Friday, November 12, 2010

Faithbook

previous post: Senior Citizen Statuses

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102 Comments

  1. Womp womp waaaahhhhhhh.
    Just boring…Oh lamebook…

  2. Jesus Christ!

  3. What about the bread or fish?!

    WHO’LL BRING THE FISH!!!

  4. lamebook at it again with the titles to piss off facebook.

  5. To be honest, I liked the first one.

    Pearl was just stupid. It was actually lame. Since this is lamebook, it fits. It’s not necessarily funnybook, so it works.

  6. I lol’d at “Jesus’ Surprise Birthday Party”

    On an unrelated note, I fear the day that lol ceases to have the red squiggly lines under it.

  7. I lol’d at “Jesus’ Surprise Birthday Party”
    It’s funny cause, like, he knows everything already.

    On an unrelated note, I fear the day that lol ceases to have the red squiggly lines under it.

  8. Whoa, it’s like lexluther and lexluther-from-the-slightly-more-explanatory-dimension both posted at the same time…

  9. Erm. Over 80% of Indians are Hindus; A joke about Islam doesn’t really make sense.

  10. …..how did that happen? I never pressed submit the first time…….

  11. Don’t ask how you came upon the Kryptonite, just use it.

  12. disappointingly, lamebook seems to think joey’s casual racism and rampant ignorance constitutes a ‘win’ on his part. i challenge lamebook to show some consistency, and include a few FTW jokes about black people getting lynched, or how the holocaust never happened.

  13. Lighten up, vincent. It was funny and kind of clever. It’s also a far cry from the holocaust or the lynching of black people.

  14. I love these posts :)

  15. I don’t get the one about India and 72 virgins :S

  16. it’s only funny if you’re a shit for brains american redneck. now fuck off and go watch nascar.

  17. I’m none of those things, but you appear to be an uptight little virgin with inadequecy issues.

  18. Vincent – Don’t want to sound like a dick or nothin’,but you talk like a fag, and your shit’s all retarded.

  19. @vincent You’re right. And that ignorance and idiocy is exactly why America is gonna go down the drain in the coming decades.

  20. Joey thinking India is Muslim (~15% of India) is like an Indian thinking America is all Black (~14% of America). Just to put the excessive ignorance and absurdity of that comment in perspective.

  21. Oh yeah, and slamming Americans makes you just as bad as those you’re whining about. Epic fail.

  22. You know I wasn’t a huge fan of it, but damn that doesn’t mean other people can’t find it funny, and if they do there’s certainly no reason to have a spaz about it. Yeesh.

  23. The first one is too obviously set up. “Hey, comment under it asking if it’s BYOB or what, I have a great comeback!”

  24. hellabex – first of all, learn to spell before attempting to trade insults with the big boys. i’m sorry you didn’t have access to a proper education, but you’re embarrassing yourself here. for the record, commenting on islamophobic tendencies in america (me) is not the same as attaching racist stereotypes to an entire country on the basis of a shared skin colour (joey). understand? it’s unfortunate that your mother chose to smoke crack during her pregnancy, but please don’t take it out on me.

  25. @lilac651

    Wait – America isn’t all black?

  26. Vincent = terrorist.

  27. I don’t get the 72 reference either :/

    Someone please explain??

  28. @twoshortwords What Joey is trying to do is make a joke about Islam, failing to realise that India is a Hindu country with a majority Hindu poulation(look at lilac’s comments for the stats).
    What he is trying to joke about is the fact that when Muslim’s enter paradise 72 virgins(or women of virtue as I think is the correct quote from the Quran) await them. Instead he just failed miserably.

  29. Joey failed so bad.

  30. Actually there are a lot of muslims in India, or at least there were.
    And I thought you only got 72 if you were really good. For example, blowing up infidels. Or living virtuously with five prayers a day, whatever floats your boat…

  31. well said, donmega12. my qualm was that lamebook appears to have presented this idiotic comment in a context which suggests that it is somehow funny. this, apparently, makes me an uptight fag virgin terrorists in the eyes of my enlightened american and canadian cousins. yes, that’s you, hellabex, i went to the trouble of looking at your DJ profile. unfortunately, as an out gay man, your ample bosom fails to distract me from your appalling taste in music.

  32. #2 isn’t really funny and is kind of ignorant and mildly offensive

    like if it was pakistan it would be more funny on a humor scale, but i guess it would be more offensive because it’s more accurate

    i can’t believe i’m trying to quantify this

  33. @mad2physicist Maybe when Pakistan was still part of India, but I don’t think they near the Hindu population. If lilac was right about 15% that is still like 150 million people since there are a billion people in India(I believe, there abouts anyway)….
    1,027,015,247 according to one site, and “83% of the people are Hindu, India also is the home of more than 120 million Muslims”. There you go.
    I think you’re right, that only the very best behaved will get that reward, not too clued in on the Islamic faith tbh

  34. @vince… though i think i like vinny more.

    Are you interested in trance? or dubstep?

  35. I never said they equaled the Hindus, Mega, just that there’s a lot. Enough for the statement to at least marginally make sense.
    Personally I would have used iran or afghanistan, or saudi arabia, then it would be unambiguous.

  36. There are quite a large number of people here in India, who would be offended if someone says or implies India is predominantly Muslim. If someone had made a sarcastic remark on Joey’s lame remark, that would have made a Win post…

  37. #34 – no.

  38. I think the key glaring issue is that the “India = Hindu = Muslim” joke (if we ignore the horror Muslims = terrorists aspect) ignores decades of oppression and war? I don’t see how confusing these religions, which is presumably what has happened as it’s incredibly widely known that India is Hindu following Gandhi and Nehru and the formation/independence of Pakistan as an Islamic republic to reduce the tension and all that.

    But yeah, LOL and vincent what a douchebag you are pointing out that bigotry isn’t funny. Bigotry is TOTALY FUNY YEH SO FUK U

  39. *I don’t see how confusing…the tension and all that is acceptable.

  40. a01chtra – that came out all wrong didn’t it! never mind, i’m sure your grammar and syntax will improve steadily as you progress through special school. if not, there are always other careers available to people with poor literacy levels. you could work as a farmhand, or as a toilet attendant. don’t give up hope just yet.

    to your last point – you are absolutely correct in pointing out that bigotry can be “totaly funy yeh so fuk u”. however, in the hands of ignorant rednecks such as joey, bigotry becomes a tragic reflection of america’s decline. much in the same way as a convoluted pseudo-history of south asian conflict turns into a garbled pile of shit in the hands of an illiterate child.

  41. #38 Unfortunately your post was a little unreadble as a whole- even sentence to sentence- so I read it in chunks and may have missed something; Muslims = terrorist?

  42. Ok, look, Joey said NOTHING negative about muslims. At most, he’s guilty of referencing a minority in India as though it is more predominant than it is, but he did this for the sake of the joke. He didn’t really have a choice; the person said they called india, and he wanted to make a joke about the ‘virgin’ in ‘virgin mobile.’ For all we know Joey might BE muslim. There’s no ‘bigotry’ here. At worst, it exaggerates the number of muslims in india (but above, someone said it is around 15% anyway, which is rather significant if you ask me).
    The other posts about christianity are a lot more offensive to believers in jeebus than Joey’s remark is towards muslims.

  43. do i have to spell it out for you again, mad2physicist? joey first displays great racial insensitivity by equating indians with muslims, presumably on the basis that they resemble what he thinks muslims should look like. this in itself may be highly offensive to a lot of indian people. additionally, joey casually refers to the 72 virgins, which is a belief held by a very small minority of muslims, and in post 9/11 western media is strongly associated with islamic fundamentalism and by extension terrorism. the entire unfunny joke rests on a series of logical premises which are misguided at best, vilely racist at worst. if even a self-proclaimed liberal such as yourself fails to see the bigotry in this, then it only confirms the extent to which cultural ignorance and islamophobia are accepted, nay, actively encouraged in american society.

    as for your (ridiculous) statement that joey might be muslim: rush limbaugh might be a black lesbian jewish aborted foetus, but it isn’t likely now, is it?

  44. Vincent, you’re reading too far into this. Joey was attempting to make a joke, just as mad2physicist said. Even if it is inaccurate, it is still a joke.
    Remember, this is LAMEbook, dude.
    Besides, I don’t think you should be preaching on sensitivity because of some of the insensitive statements you have made.

  45. danfargisfilthypenis

    @44 Muslims are not a race. The posts refers to the fact that Joey thinks most of India is Muslim(it’s a mostly Hindu country). If anything else, Joey should be accused of being ignorant of other countries and their religions.

  46. Vincent, for somebody who consistently comments on other peoples’ inferior intelligence, you are certainly making yourself look like a dumbass.

    First, you presume that Lamebook considers Joey’s comment to be “funny” rather than “lame.” I have no idea how somebody with your sharp reasoning abilities came to that conclusion.

    Second, your retarded crap about Joey’s bigotry being a reflection of America’s decline is a load of retarded crap. What the fuck are you talking about? You think America’s position in the world is being steered by people like Joey? Sounds to me like you are a bit bitter, a bit ignorant, and a bit bigoted yourself, kind of like Joey.

  47. I called the cable TV company this morning and spoke to an Indian, and someone from the bank rang the other day and they were Indian, too. It’s always Indians. I hate it.

    The fact people are taking vincent seriously is very amusing.

  48. I’m just stunned that someone like Vincent can get himself so worked up over something so silly and pointless. Let be truthful, we come on Lamebook to laugh at the ridiculous things that people feel the need to share. If we find it so upsetting it is probably time we turned to other pursuits.

    For the record, Joey and his throw away comment is certainly one of the less interesting or even laughable ones on Lamebook and the outrage shown by Vincent makes me wonder how he survives in the real world.

  49. It is very likely that Vincent is just trolling.

  50. pepe, even if Joey thinks Indians are predominately muslim, who gives a fuck? It isn’t ‘racism’ to not know the dominant religion of some race. There are lots of things that I don’t know about Indians, and I was pretty good friends with one in my department until he moved back to India.
    In order to make the joke, Joey needs to premise that 1. there’s muslims in the country you’ve called, and 2. some muslims at least believe in the 72 virgins thing (my question is, where do you FIND these virgins? Which leads me to suspect that a lot of the virgins you get must actually be male, and that muslims will have gay sex in heaven). The ’72 virgins’ is something that most people in Joey’s target demographic will recognize as a muslim belief. Just as there are some beliefs that differ between Catholics and Protestants, there may be muslims who DON’T believe that you can get 72 virgins forever in heaven by blowing yourself up. Some do. Joey’s premises are maybe not entirely accurate, but they’re close enough to make it a joke.
    More importantly, I’m not sure why so many people are offended by the mockery of islam (really this is a joke and isn’t even offensive to islam) but not the mockery of christianity. I myself am an equal-opportunity mocker; I like to mock all religions just as much.
    I would suggest vincent is both clueless AND a troll.

  51. vincent is a troll, and a fairly good one. He seems to know exactly which buttons to push around here because his comments get the crowd (mad2 mostly) going. Every time. He is not clueless.

  52. @51 You can only make assumptions based on what you see, that you chose to assume this is a colour/ race issue says alot more about you than it does Joey.

  53. ***ACCLAIM FOR VINCENT’S LATEST COMMENT, “JOEY IS A BIGOT”***

    “either the most clueless man in the world or a troll”

    “intellectually imperious”

    “the outrage shown by Vincent makes me wonder how he survives in the real world.”

    “The fact people are taking vincent seriously is very amusing”

    “Vincent’s reaction is slightly understandable”

    “vincent is a troll, and a fairly good one.”

    “vincent is both clueless AND a troll”

    “It is very likely that Vincent is just trolling”

    “I’m just stunned that someone like Vincent can get himself so worked up over something so silly and pointless”

    ***

    gee, i really don’t know what to say. i’m humbled. i’d just like to say a big thank you to all my fans out there, you know i wouldn’t be doing this without you guys. where can i take this juggernaut from here, i here you ask? the answer lies in the hands of allah the almighty, sustainer of the universe, master of all that exists – my mortal soul is but a vessel for his will…

    seriously though, you lot are priceless. honestly, the way you fall over each other to embarrass yourselves like amorous schoolgirls trying desperately to impress a dashing new teacher. here are my top three moments:

    1. “Vincent, if you’re actually serious and not just starting shit with people, maybe that’d be more obvious if you used capitalization, punctuation, and knew what a clause was.” (now i’m not keen on hyperbole, but this literally had me Rolling On the Floor Laughing)

    2. “your retarded crap about Joey’s bigotry being a reflection of America’s decline is a load of retarded crap” (tautology much?)

    3. “I was pretty good friends with [an indian] in my department” (i’m an open-minded white liberal american, i don’t actually know any black/asian/jewish people but this one time i met one and i asked him some patronizing questions about curry and yoga.)

    give yourselves a big pat on the back. you are fantastic, every last one of you. gosh, this is really getting to my head, isn’t it? *blushes*

  54. 57: Greatest. Comment. Ever.

  55. Fucking a man. You guys are dead serious about this debate aren’t you? I like to think you guys start these up on Fridays so there will be something to read and keep an eye on over the weekend since Lamebook doesn’t post most weekends.

  56. Haha, the best part of all this is Vincent actually thinks he accomplished something difficult or noteworthy.

  57. Do you guys ever masturbate when commenting? An ex of mine used to do that. I’ve noticed many commenters here sound a good deal like him, so I thought I’d ask.

  58. That’s what I was thinking.

    Let me just double-click this mouse, and I’ll get right back to ya.

  59. wordprevert, I have only masturbated twice while commenting. Both times have been while addressing you.

  60. pepeaquiles and walter sobchak are like the vultures at the lamebook feast. they never come up with anything remotely witty or original themselves, instead feeding greedily on others’ superior imagination. at least someone like mad2physicist, for all his many shortcomings, is willing to put himself out there to make us giggle. pepe and walter, you guys contribute nothing other than tedious, self-important, unfunny, meandering, ponderous horseshit.

    and pepe, i get it. you’re in love with me. it was kind of sweet at first, but now frankly i’m a bit concerned. how many posts in a row about me without response is that now? you’re coming on a bit strong, you need to back off a bit or risk ruining our friendship.

    finally, i’m beginning to resent being described as a troll. i don’t think that such simplistic labelling does justice to the full range of services i provide. far be it from me to bestow a title on myself, but i was thinking something along the lines of “lamebook laureate”. you know, something that reflects my classy yet modest personality.

  61. Holy moly.

  62. What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? Virgin mobile …. ahhahaha ;)

  63. Shouldn’t it be Mobile virgin?

  64. Ahhh, who’s the troll, now?

  65. Ha ha, busted!

  66. Haha nice one.

  67. Jesus playing hockey. Haha!

  68. Nice fail, #75.

  69. pepe = mad2

  70. For what it’s worth, I think many people who have commented are sort of correct. Let me explain…

    1. Americans don’t know very much about the rest of the World and it’s embarassing, annoying and quite insulting. But it’s their choice- just because people are insulted don’t mean they gotta change how they act. Maybe they don’t care, or the important ones are more clued-up; like maybe they have to go to a special finishing school where they finally get lots of maps out. In the UK we’ve got a member of the royal family who I think could be a closet American- he’s called Prince Phillip.

    2. Spelling, punctuation, correct grammar and good clause construction are to be idolised at all cost. Clarity of expression is also pretty sexy, and will make people want to touch you more often.

    3. Hindus, Muslims, Christianitys, Jews and Buddhists love to think they’re all really different in their beliefs systems, but all essentially believe in stuff which they’ve accepted on authority alone.

    4. Vincent is gay, out of the closet, and a troll. And to think that barely 2 generations ago, trolls were spending their entire lives under bridges to hide their sexuality. It’s examples like this that should give you hope in the forward march of mankind.

    I can’t come watch that film tonight darling- gotta summarise some lamebook comments pages…

  71. anyone else love the way that pepe’s imaginary friend massages pepe’s ego under the pretence of chiding him?

    “Pepe, this isn’t Boing boing. You two need to lower your standards a bit and exchange your serious earnestness for silliness”

    “Pepe, you are not going to get through to Vincent, ever. He isn’t always trolling and he’s not as clever as you think”

    also, TWO THINGS:

    1. this pepe guy keeps going on about my allegedly poor writing style. apart from the fact that i don’t use caps (welcome to the internet), and possibly the occasional misplacing of a comma (a forgivable error in the fervour of battle!), what exactly are you referring to? i don’t recall ever reading anything particular clever from you. “palinesque blocks of shitty text” – hardly william shakespeare now is it! you sound like a pedantic grammarian with a severe personality disorder – which brings me on to…

    2. i’m intrigued by nexus’s theory about pepe being mad2physicist. having lost all credibility, has lamebooks lovable buffoon mad2 decided to create an outlet for his inner rage? i sort of hope not, because as you all know, i’m really very fond of mad deep down. pepe on the other hand is a downright nasty piece of work: no sense of humour and thick as pig shit to boot.

    hopefully all will be revealed…

  72. hey vincent, you shouldn’t descend to their level. they aren’t worth it vincent – you deserve better. i admire your work, even though i disagree with you on some minor points.

  73. OMG #86 how the fuck did you do that??
    WTF?

    etc.

    lol

  74. Wait a minute, what just happened?

  75. Vincent, you’ve outed yourself to anybody with half a brain that you’re pathetic little man who cares much, much more about what everybody thinks of him than anybody else cares about you think of them.

    Good luck on your quest to validate your sad existence on anonymous Internet sites, spunky.

  76. pepe – let us lay aside our differences for a moment. i don’t really think you’re mad2physicist. it did, however, look a lot like you had created a sidekick who you were using to validate your arguments. you then forgot to log out of your pepe account, and posted #75. in an attempt to cover your tracks, you feigned surprise and outrage in #76, a mere two minutes later. to further corroborate your little comedy, you then proceed to insult yourself in #78.

    i would be delighted to hear your version of events. let the mystery be solved once and for all!

  77. walter – if my crime is caring too much, then i shall walk to the gallows with my head held high and my sphincter intact. i wouldn’t want to live in your cold, heartless world anyway, where caring is scorned, and being the least funny person on lamebook reigns supreme.

  78. If only your excessive self-absorption allowed you to be only slightly self aware, you might not confuse your obnoxiousness with whatever quality you see in yourself. You are… different… to normal people though, Vincent. So, even though you may not be different in a good way, I guess it’s good for your well-being to be able to take pride in something about yourself.

  79. thank you for your encouraging words, walter. they will provide comfort on the long, lonely winter nights to come. as i perch on the edge of the abyss, staring at my reflection in the bleak morasses of my mortal soul, i will remember and hold dear the time when walter sobchak told me to go to gay pride next year. that is what were you were saying, wasn’t it?

  80. Vincent, I assure you that I say this in the most caring way: I hope you were abused as a child.

    You see, I have read that in cases where NPD has been brought upon by neglect, it may be treatable.

  81. Holy fuckin moly.

  82. vincent, I am truly hurt that you put me in the same category with that whiny Frenchman. Can I borrow one of your soul’s morasses for a short while?

  83. Hey Vincent, just wanted to give you a quick hand. You see nothing makes someone look more pathetic than criticising other peoples spelling and grammer when you are severely flawed in those skills yourself. So for future posts, try and remember, capitalise the first letter of new sentences and names. New sentences are what come after that little dot you will see to the left of the word “New”. OK mate carry on.

  84. I guessed you might be French-Canadian because your English is pretty decent (but weird) and you said your computer wasn’t English. Plus i was trying to insult you and even the French are insulted when somebody calls them French. Plus you turned into a whinger when I ignored your plea to cease the pleasantries. It’s my Monday morning, im at work, and I was having fun with my vinny.

  85. So, WTF I was too late for this? Oh, how I rue this day…

  86. I don’t know pepe – you almost sound normal. It’s just your spelling and punctuation are American but your diction and phraseology sound slightly unusual.

    I am not engaging vinny to try to convince him of something or anything like that. I’m just a big fan of his and I was thinking I would be honored to have a turn feeling truly insulted by one of his quips. But most of his comments to me seem to be mainly defensive rather than offensive.

  87. I do not believe that vincent is a troll. Nor Walter, for that matter. Pepeaquiles, on the other hand, should be most suspect, for he/she is definitely not French!

  88. pepe #89, um, you did write a message to yourself (#75)! You may or may not be mad2, but you definitely post under another name. You screwed up. It doesn’t bother me, it’s just amusing, that’s all. Your explanation of it (#98) is also amusing.

    I agree with bonchatbonrat. French? My ass.

  89. ITS OKAY EVERYONE MY COOCHIE START BLEEDIN

    This phrase is the official argument-stopper.

  90. (it’s obvious guys, pepe = vignesh)

    (*fap fap fap*)

  91. Walter, you’re fapping a lot these last couple of days.

  92. walter – like all gay people, i was of course abused as a child. upon reaching full maturity, i then in turn abused another child. it’s how we pass on our customs and traditions. the ritual isn’t as bad as it sounds – we just put on some streisand, invite a few friends around for gay brunch and ply the young victim with appletinis.

    pepe – i neither crave hostility, nor do i want us to sit around exchanging niceties. i just like a bit of lively banter to pass the time, and that can sometimes involve making fun of earnest, wooden posters such as yourself. to your credit though, you did your bit in making this thread what it is (albeit mostly through your split personality fail – still not buying it!). also, if english isn’t your first language, then i apologize for mocking your prose.

    poopaloop – yes, you’re not the first person to have commented on my refusal to use capital letters. you are, however, the first person to spell “grammar” as “grammer”.

    anyone else got anything funny before we head back to the mundane weekday routine with keona and the gang?

  93. Vincent you are a tool.

    Don’t bother writing a long comeback as I probably won’t ever read it, as I am going to get on with my life.

    I go to a school where majority of the learners are Muslim and Indian and I asked around if that comment was insulting. It created a little discomfort but they didn’t read it in depth.

    I stopped reading halfway, because contrary to popular belief, you write the most boring and meaningless posts and expect people to be in awe of your amazing use of language. this is Lamebook, people are not going to try and use correct English.

    This comment is nothing compared to the other ignorant statements people have made to me. I have been asked on multiple occasions if i go to school on a lion or elephant. And instead of becoming a pompous jackass, i just play along.

    Please comment on this Vincent. I would like to show my friends at school how, while we are going out and having a life, you find it necessary to prove your intelligence not in the real life world, but insulting people over a small comment made by a man that misunderstood the religion.

  94. i have noticed that i said don’t bother commenting and then i asked you to comment. It is really late here and ‘i live in the bush veld, hunt on my elephant and have a pet baboon and could be an uneducated bastard.’

  95. I always forget: Does the period go outside the quotation marks or inside?

  96. Also, it’s not really 72 virgins, anyway. It’s 72 raisins. Ask Dawkins about it. He knows.

  97. The full stop/period goes last, unless it is being used to show elipses (like ctd. ltd. no. etc.)

    You’ll find a lot of English men don’t like talking about periods, but I’m not shy.

    Kudos re: raisins (I can never type that word again without thinking about the South Park episode). I imagine most martyrs are hoping for something juicy and fairly moist, but a small pile of semi-dried fruit might be something of a letdown.

    I met Dawkins once- he’s really not as fun as you would hope. More like a stroppy Uncle who attends Christmas dinner with the family, but would blatantly rather be alone wearing a white coat and fiddling with his proteins.

  98. if the quotations enclose a sentence the period goes inside the quotation marks

  99. I was confused about punctuation regarding quotation marks until I took Political Inquiry, a pre-law writing course. The American style dictates within while the British style is outside. Modern grammar literature is leaning toward equal acceptance of either. There are further details and rules depending on the structure and such. I don’t remember if I read that in Strunk and White’s “The Elements of Style” or Hacker’s “Writer’s Reference.” I’m sure you could find that information online if it bothers you. Makes for a delightful bit of light, pleasure reading… Zzz. ;)

  100. Tell me, good sir: what is your position on the Oxford comma?

  101. Berkowitz? I wonder if he’s related to Son of Sam? lol. Bad joke, I know… not really all that funny either. blah. whatever.

  102. dammit. wrong entry. FML

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