Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Cereal Moments

previous post: None of Our Concern



  1. rest in pieces demarcus.

  2. How convenient for God to serve Life cereal.

  3. Dear God…

  4. Was the texter the one driving? Are we dealing with a ceral killer here?

  5. poor demarcus probably died because this kid was texting while driving. and it looks like he hasn’t learned anything, judging by the quality. or maybe that’s just the brain damage…

  6. lol @ Chesty!

  7. Is anyone else bothered by the fact that Demarcus’ death was kind of just tacked onto the end there?

    “so me n demarcus n i were in a crash n i had this cereal thing happen n life is precious n shit. btw demarcus died.”

    Seriously? SERIOUSLY?!

    Rest in peace, Demarcus. Sorry you had at least one craptastic friend.

  8. cereally? i call fake.

  9. So is Demarcus going to send him cereal messages from beyond the grave? Oh, wait, that was Family Guy.

  10. Wow dude. RIP Demarcus. Hope you hear some really bad ass beats in Heaven.

  11. @ indefinite end

    “”"Is anyone else bothered by the fact that Demarcus’ death was kind of just tacked onto the end there?

    “so me n demarcus n i were in a crash n i had this cereal thing happen n life is precious n shit. btw demarcus died.”

    Seriously? SERIOUSLY?!”"”

    nope. i hadn’t noticed that. :-}

  12. i give up on this species

  13. Poor Demarcus, one moment sowing his wild oats, and the next, he’s just porridge.

  14. I was gonna make fun of this post till I got to the last line. Holy Kremlin, some people have their priorities wrong. She’s all like “I saw God, oh yeh and Demarcus died”. Now that IS cereal.

  15. don’t feel too bad for demarcus. i am sure where ever he is now, he is living the cereal life…

  16. wordpervert. I love you.

  17. @ indefiniteEnd… I laughed my ass off at your comment.

    “I think it was a sign from God or some shit…” it just gets better and better.

  18. word, and they say you just do smut…. ;)

  19. Oh my god, is this a joke?! She killed her baby? This is absolutely horrifying. Maybe because of all those times we say ‘people like that shouldn’t have kids’, someone did something about it and took her’s away!
    Even without the last bit it was still a disgusting story – what an idiot.

  20. That “bad ass beat” they heard could’ve been the smackin’ of the gums as the driver ate their cereal….never know….that CapN Crunch can be a bitch!

  21. Wait… I thought they actually meant ‘their boy’, as in their child? Were they just friends of the same age? I thought it was some idiotic woman texting on her phone, who killed her son in the crash?!

  22. Only those with only selective reading ability think that, alord.

  23. @ grammar, I think she meant her boyfriend, not baby

  24. crly?

  25. wow. im with potato. it was funny til the end…then i was like aw snap. poor dude.

  26. Well that don’t make sense, but it IS early – I haven’t had my cereal.

  27. FAKE. AS. HELL.

  28. This is just a silly, confusing post! We need more information on this one. Maybe I’m looking into it too much and should just laugh at the whole ‘cereal’ part…


  29. I’d like to know which one of them was driving. If he was texting while driving and his friend died, shouldn’t he be feeling a tad more remorseful? Instead of writing about his “cereal” experience, shouldn’t he be more respectful of his friend??

    Also, I want to know if this kid eats surreal for breakfast?

  30. me my boy damarcus and i….

    all three of you, huh? Cerealously?

  31. So, the Urban Dictionary says that cereal can mean serious or seriously. Now I’m confused, did he totally screw up surreal or is he smarter than I thought and using some “Urban” lingo??

  32. ManBearPig is real. I’m super cereal.

  33. I think the person is trying to say, “my surreal experience with death”.

    Not much fodder in that.

  34. Thanks wordpervert, that’s what I thought. :)

  35. Here in America, the smart kids like to say “for cereal?” as in, “really?”. I’m not sure if this a joke, but cereal=seriously for retards.

  36. whitehallstories

    @FHsGirl does that mean that Damarcus got himself out of a cereal relationship?…he’s the lucky one

  37. @Indefinite: It’s like it’s the punchline or something. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. And I’m being totally cerious.

  38. This was probably written by the same person who fabricated that mess about Jacqueline and her ‘erotic issues’ she has been having since she found out her boyfriend has been banging her dog. Give me a break. Some people have overactive imaginations and crazy ideas. Couple that with an ability to mimic Ebonics and –BAM!!!– there’s your “tailor-made for Lamebook” BS post. Not much more to it than that.

  39. I thought cereal=surreal, until the “life is precious and cereal” part. is life really surreal? If I had 2 words to describe life, precious might be one, but not surreal. So I though maybe cereal=serious, but that doesn’t make sense in this post, either. I’m lost.

    Plus, the kid basically killed his friend with texting and driving, and doesn’t seem too bothered by that fact. Nothing like, “Oh, by the way, I’m super sorry for being the reason Demarcus is dead. Whoops.”

  40. I liking “hotsipal”. Hospitals are hotbeds of passion, after all. I’ve watched ER.

  41. @whitehallstories, LMAO, right, I wouldn’t want to be in any kind of relationship with someone so ignorant (real or fake!)

  42. What is the country of origin of this message? I’d say America, but lately I’ve come to realize that stupid has no boundaries.

    Demarcus is in a better place. Away from his texting “friend”.

  43. I’m going to name my son “i” and then hope he gets into a car accident with two other people, just so that everyone can make fun of the grammar of those repeating the story.

    I’ll also make him skip English class often enough so that the teacher calls me up to say “I has not been showing up to class much lately.” I’ll reply with “It should be ‘I HAVE’, but more importantly why haven’t you????” Then I’ll laugh and laugh, and bandage I’s wounds from the many bullies in his school.

  44. Or at least ended it, “an my manslotter trail starts nex month.”

  45. @MasterProp

    manslotter sounds like an awesome nickname for a prostitute.

  46. @mccowles: Oh, my God, it totally is. I am going to replace the words “prostitute”, “whore”, “harlot”, “strumpet”, “streetwalker”, and heck, even “slut” with “manslotter” now.

  47. My cereal experience with God.
    So one day God and me were hanging out, like, just chillin, and suddenly he was all like “Hey, man, want some Fruit Loops?” and I was all like “Yeah sure bro, why not?” So we ate them and they were like really good, and suddenly God looks up from his bowl and is all like “Oh yeah, just so you know, Demarcus didn’t make it”, and I am all like “Oh, well, at least I have those delicious Fruit Loops.”

  48. “Strumpet” is an awesome term, Master. Don’t you go changin’.

  49. i hope demarcus haunts the shit out of his boy, texty mctexterson. maybe he can inflict him with a case of grape nuts to exact his revenge?

  50. Those slut machines are a real manslotter.

    Though I’ve seen that spelling before… Did you mean manslaughter?

    When I read the headline of this post the first thing I imagined was a car crash caused by someone eating Cap’N Crunch… Not an idiot texting who killed his friend… R.I.P. Demarcus. It would have been funny if it were cereal and not you.

  51. Though I haven’t*

  52. They must’ve had a fatal run-in with MANBEARPIG! I’m totally cereal here, guys!

  53. Its fake guys! I google for demarcus killed in a text related crash, nothing. But now i can laugh at this without feeling guilty.

  54. @nuff: Yeah, I meant “manslaughter”, but I was trying to do it with the same approximate spelling pattern as the original. I can usually spell better than “manslotter” when I’m typing as myself, even on a bad day ;)

  55. Chinchillazilla

    This is amazing.

  56. @ 32, 52


  57. I don’t think this person was the driver. If she was responsible for her friend’s death, I doubt she would admit to all her friends that she was texting while driving. I’ll bet she was the passenger.

  58. @IndefiniteEnd
    I KNOW!

  59. @anne

  60. I just can’t get over Demarcus – WHAT a name!! Not Mark. Not Marcus. But DEmarcus. That beauty is definitely being entered into my Official Baby Name Contenders List.

  61. @ TwoWorlds Yes. Half man, half bear, and half pig.

  62. Stop making jokes! This is super cereal, you guys!

  63. The saddest thing about this post is that the poor girl only has one ant, and she doesn’t even have custody of it. It’s probably still in its little farm, all alone, waiting for its owner to bring it some company.

    Unless it’s a giant mutant ant, and she doesn’t have room at home for it.

  64. I’m not usually one to jump on the “fake” train, but this one seems pretty fake.

    And that’s all I have to say about that.

  65. @40 wordpervert
    :D I liked the hotsipal one, too.

  66. Maybe the texter was the one in the passenger seat texting and Damarcus was driving.

    …Nah. That possibility wouldn’t make this post half as funny.

    Seems faked to me.

  67. A quick google search provides a story that sounds oddly similar to this. There was a car accident in West Palm beach, driver is injured and a passenger named Demarcus is killed. But it’s dated from 2007. So it’s either a coincidence or someone re-created it.


  68. …or it’s a different Demarcus.

  69. I don’t think the Demarcus in the article above is our Demarcus. This was in the comments:


    This person’s car accident was “las weekend”, and it sounds like William got seriously fucked up…wouldn’t be making FB statuses a week after the wreck.

  70. or this is an old post that someone dug up recently when the discovered lamebook and knew it would be right at home?

    or lamebook is that slow?

  71. the = he…. i am dreading the day my TypOHs land me on the other side of this site!

  72. @jukaswo Right. A different Demarcus would be that coincidence I mentioned.

  73. errrm, didnt one of the saints see a bright light on the way to demarkus(or was it demascus ;) )

  74. Damascus.

  75. This is obviously fake…it was clearly written by some white kid trying to get a submission on here.

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