Monday, October 25, 2010

Dumping His Ass

previous post: A New Hope… in one status

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88 Comments

  1. Kiera Knightly is so skinny her boobs point in instead of out. She needs to gain 5 pounds in the titty region.
    You know, I totally support staying with someone and trying to help them better themselves. On the other hand, I stand by my earlier assertion that Emily was a fat unhappy individual for a long time in this relationship and ought to have ended both the fatness and the relationship long ago.
    Please note also that Emily never said he was mean about pointing out the weight. She might have meant that one day she marched up to him and, as some women are wont to do, asked in an accusing tone ‘do these pants make my butt look big?’ and he admitted they were not flattering. Seriously, I agree this guy sounds like a total jerk, but Emily’s post is not that informative.
    Oh and I don’t think liking a dildo in the ass makes you bi-curious. Some straight men enjoy when women play with their ass.

  2. It’s obvious Emily is exaggerating – Allen can’t be that much of a tightass if he’s using a dildo.

  3. I just think its pretty interesting that everyone has focused so much on the fact that Allen told Emily (in whatever manner he did it, nice or mean) that she was overweight, and that this is bad because he hurt her feelings. How about the fact that he gave the “hot beef injection” to 5 other women?! Are we as a society so caught up in how we (or other people) look, that we are blind to the friggin obvious wrong-doing here? If you are with someone who is more worried about how you look than how you treat them, then the relationship is NOT as meaningful as you would like to pretend it is, and you need to walk away. Simple as that. People are stupid.

  4. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    lol@ Word

    Mad2, you are right, and since you like Bio lessons here is another one. For most men it’s the prostate gland that causes the sensation in the ass. In fact if you have a skilled enough chick, she can stimulate the prostate gland and cause an orgasm without touching your penis. I’ve heard some crazy stories from female doctors about prostate exams that went awry.

  5. And because that last post had nothing funny in it, I’ll tell you my favorite joke. A baby seal walks into a club……*rimshot*

  6. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    O.G. I feel so evil for laughing :D. Did they have Bloody Marys after that?

    In case you can’t tell I’m stuck somewhere all day and I’m bored to death (Coincidentally I’m also watching Bored to Death) so I’m hoping more misguided people will try to defend Emily’s stupidity.

  7. I’d love to stay on here and be bored with you Dukey, but early day tomorrow. Get to wake up and run 4 miles. Don’t want to be a fatty like Emily…ha ha!

  8. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    Indeed.

  9. Yes, I used a practically anorexic model as an example in my argument. How do we know that Emily is not practically anorexic? We don’t.
    If Allen “reminded” her that she is “fat,” that means she never brought it up. For example, if someone wants to remind you of something, they’re not going to assume that you’re going to bring it up first. They’re going to say it, whether you ask them to or not. Which means that Emily could very well have never asked to be reminded of her weight gain in the first place, and Allen was just being an ass by pointing it out. Once again, I’m not arguing for fat tolerance. I’m arguing against being a toolbag. Allen, given all the evidence here, is a toolbag.

  10. Lamebook, I love you so much… why do you make me so sad? I have become the Emily to your Allen. Please stop making me want to get my kicks elsewhere, and I promise you hot, hot make-up sex.

    (please note that the said hot, hot make-up sex is not a metaphor.)

  11. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    Not really polsvoice. If Emily were anorexic, then her boyfriend would be happy to have her gain weight (especially in her boobs) and he wouldn’t have to remind her that she is fat. Speaking of reminding, maybe she she brought it up first and then he reminded her all the subsequent times, the same way you remind someone of a meeting that you talked about before. None of that matters though, the point is whether he brought it up or she did, we don’t know how he told her. Yes he is a toolbag but not because of the fatness thing. She is also a whiny pathetic bitch and I think they deserve each other so they can generate more (hopefully funny) LB posts.

    @Junebug I am considering changing my name to Lamebook just to get some jail-bait makeup sex.

  12. While I can see our views on a lot of things are different, I do agree with you on that last thing. She’s an idiot, too. She was foolish to stay with him if she was so obviously unhappy with how the relationship was going. But that does not make him any less of a douche. And yes, they are definitely perfect for each other. Maybe we’ll see more of them on here in the future.

  13. @O.G Dirtwood, I laughed at rimshot… nicely done sticking that in there with the anal talk. πŸ˜‰

    Let’s see how long this debate goes on between pols and Dukey.

  14. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    I thought it was over πŸ™ here I am being bored for nothing. Maybe I should start a new one … Hey polsvoice What are your views on abortion and stem cell research? Do you think Obama is Hitler? Sould we legalize weed?

  15. It was over. I have no conflict with anyone here, I was just having a conversation. But if you want to debate about something else, I will entertain you.
    I believe that abortion is sometimes necessary, depending on the situation.
    I believe that stem cell research is also necessary. But there are personal reasons behind that. Objectively, if we have an opportunity to find cures for so many of the horrific diseases humans have to suffer, then I believe we should seize those opportunities, regardless of how controversial the cost may be.
    No, Obama is not Hitler. Being president is hard, and every president is going to make mistakes. I do not dislike Obama, but I did not dislike Bush either. However, I admittedly do not know much about politics.
    Yes, I do believe we should legalize weed. This is not just because I enjoy smoking weed, though. All through school, I was beat over the head with “MARIJUANA IS SATAN” and for awhile I just accepted that without question. But upon further research, I decided to believe that the benefits of marijuana far outweigh the risks, and I still hold that belief today.

  16. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    I think you have a problem grasping sarcasm. That being said, I actually agree with most of what you said.

  17. Dukey, if you are Lamebook then I seriously think we should be addressing whatever metaphorical relationship issues correspond to long-and-unfunny-commenters-who-are-repeatedly-stabbing-us-in-the-brain-with-the-rusty-screwdrivers-that-are-their-senses-of-humour.

    And then you can get ze jailbait sexin’.

  18. You are absolutely right, Dukey. I am TERRIBLE at picking up on sarcasm, even if someone is holding up a sign that says “I AM BEING SARCASTIC.” I apologize for my social faux pas.

  19. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    That’s way too much work, I will just stick to the long unfunny posts.

  20. YES! LEGALIZE POT! DO IT NOW!!!!1!1!!!1
    No seriously, do it.
    Ahem. I’ll try to control myself, I just feel rather passionately about this.
    Dukey, for once I was ahead of you, I knew about the possibility of a girl giving an orgasm through ass play.

  21. Speak of the devil.

  22. I don’t know who is in charge of making weed legal, but I though Obama enjoyed a little of the green himself. You’d think he’d get right on that.

  23. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    pols, I can’t imagine anyone doing such a high stress job without a lil’ wake ‘n bake.

    Mad2, I meant a guy, only guys have prostates. The female equivalent is the Skene’s. Usually reached through G-spot play.

    So just to be clear, everybody (male and female) can potentially cum through ass play. So Emily shouldn’t knock it til she tries it. like Paranoid Android said “Who DOESN’T like a pink dildo up their ass? Eh? Eh?”

  24. Legalize it!

  25. Allen and Emily are both assholes and the world is better off without people like them. Unfortunately people like them reproduce so this is not possible. Case closed.

  26. ahaha, couldn’t get past the “doormat whale” comment πŸ˜€

  27. Heh heh heh

    Fat people.

  28. Did her incorrect usage of a semicolon bother anybody else? That is seriously my biggest problem with this post. Allen’s an ass, Emily is dense, and all you girls that are pining for Allen after Emily’s excellent review; can go for it.

  29. Semicolon? Where?

    I assume you are referring to the COLONS and brackets?

    ( “:” is a colon. “;” is a semicolon)

    πŸ™‚ is a smiley. Have you seriously never seen one before???

    Agreed, though: Allen is an ass, and Emily is dense for taking this long to get out of the relationship. 5th time this month? REALLY????

  30. ok “: )” with no space is a smiley. Lamebook automatically converts them into actual simley faces. Facebook doesn’t.

  31. Oh Rockerchick88, you just showed the entire world of Lamebook how ignorant you are. What is that famous quote? Oh that’s right: “Better to keep your mouth closed and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt”. I even incorrectly used the semicolon in my post to really get the point across. Have you seriously never seen a semicolon used correctly before?

    The phrase, “So any of you ladies that want to fuck his probably diseased ass”, is not a complete sentence. A semicolon after that fragment is not correct. The phrase, “go for it”, is a complete sentence if you are of the mind that there is an implied “You” before the “go”. If you removed the semicolon and instead used a verb such as “can”, that would be acceptable. I changed it up a bit and tried to make it really evident by using the “can” in my sentence with the semicolon.

    Oh yes: πŸ™‚ or : ), I don’t give a fuck. I’m not smiling.

  32. Rocker: Laurel was talking about the semi-colon found in the following sentence, by Emily: “So any of you ladies that want to fuck his probably diseased ass; go for it…”

    Laurel: Just an FYI–punctuation marks go inside the quotation marks. So, if you’re quoting something, “Like This,” the comma or period go before the ending quotation mark. πŸ™‚

    And, well, there are more things about commas, but I’m lazy with the explaining. So. πŸ˜€

  33. Rhy, I don’t think Rocker needed further explanation; I felt I covered it adequately. Also, there are a few schools of thought on the use of punctuation within quotations marks, and my usage is correct if you understand that I’m leaving her punctuation out on purpose and just using the “virgin” words. With regard to the famous quote, the period should be inside the quotation marks; I’m not quite sure how it snuck its way out.

    Also, my usage of commas is correct if you understand that the quoted material is a nonrestrictive clause and is not essential to the meaning of the sentence. In that sense, the clause itself should be set apart with both beginning and ending commas outside the quotation marks. There are two schools of thought on that also (the other being the thought that no commas are neccesary at all), and I was taught the one I demonstrate. I have had many debates on whether or not the commas are acceptable or appropriate in terms of setting off quoted material that is interjected in a sentence, but I prefer the way it reads when it is written the way I wrote it.

    Of course, I have issues with your use of commas (excessive), but Lamebook isn’t the place for a debate such as this. Rocker was just out of luck from the get-go.

  34. Ahem, didn’t* and quotation*

  35. Gtfo, laureltx. This isn’t English class.

  36. Ok, so I misunderstood what you were referring to, not the end of the world, thanks for clearing that up. No need to have a bitch fit.

    @Rhynera: Thanks for clearing that up! Genuinely appreciated πŸ™‚

    @lauren tx: sorry I misunderstood what you were referring to. Now please calm down. Seriously, wasn’t attacking you, was just curious. Thought you were referring to the overuse of smilies. I did also agree with you on your main point… so relax!

  37. Seriously Laurel, did that need to escalate that fast? Calm down, it was obviously not an attack on your pride and English skillz. If there was a lamebook for lame comments under lamebook posts, I feel your responses would be there… and I know you don’t want that. Let’s keep this a nice and funny environment, yeah?

  38. Dude, she thought that you didn’t understand what a smiley was and that you were all mad about colons and brackets being misused to make them.

    Honest mistake !

    Aren’t we all supposed to be laughing our asses of at the stupidity of the cretins that post this crap on Facebook as opposed to wailing on each other in the lamebook comments?

    Hell, we’re all part of a team here ! If we don’t start trying to get along this place will be no different from Facebook !
    Then there will be some kinda ‘thelamestoflamebook.com’ !

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