Lamesters Archive

Im Not That Racist

lamester

Dnt Get Me Wrong

Stafford,
It looks like Jersey Shore Community College has taught you well. They should be proud to have produced such an intelligent student. All along, I thought this economical slump was some complex dilemma requiring the skills and intellect of several brilliant minds…

Then you come along and remind us that the solution is not so difficult. You’re right, Stafford, there is an obvious link between The United States Recession and way too many chinks opening up Dollar Trees. As Americans, we must resist the urge to go buy 49 cent toothpaste so that our country can once thrive again.

Wow.

It’s that simple.

Bless you Stafford.

Good to Hear from You James…

lamester

good-to-hear-from-you-james

James, yeah the family’s great, thanks.  You wonder why you never hear from me?  Because when we DO talk, you don’t say that your kid got straight A’s, you don’t tell me about your new promotion … you tell me CRAZY SHIT LIKE THIS!!  Anyway, talk to you later.

♥ The Editors

Mother Truckin’ Mike

lamester

Mother-Truckin-Mike

Mike, easy there. Dee seems like a good woman. She moved you from the truck to the trailer. If you’re not careful, you might be moving back to the Chevy, never to see that “honky tonk ba donka donk” ever again. This could be bad, unless your truck has a really awesome wi-fi connection. We hope for the best. Congrats.

♥ The Editors

Certain Information My Ass

lamester

Certain Information

Where do we start with this bad boy? And when we say “bad” we mean bad. It seems Kyle here is in love with himself and wants to share it with the entire world, in perhaps a vain attempt that the world will, in return, love Kyle as much as Kyle loves Kyle. Let’s say you’re one of Kyle’s buddies and you happen to be a male. How do you respond to such a picture? “Hey Kyle it was cool seeing you at the mall this afternoon…I guess. Nice pic, bro!” Or maybe you’re one of Kyle’s female friends. “What’s up Kyle? Thanks for wishing me a happy birthday…I guess. I sorta, kinda maybe like your photo there. C ya!” How can one not lose every friend they have by posting a nude photograph of themselves for all to see? What makes Kyle today’s Lamester is by far the fact the he decided to go with the always artistic “black and white.” No Kyle, your body’s not a work of art. Keep your shirt on. Please.

♥ The Editors

Sum1 Lame

lamester

sum1lame

Dear Gloria,

I think your boy Gavin just misspelled sum1. Here is the correct response.

Chelsea Wears the Pants

lamester

Chelsea Wears the Pants

I jsut want everyone to know that Jordan is a real man. Jsut because he wants to please his girlfriend by having a super witty and hilarious joke wedding doesn’t mean you can jsut make fun of him.

In fact, you go ahead and jsut throw your pretend wedding.

And I will pretend to go.
And I will pretend to meet a single girl.
And I will pretend to go get her some punch.
And I will pretend we dance all night.
And I will pretend we hook up after the wedding.
And I will pretend she becomes my girlfriend forever and lets me jack off on Skype in front of a webcam.