not shave their sideburns” or “You cannot eat shellfish” laws. This was made clear in Hebrews 8:7, “For if that first covenant had been faultless, then should no place have been sought for the second.”

    Now we can move on to the New Testament– the only person that seemingly condemns homosexuality in this section of the Bible is Paul, in his letters to the Romans and Timothy. The modern English translators of the Bible have decided *of their own accord* to translate certain words as “homosexuality,” therefore effectively creating material to bash the gays. However, if you look at the original greek words that Paul used in the letters, which are “malakos” and “arsenokoitai”– they are not words that were directly used to refer to homosexuals. In fact, not one person is able to directly translate the meaning of these words, only infer. If Paul was actually referring to homosexuals, he would have a word like “erastes” or “paederastes” which were actual words. Not only that, but Paul’s letters contained many aspects which were his ‘opinion’, naturally breeded by society at the time. He could have been simply expressing his distaste for an aspect of humans that he had yet to understand.

    Trying to keep it short here, but that should cover the basics for the people who try to use the Bible as an excuse for homophobia.

  67. @T

    ARSENOKOITAI is my new favourite Greek word.

    Also, if you’re wondering why you don’t get invited to more parties, I have a possible answer.

  68. As an addendum for KPH–
    “Tranny” is short for the word transgender, which could refer to any of the following subcategories; transvestite, transsexual, or drag queen. The three are very different things, and you should keep that in mind. A transvestite is not necessarily gay or wanting to be a woman, they simply find it attractive to dress in the clothing of the opposite sex. A transsexual is someone who was ‘born in the wrong body’ and the way they feel inside does not match the way they are outside. I’m guessing you’re referring to ‘transsexual’ here.

    “a tranny is someone who was born a man or woman and went through a procedure of a sort to become the oppisite sex.”
    There are post-op and pre-op transsexuals, both are covered under the term.

    Your argument is not very valid in the sense that people who are born with an ‘illness’ or ‘misfeature’ that is correctable by surgery would do so. In the case of transsexual people, they were born in the wrong body– if it is fixable by surgery, it is no different than a child getting braces, or a blind person getting operated on in order for them to see.

  69. I wouldn’t invite T to a T party. I hate it when people go on about trannies. Maybe that’s what T stands for.

  70. @ryanoceros

    Your clever comments shredded my heart into tiny little pieces.

  71. i heart T

  72. T would be invited to every single one of my parties. And not just because I could refer to him as Mr. T, if he is indeed a him.

  73. KPH-So you have a specific reason why some people are born intersexed? Who gave you the authority to claim or label what sex they are? Are you God’s assistant, or are you there to check all babies that are born? There are some people born one way, but always feel that they were supposed to be born the other way. So….who is to say, that maybe they were SUPPOSED to be a woman, but were born a man. Thus they were born a man, but think and act like a woman. You are saying it is wrong to have a sex change? Well, lets go condemn all those people who have had any kind of cosmetic surgery for any reason. To Hell with those who touched up, or enlarged a body part, received liposuction, had tonsils taken out, or even gotten a circumcision. When you carry your torch against all of these purposeful changes, then let us know.

  74. There is such a thing as a substandard body.

  75. T

    Thank you.

    I can’t believe so many people still blindly let their lives be ruled by dogmatism.

  76. I’m gonna try not getting in this. I don’t think Gaby was a Christian in the first place. If she was she wasn’t a good one being racist. Don’t blame Christans for someone using a common religion based insult. I know the antichrist was suppose to be gay, but I don’t claim to know exactly how God will judge people and even if Paul said it Paul is a man. Not God. If everyone learned some tolerance we wouldn’t have such problems.

  77. nigga ill suck yo dik

  78. T, you are the one who wrote something and then wrote an addendum to it. Get over yourself.

  79. The people I can’t stand the most are the religious who make such ridiculous statements that they bring about insults. No TRULY religious person, at least in my religion, would say “gay isn’t in the Bible so you’re going to Hell if you’re gay” because that has nothing to do with who goes to Hell or not. Faithful people who rely too heavily on the Bible are doomed to misstep. True faith must be based on more than just the Bible.

    But all you here who laugh at the faithful and get your rocks off feeling superior, rest assured that no matter what you say, no truly faithful person is going to care what you think. You are not smarter than hundreds of thousands of philosophers and theologians from centuries of history.

  80. Ruff, Ruff, Bow-Wow!

  81. Hey Mary, it’s a coincidence you told us no truly faithful person is going to care what we think. Because likewise, WE don’t give a shit what YOU think. Bring your hibber jabber somewhere else.

  82. A debate about religion? Well, I never!

  83. i don’t know who the bigger idiot is…gaby and mickey (whose genders are still undetermined) or all you folks who believe everything written in the Bible is the word of God. Man wrote the Bible. In theory we are to believe that everything that Man wrote in the Bible is the word of God. I could write a whole bunch of stuff down and say that God told me. Or I could write a bunch of stuff down because its my interpretation of what God says or maybe stuff like men loving other men or women bleeding every 28 days scares the crap out of me and I don’t understand it so surely it is unGodly and a great big fat sin. Yeah man has never been irrational and spread irrational fears and claimed it was the word of God. You know Hitler thought he was doing the work of God.

    Idiots

  84. oh yeah….and to the person who said “yeah well that was the old testament, we only go by the new testament now”….thats interesting, now you folks think you CAN pick and choose what you’ll believe? hmmmm

  85. how do you know know you’re picking the right thing

  86. Exactly. They just choose which ‘rules’ of the religion they find suitable and abide by those. To all the others, it’s okay, God will ‘forgive’ them. AKA: Cannot think for themselves, cannot be run their lives by the words of one who doesn’t exist. That’s what I find so hilarious about religion. All you people preach and preach about how gay people or other sinners will go to hell for ‘breaking Gods rules’, yet you break tons of them, only choosing the ones you find comfortable. Hypocritical, all of you.

  87. Like the priests who molest children. These supposed ‘holier than thou’ people who tell everyone how to live there lives and never to sin…well low and behold! They have sex with eachother and children, including male children, WHICH MAKES THEM GAY TOO. Ahhhh!

  88. *their lives

  89. @T I think you win. You are invited to every party I will ever throw for the rest of my life :)

    They’re both idiots. Why do we need to argue about who’s right and who’s wrong?

  90. @79- Idiot flamebait christians are YOUR sheep. You people converted them and didn’t bother to educate them. Be a little more selective when knocking on doors.

    Also, this is a perfectly acceptable forum for mocking idiots (faithful or not), and your idea that we do this to feel superior is preposterous. People are here for a good laugh. Do you know what that feels like? Probably not… try pulling that crucifix out of your ass first.

  91. God damn it, missed the fun!

  92. Val you are a douche
    Ryanoceros is too
    AA is a drunk

  93. you suck at haiku
    clearly you are not the one
    that you claim to be

  94. Everyone
    Is
    Gay

  95. At least I’m not the only one with mentally handicapped imposters. You can tell it’s really me because I didn’t say “gay” or “fucking”. And I’m hyperlinked. So yeah, it’s really me. Boz. Your God and Hero.

    Kaoss, I will have sex with you now. BUT NO “FUCKING”.

  96. Every time I got drunk in high school the religion talks always transformed into “the existence of aliens” talk… was that just me?

  97. perfidious_albion

    @Zoned: Ahhhh, that tired old libel about paedos being gay cos they like boys. Despite twenty years or more of research that conclusively refutes that assertion.

    You’ll be justifying your antisemitic beliefs on the Protocols of the Elders of Zion next

  98. Fuck this, my ass is screaming.

  99. dude fag is not rite. pray the gay away ppl!
    its obviously not natural, u guys wouldnt survive if everyone was gay because no one would continue the line in ur family… its not rite

  100. The only reason I can think of for someone hating and/or being fearful of gays is because they feel a bit tempted by the whole thing.

    Personally I couldn’t give a monkeys about who anyone else has sex with. It’s none of my business. I like women, some blokes like blokes. Big fucking deal.

    Fag Hater obviously just wants someone to plough his arse, but is to scared to admit it.

  101. T, you freaking rock and your invited to all my parties ever.

    seriously though, what do you people have against gay poeple? how can you honestly say that the way someone else chooses to live their life is wrong? are you so much better than someone else because they dont feel exactly how you do? i’d like if you all would, to think what you would really do if your best friend said to you tomorrow that he/she was gay. would you really hate them all of a sudden because of this? does the “sin” of them being gay really out-weigh the friendship you’ve built up over how ever many years and experiences?

    think about it.

  102. @t- you talk alot of sense.
    @tom – i like you.

    Why do people CARE what other people do? SERIOUSLY?!?!? do you really have that much free time to actually CARE?!!

  103. to the guy named owy

    um, aren’t you like caring right now

  104. #60
    i know i’m late but i have to say that getting a blowjob has nothing to do with sex nor sodomy.
    Ask Mr Clinton.
    I’ll go to hell anyways, but not because of this!

  105. i am absolutely impressed with this debate!

    what do you christians feel about incest, because there were only two people on the planet, adam and eve? :)

  106. haha, Cocky, if you read it you’d discover that the laws about incest and such like only came about when moses took them from egypt… like 2000 years after creation

  107. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 – “Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.” (NIV). Leviticus 18:22 – “Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.” (NIV)

    Leviticus 20:13 – “If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads
    just another reason I think Christians are douche bags I bet doing my Gf in the ass is offensive to jeebus too

  108. i don’t have time to read what you wrote but I’ll say this:
    God gave us the freedom to make our own decisions and to be who we want to be, gay or straight. and maybe you retards should read the bible before making up crap that doesn’t even exist. nobody’s going to hell except if they did heinous crimes and even then we’re not even sure if they go to hell.oh,and metalcraze inventing quotes,names,and numbers and mixing them together doesn’t mean they came from the actual bible you fucking retard. so maybe before you start posting bullshit do some research.

    P.S: Don’t belittle a religion you know nothing of and start talking crap cause you’ll just look like a retarded douche bag. just like you do now:D

  109. Dear RegretfulPast,
    Speaking of talking crap concerning a religion you know nothing about, thus making yourself look like a retard, the bible was TRANSLATED into english.

    The concept of hell only turned up in the middle ages.

    In the old testament the hebrew word “sheol” (old testament was written in hebrew) is mentioned and it means “the grave”.

    The new testament was written in in greek and it says “gehenna”, meaning “burning place”, “hades, meaning “the grave” and “tartarus” meaning a dark place.

    The concept of hell with the 9 circles with different punishments for different sins is medieval.

    Look it up, douche

  110. Actually, “sodomy” refers to sex that is not procreative.

    Also, to the above commenters: please stop arguing about the Bible. Yes, it doesn’t originally mention hell. Yes, it contains a lot of… unpleasantness. Maybe we should learn to live by our own code rather than a book’s; anyone think about that?

    And finally, I’m pretty sure the “fight” on this one wasn’t actually real. It seemed too friendly and silly, and not in a “holy fucking shit these people are stupid” kind of way.

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