Saturday, June 19, 2010

Failed Attempts

previous post: Care to Share

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32 Comments

  1. Mmmmkay…

  2. Lol fuck that’s awesome

  3. and I did chicks that dig giant robots.

  4. oops. dig*, rather.

  5. Haha! At least he knows what he wants in life!

  6. i once had sex with an ugly turkish girl just because i found out that she’d spent 4 years in prison for attempted murder. apparently she stabbed her ex-boyfriend in the stomach 5 times.

    she couldn’t speak any english, but after coitus spent about twenty minutes scrolling through her phone to show me pictures of her fluffy persian cat, whose name was ‘my girl’.

  7. @alordslums haha that’s sick and a great story at the same time!

    so you dig ugly chicks that are a threat to society? :P

  8. yourinevitabledemise

    What the hell? Was this chick like “Hi my name is Vanessa, I’ve been arrested for grave robbing nice to meet you”? This seems so staged. And if watching his friend hit on a creepster was the craziest thing that’s happened in NYC since he moved, I guess he’s only been there one night.

  9. dietpillpyramidscheme

    Pink robots, Wonderbread?

  10. The woman was probably trying to make up stuff that she was hoping would scare Jon away. I suspect genital warts wouldn’t even scare him away though.

    She should have told him she’s really a man. That should work. Women, take note of that. You can thank me later.

  11. when i found out it was really a man my first thought was:

    ‘i’ve started so i’ll finish.’

    true story.

  12. And it sounds like your first thought also defeated your second thought – because if it didn’t, it would most likely have been safely suppressed in your subconscious for all eternity. I’m sorry.

  13. don’t worry walter – you know the old stoic saying, every cloud has a silver lining?

    i got my first deep-throat.

  14. Krazy Eyez Killa

    An older women who knows her way around a shovel? Yes please.

    Come to think of it, older women are the only ones I’ve ever been with. Digging graves has never come up in conversation though.

  15. Sex and the Cemetery.

  16. It’s kinda like chicks and their attraction to the ‘bad boy’. I totally get it! Grave robbing does have it’s appeal. I’d do it with a grave robber. I could add it to my ‘Been there, done that’ list.

  17. Fuck gold diggers, I want a grave digger!

  18. Thanks a lot ee, now I’m very curious to know what’s on that list. Or who……

  19. releasethehounds

    Attempted grave robbery……..pfffffffftttttt. Either you robbed the grave or you didn’t. If you didn’t then surely it’s just criminal landscaping at worst.

  20. @dietpillpyramidscheme

    Sure, those work too! I was quoting a TV show theme-song….I doubt any picked up the reference…

    Now as for the post…that’s quite a way to break the ice with someone…and she got pretty lucky! It worked! A match made in heaven.

  21. Krazy Eyez Killa

    A girl once split up with me because I played down my ‘bad boy’ past. The first night I met her we got arrested and I had to state the fact this wasn’t my first time in the back of a police car when asked if I had been arrested before. All over me until I played down all of my failings as a law abiding citizen. So play up being a right rotter boys, not rotting, someone might try to dig you up.

    As for Sex and the Cemetary word, it really isn’t past me to try something so disrespectful. ‘remember when we did it on John Grouts 1920-1998? Good times!’

  22. dietpillpyramidscheme

    Wonderbread, I wasn’t sure if you were referencing “Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots” – a concept album by The Flaming Lips.

    Soon as someone mentions giant robots, I’m there.

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  24. This is almost too perfect to believe… but I still love it :)

  25. In this post’s defense, people volunteer information all the time.

    Take comment # 11 for instance.

  26. uhhr…Nope. Referencing Megas XLR.

  27. @wordpervert. —I was at the library when I read your sex and the cemetary comment, and I laughed so loud. Well, it was more like a loud “HA!” but I was trying to be quiet, so I did that, muffle-ed-trying to be quiet-snorty laugh. I got shhh-ed.
    lol, too funny.

    -Gods investment(his son) in you, was SO great, he could never abandon you! “Seek me and you will find me, when you seek me with all your heart!”:)-

  28. @someone – generic, uninteresting comment.
    lol!

    -satan is way cooler than god, or jesus, could ever be. now the holy spirit, that’s quite interesting. it can be in your heart and pants at the same time. unfortunately neither god nor jesus, nor the holy spirit, actually exist – even if you believe in them with all your heart! not even satan, the more the shame.
    :) -

  29. dietpillpyramidscheme

    Alordslums, will you have my babies?

  30. LoL @ Word!!!

  31. @dietpill: I went straight to “Yoshimi”, too. Anyone talks about girls and robots, it’s all about women using karate to defeat evil pink robots.

  32. dietpillpyramidscheme

    I hear that, Master Prop, Approaching Pavonis Mons by hot air balloon, and all of that good stuff.

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