Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Chelsea Wears the Pants


Chelsea Wears the Pants

I jsut want everyone to know that Jordan is a real man. Jsut because he wants to please his girlfriend by having a super witty and hilarious joke wedding doesn’t mean you can jsut make fun of him.

In fact, you go ahead and jsut throw your pretend wedding.

And I will pretend to go.
And I will pretend to meet a single girl.
And I will pretend to go get her some punch.
And I will pretend we dance all night.
And I will pretend we hook up after the wedding.
And I will pretend she becomes my girlfriend forever and lets me jack off on Skype in front of a webcam.

previous post: Busted



  1. I think I love this website more than anything else in the world.

  2. Favorite lines

    “buy her a puppy or something”
    “like grow up and act your age”
    And the entire body hair paragraph, that’s just awkward. How much body hair could he have?


  3. The body hair paragraph got to me… ROFL!

  4. Chelsea, Jordan: You are both morons. That said, you two make a lovely couple–just please don’t have kids. KTHNXBYE

  5. wtf is a fake wedding?

  6. I agree with Ian.

    and personally it wasn’t a big deal it was just kinda weird…like we’re missing out on a hefty fact? it must be a SMALL town

  7. Chelsea’s comment has really piqued my interest about Jordan’s sordid past.

  8. “He’s not a f*ckin homo”

    so does that mean he is new to the whole homosexual thing” and hasn’t gotten to serious about it?

  9. if you’ve got so much ‘stress,’ why have a fake wedding?

  10. “He’s not a f*ckin homo” – false.

  11. Yeah, you have to select the perfect fake wedding dress, not to mention the fake wedding cake and the fake chicken and fake fish courses. Send out fake RSVPs to the fake guests, and then sort out fake seating plans for them. Register at fake home appliance stores. Then there’s the fake groomsmen and fake bridesmaids…the list goes on and on.

    Talk about more stress!

  12. What.

  13. Hahahahaha. Don’t call him a hairy homo.

  14. Mitchell’s insult = classic.

  15. Jordan: “k there is nothing wrong with having a fake wedding, like me and chelsea are jsut showing each other how much we love each other”

    Me: Ummmmm….Isn’t that what actual weddings are for?

    Also, does anyone else find the very last sentence completely irrelevant and hilarious?

  16. I guess Chelsea was just upset that Jordan´s friends didn´t show their fake support for their fake wedding.

  17. Well, Chelsea seems to be of the opinion that these friends aren’t real friends… they’ll fit right in with her and her not-real wedding…

  18. FACK they are retarded.


    This cracked me up, ‘is an actual man’ is such an unnecessary thing to say.

  20. The editors spelled ‘just’ wrong. Twice.

  21. OK, few truths from a friend of a friend of Chelsea.

    1. She’s so touchy about the homo comments because Jordan has been thought to be a closet homo for years now. More on that later.

    4. A few years ago, it was rumored that Jordan spent a lot of time at home playing with his webcam. A meaner friend of ours actually got his yahoo ID, and pretended to be some chick and got him to admit to a whole lot of kinky shit including, homosexuality, beastiality, attraction to underage teens of both sexes, lots and lots of toys he owned and more i don’t care to bring up.

    This whole debacle makes it oh so funny. This man is doomed to be continuously embarrassed by the interent…

  22. comment #21 puts a whole new, wonderful, dramatic spin on this. tune in next sunday for more.

  23. That’s if #21 is telling the truth. I mean, I can easily say that I was best friends with on of Jordan’s ex-gfs and she told me that the only way he could get off is if she did a reach around while doing him with a strap-on. Yeah, it sounds really funny and personal, but where is the proof that it’s true?

  24. OF COURSE they’re from a small town. I often wonder how people this ignorant haven’t been hit by a car by playing in traffic.

    I can’t wait for them to “pretend to have kids” so they can carry around dolls. We just have to hope idiots like these don’t reproduce in REAL life…

  25. @giggles:

    The editors spelt jsut wrong twice becuase Jordan spelled it wrong a couple times too.

  26. The caption to the Facebook feud was far better than the actual feud going on. The body hair part was good.

    “And I will pretend she becomes my girlfriend forever and lets me jack off on Skype in front of a webcam.” – great callback

  27. Okay now everytime I read something on this website I feel the urge to post this, but I’ve always held it in.


  28. These people deserved to be harassed as much as possible. A “fake wedding”? What a completely moronic waste of money. And then getting overly defensive because of your “stress” over your “fake wedding,” and then calling everyone else immature and juvenile? Are these kids 15 or something? Gene pool is definitely in need of a little chlorine…

  29. Follow up: They actually got fake married, with their family and friends, in a little fake ceremony in their small town. How do I know? Pictures posted on Facebook. Hahahahha.

  30. Mitchell FTW!

  31. I just don’t understand why this was a big deal. It’s lame, stupid and weird, yes, but why are people getting so worked up over it?

  32. the only person ‘worked up’ seems to be you.

  33. Candy Blackmail

    fake wedding = lame excuse to screw

  34. “In a town this small ppl are gonna say ur stoopid.”

    My favorite part is when his uncle chimed in saying “this is your Uncle, marriage is not a joke.” Apparently it is, haha.

    This one is an all time classic.

  35. Comment #21 is disturbingly personal. And since these kids are probably in Alabama (or close to there) stuff like that is even more awkward.

  36. Aww come on man, there’s no need to drag Alabama into this! We don’t ALL have buck teeth and tractors…

    at least, not those of us near the cities…

  37. Maybe he’s just a pretend homo. maybe he’s gonna have a pretend commitment ceremony to a pretend gay lover before his pretend wedding– just for fun.

  38. “I just don’t understand why this was a big deal. It’s lame, stupid and weird, yes, but why are people getting so worked up over it?

    They are getting worked up because the couple didn’t tell everyone that it was FAKE. They went acting like it was a real wedding. Its when people didn’t show support and said they were too young they pulled this “Oh its was fake all along” bullshit. Thats why people are pissed off. Obviously money was spent and it was said to be real.

    If you are going to have a fake wedding the least you could do is tell people its actually fake…. then go jump off a bridge there is no such thing as a fake wedding you dumb asses. You have a wedding thats what you get. A WEDDING.

  39. Fake wedding? That’s not witty, that’s retarded! Who the fuck has money like that?

  40. “Jordan, this is our Uncle”

    our uncle? LOL

  41. this is so funny,do people actualy get fake married? in England you would get bitch slapped for even thinking about it.proper lame!

  42. Jasper – it’s easy, a fake wedding is paid for with fake money!

  43. Seriously, cause I think everyone’s taking everything waaaay too seriously.

  44. this site is just full of win for shit like this, I remember being on facebook prob for about a month after it dropped and then I realized that I could actually be doing other shit, like wacking off

  45. ihatestupidpeople

    she said “fuck” numerous times, yet felt the need to emphasise “FACK”. hahahahaha *punches chelsea in the face*

  46. It isn’t legal for first cousins to marry one another in Manitoba, hence the fake wedding. Anyone who has been to Dauphin knows that these ceremonies are all too common.

  47. See the way I see it is that Chelsea is just mad that none of her friends wanted to let her fake!register for some fake!presents for her lame fake!wedding. LMAO

  48. I’m not sure why people would get so pissed over a “fake” wedding. Really? It’s THAT big of a deal. My response would have been : “LOL you nuts.”

  49. HAHAHA hehehe pmsl ok which one of those were fake!
    Oh FACK it who gives a crap

  50. No for a tricky philosophical question: What if I say this post is FAKE? Think about that.

    But I guess it’s not. The thing that bothers me here is Chelsea and Jordan’s friends, not Jordan. Have a fake wedding if you want, sounds nice. Jordan is definately not the head of this relationship…

    And WHY does everyones relatives refer to themselves as “your relative (uncle, mum, grandma)”?? “I’ll say, better to put our relation here, so his friends will know who I am”. WHAT??!! There’s the NAME! Jordan knows your his uncle Joe!

  51. *Now…

  52. This sh*t is fu*ked up!!!!

  53. Did they have a fake divorce yet?

  54. seaborgiumJadee

    Chelsea could most definately have a dick. Technically not a homo anymore.

    *Kanye Shrug*

  55. John Players Standard

    This is in a small town in Manitoba. Manitoba is like the equivalent of the southern hillbilly states.

  56. I’m just curious…Did they sign a “fake” wedding license at the “fake” townhall too? In a few years are they gong to go through a “fake” divorce?

  57. Why do people always throw “homo” around as if being gay is an insult? It doesn’t lessen your masculinity and it doesn’t lower your worth as a human being. I guess people are just idiots.

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