Saturday, April 24, 2010

Dad Does Dirty

previous post: Quick and Rough

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35 Comments

  1. Ben?

  2. wait, Dolly Parton is in a porno? that explains soo much…

  3. John, I’m trying to think if I would have any of those in my top 5, so here goes…

    “Saw” – clever, but now done to death, give me “Hellraiser”, Clive Barker is a hot fuckin’ genius, too bad he’s gay.

    “Saving Private Ryan” – good, but I’ll go with “Apocalypse now”. Marlon Brando… the horror.

    “Debbie does Dallas” – a classic, seen it a couple of times, but as far as porn goes, there are better. “Deep throat” is a personal favourite. I relate to Linda Lovelace more.

    “Gladiator” – Russell Crowe looks like a nasty ex of mine, so I’ll go with “Braveheart” in this genre. There are some hot guys AND gals in that one.

    “Joe Dirt” – David Spade wearing a mullet?
    This one stays.

  4. Haha nice

  5. Awesome Top 5 (how can you NOT include Joe Dirt?), but I prefer Debbie Does Dallas – Deep Space Nine.

  6. Wow. What Dolly Parton film is Jessica actually thinking of? The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas? Or Steel Magnolias?

  7. C’mon John, Back to the Future every freaking time. Who doesn’t love a woman making out with her son before her future husband punches out her rapist? Great family film.

    …I’m not quite sure why I’ve done a little joke review of Back to the Future rather than actually comment on the Lamebook post.

  8. Aw, I didn’t like one movie in that top five… where is Monty Python and the Holy Grail!

  9. I don’t mind Saving Private Ryan… but mostly for the “she fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down” line. :P

  10. Oh and Disdain… “its only a scratch” and “a herring!” I haven’t seen it in a while but if I’m remembering right those were my favourite parts :)

  11. “A flesh wound” Plus the Killer bunny. Epic.

  12. Saving Private Ryan was good. But certainly not top-five worthy. The rest John T picked…meh. If my father listed Joe Dirt as one of his favorite movies, I’d be more offended than had he listed Debbie Does Dallas.

  13. pineapple express……funny

  14. Hey, my dad went to high school with Debbie DoesDallas (or the girl in it or something idk but she’s definitely a porn star)

  15. If I ever found a porn starring Dolly Parton, that would be the culmination of my porn watching activities. Masturbating to anything else would be like sending my penis to the minor leagues. I’d just have to retire it. But it would be a first ballot Hall of Famer.

  16. oh yeah!!!! hahahaha I want to watch it now

  17. I’ve seen Debbie Does Dallas, the original one, not this Next Generation dealie mentioned in this post.

    Tell you what there is no way they could make it today, because its about some school girls fucking people for money for a school (band?) trip. One of them, the titular (hehe) Debbie, does her teacher, fulfilling his fantasy of being a pro footballer fucking the hot cheerleader, costumes and all.

    Now days I’m pretty sure you’re not allowed to portray porn actors/actresses as underage. I do recommended the original, its really funny in its cheesiness, and the hairy bits are funny too.

    Funny post too.

  18. @Benningtons Not that I have any business knowing, but I believe they were collecting money so she could try out as a cheerleader for the Dallas Cowboys.

  19. *correction, in the film, it’s the Texas Cowgirls.

    same difference.

  20. I might be mistaken since I have never seen the film, but I thought in Debbie Does Dallas the girls are all high school seniors near graduation time. Many high school seniors, especially among those whose intellectual goals include professional cheerleading, are 18 or over and hence there would be no reason why such a film could not be made today (in addition, while the _actresses_ must be 18 or older, there’s no law against not making it explicit that the characters are. The ‘U.S.C. 18 Code’ or whatever its called simply requires that all the actresses be legal, not their characters). I could be mistaken, though, since I haven’t seen the film, perhaps one or more are stated to be 17 or something.
    And yes, Ben is correct, Debbie wished to try out for the cheerleaders as I am informed.

  21. For the record, I am still confused as to how these three people are related. Is John or Lanson the dad? And is Jessica the daughter? I tried to scour the submission for clues but came up dry.

  22. @Benisglory

    I assumed it was extended family based on the “your grandparents” comment.

    On a side note, I like to think that Sam Malone from Cheers also named his one of his children Lanson.

  23. John forgot to mention that Dolly Parton doesn’t appear in the movie til the very end. So Jessica should tell her grandparents to be patient. Old people are good at patience so it might not be a problem… until they get to the end of the movie and realize that cute innocent little Jessica didn’t know what the fark she was talkin about.

  24. Bennington’s clearly doesn’t watch much porn these days. Or I watch too much. Either way, I’ve seen plenty of it with girls in pigtails, lollipops in their mouths and a mountain of stuffed bears on their bed. It’s weird in my opinion but completely legal.

  25. lol

  26. @chirro. you do make a good point. Just don’t tell the Australian Government.

    http://www.somebodythinkofthechildren.com/australia-bans-small-breasts/

    May or may not be true, but a worry for perverts across this wide brown land. Also, RIP female ejaculation films.

  27. I’m confused. How could The Big Lebowski NOT be on a list of movies you would watch over and over again? I must be out of my element.

  28. Saving Ryan’s Privates is a particular good one to see.

  29. Haha yes Walter–that’s just like…your opinion man.

  30. As for the relation.. John is the dad, Jessica is the daughter, and Lanson is the son.

  31. @Benningtons read that link, was thinking the same thing as Ms Naughty. That’s ridiculous, it forces even more-so then before for adult film actresses to get breast implants in order to continue that career. Think about their health! It’s already risky enough as it is, don’t need exploding silicone as well, lol. I would think it would encourage pedophilesto find other sources of material IRL which could lead to more problems? I’unno, sorta just spouting stuff at this point. Final say, it’s ridiculous and I hope this made sense.

  32. they can have a big family movie night! Also eliminate the whole birds and the bees talk as well.

  33. other than the fact that all of their last names start with T, I didn’t get anything from the post that these people were all related…though I guess Lanson did drop by to comment and confirm.
    As for porn…I watch an obscene amount of it and while ages might not be overtly stated, they are implying with how the girls are dressed, high school scenes etc.

  34. Haahaha, oh my word..

    -Gods investment in you (His son!) was SO great, he could never abandonyou!-

  35. My words are: Shut up!

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