Thursday, August 19, 2010

Gotta Stay Positive

previous post: Boys & Girls

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50 Comments

  1. Ben Dover

  2. Jodie is an idiot. The Expendables was an awesome movie!

  3. I’m not ashamed to say I love Sylvester Stallone.

  4. Condoms are an abomination to God. No man should be encouraged to waste his seed.

    From the story of Onan as found in Genesis:

    “Then Judah said to Onan, Go in to your brother’s wife, and perform your duty as a brother-in-law to her, and raise up offspring for your brother. Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went in to his brother’s wife, he wasted his seed on the ground in order not to give offspring to his brother. But what he did was displeasing in the sight of the Lord; so He took his life also”

    Condoms and other birth control methods encourage out-of-wedlock intercourse and promiscuity. Notice that HIV rates went down in Africa when George W. Bush stopped funding programs to provide condoms to African countries and instead built churches and spent millions to promote abstinence instead of debauchery.

    You’ll also notice that in school districts which promote abstinence (instead of giving condoms to 4th graders like our Muslim in chief wants to do) you see much lower rates of divorce, abortions and people choosing a homosexual lifestyle.

  5. I love Muslims.

  6. Oh, shit, my time machine worked! It’s 2009 again! Now I get to listen to a bunch of jokes about Chris Brown hitting Rihanna all over again. Oh man, this was totally worth every moment I spent proving science wrong.

  7. Thank God for Dan Fargis. Now I get to read a bunch of unsubstantiated and inaccurate data in yet another Internet source. Hurray!

  8. Even Dan is meh today. And Chris plagiarized that necrophiliac joke.

  9. Also I’m with happen to agree with Dan today, any guy who refuses to have sex and spill his seed in his brother’s wife deserves to be killed.

  10. Dan, I am sorry, but I do believe I waste my seed often, and at least twice a week all by myself.

  11. Jet Li can get painfully unnecessary with me anytime he wants.

  12. Maybe it Jodie watched the movie with more lube, she’d enjoy it more.

  13. dan = fail.

  14. Condoms are for fags and cowboys

  15. Coitus Interruptus

  16. frenchstudmuffin

    dan_fargis – what a loser! Does he not realise that something cannot be an “abomination” to someone who does not exist?
    Get a life!!
    I used to believe in God until “I saw the light and discovered that I’d wasted 20 years of my life on this shit” Wake up and smell the coffee!!
    If you must quote “the word” – at least get it in the correct context – his ‘sin’ was not impregnating his brothers wife (I know thats ok in Georgia, but not in MOST civilized countries) It wasn’t that he used a form of birth control (which is strangely approved by the catholic church by the way)
    Get your facts right before you share your shit with everyone!!

  17. @9: Epic win.

    @Dan: I’m a Christian and I’m ashamed that people like you bring the stereotype of us out there. It’s great that you stand up for what you believe in but you shouldn’t judge people for wanting to live their life in their own way. Times have changed, start being a “modern believer” and connect your Christian values with the modern day lifestyle.

    Sex outside marriage isn’t a crime if you really love them and are sure that you wanna spend the rest of your life with them, condoms ARE great, HIV didn’t went down when they stopped funding condoms and actually not “spoiling” your seed is even more hurtful than your way.

    If you don’t “spoil” it every once in a while the quality of it becomes worse. Exercising your nuts by masturbating in a normal way will make your nuts able to produce quality sperm. Ergo: much easier to get someone pregnant. And in the end that is what God wants, you’re just making the job easier if you masturbate from time to time.

    (Sorry if I made any mistakes, english is not my native language)

  18. dan – shhhh you sound like a whacko.

  19. dan doesn’t believe one word of what he writes. Is it really that hard to see? Me don’t think so.

  20. Timothy, this woman didn’t drive into the river -___-

    She suffocated her two children, then rolled the van into the river to make it look like they drowned. >___>

  21. Hey eusa, tell Jodie she is uninvited to the party.

  22. @elsje, two things.

    first, dan is a troll, everyone knows he’s a troll and we’re all fine with it.

    second, what?
    “If you don’t “spoil” it every once in a while the quality of it becomes worse. Exercising your nuts by masturbating in a normal way will make your nuts able to produce quality sperm. Ergo: much easier to get someone pregnant. And in the end that is what God wants, you’re just making the job easier if you masturbate from time to time.”
    that’s completely false. frequency of ejaculation does nothing to enhance the “quality” of your sperm.

  23. I’m with Dan — condoms are an abomination. That’s why true Christian conservatives like Bristol Palin abhor their use.

  24. Quick, someone tell me, has Michael Jackson died yet? I’ve got this AWESOME joke about kids playing with him for a change that I wanna try out.

    Also what’s with the sudden influx of people ranting at dan fargis?

  25. As a long time user on lamebook, but a rare contributor, I feel I have to pipe up just to say that the whole
    ‘omg Dan I cant believe you just said that!’ thing is getting as lame as the whole ‘Worry I’m new here what does ben and frodo mean?’ thing :(

  26. Worry-sorry.. you knew what I meant. :)

  27. britishhobo please take us back to 2010. However when we are you know playing with time can we go back to 2008 so I can slap my ex please please.

  28. Hey danfargis, nice to see you’re still flying that cruciform, got a question for ya: if ‘no man should waste his seed’ how does that vie with the Catholic church’s only permitted form of conception, withdrawal?

    Though I’m all for church-sanctioned pearl necklaces (you’ve got some on your chin by the way), and don’t personally see *any* ejaculation as a waste, surely by not fucking your mother properly I’m wasting my seed when I decorate her instead?

  29. @Crapflinger: You are right, there is evidence that support your argument.
    However there is also evidence to support mine, sorry didn’t wanna look for too long so it’s one about chimpansees not humans: http://www.reproduction-online.org/cgi/content/abstract/85/1/43

    and as for my ranting at dan fargis, I have been reading comments on lamebook for a long time, I have been getting frustrated by the smallmindness of dan for a long time. I guess it needed to get out today :) (Psychological factors: exams, sleep deprivation, stress, girl, hormones, no chocolate, …)
    My sincere apologies if anyone got annoyed by my ranting at dan, I just had to let it out for once :)

  30. Me and Dan had sex last night…it was meh just like I expected

  31. Uh.. thanks for the chimpanzee masturbation article? Why I clicked it is beyond me.

    Dukey and Hobo, thanks for cheering me up after I was unnecessarily awoken by my idiot of a neighbor who doesn’t understand that when I bang on the wall I want him to stop for good, not just until I stop banging.

    Luke, Lifestyles SKYN are pretty good and non-latex. Happy (protected) Humping!

  32. Actually, that last little blurb could be for anyone.

  33. While I’m pretty sure Dan is a troll, there’s several studies that place blame for the rampant spread of HIV in some African countries squarely with the Catholic church.

    FYI, they now have non latex condoms, that also protect against STDs- (the natural lambskin condoms do not)- Durex Avanti BARE, and Trojan Supra condoms are both polyurethane.

  34. Hey, so do mine. Mine were the first… :(

  35. Not only was she wrong about the movie, she had to drag anal sex into it.

  36. @curiuospencil – you made me laugh more than the facebook post!

    and comparing anal sex to that movie is an insult to anal sex!

  37. Condoms make people gay? Thanks for the entertainment dan_fargis!

  38. Luke is just looking for a way to scream that he had sex for the first time, without sounding like he’s bragging.

  39. i’ve actually had it with dan can someone like get him kicked from lamebook it’s fucking bull shit condoms would actually prevent the spread of HIV and AIDS by preventing the sharing of bodily fluids such as sperm.

  40. kiwininja, I totally agree. Lamebook was at the forefront of the AIDS fight, and had almost eradicated the disease from Africa until Dan showed up and convinced everyone to go bareback.

    Hopefully Zombo’s fight against heroin will fare better.

  41. I’m confused that people actually think that dan_fargis is actually being serious… Because I have always taken what he has said to be “tongue in cheek”… I mean, his posts contain such gems as “Muslim in chief” (ie, Barrack Obama, who is not actually Muslim for those 18% of Americans that believe that he is)

    All I can say to those that do take him literally, is to calm the hell down. Seriously. Even if he was being serious, what would your bitching do? Especially since he has a track record of not responding to any challenges to the authority of his sources.

  42. @Soup epic win! gathering my followers one by one. you can be my commander in chief ;D

  43. don’t get him kicked. Dan is hilariously ironic and merely looking for people to react.

  44. I too hate using condoms, but only because I detest the smell of burning rubber.

    Jodie in an effort to broaden your horizons i would ream your backdoor starfish out repeatedly whilst making you watch a back catalouge of early 80′s action movies.

    Is chris saying he’s never had a stiffy?

  45. The expendables was excellent.
    Regarding Mr. Fargis: I note Onan got in trouble for getting the seed ‘on the ground.’ You know what that means: next time it has to go on her face!
    No, seriously, that passage refers to a case where Onan was required by law to make a baby with his ex-sister-in-law that would be raised as if it were his dead brother’s, so his brother’s name didn’t die out (don’t ask ME why this makes any sense, ask God). Onan didn’t want to have a kid that would be treated as if it wasn’t his so he said screw it. That appears to be the reason God got huffy with him. Why the early Church Fathers decided it was the fact he wasn’t doing his damndest to knock that chick up is beyond me.
    My own solution for this problem is a vasectomy. Now my seed can’t go anywhere, so the other fluids can do as they wish.

  46. The Expendables was amazing

  47. what are you talking about wordpervert? dan is like super serious.

  48. pinkhobo, dan is about as serious as I am a virgin.

  49. Yes pink, Dan is super seriously sadistic.

  50. Jodie apparently has anal sex

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