Monday, May 10, 2010

Facts About Folks

previous post: Pumped!

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63 Comments

  1. You Got Doddified

    A friend like ben ♪

  2. Who's That Girl?

    Fact – 1 in 4 men suffer from premature ejaculation. That’s a lot of mofos! Show of hands?

  3. Elizabeth: Well, you can start by beating the shit out of yourself for being such an awful mom, then you can call DFACS.

  4. Nancy, I hear ya.

    Elizabeth, it’s the start of something very bad.

  5. WTG?, I don’t see many of the dudes on here fessing up to that one.

  6. Elizabeth is having a shitty day

  7. I’d like to read said texts, but only if they were a play-by-play. I’m a curious girl, can’t help it.

  8. Elizabeth, take note: Along with the shit eating, if your child continues to pee the bed into its later years, starts setting fires, and strangles the cat, you might have a future serial killer on your hands.

    Keep a close eye on that dirty little deviant.

  9. My mother did, and I turned out ok.

    I haven’t killed anyone… yet.

  10. It’s not that I liked the poo, it’s just that mom’s cooking was so bad!! But SERIOUSLY, folks….

  11. I still wet the bed though.

  12. Desolation Row

    SERIOUSLY. Nakaishia????

  13. Good ol’ Coop. We need more fathers like you around.

  14. @WTG?

    I’m a premature ejaculator, but I’m also a rapist, so I think it works out pretty well for everyone involved.

  15. Nice of you to fess up Soup.

  16. In my opinion, if you want to text during sex, someone is doing SOMETHING wrong…

  17. The first post makes me glad I’m a lesbian.

  18. katypants, post coital texting is fine though, especially in a new relationship.

    I text the verdict to all my girlfriends.

  19. word, I entirely agree; verdict, possibly including a grade or a point average is totally fine.

    It’s the *during* that I don’t understand. If it was mid-coital and I was thinking about anything but the excitement, slight pain of the hand cuffs, or the dirty things spewing from our mouths, I would not text; I would leave.

    …or is that just me?

  20. @briana: certainly lesbians can text during sex. i mean, really!

  21. katypants, so true.

    But I’ve been guilty of watching TV during a few boring sessions in my time.
    The ex husband, well, it wasn’t what he was best at, but it sure was what he was fastest at, so when I say I watched TV, I watched an ad or two.

    He’s a good bloke overall though, not a total loser.

  22. dc, my sister does.

  23. Not to be a killjoy or anything, but what is so funny about the second one?

  24. Who's That Girl?

    Soup – sometimes you can be a little scary. Good thing I like you…

    And whatever happend to using your phone for videos and pictures during sex? Everytime I lose my phone, I get a little nervous that I’m going to end up on youtube…

  25. Katypants: I am 100 percent with you! If it’s so bad that you are doing anything other than begging for more, why are you even doing it? If your partner doesn’t have your full attention, whether it be concentrating on blowing his mind or concentrating on how hard he is rocking your world…get out of that relationship QUICKLY. Run full speed!

  26. @pusiu: The only humor I can find in it is that Cooper’s girl sleeps around so much that he might not have to pay child support. Which is humorous because the girl in question has probably decided, with little evidence, that the kid is his. Hopefully this post will be followed by a picture Cooper takes of the girl’s face when she learns that months of yelling at him for money were pointless and she must now figure out who the child’s real father is. Or by a picture of Cooper’s face when he learns he’s a daddy.

    tl;dr Funny bit is that girl’s a slut or Cooper’s screwed.

  27. Right, is that not reading into it quite a bit though? I thought it was supposed to be funny because he doesnt know that you can get DNA sampling before the baby is born. But a lot of people might not know that, so thats why i didnt think it was funny.

  28. Is that a Hello Kitty watch that I see on that wrist?

  29. Not sure about Hello Kitty – but I AM sure that it’s a pink light-up star watch. And for that, she’s gonna be a great mother.

    word: As always, I love you.

    soup: You scare me, but in a good way.

  30. Hey Soup, remember when that guy in Revenge of the Nerds raped that cheerleader by pretending to be her jock boyfriend and she ends up falling in love with him? Are you hoping that will happen to you, one day?

  31. pusiu, maybe it’s meant to be funny for that reason.

    Cooper doesn’t about the pre birth testing, so I’m picturing him thinking up nasty ways on how to get a sample.

  32. oh word, that makes me do a little sad face… you couldn’t get him into something a little kinkier? I mean, he can’t get off quickly if he’s busy with a riding crop, no? ;)

  33. tellmelies, I wouldn’t be in the relationship in the first place to run from. I can tell the guys who are going to get lazy in the sack from the get go… it’s like radar… and I avoid them at all costs.

  34. Nice work NaKaishia, looks like your child will be growing up in the projects while you work your full-time 60k/year job. I’m sure the father will be there to help out every step of the way. Congrats.

  35. Don’t be sad katy, it’s all in the past.

    I’ve moved on, and hopefully, he’s now using the aids of modern medicine.

  36. mcowles, that’s more of a date rape scenario. I generally just lurk in dark alleys and grab unsuspecting ladies. Although I’m filled with ill intentions, that limited contact is enough for me to goo in my shorts. We both walk away trembling from the experience, but ultimately unharmed.

  37. Katy: if only I had your radar! I’ve had a couple fool me. And I didn’t let those turn into relationships either. That’s when you hit it once and quit it…why would you drink the whole gallon of milk if the first sip tastes sour?

    You can’t use kissing skills or fingering skills to gauge sexual aptitude anymore. After all, they HAVE to get good at that if they are lame in the sack. So, now I do the dry hump test…If he can make that feel good, it’s on!

  38. Soup, that has always been a fantasy of mine: a strange man holding me down and having his way with me. It’s what I dream about when I’m all alone with my battery operated boyfriend.

    Maybe I’m just a crazy kinky nympho mess, but you just got me all ready to go.

  39. MsBuzzkillington

    Ooooh Nancy, hahaha. Her response was the best.

  40. e-flirting is on, lol

  41. @tellmelies

    Does he also shave off all of his pubic hair, wear tight fitting clothes, a condom, and gloves so as not to leave any DNA evidence behind?

  42. No, mcowles, those details are not in my fantasy. However, the gloves will be, from now on. And maybe a ski mask too. Add some rope and alittle bit of choking and you’ve got the basic idea. Rrrrar.

  43. Chewbacca shagger

    Can someone please tell me how a man suffers from PE?

  44. So no kidding, Nakaishia looks like she is in front of the apartments that are typically considered the ghetto in my current town. Time to move…

  45. with a name like Nakaishia, no wonder she is pregnant. and probably about 15.

  46. Looks more like a Belle from Beauty and the Beast watch to me…but this is unconfirmed.
    The first one reminds me of that episode of CYE when Larry picks up the phone during sex – it’s a good episode, kids.

  47. Looks like Nakaishia has her own name tattooed on her arm…

  48. yeah i really don’t get what is lame or funny about # 2.It’s more sad he doesn’t think the baby is his…

    Oh wait, maybe it’s lame because whoever submitted thought that you can’t get DNA test done before the baby is born, and lamer still, the lamebookers agreed?

    I would love to rename myself to something like Nakaishia but more masculine, Nakaishawn?

  49. On top of being 15, pregnant, sportin’ a Hello Kitty watch and fab-U-lous! (insert gay man’s singing voice here), Nakaisha also has her own name tattooed on her arm. I guess just in case she forgot it?
    And Tameka, I can see where Nakaisha gets her great decision-making skills!

  50. Elizabeth, shit happens. That is all.

    Is it just me or does Alison sound like she posted that while having sex with someone?

    NaKaishia and Shaunte……..yeah…..

  51. damn I wish that was my baby!!

  52. rebarbativebecc

    My friend answered her phone when I rang her, she was having sex…didn’t tell me until after.

  53. Slanderous Princess

    Nancy is the shit!

  54. @dcreaerview: They can definitely text during as well as watch tv lol (although I really don’t get why anyone would ever do that). I was more referring to the comments under that status. Time isn’t an issue for lesbians.

  55. Paranoid Android

    The chance to be a P.E’er would be a fine thing, just sayin’.

  56. Um, does NaKaishia (wtf) have her OWN NAME tattooed on her arm?

  57. speechless..
    God’s investment(His Son) in you was SO great, He could never abandon you!
    “Seek me and you will find me, if you seek me with all your heart!” Jer.29:13

  58. shit Katypants – you’re hot! ;)

  59. lol

  60. lol famaf, thank you ;)

    …don’t tell the others… I won’t be able to make milkshakes anymore because the number of boys coming to the yard will go from reasonable to unreasonable.

  61. I’d make a baby with Nakaishia anyday

  62. Just what we need-another too young pregnant girl. Let the cycle continue.

  63. Oh it’s fine, she’ll just get her Vision Card and her WIC checks and teach the baby all about “responsibility.” Oh, wait…

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