Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Easy Target

previous post: Winnin’ One

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29 Comments

  1. Codename Dutchess

    Goddamnit, Bill. You could’ve atleast had the decency to include a partial ass/face shot in your voyeuristic Target check out pic. Unless MsAnne comes along there is no way I’m going to be able to masturbate to this entry.

  2. I’d rather be the girl who was about to get laid than the loser who thinks some stranger practicing safe sex is something hilarious and interesting enough to take a picture of and post on facebook.

  3. vaginalroundhouse

    Amen Casino, I actually did pick up a chick based on buying some trojans at a grocery store.

  4. Bill, the subtext for your status is “I don’t get any sex”.

  5. vaginal, teach me your ways (no really, tell the story)

  6. Bill can’t even change the camera-y sound his phone camera makes. I think we’re expecting too much from Bill.

  7. They were Magnums weren’t they vaginalroundhouse?

  8. ^^ course they were, i heard he chops em in half to double the useage and thus cut in half the cost of condoms.

  9. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    Keyser_SozeFucking Nokias don’t let you turn off the camera sound for exactly this reason.

  10. I’m assuming that Bill has simply never gotten close to a real life vagina if a seeing a condom purchase excited him enough to facebook about it.

    What a douche.

  11. slicingupeyeballs

    Meh, condoms – not so funny, least she’s getting some.
    Something like Vagisil however(deodorant/wash for a whiffy clam) now that WOULD be funny…

    I plan on wrapping a bottle up as my workplace secret Santa gift this year incidentally. If those bitches aren’t having sex with me, at least I can make them self-conscious about the state of their lady parts…

  12. vaginalroundhouse

    Nah haven’t you learned from Always Sunny in Philly? If you buy magnums you show desperation. This is how it went, chick in front of me saw my condoms, face wash and light bulbs arrive at the end of the belt. She takes a look at them and then looks at me. We caught each other looking and she was slowly getting out of the store like she was waiting for me. So in one of my rare moments, i think I was drinking too, I decided to strike up a one liner “safer sex right?” Made her chuckle so in another rare move, I just straight up ask for her number not expecting anything in return. Wouldn’t you know it, she did give it to me. Took a couple dinners and an afternoon to get with her. The moral of this story is be funny, brief and confident. There is also a study that men who get laid, somehow women can sense it and they go after those guys. The condoms were the same exact ones from the picture, those feel great.

  13. Honestly vag, those ones really are awesome. Well done sir. You remind me of a friend of mine, but he always picks up older ladies (35+).

  14. vaginalroundhouse (#12) – I think it would be awesome if Bill’s victim was the same chick you romanced.
    Your encounter moved her so much that she now spends her days stalking the grocery stores of the land, buying frangers by the thousand, just searching for that same rush.

  15. Bill is buying those condoms; otherwise the unused partitioner clearly seen would not be there

  16. Ah, but not necessarily, Hawk.
    You see, those partitions are there so that the checkout chick can clearly and quickly determine which brightly-packaged consumer goods belongs to which brightly-packaged consumer.
    I know that checkout chicks are not required to possess the mental acuity of rocket surgeons – else sababe would probably remained unemployed forever – but I do believe even the thickest cash register gibbon could probably ascertain that the two separate consumers standing by two separate purchases, that are in turn separated by quite a reasonable space, doesn’t really require the massive extra energy that would be wasted by having to reach out and place a largely unnecessary, brightly-coloured partition on the conveyor belt.
    Also she had condom-girl and Our Hero Bill to help her in the case of any temporary confusion. And you can be sure they were Happy To Help, too. Most people guard their consumer purchases like they are a hunter and their eggs are their fresh kill.

    hth

  17. I was trying to avoid calling Bill creepy and LAZY but you just ass-rammed me into it. Goodbye, mythical heaven and hello mythical hell.

  18. Bill is just the sort of creep who finds rape jokes funny.

  19. Rape is only funny when you get raped by a clown

  20. Lol, wow this rarely happens…thanks #19 for the chuckle.@Msass, didnt we cover this topic already,about holding grudges?…but i’ll forgive you this time for being so kind as to mention me in your comment, I feel kind of famous now.Btw…being a cashier rocks these days,as you can see we are supplied with our own computers so we can be on Lamebook all day.Now if these pesky customers can just leave me alone, but it beats sitting in a mouldy basement on your unemployed ass dont ya think?

  21. you should clean the mould out of your basement then, you filthy pig.

  22. Only if you promise that i can use you to lick it clean it for me.

  23. Oh, I’ll lick ‘it’ clean for you, sugar.
    You naughty slut.

  24. This is like a soap opera, but with only the bitching, and non of the pretty people. Awesome!

  25. none* Damn you, crack happy fingers

  26. So why do you take a picture of a pack of condoms someone else is buying?
    If I had taken a picture of packs of condoms I sold while working checkout, it would have been a) awkward and b) a damn lot, but c) still not funny.

  27. @ No24…this coming from the extremely unattractive cat looking thing that you seem to be? Come lets all put profile pics on, i would love to see how all you assholes look.

  28. SeriousInternetBusiness

    Maybe I interpreted it all wrong, but I thought what he thought was funny about it was that he was buying eggs and she was buying condoms? So like a fertility vs non fertility thing?
    or not.

  29. @Sababe, how dare you call me unattractive? What have I ever done to you? What are you, a retard-racist? Is it my lack of intelligence? My missing leg? My greasy purple hair? My eye patch? WHAT?

    That’s it! I’ve had enough of this Lamebook that judges you on your looks! I’m so terribly, horribly distraught I can’t figure out if I’m forgetting something from my previous description. OH! The Wheelchair. It’s the WHEELCHAIR, HUH?

    I blame you! all of you!

    I also blame you for making me rant in paragraphs, with actual punctuation and full sentences.

    Add paragraph about underwear modelling and my higher education.

    And also, I miss Paranoid Android, Imamofo, Curlybap and Wordpervet. And even British Hobo. They were my best masturbation aid, and now you’ve driven (some of at least) them away. I’ve started looking at sheep funny, now.

    (Warning: Caps Lock) SEE WHAT YOU’RE MAKING ME DO?

    I’m leaving this Lamebook! Forev… For at least 5 minutes, just long enough to come back under another name.

    You cocksucking, herpes-infected gash rags!

    I LOVED YOU!
    (I could go on, but breakfast is ready…)

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