Friday, July 2, 2010

Happy “Graduation” Squib

Let’s help Squib out. JOIN HERE!

previous post: Not My Type



  1. STEVER!

  2. Fucking love it. Brilliant. xD I joined.

    stever, do you just sit here all day refreshing until there’s a new Lamebook post?

  3. I’m gonna be in America on those dates, maybe I can attend ;)

  4. Wait, he lives in London.

    Damn it.

  5. What kind of name is “Squib”?? Also, I can’t blame him for boycotting the “feminism” class. “Feminism” is just part of the liberal agenda to destroy the morals of this country by teaching women it is “OK” to engage in promiscuity and pruriency.

  6. i enjoyed this.

    i like that squib, despite not seeming to have any agency in his own life, summoned up the will to boycott feminism class.

    i have a friend, let’s call him boseph, who studied philosophy. he failed his second year because he wrote his final essay, on heidegger, as a dialogue between him and the philosopher. during the dialogue, they go to the cinema, enjoy a walk on the beach, and have a game of tennis. boseph has been living at home for three years now, having failed to tell his parents he was kicked off the course (he stayed in london for 6 months, owed his friends over £800 in rent, then threw his phone into a canal and disappeared so he couldn’t be chased up) – and now he claims to be studying for an MA at the university of birmingham. he’s not.

  7. Haha That would be an amazing and elaborate lie if he pulls it off!!!

  8. hobo – squib is at soas – the school of african and oriental studies. it was round the corner from me at ucl in london. the place was a sea of dreadlocks, saris and peace banners, and it smelled of lentils and weed. ya know the kind of place. what the fuck was squib doing there?

  9. dan_fargis: Squib is a nickname/shortened version of ‘Saquib’.

    alordslums: YOMANK. That’s juat awesome :P
    And to answer your question, it would seem he was doing fuck-all.

  10. @BritishHobo – My point still stands. What kind of name is “Saquib”?

  11. @Dan: What kind of name is Dan Fargis? I am sure Jesus doesn’t see anything wrong with the name Squib, now get over yourself.

    Squib’s friend is totally awesome. If I were in London, I would definitely help this cause. Haha. Squib is lucky his friends find his apathy so amusing.

  12. Oh and by the way, I posted that last one while having crazy anal sex with multiple partners and using hard street drugs because these crazy feminist ideas lead me down a road of promiscuity and sin.

  13. You too eusa? Weird…

  14. Katypants, what can I say, it’s Friday.

  15. Impressive eusa! And you too Katy? What a coinkidink.

  16. Love. It. I am in London and working round the corner on those days. Will have to pop along.

  17. Awesome.

  18. Wonderful!

    If I didn’t live in a piddly little island with no fixed link, I would definitely go.

  19. Lol! All the brazil fans are crying.

  20. on*

    My new job is supposed to be TEFL… I can’t even use prepositions properly in my own language.

  21. krasivaya_devushka

    @nuff, is Brazil out?

  22. Couldn’t agree more eusa. Hell, it’s payday! All the more cocaine and mexican speedballs to go around! Mix that with a pint of straight vodka, a few strangers from craiglist lookin’ for a good time, and plenty of lube; and the party is officially started. Where are you eusa? I thought this was an American thing. If not, I’d like to come visit. We can be feminists together.

    Nuff, you can join too, you just have to add to the “goody bag”.

  23. Kamarate, are you from P.E.I.?

  24. Yes krasivaya.

    Katypants, I would be more then willing to add to the goody bag.

  25. krasivaya_devushka

    Thank God! :D

  26. Don’t thank him, thank the Dutch!

  27. @1, go get ran over by something large, heavy and painful.

  28. @Katy, I am in the deep South of America, ya know, where everyone walks around fueled on Busch light and their idea of a good time is shooting some deer and then gettin drunk. Not too many feminists around here, lol.

    But seriously, vodka? I need some tequila and make sure the lube is water based, please. Nuff, you can bring the tequila.

  29. Here’s my question: How is it that Squib can conceptualize throwing a fake graduation, but he can’t pass his courses?

    To pull off this deception, he’s going to need: 1) a space (stadium, auditorium, etc., decorated); 2) a couple hundred people in cap & gown; 3) key-note speaker; 4) diplomas (or envelopes); 5) various deans, a college president, administrative types, etc.; 6) a band (or at least a DJ); and 7) older folks to play the parents of his fellow graduates.

    Wouldn’t it have been easier to just go to class?

  30. Thank Wesley Sneijder!

  31. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    I’m with Dan on this one folks, the guy should mos def boycott that class. Although I don’t mind the promiscuity and prurience.(take note of the spelling Dan, you are not yoink.)

    Where is yoink?

  32. This is soooo destined to fail.

  33. Tequila makes me horny. Done deal.

  34. I don’t think yoink has the means to get on the Internet while he’s working with his wood.

  35. what happened to the like/dislike buttons :s

  36. @Nuff: Nobody wants to think about Yoink “working with his wood” ;)

  37. I knew it was an American thing, eusa… I moved from the deep South to the “Great” Northeast where everyone is insane and drive like shit. Thanks to Brown we’ve got a few yuppie feminists, but they do it to be different (see: annoying). Nevertheless, the lube will clearly be water based (I’ve found the brand Wet is the best, so if you don’t mind…). I will also bring Whiskey as me and Tequila… well, that’s a story for another day.

    Nuff, I think tequila makes me horny too. I hardly remember. Oh, and it makes me lose stuff ;)

  38. lol Americans love debauchery. I actually moved to the Northeast for a little bit . . . Too damn cold, had to come home. Ha. I have only met one true feminist and it is sad the others give her a bad name, cause she rocks my socks. Sounds wonderful, whiskey is good once you are already drunk, I can work with that!

  39. ok, i made an account purely to comment on this. i go to soas. i know squib. not only is he a total hero, but so too is the guy who came up with the group.

    and to the ucl douchebag who doesn’t seem to like soas claiming that it’s full of weed smoking and peace etc…go fuck yourself.

  40. @Gilbert: The “fuck yourself” comment definitely gets ya’ll off the hook for the peace thing . . .

  41. It is effing cold most of the year… But it’s nice now! About 75 out now, zero humidity :) My little brother used to date a “feminist”, she was super smart and cute… but *everything* seemed to be “offensive” or “oppressive” bluuugghhhhh, shut up. Funny story, she ended up drunkenly cheating on him with his friend. Whatevs, I had a point and now have forgotten…..

  42. Fuckaroonie, it is difficult to not imagine that a carpenter would not have wood in his hands at one point or another. Your mind is clearly in the gutter fuckaroon. Tsk tsk.

    I would recommend Fourty Creek whiskey. I like it better than J.D. And can shoot it all night long. Katy, I insist you drink tequila on this occasion, I’m sure that personality will fit in just perfectly for the planned event! Wouldn’t you agree eusa?

  43. Katypants, 75 is too cold for me. Haha I am like a reptile . . . That is awesome when feminists (or any kind of hardcore trendy, uh, person) live a double standard.

    Nuff, I definitely agree that this occasion will require some tequila ingestion on the part of katypants.

  44. The vote is in Katy, and the pants are coming off!

  45. @ gilbert

    first of all, lol.

    i didn’t not like soas – i had lots of friends at soas – i played in a six-a-side team with soas’ football captain. and i’m sure if i asked him about soas, he would’ve agreed with my objective observations.

    in your post, you seem to think that i liked ucl. i didn’t. i’m not really a fan of universities per se. i find the whole uni chanting and uni pride thing a bit odd, a bit like nationalism in microcosm. to me, university was just a building i went to three or four (ok, maybe more like one or two) times a week. :-l

    you sound like soas means everything to you. you must either be childish, have a lack of perspective, be very lonely and require constant validation by belonging to some sort of tangible ‘group’; or you’re just a wonderfully innocent and naive child of the earth. if it’s the latter, i envy you.

    again, no offence intended young man.

  46. @38
    What’s eating you Gilbert Grape?

  47. lol Nuff.

  48. So, who are you rooting for in the world cup out of the teams left eusa? Or do you follow footy?

  49. Guys loving the support! cheers to everyone!
    To the people slating my name: It’s Arabic for Star, get over it
    I have much bigger problems to deal with at the moment.

  50. I am going for Spain . . . Dunno if they are still in or not cause I don’t really follow it, I just go for Spain cause that’s where my family is from. lol

  51. 75 is too cold?? Wow! Well, this weekend it’s supposed to get up to 95 and my ass is going to be on the beach allll weekend, I can’t wait!

    Nuff, oh jeez, seeing how you’re really twisting my arm, I suppose I will have some tequila. However, I will have to then change my name to katynopants… or holyshitwhere’dallmyclothesgoandwhydoesmyasshurt. LOL nosah. Maybe.

    I think someone put some whiskey in my coffee.

  52. wait wait wait, 75 is TOO COLD?
    i’d kill for 75 degrees..

    and if i lived in where Squib lives, i would totally go. haha i love it & i hope he can pull it off.

  53. 75 is too hot in my opinion.

  54. Wonderbread, it’s not too hot if you take your pants off.

  55. lol Katynopants. I like it.

    And yes, 75 is too cold! I like 80-85. I was raised in the desert and now live where it stays roughly 110 with the heat index, just the way my body is programmed. I am wearing a sweater right now because my A/C is blasting on 72. But my daughter LOVES it cold, so whatever she says goes. lol

  56. I’m holding you to that name change katypants, and they will be mine from then on when the time arrives for our little shindig. I’ll apologise in advance for that feeling in your backside.

    Eusa, Spain is still in it and they have a great chance until they meet Argentina.

  57. LOL Katynopants, you should start taking some ibuprofen on the quick like, get it built up in your system to ease the pain.

    Sweet, go Spain! lol

  58. Eusa, I’m sure I will find something to take of yours too. Don’t worry. Mind you, I don’t know what your name means.

  59. alordslums…no, soas doesn’t mean everything to me. In fact, it kind of pisses me off. But that’s because I understand how the whole university works and I actually know the people who study there. But what I hate more is people who go to the other London universities who look down on soas because they see it as ‘alternative.’ but whatever, have fun getting a job with whatever shitty average degree you got at ucl.

  60. Which name change in particular, nuff? Perhaps I will reserve both of them now and use them interchangably depending on how I’m feeling. Like now at work: katypants. Home later and knee-deep-wasted: katynopants. After our shindig: holyshitwhere’dallmyclothesgoandwhydoesmyasshurt. And with regards to your apology; I hope you’re not writing checks your body can’t cash ;)

    eusa, I’m not too worried – remember only half of the shindig is sexing multiple partners; the other half is hardcore street drugs… I think I’ll be covered pretty well haha

  61. Oh yea, I already forgot about the drugs. I will make sure to add an extra baggie of heroin or two . . .

  62. …better make it two. It is a party after all.

  63. gilbert. listen to yourself. you sound really bitter. where is the bitterness coming from, i wonder…?

  64. maybe you should take a leaf out of squib’s book, and chill out.

  65. No worries Katy, None of my cheques have bounced, they are always good. I’m sure the rails will help numb it at first. And eusa! We can do the heroin and frollick in the streets during the orgy.

  66. Hope Squib’s parents aren’t online or the gig is up…

  67. on facebook is what I meant…Monday brain on a Friday.

  68. I know you guys already know this… but I feel it needs to be said. Under *no* circumstances will dead babies be allowed to crawl on the ceilings.

    I’ve just had them painted.

  69. No, definitely no celing-lurking dead babies allowed. Aaack.

    I do love to frolic, however, so we must do that.

  70. ceiling*

  71. Frolicking is a must… no doubt. Dead babies on the ceiling are banned. I will try to think of more while on my break.

  72. lol

    None of us will be later getting our arms amputated, either.

  73. Ohhh, nice reference! However, enough tequila and that last scene could probably be done during the orgy part of our party. No diet pills though, heard they make you go crazy.

    Nuff, I hope you’ve got a big checkbook.

  74. CommentsAtLarge

    @attendees of the Katynopants party

    I think Dan’s bible burst into flames, so good show! Does a bottle of Everclear get a fella an invite? 151 I got, I can pick up the 190 from a friend in Illinois on my way through… ;)

  75. Squib is actually quite lucky, i doubt my friends would organize a faux-graduation for me… Squib, i hope you are appreciative.

  76. @katypants & eusadnama i gotta hit this party! i’m a neo feminist though so i have to wear a shirt, but bottoms are optional

  77. isn skwib in harry potta?

  78. Mmm His Hair Smells So Human

    I deffo going to this party, I even have a mate that hangs around soas.
    I want him to keep pretending to have acheived stuff for the rest of his life, eg. married, kids, job, home, nobel prize.
    His parents will be so proud, but in reality Squib just lives in a cardboard box and eats from the bin outside Gregg’s.
    I want this to happen so bad that I might even sponsor this fella.

  79. Comments! You are more than welcome, and 151 is definately a ticket in. We are going to need more lube though… Isn’t Illinois famous for corn? You might want to bring a few of them too.

    Oh, singularity, the key is no pants… Tops on may leave more for the imagination! What do you have to contribute to the goody bag? Alcohol? Lube? Porn? Vegtables? Street drugs?

  80. If you don’t contribute to the goody bag, you can’t come to the party!

  81. CommentsAtLarge

    @Pantsless Katy

    Everclear, lube, and ears of corn… better stop before I leave Cali; that kind of shopping list will draw some attention in the midwest.

  82. @ nuff

    What/where is P.E.I? (I think that indicates I’m not from there!)

    All of this Katy talk is confusing, it’s my name too.

  83. @kamarate-Katy
    Prince Edward Island. Really tiny island just off the east coast and is a part of Canada, eh. If you could bring some meth with you, you’re welcome to the party.

    I got a fat cheque book.

  84. hmm i live in the valley, like two hours from l.a., it get like 112 here, but i HATE it. been here my whole life and i can not get used to it.

  85. CommentsAtLarge


    Antelope Valley? ’cause that sounds like desert heat. If its San Fernando, damn didn’t realize it got that hot there.

  86. San Joaquin Valley, where i’m at 106 to 110 is an average summer. you start sweating by 7 in the morning. icky.

  87. CommentsAtLarge

    Good grief – icky indeed.

  88. Am I the only one that thought of Harry Potter when they saw the word squib? Before I read the info I thought maybe the group was a joke about giving a squib a fake graduation from Hogwarts or something.

  89. I did, too, ksleeve. I just kind of skimmed it and was confused until I read it again.

    Then it annoyed me that Squib seems like it’s every other word.

  90. dan_fargis: dude, what the fuck are you still doing on lamebook? In case you haven’t figured it out yet, this ain’t virtual Bible class. Go fuck yourself, release that frustration that you’ve been building over the last few posts and chill out.You are like a hemorrhoid here.

  91. Squib has some of the best friends ever

  92. I really hope ‘Squib’ is his real name. :’D

  93. @nuff

    Sorry, from the Isle of Wight (south of England). No meth around, although I could probably get hold of some smack pretty easily.

  94. What about that massive meth lab they found on the Isle of Wight?

    ( … seventh paragraph)

  95. This can only go horribly wrong….I’m in.

  96. dan_fargis cracks me up.

  97. PraetorianXVIII

    what kind of retard fails classes in undergrad?

  98. @ pratorian – yeah it was dumb of me, i dont have much defense

    @hesaidwhat – HAVE FAITH

    @oh…hey… – sorry my real name is saquib, if it makes you feel any better only my parents call me that :)

  99. I’m not sure, but I suspect this may be fake- I found this guy on Facebook, and it says he graduated from SOAS in ’07… also searched for him on the school website, and he isn’t listed on there at all. Could be wrong though. I’ve gotten really good at internet stalking.

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