Wait, I think I’ve got it. Ema’s brother got stabbed by Sarah’s cousin and Sarah’s cousin’s mate (dunno why). Then the police caught Sarah’s cousin covered in blood holding a knife, and Sarah called Ema’s brother a grass, so Ema wants to make her cry to her mother and crush her car.
Also Sarah’s a rent boy and she chatted shit to Ema’s boyfriend. Could be that she told him his girlfriend’s name isn’t spelt right.
That lame pile of crap stole a good 10 min of my life… and I still don’t get what any of them are talking about. So, Sarah is the bad guy in all of this? And they all agree that they hate her? Someone got stabbed? WTF?
A chelsea smile is: “A torturing term used all around the world but originating in Chelsea. The victim’s hands are tied or held and the sides of there mouth are cut slightly breaking the strong lip structure. The victim is then kicked very hard in the nuts or in the case of a woman a leg is broken and as the victim screams the cuts rip creating the Chelsea Smile.”
#34: Don’t worry. There’s people in this generation smart enough to support the human race. While the others are distracted by reading Twilight for the billionth time (disclaimer: insult aimed at people who won’t STFU about Twilight, not people who just enjoyed reading it) or having gang wars over something utterly bloody meaningless, there’ll be people smart enough and dedicated to do something to help combat global warming, keep the economy steady and prevent wars, generally stopping the human race from disappearing altogether.
Whether they’ll want to, what with a huge percentage of the human race being people like this, is another matter entirely.
Allow me to quote
..”Nick **** sum gangster shit this ha I no er she on my fb”..
Nick took the time to properly spell the biggest word in that mess he thinks is a sentence. I would have thought he’d use ‘gansta’ because that is the hardcore thing to do/
so let me get this straight, despite the fact that the last 60 years have seen two world wars, countless genasides, 30 years of indiffrance to global warming, 50 years of neglet of famine, diease and poverty stricken people in the fird world, corruption of states by weston powers, mass desforstration and exstiction of species, years of homophobia, sexism and racism, rise of natniol debts caused by lowering of retiremt ages as old people live longer, all the while crime like stabbings and muggings going on the whole time, its our genration that are fucked up?
I’m sorry, work’s been hectic! There’s been a lot of explanation, but I’m bored, so here we go:
Ema: Anyone know Sarah???? She’s a little whore that I’m quite peeved at, and thus would like someone to stab her with a rusty knife. Then, when they try to catch the guy that stabbed her, I’m gonna call her a fucking snitch for helping the police! To reiterate, she’s a dirty little whore and she doesn’t know very much at all! She’s a tramp and do you know what? Well, I’ll tell you what! I’d like to formally request that you tell her to come to me and I’ll give her a Chelsea Smile (which is grossly explained in detail before, haha), because I hate her THAT much. AND she blocked me on facebook!!!!
Greg: hahahahahahaha, you go girlfriend! You’re a sick chick! I actually know the girl of which you speak, as she is currently “friended” on my facebook and she went to our school. What has she done that has warranted such disdain from you?
Danny: Her cousin stabbed my brother and then she called him a snitch/tattle-tale, even though he was the victim! Ema is gonna kick her in the good-good, that stupid little bitch.
Greg: hahaha, I wouldn’t have gone to the police myself, I would’ve just gotten myown back. Don’t snitch to the coppers, yo, just settle it myself. But fuck, the guy got stabbed…. that’s not good.
Danny: Greg, he (my brother) was an inch away from death. In fact, he died twice and had to be resuscitated. It’s a good thing he’s a cat and still has seven lives remaining. When the ambulance came for the stabbing call, of course the police are gonna come with them. The stabber was caught with blood all over him and the knife ON him. He’s guilty as hell, so what would you do if it was your sister and you thought she was gonna die???? Don’t try to tell me that I should get my own back in this situation, instead of talking to the cops! Hell, that jerk did this whole thing just to try to rob my brother for a cell phone and a cheap lighter!
End Chapter One
This is a lot of typing, I think I’ll end this now, haha.
When we last saw our trio, Greg and Danny were exchanging words with increasingly angrier tones. Will we see fisticuffs or will they be able to settle their differences and team up to crush Sarah’s car? Let’s find out!
Greg: Well, I understand your point and all I can really say is that it’s not good at all and I SUPPOSE, if he nearly died, you would go pretty crazy and the police would end up involved, no matter what you do. However, and I can’t stress this enough, payback would be warranted (and necessary). I’m personally not getting involved (since I’m all talk and slightly a wuss), but this entire world is “on its ass” these days. Who was this stabber-guy anyway?
Danny: It was Sarah’s cousin and his buddy. At the end of the day the payback is between them (my brother and the two other guys). However, what I’m bothered (bovead? geez) about is that little bitch Sarah getting involved just to call my dying brother a snitch.
Greg: In my humble opinion (imho), this entire situation is pretty crazy. I’m gonna leave this mess to you and go play Pokemon Yellow on my Gameboy Color. I hope your brother is doing well, though.
Ema: Yeah, we’re all good, but we don’t need people like her (Sarah) piping up, when she’s not wanted… just like mold x (which is much worse than regular mold).
Greg: hahahahahahahahaha, pika.
Ema: If you see Sarah, tell her to keep her dirty mouth shut. If she asks why, then tell her that it’s because I’m gonna wait until I see her, when she’s on her own and then I’m gonna make her cry for her mother… and not just because I’m going to make my uncle expose himself in front of her. x
Nick: You all sound like gangster. *pushes up glasses* I know Sarah, she’s one of my facebook friends as well.
Ema: She was in your year at school as well, wasn’t she? Did you hang out with her in your car? *BIG X*
Nick: Not really. I saw her out in my car once and I talked to her for a bit, but that’s all. What has she done anyway?
Ema: She has been getting involved in a situation that was WAY over her head. I’m gonna hurt her, big time. She’s nothing but a fat rent boy! She was even chatting shit to my boyfriend, pretending she’s some sort of hardcore chick! ARRRRGGHHH! I’m gonna have her car crushed! HULK SMASH!
End Chapter 2
Thank you all for sharing this journey with me. We had our ups and downs and a few left turns, but in the end, I feel that we’ve made some real progress here. It’s been nice getting to know Ema and Greg and Danny and even a bit of Nick near the end. I wish them all and I’m sure that they’re all gonna turn out right. BTW, if you see that bitch Sarah around, tell her that I’m gonna crush her car. Bye-bye now!
@scd bah you are right my maths sucks. I did not bother working it out at first becuase it would interupt my flow. but i meant to go back and change it but forgot. but any way i thinks its unfair that people judge generations on the actions of one indivdual, exspecialy when it seems like past genrations come of quite badly when you look at some of the events that happened under their control.
@corranhornrogue9 – All I know is my parents and grandparents don’t typ lik dis an make demselves luk stoopid, so there has to be something wrong with this generation. It isn’t just the actions of one individual. Typing like a dumbass is a fucking epidemic.
I don’t normally write long comments because I hate them also, but there was just too much going on. I couldn’t leave out Nick’s appearance at the end and the finishing touch of the car crushing. There was just too much!
Well without trying to defend the kind of typing that goes on in that post, i dont think it compares to problems i mentioned at all. Although it is made alot worse by the fact they are talking about somthing so important to them.
I do think that the reason you think bad typing is an epedemic might be due to the fact you brouse lamebook which is a website designed to find and display said texts. I very rarely come across text like that, and if i do its from my parents because they dont know how to use a mobile.
I was going to google what “grassing” and “chelsea smile” meant as I couldn’t understand them, even from the context. Luckily, some people here explained them, before I even came to lamebook this afternoon, haha. I still don’t really know what “fat rent boy” means, although I’m assuming it’s just a derogatory term for someone… like calling them a “fat, stupid jerk!” or something.
Oh, I see what you did there!
And a status like “ill fukin kil u if u tuch mi grl agan, fukerrrr, u no her famlie wan us 2 gt it on lke donkey kong” is really just a modern Romeo and Juliet story, from Paris’ POV
There will be a chapter three. I don’t know when it will occur, or where, or how, but it will happen. It has to happen. There’s too much left uncovered… too much that we just don’t know. Will Ema find Sarah alone in some dark alley? Will Danny help his brother get revenge on Sarah’s cousin? Will Greg finally admit that he would’ve called the cops and not “had his own back”, like he claims? Will Nick admit that he is part of Team Jacob? And the most important question… how exactly does Ema plan to “crush Sarah’s car”? Does she know someone at the junkyard? Does she own REALLY BIG magnet? I don’t know how, but I’m sure we’ll find out!
I liked the good, good reference as well. My boss said “good, good” this morning and I almost chocked on my coffee. I was going to ask him why he was talking about vagina’s, then thought better of myself.
Maybe instead of a police informant, maybe he’s a “john”. She is, afterall, an overweight male prostitute. Nick could’ve been looking to “party”. Or a cop in a sting operation. Or maybe Sarah is a grasser afterall! Ok, you’re right… It may be best not to delve too much into the confusion that could be (and probably would be) Chapter Three.
I am not 100% on this, but I believe when they talking about “cars” they are referring to a group of people that they hang out with. It is a term used in prison (at least California prisons). But there is a chance that they just want to inflict pain onto automobiles.
Oh, yeah…and if they are talking about vehicles, why would whats-his-names say, “Oh, I saw her out once in my car” I doubt this chick is just gong around sitting in randoms cars…I think she was probably hanging out with his friends once, and he talked to her for a minute.
That was some excellent translating mccowles sir. You should create a play out of it, or perhaps a book that could be turned into a movie at some point, I want to see cars being crashed by Megan Fox playing Ema.
Also, @corranhornrogue9 your comment is in desperate need of a translation as well.
While your interpretation of the word “car” introduces an interesting possibility, I think “car” is actually used in a literal sense in this case. “Oh, I saw her out once in my car” could’ve been the writer’s grammatically catastrophic attempt at stating that once, while he was in his own car, he saw her.
This hurts my head to read, they should just Battle Royale fucking idiots like that, except there is no winning, in the end the island is carpet bombed to clear the playing field for the next batch of retards. I can hear their offensive voices as I read their posts
As an English woman allow me to translate the ‘car crushed’ comment. She means she will have Sarah crushed in the way you would when your car is sold off as waste/scrappage and is crushed into a small metal cube.
Ema, Greg, Nick et al (who I am ashamed to say are English) are what are known as hood rats. They lack the necessary skils to conduct an intlelligent conversation and have no sense of grammar whatsoever. *sighs*
Thank you all for your compliments and for overlooking a few mis-translations here and there. As it’s obvious, I’m not from the UK, although I’d definitely love to visit for a few months, at some point.
@Britgirl, yeah, ass/arse/ase are the same thing. I probably should’ve used arse, as it’s a fun word to say. Mold is American for Mould, as well. . Chapter 3 will be arriving in your e-mail inbox shortly, haha.
@Beanstalker, I didn’t comment on this post for 3-ish hours after it was up. I did that purposely to give you a chance to translate, haha. The fault is yours, my friend. *whittles you a boat, out of a slightly larger boat*
@fondantfancie, hehe, front-bottom. I heard someone call it a “front butt” once, about 15 years ago. And now someone has called it (girl stuff) a front bottom. I will cherish both memories, for many years to come.
Seriously people, it’s not that hard to understand the basics. Someone stabbed someone, someone is angry, someone went to hospital, someone called the police, someone wants someone to get revenge, someone doesn’t want to.
I definitely agree that the only thing keeping this thread from reaching “top 10 popularity” is the the fact that not one of the people in this facebook conversation have joined us here. Where are the creepy lamebook people that track down the names of the people involved on facebook, so that we can contact them and pull them back here?
cos seriously, even though the spelling and grammar are mingin’, it’s nae hard to decipher unless ye huv nae idea what british slang means… which ah find pure odd, given the amoont ay films and books that git flung ooutae the place.
If you read it out loud in a fake British accent, you can understand a lot of it better. They say “fort” instead of “thought,” so they have to be from England. You know, “f” instead of “th” and “or” instead of “ough”… If they were from America the r would be too distinct to pass off as “thought.” “Bovead” instead of “bothered” is another indicator too, because there’s that v/f sound again instead of “th”, and the British r sound…