The final result of this status update reminds me of my Uncle Gots (as we called him) who seemed to always talk in the third person. Nobody really knows why, but we think it had to do with his uncle Jenn who had a weird fetish involving broomsticks and poopsickles. One night Uncle Jenn and Gots dropped a couple of hits of acid (Even though Jenn was 30-years his senior)… First came the broomstick, which was kind of like a chimney-sweep. It cleared Gots’ anus and intestines from any sludge that may have been built up over his years of being an overweight, feces-eating fatass.
The acid that night messed him in many ways (retardation being one). He considered himself an artist, even though he had not an ounce of creativity inside him (the only creative thing he ever did was make a sandwich out of six different items from Pizza Hut, McDonalds, KFC, Applebee’s, Sonic and The Candy Shack.)
He also frequently talked in the third person, almost as if he no longer wanted to be associated with his fat body.
His latest artistic masterpiece was known as the “Shiessen-Typin’” — he laid a keyboard (connected to a computer) over a plastic sheet and went out that night…a huge bender, chugging draft beer, taco bell and his patented Gots-Sandwich I mentioned earlier. The next day he squatted over the keyboard and unleashed fury–gravity was only a small reason the feces flew out at such a high rate. The incredible velocity due to the sphincter spasms sent the keyboard inputting (what we thought was) jibberish. While Gots’ facebook status may look like an incoherent mess, it’s a beautiful masterpiece where if you squint while looking at the center, you will see the face of Jesus, complete with a tear rolling down his face.
So I’m really tired of people commenting on the way I type, or talk. This is the internet, not english class. If you can’t understand it, then that’s on you. You must not be someone I talk to if you that dumb – so that means it don’t matter if you can read it or not. And I’m not digging how females that are OLDER than me are acting younger. But I do dig how they hating! Cuz Domo loves her haters. Lol. You just do you, and I’ma do me.
As you can see, even the translation has its problems. And I didn’t know what to do with “I’ma” – maybe I’m gonna?
I might track this person down on facebook just so I can call her a dumb bitch, get her address to mail her every english and grammatical book I own, and tell her parents that they created it and if they don’t fix it, I’ll kill it.
“I’m finding it increasingly tiresome that people see fit to comment on the means with which I choose to express myself through text or speech. The internet, the medium through which I do most of my communication, is not subject to the strictures of correct English usage to the same degree as, for example, if I was being examined as part of a course on grammar. I take the view that, provided I have made the minimal effort of ensuring the sentiments I am attempting to convey are coherent and expressed in a manner comprehensible to the average speaker of the language, the onus is upon the reader and not upon myself to ensure that they have the requisite fluency to understand me. If you do not possess the aforementioned minimal degree of linguistic competence, I can only assume that you are someone with whom I don’t communicate with on a regular basis and as such it is little concern of mine whether you find my meaning transparent or not. Another thing I do not appreciate, given that most of my critics seem to be women, is the fact that the mainstay of them appear to be prosecuting their criticism in a manner which does not befit the age which some of them enjoy but rather resembles the behaviour of much younger ladies. However, it does please me that they are offering their criticisms; for I, Domo, heartily enjoy the thrill which intellectual antagonism can bring. It makes me laugh. I offer the following thought for those who seek to censure me with their linguistic prescriptions; why don’t you concern yourself with your own writings, and I shall concern myself with my own.”
Let’s correct my own form of grammar… with a rule I made up. It’s when you replace letters with other letters… like instead of g’s I like to use q’s. That way everything I write looks cooler. And I’m not talking to you, I’m talking to yu. COOL!
As stupid as she is, I have to agree with her on one part. The trend of older girls/women acting like they are pre-teens is really lame. I’m not saying they should act their age, but jesus, if they are in their late teens to early 30′s, there is no reason for them to act like they are 12.
Is she Japanese? i just noticed the ‘YU’, ‘noht’ & ‘thas’
bcoz if she is then good for her for learning another language (i cant speak/nearly type Japanese) If she is English then she is useless personified!!
guys, it’s the internet. No one knows you. No one gives a fuck if you can prove how smart you are and how excellent you are at spelling and grammar.
This website is for the lol… Just laugh and move on! Stop trying to prove yourself to people that don’t know you!
Wasn’t net talk created so that it was quicker to talk online? This saves nobody’s time. ‘Noht’ takes longer to type than the traditional spelling, and for those reading it, it takes twice as long to try and decipher what the hell they’re talking about.
But I suppose this is noht Enqlish class.. THIS THA INTANET!!!
Its one thing to be shit at english, its that youre inventing your own fucking retard language, when are they going to make it legal to lynch these stupid fucks so they dont continue their fucked up gene pool.