Lamesters Archive

I’m Enraged!!!

Lamester

machine-gun-wedding

Ohh to be a fly on the wall in this bedroom. I can only imagine the conversation these two love birds shared. “Hey, Cara?” Jebediah quietly whispers to his soon to be dashing young bride. “Yes, honey? What is it you want from me?” Cara replies, putting her clothes on. “I know we just met two hours ago at Uncle Billy’s Bar & Shrimp Shack but…”  ”What is it sweetie?” Cara asks, reaching under the bed for her cellphone. “Well, baby, I just wanna say…will you marry me?” Jebediah asks, dropping to one knee. “Well HELL YEAH I’ll marry you, sweetie! Let me get my camera so we can tell everyone on Facebook!” Cara squeals. “SWEET! Take my picture with the one thing I love most in this world, baby” Jebediah shouts digging through his bedroom closet. “Wait a minute, sweetie…say what?”

Im Not That Racist

lamester

Dnt Get Me Wrong

Stafford,
It looks like Jersey Shore Community College has taught you well. They should be proud to have produced such an intelligent student. All along, I thought this economical slump was some complex dilemma requiring the skills and intellect of several brilliant minds…

Then you come along and remind us that the solution is not so difficult. You’re right, Stafford, there is an obvious link between The United States Recession and way too many chinks opening up Dollar Trees. As Americans, we must resist the urge to go buy 49 cent toothpaste so that our country can once thrive again.

Wow.

It’s that simple.

Bless you Stafford.

Good to Hear from You James…

lamester

good-to-hear-from-you-james

James, yeah the family’s great, thanks.  You wonder why you never hear from me?  Because when we DO talk, you don’t say that your kid got straight A’s, you don’t tell me about your new promotion … you tell me CRAZY SHIT LIKE THIS!!  Anyway, talk to you later.

♥ The Editors

Mother Truckin’ Mike

lamester

Mother-Truckin-Mike

Mike, easy there. Dee seems like a good woman. She moved you from the truck to the trailer. If you’re not careful, you might be moving back to the Chevy, never to see that “honky tonk ba donka donk” ever again. This could be bad, unless your truck has a really awesome wi-fi connection. We hope for the best. Congrats.

♥ The Editors

Certain Information My Ass

lamester

Certain Information

Where do we start with this bad boy? And when we say “bad” we mean bad. It seems Kyle here is in love with himself and wants to share it with the entire world, in perhaps a vain attempt that the world will, in return, love Kyle as much as Kyle loves Kyle. Let’s say you’re one of Kyle’s buddies and you happen to be a male. How do you respond to such a picture? “Hey Kyle it was cool seeing you at the mall this afternoon…I guess. Nice pic, bro!” Or maybe you’re one of Kyle’s female friends. “What’s up Kyle? Thanks for wishing me a happy birthday…I guess. I sorta, kinda maybe like your photo there. C ya!” How can one not lose every friend they have by posting a nude photograph of themselves for all to see? What makes Kyle today’s Lamester is by far the fact the he decided to go with the always artistic “black and white.” No Kyle, your body’s not a work of art. Keep your shirt on. Please.

♥ The Editors

Sum1 Lame

lamester

sum1lame

Dear Gloria,

I think your boy Gavin just misspelled sum1. Here is the correct response.