Monday, November 2, 2009

Halloween Unwrapped




previous post: God Squad



  1. While I can appreciate the effort that went into making those… uh, I’m gonna go with crepes… If someone showed up to a meal I was at with those, I think I’d just leave.

  2. I know this girl, and I know why she was naked. We had sex, she sucked my dick, and I blew my load on her back. She yelled my name all night (except when she was choking on my dick). Her tits were nice too, it was an overall nice ride

  3. i bet these taste even better than the real thing

  4. Lamebook saps my will to live. I should really not come here any more.

  5. WHY would anyone want to eat something that’s supposed to look like bloody tampons??

    Kathy shouldn’t have children.

    Lauren should’ve learned that she’s a drunk.

    And John is lame.

  6. How would you even come up with an idea like that? “I know! let’s make fake tampons out of ham and jam, or some other random shit. Everyone will love them!” Or was it a few nights before, when someone was attending their sanitary needs and thought “damn that looks good. If only I could capture the same, apetizing image, yet somehow make it more digestable”
    @ Lauren. Nothing. You obviously learned nothing.

  7. I’m Lauren :D

  8. Maybe it would be better if our sun exploded.

  9. Turnd out I actually did spew in the bed :oops:

  10. Now how come none of my Facebook friends do shit like this?

  11. The first actually made me gag.

    I fail to see what the big deal with the second one is. I had ear problems as a kid, and my parents would dip my sucker in alcohol or put a little bit in my bottle so I’d sleep. I did not turn into a toddler alcoholic.

    As for the third one…cool story bro.

  12. @ 10. Agreed, haha.

    Kathy reminds me of my friend who’s mother breast fed her while after drinking and that she would drink during her pregnancy. She said this with no inhibitions, and when I told her that it was REALLY bad for the baby she responded by saying her mother was a Midwife and surely knew more about babies than me. x.X

  13. This girl peed on the guy’s bed! priceless

  14. When is the world supposed to end? 2012? Can’t wait!

  15. The first one isn’t even Halloween-ish; it’s just gross.

  16. I once crapped on a girl’s face.

  17. 1. Is disgusting

    2. You can drink if you are a breastfeeding mother you just shouldn’t breastfeed drunk. Once alcohol leaves your bloodstream it leaves your milk as well. People shouldn’t be so judgemental about things they know nothing about.

    3. Maybe she was posting in that still drunk but not smashed state and thought she was being helpful & nice… But nope no lesson learned

  18. I sound like a dying moose when I orgasm. Ask my father, he’ll tell you.

  19. So 3 vampires at the bar after a hard nights work.
    Barman: “what do you guys want?”
    1st vamp: “Double blood straight up.”
    2nd vamp: “Single malt blood on the rocks.”
    3rd vamp: “A mug of hot water.”
    Barman: “What? No blood. You feeling ok?”
    3rd vamp pulls out a used tampon “I’m having tea”

  20. Those nibbles are absolutely brilliant! I’m not sure I would have eaten one, but the idea was absolutely inspired.

  21. @badjoke

    lol greatest joke ever!

  22. She put detergent in the dryer?

  23. @badjoke

    Thank you! I almost spit my hot chocolate all over my computer. That is my new favorite joke!

  24. @ Ninjagirl – do you know how long alcohol takes to leave the bloodstream and how often babies need feeding? If someone is drunk it could take up to 24 hours for the alcohol to leave the bloodstream – do you think a baby would be happy with not being fed for 24 hours?

  25. Oh yay. An imposter! I’ve arrived!

  26. Um, thats why you pump. DUH! Also, unless you’ve had 24 beers, it does not take 24 hours. Your liver can process an ounce (or one drink) of alcohol per hour.

  27. Of course, since Kathy said her baby will sleep better, it doesn’t sound like she’s planning on feeding the baby previously-pumped milk.

  28. @ 26 blahblahblah – read this.

    Many other factors so it’s not as simple as one hour per unit.

  29. @ 24

    Takes up to 24 hours for alcohol to leave the bloodstream…?? You’re talking alcohol poisoning there, sir! Anyway, I hope you didn’t make that “fact” up just to make your dodgy point, but perhaps you should investigate a few credible sources instead. blahblahblah (#26) is already pointing you in the right direction.

    Not that I’m condoning new mothers who imbibe like that – that’s not clever at all.

  30. Firstly, I’m not a sir.

    Secondly, maybe you should do some research of your own, starting with the link I have posted.


  31. My anus is often referred to as “Grizzly Adams” by those in the know.

  32. Thanks Eryeahbut (won’t say sir again, but that was just a figure of speech, nothing personal.)

    This is a lamebook page, so I won’t try to hijack the thread with off-topic discussions, but if you really think that link is the ultimate and watertight “proof”, then well, power to you.

    Shortly then… Like your link said: “The times below are only rough guides. It takes about 1 hour for your body to rid itself of each unit of alcohol, but it can take much longer.” Rough guide indeed. Your site provides no tables or other indicators that will influence your metabolism, for instance, your size and weight.

    And even given those rates may be accurate for persons a, b and c, they’ll have to drink one hell of a lot to get to your 24-hour mark – they’ll most likely have passed out before then.

    I just responded because you made it sound like a regular night of party will lead to alcohol remaining for 24 hours in your bloodstream. Sorry, but that is stretching it a bit.

    Have already said too much, this isn’t a scientific page, it’s lamebook.

  33. ok…that first pic…I’m physically ill.

    someone call child services on the dumb broad who thinks its perfectly acceptable to drink and breast feed

    and Lauren, I’m guessing you probably learned nothing.

  34. While the first and third are positively disgusting in their own ways, the second is absolutely alarming. I hope someone put some sense into that woman…

  35. regardless of the alcohol clearance rate (which you are wrong eryeahbut) thats why you pump. Who said this mom planned on drunkenly breastfedding her child? Hell, you dont even have to pump, that’s why they invented formulas.

  36. The ends of those tampon things look like the “@” sign.

  37. Oh ok, so I should just accept your word that I’m wrong? Credible evidence please!

    The full quote that you merely pulled one line from is: “On top of the times given below, you need to add an hour. This is how long it takes for alcohol to be absorbed into your blood stream. The times below are only rough guides. It takes about 1 hour for your body to rid itself of each unit of alcohol, but it can take much longer. It depends on factors including how healthy you are and how much you’ve eaten. Eating a big meal means alcohol is absorbed more slowly – so it takes longer to sober up.” etc etc

    P.S. Some people struggle to pump (I talk from experience before you tell me I’m wrong). She is also clearly too much of an idiot to be aware that it’s a criminal offence to be in charge of a child when drunk. (Well it is here in the UK anyway).

    I’m off to breastfeed my baby now – minus alcohol content ;) :)

  38. By the way kids, the “evil” breastfeeding-while-drunk mother didn’t even say anything in the above posts. The airhead friend was the one who made the comment about the baby sleeping better.

  39. regardless of whether she is breastfeeding drunk, she probably shouldn’t be drunk while taking her kids trick-or-treating…

  40. @linguist
    everything is better drunk, especially parenting.
    Besides, whats wrong with a little brandy in the baby’s bottle. You obviously have never had a john walk out on you because he couldn’t “do it” with a baby crying.

  41. I wanna hang out with Laura.

  42. Everything is better drunk. When will EVERYONE admit this?

  43. The supposed horrific mother didn’t even post that entry, her friend did. I like how everyone’s about to lock her up and take away her children over something her friend said.

    And who brings those to a party? It just looks like jumbo marshmallows and some type of syrup. I could think of more appetizing and creative things to make imitation jumbo tampons out of that would probably taste a lot better.

  44. Oh, the ‘can-I-drink-while-breastfeeding’ debate. Putting aside statistical evidence, it’s irresponsible and selfish – if you can do it for nine months (and lets hope this is the case), then you can do it for a little longer.

    If you just HAVE to have something to drink, the recommendation (at least in everything I’ve read on the subject) is that for every glass of alcohol you have, you would give the baby expressed milk. So let’s say you want three glasses of wine, PRIOR to drinking the wine (for the smartasses) you would express enough for three feeds, based on if you were feeding three hourly.

    @ 35 – I don’t think the reason they invented formulas was so that breastfeeding mothers could drink alcohol, but good guessing nonetheless.

  45. Ok, did Lauren just say that she put the sheets in the washer AFTER putting them in the dryer with detergent?

  46. Mmm they have nice chunky blood clots and everything!

  47. @ 45 – I think she was trying to be funny…

  48. the tampons look like they’re made out of marshmallows and strawberry stuff.. yum :)

  49. What an irresponsible mother! I hope that Angie chick gets her baby taken by de-fax!

  50. Just a normal guy.

    Is that real blood? I am seriously hoping it is.

  51. So the first pic looks like marshmallows, but what is the red sauce? The first think I thought of when I saw this was the joke about vampires using tampons to make tea.

  52. Just a normal guy.

    Disregard that, I suck cocks!

  53. There’s nothing wrong with bloody tampons. Geez people, grow up a little.

    OMG, there’s blood on a piece of cotton, ewwww, get it away from me!

    if I cut my finger and wrap it in a tissue, is that suddenly the grossest thing you’ve ever seen? This is the same thing, except it’s just a bit of the uteran lining being sloughed off along with some blood and chunks.

    PS, Teeth are a natural strainer.

  54. @47

    I wouldn’t be too sure about that. I knew a girl that did that once…while sober. She got the washer and dryer confused because they looked similiar. Before you ask…yes, she is a blonde.


    They look great. I’d eat them.

    I hope someone in a vampire costume ate one…that would be a worthwhile profile pic.

  55. It’s not ACTUAL period blood, stop freaking out. How is that so different from “LOL THIS SPAGHETTI WITH TOMATO SAUCE IS LIKE A BRAIN” except that tampons imply potential life rather than beheading? It’s just not as common as other “spooky foods”. And fuck you, periods may be uncomfortable for those of us plagued with them, but they’re not fucking unnatural.

  56. #53 & 55: Just because something is natural, doesn’t mean that it’s not gross. I’m a woman, and I certainly wouldn’t want to see that shit on a table.
    Pooping is natural too, doesn’t mean that I want to witness someone else in the act or see the results of it.

    You sound like the kind of women that wear moon cups… if that’s your thing, fine, but don’t get all uptight when other people are NATURALLY grossed out by it.

  57. I looked up mooncups, and that actually seems more gross than tampons.

  58. Lol!!! @Badjoke.
    That is going to do the rounds of my contacts!

    Much as I appreciate the effort put into that little Halloween delicacy, I honestly don’t think I could bring myself to eat it.
    I’d be too concerned about passing the blood onto my child through my breastmilk.
    Or peeing it out all over the sheets of a friend naive enough to let me sleep in their bed.

  59. I hate you mccowles.

  60. Breastfeeding after a couple of alcoholic beverages is still safer and healthier and better than feeding a child Artificial Milk.

  61. @60 I’ve heard that babies are actually supposed to breast fed until about two years of age, while many women feed far less than that. Yes, breast milk is far better, but for some women it isn’t an option.

  62. There is a very small percentage of mother-baby dyads for whom breastfeeding from the mother is not an option. The WHO recommends donor milk if mother’s breastmilk is unavailable. Obviously Artificial Milk serves a market demographic, and the marketing from these companies has been so successful that as a society we seem to think it’s ok to feed our children powdered modified cows milk.
    Children are supposed to feed until their milk teeth fall out, ie until around 6 years of age. Obviously this doesn’t mean a full belly of milk every two hours – by about 3 years old the child will be probably only having a quick feed to go to sleep and maybe a feed in the morning. But it is biologically normal to allow a child to wean at their own pace, whenever they choose. The worldwide average weaning age is over 4 years – so taking into account the terrible breastfeeding retention rates in the western world, it’s clear that most of the world breastfeed their children until well past the age of 5.

  63. I’d assume the “terrible breastfeeding retention rates” in the western world explains the starvation, lack of intellect and high mortality rates to be found there?

  64. Lack of intellect, malnutrition and generally fucked-up health and wellbeing rates, yeah.

  65. Yeah… While I’m not going to deny that there is quite probably some truth in the idea that breastfeeding should be continued longer than it generally is, I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest that malnutrition and fucked-up health is due to the lifestyle maintained beyond infancy.
    The majority of children aren’t breastfed well into the toddler years and don’t seem to be significantly worse off for it.

  66. It’s also extremely healthy for both the mother and breastfeeding infant if the mother eats the placenta, but in the US that is seen as gross/crazy. If I was to give birth, I would indeed eat the placenta.

    (BTW, It is often cooked into a cake/bread so it’s really not noticeable that you are eating blood and tissue.)

  67. Actually eating the placenta has minor benfits. I wouldn’t call it ‘extremely healthy’

    The only reason animals do it is to ward off predators looking to attack.

  68. What the hell are mooncups???

  69. Ingesting placenta has some benefit in the period immediately post birth. It is not uncommon at all for midwives all over the world to recommend it.

    Other benefits of longer term breastfeeding to our children include immune factors, digestive health and allergy prevention. With the rates of chronic constipation in children being what they are, and allergy rates on the rise, it seems that even in the western world our children would gain better health and wellbeing with longer term breastfeeding.

  70. @Hughe and anyone else interested- It’s best to cut up the placenta into pill-sized pieces, freeze it, and have the mother swallow a handful of the pieces (like a pill) each day postpartum. When you cook it, you destroy nutrients, so then there would really be no point in eating it.

    Yes, I ate mine and I felt great postpartum. Much stronger, awake, and alert. I highly recommend it.

  71. Basically like a reusable diaper that you stick in your vag. It gets a big “no thanks” from me.

    Oh lord, another breast feeding debate? Breast feeding is not the end all and be all. If you do, great. If you don’t, great. End of. So long as the baby gets fed one way or the other, I don’t care, and don’t understand why anyone would.

  72. Also, unless eating placenta had some major benefit to it (which it doesn’t), I don’t understand why anyone would want to eat it. I don’t think I could eat it even if it did have some big payoff in doing so (which, again, it really doesn’t).

  73. !!!I looked up moon cup and thats disgusting

  74. The first one is hilarious, people need to stop being so squeamish about periods, half the population gets them, get the fuck over it. Also I find it disturbing that other women find mooncups gross, does that mean you find your own body gross? Plus they are so much better for the environment…

  75. What the hell? The first one is revolting. Sounds like a Tyra Banks specialty: TAMPON MARSHMELLOWS.

  76. @Lactavist
    What the hell brought on that unprompted pro-breastfeeding speil. Regardless of my own opinions on the matter, this is LAMEBOOK for fucks sake! Not the right place.

    Everyone else who is getting on the breastfeeding and drinking debate – @Julie (43) is the only one making any sense at all. Stop jumping to conclusions you idiots!

    @homebirthMama (70)
    Presumably you have two children then? And you didn’t eat the placenta on the first. Otherwise what qualifies the “Felt much stronger, awake and alert” comment? And don’t say “than other people”, because how would you know? Different people feel differently after their different birthing processes.

    Stepping. Off. Soap. Box.

  77. @ blahblahblah

    “Um, thats why you pump. DUH! Also, unless you’ve had 24 beers, it does not take 24 hours. Your liver can process an ounce (or one drink) of alcohol per hour.”

    Well, that would be true but depends what type of alcohol it is that is being processed. Those with higher alcohol content takes longer. An average beer is 12 ounces but it doesnt take the liver 12 hours to get rid of one beer. The liver can process lower alcohol drinks faster than like Jagermeister or something like that with an absurd amount of alcohol. Also, if you have 24 beers, you die. Period.

    Knowing that is part of my job. :)

  78. You’re all so fucking boring these days. This isn’t a mothering website, please stop debating about breastfeeding.

    Fool: Mooncups are sick in the head, they’re unhygienic and dirty, but that obviously doesn’t bother you which is why most people think you’re disgusting.

    Personally I think the picture is genius; Perfect for Halloween! It’s not all supposed to be pretty; it’s Halloween, things are supposed to be gross and sickening and gory! That’s part of the point!

    In my opinion mothers who drink while breastfeeding are pretty selfish to be honest. I would never consider it, not with all these conflicting thoughts on whether or not it’s ok. I’d rather be safe than sorry and just go without than put my child at risk!! I’m not an alcoholic, but it seems a lot of people must be if they’re that desperate for alcohol.

    I have a feeling the last one is fake because it’s just too ridiculous. And for all you people ranting on about “omgzzz why did she put it in the dryer first!?!” – she supposedly pissed on the bed, and she’s clearly an idiot – she must’ve stupidly thought she should dry the sheets out before washing them.

    Now shutup about breastfeeding, this isn’t the time or the place to be reading some preachy bullshit.

  79. I agree with #79

    ALSO. #77 tristan, You don’t die from 24 beers. I’ve had 24 beers in about 6 hours before. Not that I’m recommending that, of course. :P

  80. @ Tristan

    Try re-reading my post, One beer typically has one ounce of alcohol… not 12. An 8 oz glass of wine has about 1 oz of alcohol, and one oz of liquor is one drink. Saying a beer has 12 ounces of liquer in it is to say that would be equivelent t0 taking 12 shots. And, you dont die from 24 beers (or drinks). Theres a possibility you can, but I have seen ppl drink that much and survive.

    and to Holly, I was saying they invented formula so you dont have to breastfeed. Not to enable drunken mothers.

  81. Wow Leverhundar you must be such a madcunt, teach me how to be like you bro?

  82. aaron's lover's lover

    And that’s why we’re the Aristocrats!

  83. Aristocrats! LOL (literally)

  84. Oh god, ‘Aaron’s lover’ sounds like hes from NZ.

  85. Oy, the stupidity of some of these post…
    You can NOT pump out alcohol from the breast. It doesn’t work that way. You could pump for an hour and all the booze will still be in the milk.
    And the thing about it taking 24 hours to leave? WRONG!
    Pump and dump is outdated advice. Way, way outdated.

    Alcohol leaves breastmilk the same way it leaves your blood. It evaporates over hours. There is no magic number on how long it takes to go away, either.
    Weight of the mother, how much she has eaten, how much she hasdrank, etc. It all factors in.

    And formula was invented for babies who were not able to have breasmilk, for whatever reason. It was never meant to be such a big supplement or main food source for any child. But money talks, and many women are dumb and actually believe formula is as good as breastmilk or they give up nursing after a few days of trouble with trying to nurse, so that’s why so many babies these days are given formula.
    Granted, there are the mothers who honestly do want to and do try to nurse, but because they don’t have the right help, they lack milk, they have other medical conditions, etc,so they can’t–those women are exempted from my comments.

    As for the baby in the above post… the childs age, weight, health and other factors will need to be taken into account before anyone decides if the child has been or will be harmed by the mother nursing and getting drunk.
    The comment about the baby sleeping better that night is pretty horrific and not at all funny. Obviously that person has never seen the effecrs of an baby who has injested alcohol though breastmilk. I have :(

    It’s safe to say that if you are drunk, then DO NOT nurse the baby. In fact, no one who is drunk should be caring for a baby at all. Period!

  86. @Chantal- I’m no rocket surgeon, but only a small fraction of the Alcohol evaporates out of your bloodstream/breast milk – probably less than 10%.
    And once the alcohol is in your system, the amount of food you eat or water you drink has no effect on how quickly the alcohol is metabolized. Its roughly the same for everyone regardless of weight, age, sex, etc. (assuming a healthy liver).
    Just something to think about before commenting on the stupidity of these post(sic).

  87. #3 is actually pretty awesome. I have friends with that kind of twisted humor.

  88. Uh, Butch, I don’t need to think about any of that. I know my stuff.
    I know you are no rocket surgeon, and I know you are not a board certified lactation consultant.

    You are absolutely wrong about when you say that only a small amount evaporates from breatsmilk. Evaporation IS how it leaves the milk.

    And yes, how much food you have in your belly DOES effect how drunk you get, and how fast it happens. I never said anything about eating food afterward.

  89. having food in your stomach affects how intoxicated you FEEL….not how intoxicated you actually are.

    Your Blood Alcohol Content will be the same regardless of the amount of food.

  90. Actually, having food in your stomach slows the rate of alcohol consumption. The food absorbs the alcohol, and since solids are harder to process than liquids, especially complex things like bread that can sponge it all up, it’ll slow how fast you get drunk. In the end, you’ll achieve the same overall amount of drunkenness, but it slows the rate at which it happens.

    Trust me. Take two shots sometime, on an empty stomach, then compare the next time to two shots on a full stomach.

  91. Actually, if you have food in your stomach it closes to digest the food. So if you’re drinking and if your stomach is closed no food or alcohol gets out. So it does actually slow down the process of intoxication.

    Food doesn’t soak up alcohol or change the way your body feels.

  92. @Jaime: You’re an idiot

  93. At first I was kind of mad about the tampon plate, because those are Tampax Pearl = not cheap and should not be wasted like that. I mean, I was thinking god dammit, they couldn’t buy Equate or Sam’s Choice Tampons or whatever the hell the cheap private-label stuff is? But then I realized they were marshmallows.

  94. I think the tampon snack fucking rocks.

  95. Oh my goodness it’s so graphic, I would appreciate the effort and accuracy if I wasn’t eating when I saw it haha

  96. If the food that looks like tampons (I’ll guess that they’re pieces of lunchmeat wrapped in cream cheese and covered with jelly) was made for a work party, I wonder if the person was threatened to be fired.

  97. Why would the person be fired for making that? I think it’s clever, lol. I wouldn’t eat it, but it’s funny.

  98. Hahahahahaha I think whoever made the tampon thing is hilarious. I’d ask someone else to try it first, but why not.. scary right? Lol

  99. Although the photo of the tampon snacks made me gag, I gotta give them props for creativity.

    Looks like it’s made with marshmallows and cranberry sauce/juice.

    Still, though. I dry-heaved a little.

  100. I’m a girl and the tampon thing made me gag. Hilarious tho. I mean, what could be more scary? =D

    “He’ll just sleep better that night. loool” … lol again you crazy wench and I will replace your fake-blooded marshmellow tamp with a real one. Lots of iron, make you healthy. “loooll”. *roll eyes*

  101. Haha the tampon one is from my friend Jason. He sent me the pic and I just about threw up, I can’t believe it made it on this site!

  102. I’m looking at the original “tampon” pic on facebook, Jason is a friend. Haha, It is some sort of blueberry syrup. As soon as Jason learned this was on here, he put the link onto his page, classic.

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