Lamesters Archive

Tee Hee For Tee-Tee

lamester2
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Bethany’s epic status-based retelling of her daughter’s first proper visit to the Necessary Room brings to bear an epidemic peeve on Facebook: account holders that post pictures of their offspring in their profile image as opposed to pictures of themselves.  Some might contend that it’s no big deal: the Information Age equivalent of the proud office display of wallet 2×3s.  Problem is, these misguided showoffs make sure that these images are permanently changed out with fresh ones in infinite sequence, making sure everyone knows what unimpressive rite of passage their brats have performed (like not crapping themselves), reinforced by the asinine comments of account holders with their own over-coddled broods, encouraging their fellow self-absorbed freaks to maintain this endless cycle. One that plays out itself out tens of millions of times every day in the blue halls of FB, taking up valuable bandwidth that would otherwise be dedicated to the exchange of more enriching information such as cute new flip-flops that don’t fit and how drunk that one girl got last night bro.  Cryin’ shame, really.
♥ The Editors

Baby Sits-A-Lot

lamester2
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Hey Chels,

Just semi-curious why you’re using the internet to tell your boyfriend how much you love him when he’s sitting next to you on the couch. Unless ‘BLAH’ means he is unconscious or in cardiac arrest, in which case Chels, you need to send the paramedics a text requesting immediate medical attention.

This transcript makes more sense if we assume it’s recipient isn’t your boyfriend at all but rather some sort of domesticated animal. A ferret perhaps. They can be ‘blah’. Drink water and beg for a turn on the computer. I’ll bet it’s funny to watch him type. I imagine he uses his nose to press each key and then quickly looks up at the screen to make sure he hit the correct one. That’s just how I picture it but you may have raised him differently than that Chels, I just don’t know.

♥ The Editors

Anything… LAME

lamester2

anything-lame

I enjoy reading peoples profiles to learn a little bit more about the people I call friends. I usually don’t take profiles like this seriously but I’m not sure about this one. If you want to OD on drugs like heath ledger, It’s not that hard. And that worries me, because you do grind hard and play harder.

♥ The Editors

Lame In a Bottle

lamester2

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Hey Kendall,

Wow. So glad Adley isn’t relying on you for milk anymore. Now He/She can rely on daddy for breast feeding. I am glad Adley is so excited to eat, because I’ve lost my appetite. Too much information. Thanks Kendall.

♥ The Editors

Making Sweet, Sweet Lame

lamester1

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Things that I understand: You have been having “tantric sex” for 12 hours. You encourage others to have “tantric sex” because you obviously enjoy it. You offer helpful advice and your friends return it with a concern for your hydration.

Things I do not understand: Is your real name King or are you an actual king? The latter would make more sense due to the fact that you are having “tantric sex.” Next, 12 hours? Seriously? No one believes that. Also, what kind of girl lets you stop and update your facebook status during “tantric sex.”

I hope you are joking because nobody buys it. It’s lame. Congratulations.

♥ The Editors

Progress?

lamester
obama

Natural Selection: the process by which Charles Darwin described nature’s ability to filter out the weaker and less “worthy” creatures of a species.

Nature is amazing. It gave us Mt Everest, the Rainforest, Bald Eagles, and loveable Koalas. It is amazing but not perfect. It also gave us the DoDo Bird, Indiana, and Mosquitos. The aforementioned natural selection works great but has somehow allowed you, Timothy McVey, and Billy “Oxyclean” Mays to slip through the cracks; all purveors of great ideas. That being said, here is one more term for you…

Strip Search: the process by which the secret service will undoubtedly make sure you aren’t carrying weapons after they break down the door to your one room efficiency apartment and find you facebooking your exboyfriend who is now boning the hot brunette chick from his Psychology class.

♥ The Editors