Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Couple of Douches

douche1

douche2

previous post: Puberteehehe

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132 Comments

  1. Title says it all, a couple of douches.

  2. Darren’s first point was actually quite a good one. But then he screwed it up by continuing to talk.

    Zac just loves himself. Bor-ing.

  3. hahahahha I love zac’s. Oddly he looks exactly like someone I know with the same name who would post things exactly like that. I can’t help but wonder if it’s the same guy

  4. Awww, poor Zac. Attention issues out the wazoo.

  5. Ten bucks says that all 78 photos are of Zac’s muscles, and have been uploaded personally. I’d suggest that no one else has tagged him their pictures.

  6. He’s from San Angelo, I know him. He’s a big deusch.

  7. hahaha Spike I just noticed how close together his last two updates were!

  8. A lesser known fact about Zac is that he is a patron of the ballet company in his hometown, and he recently helped to fund a home for the elderly. But he’s rather coy about that and would much rather talk about his muscles.

  9. Zac needs to watch out, the last guy who was so in love with himself got turned into a daffodil.

  10. Zac, what sleeves?

  11. Zac’s a keeper. I totally want to marry him and have his children.

  12. I bet all 78 pics are of Zac flexing his guns.

  13. I’m buds with Zac, and to answer all you haters responses, not all 78 pics are of him flexing his “guns”. At least a dozen of them are him masturbating in front of a mirror.

  14. i dont know what’s scarier.. the guns.. the skull shirt.. or his obsession with mobile status updates

  15. At first, I was bummed that I don’t have any FB friends that post asinine crap like this so I could rip on them. Then I was happy because I DON’T have asinine FB friends like this that I need to rip on…

    Thank you Zac and Darren for making me realize the what is really important!

  16. darren isn’t a douche at all.

    He , well, is telling the truth….

  17. @16
    Zac is telling the truth too, but the insistence to show how “vip” he is, is a douche thing. If I made statuses about my 9 and a half inch dick, I’d be telling the truth, but the jealousy I would create is a douchey thing. That’s why I let my 9 and a half inch humble rule my posting.

  18. I wonder what Zac’s *other* comments are like.

    “Curing cancer? not bad for a Monday”

    ….oorrrrrrr not.

  19. cunts

  20. @KingNeckbeard
    I see what you did there. Nice.

  21. Are you there God? It’s me, Ratcoon’s widow. Please allow me to become part of the privileged and elite; I do not know if I can carry on with my life if I am not chillin’ in the VIP lounge or hanging out with the DJ.

    Also, God, I need to marry Zac; the thought of his rippling muscles and hairy chest are enough to make me want to go forth and procreate so that the “Adonis” gene will be carried on for many generations.

    Thank you

  22. Zac’s arms look like bloated taffy and his ego is way bigger than his muscles will ever be. And I say this as a girl who loves guys’ arms.

  23. @Canaduck
    As a fellow girl who loves of guys’ arms, I am with you on that. The fake bake, naff t-shirt and “I love myself” doucheness is a huge turn-off.

  24. What if you had the guns and the access!?!

  25. loves of? Typo city.

  26. 295 bench presses only count if you don’t stop between every 10 to use your mobile and update your MuscleBook page douche!

    @roaringsilence
    Lol! Although wasn’t it a narcissus?

    As for you Darren, stop trying to deny the reason anyone ever sees you leaving the VIP/DJ booth is that the actual cool people noticed you’d sneaked in and quickly kicked you right back out where you belong – amongst the fuckin’ peasants!

  27. This time last week, I would have called Darren a douche, too. I’ve since gotten a Google Wave account, and if he gets half the requests for booth/VIP room rights as I got requests for invites, I don’t blame him for making a very public “GTF” statement.

  28. Did anyone else see the time discrepancies in Zac’s status update…top one says 37 minutes, and in the news feed it says 40 minutes?

    Douchebaggery, none the less…

  29. Who works out for four hours on a Sunday? King Douche Zac and the rest of the water jug toting, Zubaz pants wearing, mirror masturbating douches at gyms nationwide do.

  30. @Spike Nesmith

    Congratulations! Make that *3* douches.

  31. Zacs next status

    “Zac loves the feeling when Darren stretches out his ass in VIP”

  32. I ship Zac/Darren

  33. ewww…. just gross !

  34. Spike… I really want an invite for Google Wave.

    Seriously.

  35. WTF? Usually this site is hilarious.

    The only lame thing going on here is insecure people taking offense to guys that are better than them.

  36. Kent = Douche defender

  37. LOL @Kate

  38. Notice the time discrepancy the latest status of Zac

  39. I love little boys dicks, and I lift weights so that others will think Im a male, while I was actually born a hermaphrodite.

  40. The first guy had me agreeing with him, until he made the priviledge comment. Hanging in a different area of the club doesn’t make you an elite ruler, twatbag.

    As for the second guy…christ. Nothing but a big ol’ chunk of twat.

    Yes, twat is my word of the day. What? Blame the Sesame Street anniversary.

  41. I just fell asleep in my mouth a little.

  42. First guy is an ass hole, second guy is an ass hole.

    @Darren – You are a prick who thinks that throwing away money at a teenage club scene makes you some kind of celebrity.

    @Zac – “pretty good for a sunday”, WTF does that even mean!? Let other people let you know if thy are impressed, don’t make the call your self.

  43. People who think “asshole” is two words deserve to have sharp things shoved into theirs.

  44. I love niggars, and drink sperm from random homeless guys.

  45. @StealthBanana
    What does the Sesame Street Anniversary have to do with the word twat? Twatbag is an awesome word by the way, I am going to try and use that today.

    @Kent
    Are you muscled up and vain? Do you have access to the VIP room of a club? I’m guessing you might… Vanity is one of the sure signs of doucheness.

  46. I love to fuck my mother

  47. @kate,
    but then again to think Ass-hole was one word would only prove that you’re only half as smart as you think you are.
    I’ll help you out on a retort, flame my grammer I don’t have enough care to bother with all that pesky punctuation.

  48. @BuffaloedBuffalo
    Asshole is one word. Look it up in the dictionary:
    http://dictionary.cambridge.org/results.asp?searchword=asshole&x=0&y=0

    Also, your last sentence (aside from having the word grammar spelled incorrectly) makes no sense at all. Is English your first language?

    Seriously, if you are going to pick up on someone’s apparent spelling issues at least get it right yourself!

  49. I love it when things get grammatical.

  50. @Kate – “I just fell asleep in my mouth a little” is my new favourite phrase, thank you for bringing that into my life.

  51. so let me get this straight, the part were I spelled grammar incorrectly made sense to you, but the part were I said pesky punctuation didn’t? at lest I spelled punctuation right thats a hard one for me its got more then 7 letters in it. And honestly I just felt like posting a d-bag post so I could fit in, I think I achived my goal thank you flips I now feel that I am one of you.

  52. lol it didn’t need punctuation, just a whole load of new words! or at least some rearraangement.

  53. and before anyone says anything, yes i am the heavy fingered douchebag that put too many a’s in rearrangement

  54. lol I’ll just stick to using sentance I know,
    “Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.”

  55. LMFFAO! Buffalo win!

  56. Especially since flips got LMMFAO wrong too LOL

  57. LMMFAO= Laughing my mother fucking ass off.

  58. I gotta say I think that Darren maybe is a DJ that just gets to go to the VIP as a bonus or something…It is kinda shitty to brag about getting to go to the VIP, but if its just a perk for being the working DJing, I don’t see this as something that’s bad enough for Lamebook.

  59. I’ve never understood the whole status quo thing, So he can go into the DJ booth for an VIP, But what really makes a VIP a VIP in the night club enviorment more often then not its not that they are more important then me or you or your mother, its a matter that someone all those VIP’s know decided to pay an depending on the prestiege of the club, a monitary ammount to rent the VIP room. Keep in mind that in a podunk small town on a island with 5 bars the VIP room in the Dance club is a 15 by 15 box with fogged windows an a curtian at the door. yet on a friday night it cost 150$ for 5 people, and only goes up the more people you invite.

  60. The time discrepancy on the status updates is probably due to the new-fangled ‘real-time thing Facebook has going on with updates and comments, where it ticks over in real time without having to refresh the page. I guess it doesn’t do it for the ‘header’ status at the top.

  61. Ugh. Guys obsessed with their muscles are the lamest of the lame. Everyone can repeatedly lift things. Not everyone wants to though.

  62. yes good point leverhundar, but if the public transit bus broke down would you be able to pull it to the next stop with a rope in your mouth?

  63. What does “not bad for a Sunday” mean? Are we to infer that he benches more on other days?

    Also, I can’t think of many places I’d want to be less than stuck in a small “VIP” room with the kind of asshole (one word, not two) who writes status updates like this. Can you imagine the conversation?

  64. his next update is going to be “don’t ask me to get you into the VIP or DJ booth anymore I’m too cool that and thats why I hang out next to the bar an cry into the cosmopolitan” sorry if I miss spelled that, if a drink has more letters in it then vodka, jim, jack, jose, I get confused.

  65. @ BuffaloedBuffalo
    “if a drink has more letters in it then vodka, jim, jack, jose, I get confused”
    I lol’ed.
    same here.

  66. I wish I could hang out in a tiny VIP room after paying tons for a crap ass VIP card….in a club that plays bubblegum pop like Will Smith. He must think he is cool at 30 years old hanging out in a roller rink with 8-14 year old kids.

    People who adore their muscles like that often have psychiatric issues and tiny cocks.

  67. @ Cunt “People who adore their muscles like that often have psychiatric issues and tiny cocks.”

    I agree with your first statement, but I think you’re reading too deep (too freudian, if you will) into the muscle adoration thing. Obsessing about the size of your muscles is a motivator for people to stay fit (especially douche guys), just like actual overall health for some (think Livestrong biker dudes with the spandex and all) and how skinny you are (sorority bitches). I don’t care what your motivation to be active is, as long as you’re not a lazy worthless fatass.

    I hate to think that I stay healthy just to outlive fat people after I pay taxes for their health problems later in life. But I doubt that happens too much, what with the highest obesity rate in the world and what have you.

  68. 50782163458163 on bench? not bad for everyday

  69. 8283264832432649739483058037493749374983759739805958739845798345798437593475947 pound bench while I had swine flu, MS, Parkinson’s, muscular distrophy, and it was Sunday.

  70. lol Tony, I agree with you theres also a psychological condition in which no matter how physically fit or skinny a person is, they see the exact opisote and it actually afects a large percentage of american’s I my self an 6’3″ an weigh in at 205lbs, but when I look in the mirror I can’t help but to think I’m a fat slob. I know I’m not but its there in the back of my head, but alot of people can’t just tune out that “your not perfect voice”

  71. Tossers

  72. Cool story bro….. bawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

  73. @Buff-load

    It is a psychological condition called body dysmorphic disorder (at least what you’re describing). Look it up in the DSM-IV.

    This guy, however, sees himself exactly as he is physically. The part of himself he misperceives is that he is an ego-feeding douchebag who is way more into himself than he should be. I hate people like this. I wonder if they realize that the only person who thinks they’re that amazingly awesome is themself? (oh, the irony)

  74. Oh he’s goanna get badgered.

  75. atleast they can spell

  76. @ratcoon’s widow

    i believe it’s “shaved chest”

  77. Admin wins again for another succinct title, says it all.

    And @jelly, all the way at the front there, narcissus is the botanical name for daffodil. I think our mate Roaringsilence is a bit green-fingered. And funny. Will be using that for my high-maintenance BF, who is a complete daffodil.

  78. I’m thinking the reason Sunday is more difficult at the gym than other days is that Saturday nights those bulging muscles are used for other purposes… like choking the one eyed chicken.

  79. Darren is so a douche.

  80. I’d like to badger Darren to death.

  81. Zac has his fucking cap on backwards. Case closed.

  82. @Gaybriel

    I thought that was his normal cap….

  83. Am I the only woman who really really REALLY wants to see the other 78 photo’s of Zac??? How do I find out this hottie’s surname so that I can immediately invite him as a friend on FB…..????? Help a sister out… ;-)

  84. seriously get a life! you want to see this mans photos have you completely missed the point of this website! haha…….

  85. Say what, say what?? This is not a “pick-up” site?? Bugger and shit!! Here I have been scouring the website day in and day out, checking out potential profiles and then you come along and burst all my romantic ideals???? I cry now….

    Anyhoo, back to my original request..I would be eternally grateful…;-)

  86. Oh Zac I’m sorry hun that you have daddy issues.

  87. Allycat – Zac Carter from San Angelo, home of the douche. Enjoy.

  88. Allycat FTW !!

  89. Ghandi – bless your beautiful romantic heart .. ;-)

    Jester – thanks ;-)

    P.s. I knew ol’ Zaccy would have a truely lame surname…hold on, Allycat Carter doesn’t sound too bad though…. ;-)

  90. I’m pretty sure Allycat wants to get date-raped.

  91. I am back – Zac looks like a very very young douche bag, sadly, I don’t rear them by hand, so that one is definitely out…bugger it. Next.

    Oh and Phalange – pick a “finger” ..

  92. Shame, Allycat, I had a good feeling about you 2! Also surprised to see young Zac has 600+ friends. Go figure?

  93. He most likely thinks it’s a MAJOR achievement. I’d also bet he figures each and every one of them either want him or want to be him… I didn’t not want to become victim #620, I am more than that, dammit!

  94. *did not/didn’t – pick one Allycat!! Can’t have it all…

  95. “They’re not steroids!! It’s a PROTEIN SHAKE!!”

  96. Is there only one club in Darren’s town?

  97. Been enjoying the latest conversations. Zac has 600+ friends!? My oh my, he must have made many friends at that homeless shelter where he works as a volunteer, and I’d wager that many of them are his ballet students. Good solid ego-free bloke, our Zac.

    And a big *chortle* too at EducatedGuess’s comment.

  98. I’ve been enjoying the latest cocks in my azzhole too. Another thing that I do enjoy indeed is pretending that I have a sense of humor when in reality I am just another booger eating nerd

  99. @EducatedGuess

    There are actually 7 clubs in Darren’s town, but the one that he is always at is the only one that lets in underage girls… which, of course, are the only ones that would ever think about running up to him.

  100. Yay, an imposter that is funnier than the rest! I’m definitely going to take a screen capture of comment #100, print it out and frame it, to serve as a reminder of the highest standards we can aspire to. Thank you imposter!

  101. I love this website, its great for laughs… and its always hilarious when someone defends the douches that end up on lmaebook. but now its my turn.
    I actually think Darren makes sense! He isn’t telling people no never ever ask him for VIP access, just that chasin all the time will be counterproductive for potential candidates, specially when you could deduce that it aint the best moment to come up and ask. Just my 2 cents…

    About the pumped up dude, I’m try to stop projecting hate.

  102. He is in love with himself to bad nobody else feels the same way.

  103. @104 (Jennifer)

    You know you’re not allowed on Lamebook, right? You have to be smarter than the Lamesters to diss ‘em.

  104. Thesaurapist 13(F)

    @ 103 mahstar
    Spoken like someone who got into the VIP area.
    Once.

  105. “He is in love with himself to bad nobody else feels the same way.”

    Pot calling the Camwhore black.

  106. And he can’t even spell weight right..

    Poor guy.

  107. You know Zac’s pick-up line is, “I love me, who do you?”

  108. omg these guys are such wankers!! (im british lool)
    hate ppl like this…

  109. Im a slut

  110. Don’t really see what the problem is with Zac, aside from being a tad egocentric. He enjoys the gym and lifting weights. So what? What exactly is wrong with that? His only real mistake is thinking that other people care what he lifts.

    Nothing wrong with enjoying a good workout, though.

  111. nothing wrong with joking on a douchebag, though.

  112. dude i am NOT the patron of a fucking ballet company

  113. Zach = douche of the year award.

  114. *Zac

  115. I AM the patron of a child/animal pornography company!

  116. I bet he is a mirror man at the gym. The guys that just look in the mirror the entire time. P.S. 295 bench is good if you are a Junior in h/s, otherwise I wouldn’t brag about only being able to bench 295.

    szperrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…ziinnnnnnnggg

  117. lol @ you, #116. 295 is actually quite impressive, learn your shit. doesn’t make that guy any less of a douche though.

  118. Though pointing out its impressiveness makes you one.

  119. just because you took steroids and a dose of estrogen, it doesn’t mean any will give a flying fuck about daily use of illegal suppluments in the gym

  120. baileys. creamy.

  121. Zac probably has 78 pics of himself flexing in the mirror.

  122. Haha. Loser.

  123. what a fucking TOOL!!!!

  124. BEEF CAKE
    He probs gay. ftw

  125. What I find utterly perplexing about Zac is that he loves the feeling of his sleeves but has clearly cut them off the shirt he is wearing in his picture.

  126. Don’t be such douchebags people…read and understand that its TWO douches with different yet egotistical comments. Not the same person.

  127. ‘…LOVE IT WHEN MY CHIN’S ITCHY AND i CAN’T SCRATCH IT, LOLZ…”

  128. Thats just 110 kg… not that much…

  129. @ Zac…. WHAT A WANKER!!!! Un-educated cunt!

  130. Haha..I’m FB friends with Darren!! Should I tell him he’s on lamebook??

  131. stephenfryscravat

    @csg I think it is important that you do

  132. double douche

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