Friday, September 14, 2012

Friday Fails


previous post: Gotta Catch ‘Em All!



  1. At least Johnny understands that there is no such thing as a free lunch.

  2. Lee is a fucking idiot. The only reason women have multiple children is because during pregnancy and child birth their bodies release a constant stream of hormones that prevent them from remembering how terrible it all is. Also I’ve never heard of a ball kicking that had a several week long recovery time.

  3. I’ve done the Denny’s/IHOP pancake bullshit “challenge”. It’s not worth it. They bring them out super slow, you get about 4-5 pancakes in and it’s over.

    Also their pancakes suck.

  4. @2 i for one rather enjoyed lee’s comment i fear you may be taking it too seriously.

    i also can’t get enough of the posts where someone whines on facebook and inadvertently outs themselves to their boss.

    i am a simple man.

  5. Lee’s comment was funny.

    The only reward for getting kicked in the nuts is pain and embarrassment. However, there are guys that get off on getting kicked in the nuts, so Lee is wrong in that regard.

  6. hahaha I found the page for the first one, it’s save jonny dew foundation, and beard cheese you must just be a wuss because I have personally eaten 14 pancakes from Denny’s

  7. Lee’s fail is in his logic. You can’t compare the two ideas. Labor is a means to an end, whereas getting kicked in the nuts produces nothing; unless you’re one of those special people beats mentioned who like that shit.

  8. Lee’s fail is how old his copied comment is.

  9. @2
    Women’s bodies release a constant stream of hormones all the time, even if they are not giving birth. So don’t give me that feminist nonsense. Lee’s clearly a thinking man; a philosopher, really.

  10. Alright! someone just told me I was on here haha you guys should check out the page! my story is true…I owe a ton of money and I just got $60 to eat a 30oz jar of mayo…the video will be up soon…please like it and check it out!

  11. Go and fuck vigorously yourself, johnny.
    You belong in prison for being a fucking danger to society. what kind of simple, knuckle-dragging fuckhead of a cunt expects other people to fix the fucking mess that YOU caused, on your own, just by being completely fucking useless?
    And you want other people to give you money AND feed you until you vomit?

    Is that a fairly fucking accurate summation of events?

  12. First of all Ms. Anne, thank you for your concern for my well being and the well being of others! I would like to say it was an accident, that is why they are called “accidents.” It was a stick shift and it did not go into gear properly. I do understand my negligence and I feel terrible for my mistake. I am doing everything I possibly can to make things work out, and I thank God because I know things could have been much worse. I am good at taking dares and entertaining individuals and I would have you know because of my wonderful friends who also enjoy being entertained in such acts as me eating a jar of mayonnaise or a burrito with snickers and ketchup, I am well on my way to reaching my goal. Instead of vigorously f***ing myself I intend to continue to be a better person and learn from my previous actions. Thank you for your sentiments, you sound like a very nice person.

  13. Yeah, I’m with Annie on this one. You’re just a fucking idiot, Jonny.
    Get a job and pay for the damage you caused. Fucking retard.

  14. I do have a job and I plan on paying for the damages I caused, thanks for being such stand up guys who never make mistakes. Jokes on you though seeing that I am getting money from friends who understand what it’s like to be in a tough spot because they know I would be right there helping them out if they ever needed it.

  15. This is why they invented automatic gears for the brainless. Stick shift requires a driver with at least a few active brain cells.

    Johnny, you’re not worth it, but I will invest $5 to make the world a better place, if you eat your own children. With or without mayonaise, I’ll leave that up to you.

  16. Also, for a car to start wandering off like that, it needs to be standing on a some kind of a hill. Not on a completely flat area like the one typically found in gas stations. If you’re gonna lie to make some money, try making up a believable scam. Something about a Nigerian prince always works well.

  17. I have pictures of exactly what it looked like…it appeared flat. Many things were on my mind and I was in a hurry running errands. I don’t need to make excuses I already admitted my faults and I am doing the best I can to get some extra money and it’s working so quit hating.If I was going to come up with a story, it wouldn’t be one where I looked so careless and ignorant, but I have reason to believe you have been to every gas station in America so I understand your reason for being so skeptical. I have driven a stick shift car for years and this is my first time making that mistake and yes it was a MISTAKE! I don’t have children so unfortunately I cannot take you up on your offer, but every penny counts so thanks for the generosity!

  18. Johnny. You are a fool for thinking being nice to any of these people will result in them helping you out of one of your (likely) many moments of stupidity. The odds of them actually helping you would increase exponentially if you stopped acting like such a bitch, manned the fuck up, an told these cockfucks what u really think of them.

  19. Ah, give the kid a break… this story is too crazy to be fake. I’m going to think of something gross and get back to you… I can only do 25 bucks. I hope you like cat shit!

  20. Yo spuds thanks but I don’t want their help at all if they are gonna be acting like that, thinking they are better than everyone else then they can keep their negative attitudes and enjoy getting through life without needing the occasional help from their friends and family. And thanks danchang69 I’ll take you up on that cat poo!

  21. the only help your poor ‘friends and family’ should be offering is to throw your fucking keys in the nearest dumpster.

  22. aren’t the cars in retardville equipped with handbrakes?

  23. Hello again Ms.Anne it sounds like you live a sad and lonely life and could really use an occasional hug. I’m a bit boggled as to why you couldn’t fit all your hurtful insults into just one comment but I guess looking at the times of the posts that you thought of that awesome handbrake zinger three minutes later and really felt the need to return to the comments and post it. As for the answer to that question I really wouldn’t know, I’ll ask my brother because he is mentally handicapped.

  24. Probably best to just get your brother to drive you around in the future, then. if he’s only mentally handicapped, he’s probably more capable than you, jonny.

    but I’m fairly fucking sure that mental handicaps are pretty fucking common in your family tree.

  25. Good one, you brought in two insults in the same comment this time…I see we are learning. Well as fun as this comment section was for me I will probably be going now because I feel like I have better things to do. For the record, I have raised over $200 in a day and more is coming in so no matter what you say, some pretty awesome people support me, and that’s all that matters. Best of luck!

  26. two hundred bucks won’t replace the fucking wing mirror, loser.

    I hope you choke on your fucking tongue.

  27. Jonnyeatdoo–wrap your head around this concept; friends don’t let friends eat cat shit. You don’t have friends–you have people who enjoy watching and participating in your train wreck of a life solely for entertainment. You were so flustered you left the gas hose in? Did it stretch all the way to the BMW? Your story sequence is shit. Eat that.

  28. Jonny, you sound like a rollercoaster ride of crazy hi-jinks, misunderstandings and all that other bullshit used to market unfunny comedy films.

  29. Yo rightbrain, the kid that offered me money was my friend and I knew he was kidding that’s why I said ok and for the hose what happened was I paid the guy before I pumped and just because I t-boned a car didn’t mean I didn’t need gas anymore so when I reversed and pumped the gas I Went and spoke with the author of the car…then after speaking with him and getting stuff together I went to drive off with the hose in. I appreciate your keen eye for detail! And yes my life has had a few ditzy stupid moments in it but I consider myself a klutz even when I try to be careful…things have always worked out for me and they will continue to so thanks for all your kind words!

  30. Driver* not author -_-

  31. Fucked up* not worked out-_-

  32. My favorite part of this heartwarming saga is that you don’t have children. You do understand you need to keep it that way, right jonny?

  33. 2. -A needs to take it easy and get out a little more. Lee made a good point on a rhetorical question.

    And I wouldn’t trust Johnny to run a fundraiser, if you gave him a donation to eat etc. he’s probably going to eat the glass bottle/jar itself by accident.

  34. I fucking love this thread.

    I can’t wait until jonny breaks his legs when he falls down in the cactus bed whilst taking a drunken piss.
    he’ll be back, cap in hand, for sure!

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