Wednesday, February 10, 2010


previous post: Pen Palentine



  1. Obliteratedness… I’m using that from now on…

  2. Pissed by 10pm (lightweight) then in bed before the pubs close? See what having kids does to your social life?

    Other than that, I can’t see the lameness. Mommy just loves her little girl and grandson…

  3. To be fair, Aiden was passed out from too many breast milk cocktails, so he wasn’t waking up anyway. Parenting is all about planning ahead. Planned parenthood if you will.

  4. This is just a bit weird. Not particularly lame or funny and for once, I feel a bit bad for reading it cos it seems like there’s some other issues going on behind the scenes.

    But, on a much less serious note – surely it’s fine to have a drink once the kids are asleep? A friend of mine once got so drunk that she vomited on her baby, but he was fine and she was fine. Not that I’m endorsing such behaviour, but in some ways, I think it was karma for all the times he’d thrown up on her.

    I’ll stop now.

  5. @gingivitis
    your friend’s story deserves to be here. Not this one. This is just sort of sad.

  6. hahaha @ gingivitis, that story is loads funnier than this slow motion train wreck…

    Kristen is clearly a concerned mother/grandmother, but what the fuck is with “it’s time to make some big girl changes”? Maybe she’s referring to buying enough booze to last you past 10pm next time…? Amateur.

  7. lostintranslation

    @alproshazam: I think that was her way of saying “grow the fuck up” to her daughter in a more tactful manner. My guess is April is yet another teen mother who’s nowhere near responsible or mature enough to look after herself, let alone a child.

  8. yeah lostintranslation, I got that. Could she squeeze anymore condescension in there if she tried though?

  9. ThinkingInPictures

    My guess is this isn’t the first time they’ve had the conversation… There are some teen moms who do a great job stepping up to the responsibility and all that, but this one seems to be one who hasn’t. I don’t blame the mom for being a bit condescending.

    On another note completely, she had a sober helper? So she was sitting around getting “durnkkkkk” while the other person there (aside from the baby who can’t be more than a few months old) stayed totally sober? Gee, that sounds fun and doesn’t smack of a problem at all…

    Ha, I sound like one of those old people you always see complaining about the “damn kids!” Damn stupid lamebook people for making me feel older than I should!!

  10. tl;dr

  11. I wonder who Anthony is.

  12. ThinkingInPictures

    Maybe the baby daddy?

  13. Aiden=the worst name for child ever.

  14. ThinkingInPictures

    Why exactly, do people feel the need to post “tl;dr”? I’m not making fun of you, I just really am curious why it’s so important that everyone else know you didn’t read the post that they did read…

  15. @BackDoorSanta – Really?! Have you seen some of the names on the lamebook posts? Far, far worse that Aiden.

    I think Anthony is the sober help. When he says “this is not good” he means his evening of sobriety.

  16. ThinkingInPictures

    I wouldn’t blame him, babysitting both kid and drunk mommy while stone sober isn’t the most entertaining way to spend an evening

  17. Isn’t Sierra a nasty little snitch. With a sister like Sierra and a mother like Kristen I understand why she drinks so much!

  18. @gingivitis – I work in a grocery store and it seems like every other 20-something-year-old Mother thinks they are so fucking creative by naming their little piss-ant Aiden…and feel the need to say his name over and over and over while in the check-out line. I cringe whenever I hear that name.

  19. As a mother of an adult child and grandma this makes me sad. I feel for Kirsten. My son is not escaping into alcohol but I can relate to her worry. It is hard to watch your grown child make decisions you don’t necessarily agree with. It is hard to worry whether your child is doing right by your grandkids.

    I completely understand the need to say “Hey kiddo, I love you but it really is time to put on your big boy pants and get busy building a life for my grandkids.”

  20. This post is much funnier if you imagine that the baby in the profile picture is actually April.

  21. Typical immature woman, rationalizing her own lousy behavior with absolutely no accountability, the most important thing in the world is to do whatever she wants to do at the moment.

  22. @Senisible Madness – much as I hate the phrase, I actually “lol’d”!

  23. I think when she says there’s “someone sober” there, she is actually referring to the kid.

  24. Now’s the perfect time to do April very fast and very hard…

  25. If I were her, I’d have called her mother out on how she’s so stupid she can’t even spell words like ‘escalated’ and ‘decisions’ right. I’d hardly take advice from someone who’s illiterate…

    Gosh, the pair of them are idiots. If you can’t spell, use easier words that you can actually understand.

  26. I dislike poor spelling as much as the next person, but surely that’s a little harsh? I’d have said they were typos rather than evidence of illiteracy.

  27. @Blue Smarties

    I think the lameness here stems from people having extremely private conversations in this extremely public forum… This was something that could have been (and should have been) talked about over the phone, or face-to-face. Though, it’s easy to forget that, with all the examples of facebook drama we see on here.

  28. New Year Baby Daddy

    @BackDoorSanta: Aiden is an awesome name… as long as his sibling’s name is Abettin.

  29. alproshazam, I was once in a really intense conversation with my husband about something very stressful and I was on a good ranting jag and I used the word “tactfulness”…well my lovely husband said, “Some people just say ‘tact’” So to this day we will use the word “tactfulness” whenever we can.

  30. I don’t care what people do, they can do what they want, but they better take good care of their kids. I don’t know why that is so difficult for people.

  31. Your tactfulness is always appreciated PennyLane

  32. I agree Penny Lane.

  33. I disagree with Penny Lane.

    Parents in order to take care of their kids they are no longer able to just do what they want.

    Neither option is mutually exclusive when you are a retard parent.

  34. gingivitis had the best story here.

  35. You’re right Sensible Madness, now it’s funny.
    Gripper, I think you may just have incited another debate with that comment. Bad boy.


    Section 8 suits this.

  37. I got really excited when I saw Sierra’s name, I thought She Who Might Be Maimed was back on lamebook. Alas for that one different letter. I miss her so.

  38. @BackDoorSanta – you think “Aiden” is the worst name ever? At least it’s an actual name.

    Just today, I’ve seen the following:
    Justyce, Paiten, Liyah, and MacKeynzie

  39. This is just sad. I feel sorry for the child

  40. miidnightrain4590

    @BackDoorSanta what? Really?!?!
    and even Tim, those suggestions are even tame compared to some I’ve heard what about the really “ghetto” ones like Shantelequavia(sp?), Shanequa, Ketiesha, and I have literally heard of someone named ABCDE pronounced Absuhdee , plus the very very many more out there

  41. I once knew a girl named “Female,” pronounced Feh-mal-ee… seriously?

  42. I think EVERYONE’S “heard of” ABCDE, Female, Lemonjello, Orangejello, and all those variations. ;)
    But for reals though, as far as awful names, I’ve known two tequilas. My mom worked with a girl named Tequila (spelled correctly) and my middle school friend named her daughter Ta’Keyla. AND there was this girl in my high school named Ronqretta. People always accidentally called her “Rongretta” but it was actually pronounced “Ronquetta.” Why the fuck there was an r instead of a u, I will never know.

  43. @ shutit, that’s from the film “Cat People”. The Creole housekeeper was named ‘Feh-MAH-lee’ because she was abandoned after birth, had no name on her birth certificate, and the people who took care of her thought her gender was her name.

  44. If the child’s being taken care of and she’s not breastfeeding (or pumping some out before she does the next time, so there’s no alcohol in it) then I see no problem with ‘getting drunk’ ON OCCASION.
    Do people think life just stops for the mommy outside of the child? We’re allowed to do the things any other person does, just in moderation and taking into consideration extra factors.
    As she said, her son was sleeping, she had someone on hand that was sober, soooo..unless this has happened many times before, and she wasn’t as responsible, only lame thing here is her mother.

  45. This is why I’m never having children. My social life is much more important!

  46. It’s great that a mother and drunken child mommy can have these life discussions publicly on a keyboard.

  47. becbyboo I hope your mother would have said that.

  48. @becky
    You just gotta learn how to balance the 2. ;)
    My daughter is due some time in the next 3 weeks (god, it feels like she’s falling out NOW, lol) and my birthday is in 2 months. My mother-in-law has already said she’s going to babysit so my husband and I can go out and see a 2 hour show and dinner. Yeah, we can’t stay out all night, but 2 hours is just fine. :) Worth giving up SOME of my social life to enjoy a life with my child.

  49. This reminds me of my ex who would go through a six pack of beer and a bowl or two of weed while his 3 year old daughter slept upstairs.
    He justified his actions in the same manner as Miss April, stating, “I know what I’m doing. My daughter isn’t in any danger. My parents live across the street and you’re sober. There shouldn’t be a problem.”

    Wonderful. There should be some sort of test you need to pass before you pop out kids. I mean, goddamn!

  50. Wait, you can’t be wasted when you have little kids? Tell that to my father.

  51. *get

  52. @shiyu: Good point; I though that it was a bit sad, but not necessarily lame, until you quite rightly pointed out that this is something that shouldn’t have been aired to the public. But I wonder, for every one like this, how many parents spot their kids crappy/worrying status update and pick up the phone?

    @beckyboo: My kinda girl… I think I love you! Fancy getting drunk together sometime?

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