Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Cut Connections

previous post: Wonderful One-Liners

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31 Comments

  1. Karen doesn’t suck his dick either.

  2. Alec, lucky you. You’ve no idea how many times I’ve wished for that very thing to happen to some of the guys I’ve been in relationships with.

  3. I would have to agree on that… or! she done it too much… like a gewd game you can only play a game so many times before its old…

  4. Only thing getting your dick sucked is getting it sucked while playing a video game.

  5. Brandy Alexander

    Would someone translate Michelle/James into English for me? Ta!

  6. @Brandy, it’s too long and it’s not worth it.

  7. Michelle/James decided to go gangsta…

  8. #1 ftw haha
    i love her hopeless confusion.

  9. I don’t get the second one. Are they in a relationship because she got hit by a bus?

  10. erm yeah what the fuck is #2 all about..?..that doesn’t make a blind bit o sense to me
    weird
    unless the ‘single’ ‘in a relationship’ bit is completely irrelevant and it’s just a short catch up between old friends

  11. My translation-

    James: Greetings, people of Facebook! Contrary to what you may assume, it is not Mimi posting this status update. I am James, the young gentleman about whom she has been delivering falsehoods to you. I’ve come to inform you all that I was not the only person to commit unfaithful acts during our companionship. Mimi, I did my best to shower you with attention and gifts, and though I understand that what I did was unforgivable, I don’t think that you are without blame. I’d also like to explain that I managed to discern your password through mere guess work, knowing you as well as I do. When I have bored of the entertaining qualities of posting on your Facebook, rest assured that I will inform you of the new password. Yours faithfully, James.

    Jadrian: Oh bother! Mimi will certainly be most upset by this development.

    James: I realise that, but take no responsibility for it. She should have been wiser in the first place and not taken to insulting me. And anyway, you seem to be a less-than-moral person yourself. It’s a pity that I am no longer paying her telephone bill, because you now have no way of informing her of the situation.

    Charissa: James, I am Mimi’s mother. I suggest you spend your time participating in something more constructive than insulting my daughter.

  12. Karen is doing something wrong. When I suggest any sex act whatsoever to my spouse he’s off the Xbox immediately.

    Or perhaps she doesn’t want him playing any games at all? C’mon Karen, everyone needs a hobby.

    Also, I think I love Glue just a lil bit.

  13. #2 is an obvious fail, a sad attempt at faking a shocking status for attention… Alec/Jesse next time be sure that the relationship status’ are actually in the correct order.

  14. willowofeternity

    I assume that Alec was in a relationship before, set it to single and then back to in a relationship, most likely with another person. So he was with Alicia, she got hit by a bus and he started to date someone else.

  15. thank you to #11, I didn’t get that out of the post at all…

  16. Uh, if Alec’s significant other had been hit by a bus, wouldn’t he be going the *other* way (from “in a relationship” to “single”?)

  17. Awesome job fingers! I skipped that post because I didn’t feel like translating yoinkinese.

    What Karen’s boyfriend doesn’t understand is that a woman isn’t much different from his 360. You press the right buttons you will always win, play the right games and you will have hours of entertainment, and if you don’t take care of her when she gets hot you will get the Red Ring of Death.

    Alec, you have to tell me how you pulled that one off!

  18. impressive glue. impressive.

  19. Video Games also don’t post lame statuses on FB or frequently pout about trivial matters.

  20. #1: LOL
    #2: Bullshit.
    #3: Who needs Springer when you have ghetto people like that putting on a show on your FB?

  21. Karen’s is recycled from Textsfromlastnight.com
    I seen it about a couple months ago!

    fail.

  22. http://textsfromlastnight.com/Text-Replies-18658.html

  23. Even if he did treat her like his game, I’m sure he is a button masher anyway. “I’m sure one of these “buttons” will do what I need.”

  24. The question is, Karen, do you?
    And thanks 22 I thought I’d seen that over there before.

  25. The pathetic thing is that I have been on Lamebook that much that I can read the status updates of idiots like Jadrian and Michelle. It makes me feel a little depressed actually.

  26. Everytime i’m in a ‘relationship’ the girl ends up getting hit by a bus.

    A huge cock shaped bus, on its way to Pussy Station, next stop Assville. (This is a joke about my cock being big)

    Karen his video games also don’t nag incessantly, act as a fun sponge or bite his left testicle for ‘taking this piss’ during fellatio. (This is a joke about my ball biting girlfriend)

  27. I can easily play video games for about 8 hours straight. But a proper blowjob shouldn’t take longer than 3 minutes 45 seconds.

  28. FlapjacksAreAmazing

    Glue, you are simply legendary

  29. I could say the same about lmamofo.

  30. defective if it’s ear sex you’re after you’ll have to join the back of the queue i’m afraid!

  31. video games don’t suck his dick, no. But he can jerk off when he wants to, watch porn on his xbox without it complaining, play it whilst drinking beer without it complaining, and, best of all, when he wants it to shut the hell up, it has an off switch.

    Oh, and Glue, you are an absolute champion, people who write like that should be shot, revived and shot again.

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