A big BLEH to guys with a knight-in-shining-armour-complex. They are like stalkers, in that they can’t understand what they’re doing is disturbing and not welcome. And if you finally manage to get the message through that you don’t want their “help”, they can get pissy and think you’re an ungrateful c***. BLEH!!!
Me and many others. There are many different kinds of guys, the knights in shining armours are one the most annoying. They veil their interferance, manipulations and power trips in “kindness” and when you call them on it, their defence is “I was just trying to help”. If you rip someone a new one after that, you’re the villain. They will tell you what is wrong with you and then try to fix that. If you object, you’re in denial. If you’re not a helpless, broken flower, they will try to turn you in to one by telling you what you feel, what you should do, what you’re doing wrong, what you like and dislike etc and generally try to tear you down. Their goal is that you should be completely dependant on them and stop trusting your own judgement. Then they can take care of you and feel like a big man. I’ve met guys like that, and I have friends who have. One who is in a relationship like that, disgusting.
Anne – THANK YOU. You just summed up what I’ve been trying to say about a friend, but having a hard time with – he wasn’t controlling in the traditional, abusive way, so all those warning signs that you hear weren’t there. It almost snuck up on me, as he was decent until he figured out my vulnerabilities and started to play off them, playing mindgames and trying to make me question my own judgment. If I was ever, heaven forbid, upset over anything, he’d tell me that he knew what the REAL issue was – but it was okay, cause he could help me. It was constantly little things intended to make me doubt my own judgment, but he never fit the typical warning signs of abusive and controlling guys, which makes it that much more deceptive in my opinion. He makes it seem like his intentions are good.
Dee – That’s often the problem. I spent a LONG time excusing the guy I’m referring to because he genuinely seemed to mean well, have good intentions, be sorry. He ALWAYS said he was sorry the next day, that he was just trying to help, and gave excuses for it. Always. Until he finally crossed the line and was blatantly obvious about playing off one of my biggest insecurities, and I called him out on it.
I spent a very long time excusing this guy – saying he meant well, was genuinely concerned, genuinely wanted to help, had good intentions, etc, just had really bad communication skills. In fact, I often SAID he wasn’t like abusive guys I’ve known or the abusive stereotype, who wouldn’t have apologized. This guy was different, he meant well, he wanted to help, he just went about it the wrong way.
And he WAS different – by the manner in which he tried to control me, but he tried to control me nonetheless. Reading what Anne wrote, she could have been describing this guy exactly. But that was the problem – all my friends responded the way you did, until it ended and ended very badly. And the longer we hung out, the worse it got, because everything he knew about me he knew against me. But he always meant well, he was always just trying to help, to look out for me, to take care of me. And I was the bad one, the unappreciative one, the verbally abusive one – he said that once, when I called him a condescending controlling ass, for doing what Anne described.
Point being – these guys don’t act like abusive guys, they act like they mean well, but they’re still controlling and manipulative and self-serving. They just hide it better, and friends and family almost always react like you just did.
Actually, it’s her father’s unrealistic expectations of women that created her eating disorder in the first place. Nothing Hannah ever did was good enough for Scott until her BMI dropped to 15. Now she’s daddy’s ‘little’ girl again. The wasting of her body has removed her womanly curves, giving her the pre-pubescent shape he wants for her. And for himself. Sick.
Ladies, you sound like you have some very ineteresting stories to tell and it would be a riot to hang out with you. Yes, I’m single. No, I won’t try to control you or put you down so I can build you up again. But I will say that I don’t think these pages are where you should be looking for or giving relationship advice. Some clever fuck will just try to take the piss out of you. But if they do I’ll be there to protect you and to I’ll give them hell back. You guys rock!
@Tonez: Don’t you go talking to my bitch like that..Outside now!
I really hope you’re taking the piss.
There are so many more reasons for people developing eating disorders than the generic Daddy issues. I know this because I actually took a psychology paper discussing eating disorders. It wasn’t psychology 101 as it turns out.
also, hacking somebody’s facebook and broadcasting a disorder they may or may not have under the pretense of being a concerned friend is completely shitty and manipulative. i don’t care if he IS concerned or has a genuine reason to be- he’s doing it wrong!
Think about it, if Hannah had an eating disorder is she going to admit it to her family and friends? Are they going to even be aware of it? Shane clearly as an (ex) boyfriend would have been in the best position to recognise the problem. If my girlfriend had an eating disorder I don’t think she’d take kindly to me pointing out the fact – it could even end the relationship but i’d still want to help her, by making her face the problem, or get someone to recognise it.
This may not be the way i’d go about it but that’s probably because it would just make me look like an ass/bitter or whatever. At least Shane has tried (not necessarily in the most appropriate way) to get her some help. He has afterall apologised and said he meant no disrespect by it. Clearly he thought helping Hannah meant more to him than his reputation.
It’s hard for guys sometimes. Women want their men to be masterful and to have control, while at the same time expecting those same men to see them as equal partners in the relationship. It can be difficult to find the right balance for each woman.
Some women would be quite happy in a relationship where the guy was making all the decisions. Others freak out if you open a door for them.
Aren’t jokes meant to be funny? Cuz yours wasn’t particularly humourous. And yes, I do have a sense of humour, allowing me to appreciate what is truly witty and not just lame attempts at deconstructing psychobabble rather than coming up with something more original.
I’m not sure where I described my trolling as a joke or as wit. However, roofie thought it was a joke and it led to the comments that caused Jake to write “LMAO”, suggesting that Hannah and Scott also found it either funny or witty.
I’m also not sure that I attempted to “deconstruct psychobabble” either, I thought it was more of a parody. With “babble” meaning incoherent and “deconstruct” meaning to analyse rigorously, I’d suggest that “deconstructing psychobabble” is an exercise in futility anyway.
But I’ll let you know when I come up with something more original like telling someone that they are not funny, because that is utter fucking original genius. In return, let me know when you come up with a joke that EVERYONE finds funny Derby. For he record, the “Aren’t jokes meant to be funny?” joke is hopelessly old and witless.
Please note, none of the above is intended to be funny or witty, it is intended to to convey to you that I think you are a lame, boring, witless dullard.
I note this is your first post in the exchange. I’m sure you’ll do better next time.
I honestly don’t think we can tell from the information given if Hannah is actually in need of help and pushing people away or if Scott is just presumptive and controlling. I wrote two theses and spoke at APA on the complexities of romantic relationships for ED patients and their partners… and from what I found, either situation happening here is the tragic kind of lame that’s so bad that we can’t even get the kind of Schadenfreude most lame Facebook give us (hence the amazingness of this blog). Sure this is lame, but not the kind of lame that is amusing to point out or look at.
This sounds like the guy was in desperate need for help with his girlfriend’s problem. Though it’s not right for him to go into her facebook, he had all the right intentions. Pity, her dad and friends didn’t care. They just seemed to care that he made that status.
Oh yeh, really original Derby, just go ahead and steal my “I wasn’t making a joke” point. Cocksucker.
“I note this is your first post in the exchange. I’m sure you’ll do better next time.” I guess I was wrong.
“And here was me thinking I was merely pointing out your blatent [sic] lack of wit. My mistake.” And yet you failed to acknowledge the fact that several subsequent people who commented clearly thought it was funny. You are pathetic.
God you’re a loser. You do realise that I could just as easily claim to have “destroyed” you?
It’s one persons word against another, and in your desperate need to “win” this, you keep coming up with lamer and lamer attempts to close with a flourish, declaring yourself victorious.
Seriously, all I and a couple of other people (eg Goldenfry) did was point out that your post was pretty unoriginal and stereotypical. And then it starts out this crap. This is why I keep telling myself to leave internet forums alone.
And don’t take this as support for Derby either. I mean thanks for the support and all, but I can fight my own battles dude.
And this one so isn’t worth it.
lol lol this is fucking classic!!
i started to read all this shit but then i remembered that i have a life!!!!
oh my god please can everyone just grow up
this isnt a site where u get to share ur life stories its a site where u go to have a f^^&*^ laugh!!!!
everyone lighten up seriously
Hi Angie. On behalf of the rest of the visitors to this site, shut your god damn fucking ignorant mouth. Do you run the site? Hmm? No, of course you fucking don’t. So stop playing armchair administrator and shut your fucking bitch face up.
I know I’m a few months behind the discussion here but I’m new to Lamebook and just catching up so forgive me.
Anyway orvillelunsford, I’m afraid you are not quite correct either. Slander does GENERALLY refer to defamation by spoken word, and libel GENERALLY refers to defamation in writing. However as we know with most things it is not quite that simple.
The distinction has nothing to do with how widely something is published – it depends on how fleeting the form of communication is. So you can’t actually LIBEL someone with a giant megaphone at all…but also you CAN libel someone on Facebook as it is not “fleeting” because you can’t delete statuses and there will always be a record of it somewhere and on other people’s pages as well.
It’s sad that the comments have been derailed by Derby’s complaining and Psych101′s defensiveness about his own lack of funniness. Yes, Psych101, we could see you were trying to make a joke. Yes, we appreciated this. And you were not funny. And your follow-up to Derby’s comments were so hilariously whiny that you’ve diminished your humor even further. Please try harder next time, good sir.
Also: Paddy, I really hope you were trolling, because if not your views of romance have been seriously screwed.