I think your boy Gavin just misspelled sum1. Here is the correct response.
I jsut want everyone to know that Jordan is a real man. Jsut because he wants to please his girlfriend by having a super witty and hilarious joke wedding doesn’t mean you can jsut make fun of him.
In fact, you go ahead and jsut throw your pretend wedding.
And I will pretend to go.
And I will pretend to meet a single girl.
And I will pretend to go get her some punch.
And I will pretend we dance all night.
And I will pretend we hook up after the wedding.
And I will pretend she becomes my girlfriend forever and lets me jack off on Skype in front of a webcam.
Val, girl, you are not the first to pull this amazing prank! One time I bought this cute boi an 800 dollar bracelet (cause every girl knows the way to a man’s heart is through expensive jewelry). So I go online expecting his relationship status to say “single” but guess what?! Instead I find a picture of his gf giving him a HAND JOB in the back of a ’98 Ford Taurus while wearing the bracelet!! I was like sooo pissed off! Ugh. So props to you Val, I’m sure that skank will lay off now.
Now I’m not a betting man, but I’m willing to wager a few dollars on the fact that you did, indeed, go to elementary school. And at this school, I’m sure you were taught that the word “and” does, in fact, start with an “a”. I know those 3-letter words can be tough, but education is the cornerstone of our future.
Well, Nikki, even if you don’t desire to further your studies, you obviously have a future in the music industry. With lines like “BITCH BOO I AINT GOT TIME FA U” you’re destined to be the next Beyonce.
Note Found On Shelly’s Front Door:
I am sorry I hit your house with my truck. The damage ain’t too bad, so looks like it won’t cost you too much to fix. Thank God that house has got great bones, or my Dodge would have leveled the thing! Well … you take care now.
P.S. Heard Mikey got shot with a pellet gun. What’s this neighborhood coming to?!
Josh, congratulations … all of the time you spent writing this note has earned you a Lamester Award. Not only because it’s long, a little pretentious, and includes the word “schadenfreude,” but also because if we understand you correctly, and what you’re saying is true, you’re leaving Facebook for a while. And sure, this may be right for you, but come on man! If you start some sort of Facebook exodus revolution then … well, we’re out of business. And frankly that’s just lame.
♥ The Editors