I remember it like it was yesterday, because, well, it was. I had been chatting up this facebook hottie for awhile, telling her funny stories and talking about how I love puppies more than people. Chicks dig that sort of stuff… and the Dan Man gives chicks what they want.
Anyway, she tells me that her parents are out of town for the night and that I should come “hang”, to which I reply “I doubt there will be much hanging, when I see that slammin’ body in person.” She just giggled and gave me one of these numbers: <3. I knew right then and there that I was golden (just like I was gonna be for real, when shepee-d on me later.)
I know girls like flowers and candy, so I bought her one of those silk roses that they sell at the counter of the Chinese Buffet and a few packs of skittles. I know some people would think this was cheap, but I threw in a few leftover Starbursts from halloween, so I was sure she'd be impressed.
I rolled up to her house in my A-Team style van and walked up to the door. When she opened it, my jaw dropped to the floor. Her picture was fake, this was not my hottie girl. Through my clenched teeth and tear filled eyes, I asked her how old she was. She said 16 years old, to which I replied "I came here thinking you were a different age… you told me you were 13 online! Hell, 16 is LEGAL in this state. If I wanted sex with someone that had fully developed body parts, I'd be with my wife right now! I'm leaving and I'm taking my skittles with me!"
Finally! The internet admits that the real reason for those feminine-urine-directing cardboard funnels is not convenience at festivals and on camping trips, but rather the level of accuracy that can be achieved when splish-sploshing your hot wee-wee on the man’s face/body/feet/whatever.
Incidental observation: yeah, 16 is legal in the UK, so not very shocking here. Indeed, my aim at the age of 14 was to lose my virginity before it was legal, although thinking back I can’t quite remember why this was so important to me.
This is WAYYYY too well written for it to be real. There’s one dude who thinks he’s ghetto yet writes correctly (with all apostrophes in place!) and a “16 yr. old” chick who also uses alot of proper punctuation and capitalized lettering…
What’s with all these people who are so bent on saying “This one’s fake, that’s one’s fake, stupid lamebook”. Like geez, you care way to much. Lamebook is not some big conglomorate trying to pull the tool over your eyes, it’s a cheap laugh. Enjoy it for what it is, no one is impressed by your vast knowledge of internet forgeries.
@28: How could this be fake? I’ll openly admit that I’m 16 years old myself, but the factor of age doesn’t matter when it comes to grammar (Unless you’re like 5 years old, but even then, I was at 10 years old and still I typed properly..) Personally I find it a shame that people don’t know the proper use of punctuation and capitalization. Honestly it makes my head feel like someone is rattling bricks inside of it. Just because a good portion of teenagers pr3fr 2 typ lyk dis (That was painful), doesn’t mean they all do. Just because someone would like to make it look like they have an education doesn’t really make it fake. (See? Punctuation may be a bit off, but for the most part it’s correct, also I actually use capitalization! It’s a miracle! I’m also a fan of spell check )
@28: Basic grammar is something we should all have coming out of *elementary* school, much less high-schools. The low-bar standards of the public education system is what puts out this ridiculous junk of an education that children and teens have today.
I like how everyone’s saying that this is fake because of her grammar and spelling being so perfect, yet she misspelled “bailed” and no one is even talking about that. Albeit, “baled” is a word, but it’s definitely not the word she was looking for.
Oh, by the way, I, too, am 16 and look at my spelling and grammar. Why, it’s correct! How can this be? I mean, if I’m a teenager, shouldn’t I be uneducated and not know how to type properly? A teenager with good grammar and spelling…this is blasphemy!