Thursday, February 18, 2010

Funny Folks

previous post: Dickin’ Around

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72 Comments

  1. FIRST! on a roll bitches

  2. ^^ ur cool bro (Y)

  3. Indeed you are kingfisher, your twatiness increases by the second!

  4. I’m pretty used to this stuff, so none of it bothers me.

    My aunt and uncle once told us that she gave him head in their swimming pool. She then did her impression of what it was like with her cheeks puffing out and her eyes closed and plugging her nose.

    BTW, I’ve left “samples” out for weeks before and they never get “crusty”. Maybe it depends on the surface. I’ll do more experiments and get back to you.

  5. aha! a gentleman knows his way around the scientific method!

  6. @mcowles

    Just dont leave samples in for 9 monthes… They come back and ruin your sex life

  7. If you have your parents as friends on facebook then you DESERVE to be embarrassed by them.
    Pam V did the job very effectively!

  8. I found this article and thought it was interesting

    When I say I am researching how culture exploits men, the first reaction is usually “How can you say culture exploits men, when men are in charge of everything?” This is a fair objection and needs to be taken seriously. It invokes the feminist critique of society. This critique started when some women systematically looked up at the top of society and saw men everywhere: most world rulers, presidents, prime ministers, most members of Congress and parliaments, most CEOs of major corporations, and so forth — these are mostly men.

    Seeing all this, the feminists thought, wow, men dominate everything, so society is set up to favor men. It must be great to be a man.

    The mistake in that way of thinking is to look only at the top. If one were to look downward to the bottom of society instead, one finds mostly men there too. Who’s in prison, all over the world, as criminals or political prisoners? The population on Death Row has never approached 51% female. Who’s homeless? Again, mostly men. Whom does society use for bad or dangerous jobs? US Department of Labor statistics report that 93% of the people killed on the job are men. Likewise, who gets killed in battle? Even in today’s American army, which has made much of integrating the sexes and putting women into combat, the risks aren’t equal. This year we passed the milestone of 3,000 deaths in Iraq, and of those, 2,938 were men, 62 were women.

  9. Scientific Method –

    1. Ask a Question: Does semen get crusty when exposed to earth’s atmosphere for an extended period of time

    2. Do background research: The fact that I can make apple juice with my bare hands proves I have this covered

    3. Construct a hypothesis: Although the physical properties will change over time, I do not believe that semen will turn into a crusty, flakey substance. Instead, I believe it will look like a thin layer of dried bubble gum, almost rubbery/sticky/gross to the touch

    4. Test your hypothesis: I have set up 8 petri dishes in my bedroom. I sucked up the first sample with my vacuum cleaner, for the control group (the semen should remain unchanged while inside a vacuum). The other seven are of various volumes, taken from morning, afternoon, and night. One will be after eating asparagus nonstop for 3 days straight. This will be the “smells like urine” group.

    5. Analyze your results: The seven petri dishes appear to be completely empty. Aparently semen evaporates/disappears completely and now my dog gets super excited every time I take a shower in the morning.

    6. Communicate your results: I think this means I should post something semen related via a facebook status. Something like “mcowles is like houdini, cuz he makes semen disappear!”

    I guess i was wrong, but so was Matt C!!!!

  10. Lamebook needs to introduce a character limit for posting comments. These were good though good to see some parents with a sense of humour! I wouldn’t be embarassed by any of these but George’s post #5 is a crackup!

  11. Tristan and Kathryn both need to lighten up and get a sense of humor. Kindra should definitely be embarrassed about her mom. Not because her joke was about her own sexiness, but because it was an obvious ripoff of Elizabeth’s much funnier and well-timed joke. Sandra just embarrassed herself with that weak attempt.

    Adelle got exactly what she deserved. I hope she has nightmares for weeks picturing that one.

  12. Thats good stuff mcowles… But as a guy you should never state you are good at making seman disappear… We dont want you getting a tummy ache now do we

  13. @slimjayz

    If only there was a way that I could know (for a fact) how much semen I could ingest without getting this “tummy ache”.

  14. for the definitive answer to the dried semen question–ask whoever does the laundry of a teenaged boy.

  15. LMAO@ mcowles’ extremely scientific experiment!

  16. @mcowles

    you could always try the OTHER approach to ingestion.

  17. mcowles and slimjayz!

    your brains make me laugh. ohhhh, so good.

  18. Lamebook post is lame.

  19. Semen is 96% water, so after enough time that will evaporate and you’ll just be left with fairy dust. (I sell fairy dust for 25$/gram. If you want any just let me know. I have A LOT. It cures lots of things like blindness, it can make some bodyparts grow back, etc.)

    And your body produces semen from a preset recipe. So eating things like asparagus won’t change it. (I suggust you mix your fairy dust with cocoa powder and make a nice hot drink if you are ingesting it.)

  20. Walter Sobchak I log in to tell you that you have the most legendary nickname here.

  21. Parents get the last laugh. Take it bitches

  22. As the mother of a teenage boy, I can tell you that it’s not possible to scrape it off with a putty knife or any other kind of sharp object. It just hardens like cement (inside a sock anyway) and you have to wash it out.

    It should be noted that I no longer do the teenage son’s laundry after finding said sock tucked in between the wall and mattress.

  23. Thanks Dude.

  24. LOL @ Adelle. Bitch deserved it for putting up such a dumbass status.

  25. ThinkingInPictures

    For the record guys, by eating different types of foods, you can actually influence the taste of your… uh, nevermind…

  26. Sperm makes you sparkle ladies. Like cow placenta it can reverse the ageing process. So next time your man cums on your face, look up and say thankyou.

  27. lol @ leebo!!!!

  28. Edward from Twilight can now be called Jizz face – be honoured Jizzy Lizzy.

  29. lol Spanka.

    @mcowles: You should be metaled for you scientific research!

  30. Tristan’s undisguised cunty-ness will no doubt keep men far and clear of her. Then she can content herself with re-runs of “Sex in the City” and the two dozen or so cats that will gnaw at her body when she dies alone.

  31. thx@leebo
    aren’t you glad he just hid it and didn’t try to flush it?

  32. God I hate people like Tristan. They bitch about men but then if someone said the same thing about women they’d be all up in arms saying that they were sexist. Completely pathetic.

  33. See, I usually hate the whole sexist joke thing, but I’m way on George’s side, since the whole thing was basically insulting men. Dunno why Tristan was being such a bitch about it, Lisa was just as bad.

    Also Pam is awesome. If you’ve got your mom on Facebook and you’re gonna be saying stuff like that, you’ve got no right to complain xD

  34. Tristan is an angry dyke

  35. LOL. This was the greatest I’ve seen in a long time. Especially the last one.

  36. Were it not for a man you wouldn’t be here, Tristan. So, I guess one reason would be to give you life. I think that’s plenty. Without that one reason you wouldn’t be here and we wouldn’t have to tolerate your juvenile inquisition.

    Secondly, Tristan and Lisa have opposite boyfriends, I guess the quality of your life does depend on who you surround yourself with. Of course, it is easier to defame an entire species than to take responsibility for your own choices and dump your Milwaukee’s Best Light boyfriend.

    George made me chuckle, and “No.” we don’t wonder why you are such a bitch, we just know that you are. That’s enough.

  37. There’s been an awful lot of semen here on lamebook the last couple of days.
    Careful where you sit girls, and wash your hands after posting comments.

  38. @@@@@@worddddpervvvveeert: I hhhhaave nooooo Iiiidea whatttt youuuu’re talllllkinggggg abouuut.

  39. And boys, take it easy with your long posts, they’re too much for me.

    The written ones that is, not the ones in your trousers.

  40. Hey soup, how’s “that” working out for ya?

    @wordpervert, I’m still wondering how they fill them trousers?

  41. I’ve now thoroughly my washed hands after reading Soup’s comment.

    eenerbl, I very much doubt they do!

  42. Damn sticky keys. Broke out the putty knife. All good now.

  43. Oh jizz Soup, wait… I mean jeez, you should have used a tissue! Don’t forget to wash up.

    wordpervert, I demand photographic evidence. They wanted proof of our banana’s, I want proof of package material!

  44. Your motion is seconded ee!

  45. Trust me, you don’t want to see it. It’s like a baby mushroom peeking out of the forest floor.

  46. Aww Soup, don’t be so ‘hard’ on yourself.

  47. Easy for you to say, you can just grab whatever is handy. I have to prepare. Popsicle sticks and duct tape to shore things up, a dribbly loogie for the realistic finish. Do you have any idea how hard it is to work up a good spit when you’re that nervous?

  48. Oh Soup, I think I like you. They do say if you can’t fix it duct it.

  49. I like the dirty devil too.

  50. JacksSmirkingRevenge

    Since when is it an honor to be paid a compliment by a man “pretty high up in the education world?” so what?

  51. Eh… What I see is… Pam actually encouraging her husband to cheat..

  52. @wordpervert

    Sorry, I’ll put a limit on my posts. :(

    When it gets closer to the end of my workday I try to find more reasons to not do my … work. So I ramble (more than usual).

  53. So at home last night there was one banana left in the fruit basket… I swear it was giving me the eye… creepy

    @ eenerbl and wordpervet

    If you want the proof you have to come handle the proof ;)

  54. Oh my lol.
    I don’t get why people don’t put their parents on a fucking limited profile?!

  55. You’re tempting me slimjayz! lol.

    The funny thing is that we have a banana tree in our back yard. I don’t think I’ll ever look at it the same way!

  56. lol… Tempting a temptress, hehe… You have a banana tree? Where do you live that bananas grow? Dont you need tropics for that? Im in NW US… we grow apples, tomatos and weed

  57. FL. slimjayz, we have bananas, coconuts, oranges and we buy our weed from you good folks.

  58. Nice… And you smoke weed… I’m going to have to go get a sweet ‘please dont tease’ stomach tat now

  59. @ slim,

    Isn’t your last comment in #52 Jack Nicholson’s line from ” A few good men”?

  60. @word

    The line from there is ‘you want the truth, you cant handle the truth’ or some such… I never saw it… So yes, I spoofed it in order to tempt you gals into fondling my junk… was that wrong?

  61. @slimjays. Not wrong, just your style. Wouldn’t expect anything less! Also, good luck with the tat! lol!

  62. lol… I already have 1 lame tat (chinese writing on my upper arm)… I wont be adding more lame ones… I have 2 sons and am getting their baby footprints on my back… Then I’m thinking about a pot leaf on my ass… My wife is against it, but I think it’ll look awesome… But maybe that will be lame tat number #2… Thoughts?

  63. Slim, I did know you were spoofing.
    Wow, that sounds dirty.

  64. Slim, all I can ask is that if you do get that tat, please get arrested at some point so they have to take pictures of your identifying marks. I look forward to your star turn on The Smoking Gun.

  65. mccowles, but women have periods and babies. Even Mother Nature favors men.

  66. But shooblie, they all pretty much end up with erectile dysfunction and enlarged prostates, meaning they end up spending less time coming and more time going.
    Trust me, it evens out in the end.

  67. Go with the pot leaf slimjayz, I’ll get one on the other cheek to match you.

    @shooblie: You may think, but we are the ones who have the screaming orgazims. We win!

  68. @soup

    Sorry… I cant get arrested… I’m too pretty to go to jail… I’m slim and have long eyelashes… Id have to wear adult diapers for life if I ever went to jail

    @eenerbl

    That would be incredibly hot… Definately make me want to help you with one of them there screaming orgasims ;)

  69. lol slimjayz, I’ll put you on the list.

  70. Woo Hoo!! Dont need to know where, just nice to make the list… I’m off now… Have a great weekend… Just remember when fornicating with your hubby that his name isnt slim ;)

  71. lol Slim, no comment there, but I look forward to our forthcoming week together :) Monday it is.

  72. PosterformerlyknownasTristan

    Moby Dick made seamen disappear, go ask him.

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