Friday, June 18, 2010

Care to Share

previous post: FANtastic Friday

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50 Comments

  1. David is a jeenyis.

  2. I’m stoked for you, Marcos.

  3. Ben!

  4. 1) I don’t know whether to laugh at this or not. But I do know whoever does this will have a very irritating vagina soon.

    2) My migraine is coming back……

    3) Good for you, Marcos! I think….

  5. Oh damn not quite then. Always been an avid lamebook community comments follower and always wanted to ‘ben’ a thread.. I guess I still missed it =(

  6. Yawn.

  7. Insert Name Here

    Why that second one even got pregnant is beyond me. Then again, judging by her ability to spell and use grammar, the two probably don’t even know what a condom is.

    And as for Marcos.. Prostitutes need to eat too – give ‘em those food stamps for a job well done!

  8. I don’t quite follow Amber’s train of thought.

  9. I want to know what woman that is pregnant enough to the point where her belly is THAT big [6-9 months] is still worried about shaving her cooch. By that point, it’s going to be a who-the-fuck-cares type deal.

  10. clever user name here

    Umm, I had a standing waxing appointment the whole time I was pregnant… The thought of having to give birth with a hairy bush was horrifying to me, heh. Of course, I went into labor a week before my final wax, sigh…

  11. clever user name here

    Also, I’m utterly confused by David’s statement. I.just.don’t.get.it. Somebody explain, please.

  12. I was pretty concerned about shaving when I was pregnant too. Then I heard that some women pooped during delivery and I suddenly had a new more important fear.

  13. David thinks that since mosquitoes suck blood that they might be useful for women to use instead of a tampon. David is an idiot.

  14. 1) Mosquitoes? REALLY?!! *headdesk*

    2) Started out legible, then went to hell. And it’s probably just me, but anytime I see “cnt” for the word “can’t,” my first thought is almost always “cunt” not “can’t” until I read the context clues. Which is bad when someone is talking to me and I’m wondering why the hell they just called me a cunt for no reason. :P

    3)*facepalm* Wow. Just. Wow.

  15. Clever, David seems to think that it would be easier for us girls to shove mosquitoes in our underwear during our period, since mosquitoes..well, suck blood. Someone needs to chlorinate his gene pool..stat.

  16. clever user name here

    Oh… d’oh. I’m an idiot too, I totally didn’t get that. Thanks!

    And yeah, the pooping thing freaked me out too. “Thankfully” my son’s giant head prevented him from coming out the regular way and I had a c-section instead, heh.

  17. Dear god, what horrors must lurk within the confines of a “massage parlor” that accepts food stamps for payment?

    I’d say Marcos deserves whatever he gets there, and I’m not talking about the “happy” ending.

  18. releasethehounds

    @ clever user name here – giving birth with a hairy bush was a horrifying thought to you? What about the tearing and the blood and the slimy placenta.

    I’m about to give birth to a watermelon but a least my muffy looks like a mouses ear.

  19. David makes me want to stab things.

    Also, it might just be to me, but Amber gives off that ’16-and-pregnant’ vibe.

    Now I have a flaming fear of shitting myself when giving birth. A big bush is one thing, but shit shrapnel in the crotch jungle is not at all appreciated.

  20. The direction of the conversation has taken an interesting and albeit, a slightly disturbing turn. Hmm.. Just more reasons I do not want kids.

  21. There are too many horrifying moments during pregnancy/childbirth to count Releasethehounds, but the hair thing is one of them. You are right though, tearing is the worst and that placenta feels like you just delivered a slightly firm jello mold. Once that happens you forget all about what state your snatch hair is in.

    Good Luck with the watermelon.

    Kittrick, the sickest part of the whole thing is that after all that disturbing stuff happens, about a year and a half later you want to do it all over again. Must be hormones. Babies are always cute though, so it makes it worth it.

  22. I’m pregnant and I would have to agree that the whole pooping-yourself-in-front-of-everyone thing is pretty much at the top of my worry list.

  23. jellyx, trust me, when you’re in the throes of an agonising, all-encompassing contraction, and somebody is commanding you to push, and breathe, and all that jazz, your bowels will be the last thing on your mind, but if you’re still concerned, have a C-section. That’ll take it out of the equation completely.

    Kidding. Just ask for plenty of drugs, so even if it does happen, you won’t give a damn.

  24. yeah, I guess the mosquito bites would look like herpes…and I can’t tell you how glad I am that my hard working taxpayer dollars are getting some loser laid…Idiots!

  25. Now David, I don’t need to bring up the cervical mucus and endometrial cells again, do I?

  26. Damn so you’re telling me my taxes are now paying for a massage parlor that gives happy endings? By the fuck, I’m glad as hell I’m still stationed in Germany now. Most of the stupid shit that has been happening in the states for the last 5 years I have missed and I don’t regret it at all after reading Lamebook.

  27. If you have to give birth to a giant turd while you’re trying to shit your baby out, just do it. All the hospital staff will be used to it and a nurse/midwife will just swiftly wipe it up. Trying to hold it in could interfere with the birth.

    That’s what I read anyway.

  28. Seriously, ladies, when push literally comes to shove, the people doing their work at the other end have seen it all and couldn’t care less whether a little poop comes out. It’s normal. And, in that moment, you really won’t care either. Same goes for whether your bush is trimmed or not. You need to rethink your priorities a bit. I think it’s awesome that Walter, who I assume is a man, had the most sensible answer on that. Go Walter!

  29. When push comes to shove, I didn’t give a rat’s ass about pooping on the hospital staff, but my husband was holding my left leg, encouraging me through the last mighty pushes and while he got to witness me tearing through an epesiotomy, I think watching me hang a rat would have put me over the edge. I DID give birth in December though, so I had “winterbush” to beat the band.

  30. Birthing comments are win. haha.

    I managed to shave all through my pregnancy. My husband witnessed what he thought was me dying haha. Childbirth was not a “beautiful” thing for him. He really, really thought I was about to die. Poor guy.

  31. Childbirth: You will be in too much pain to care what you look like. All you will want is for it to be (((OVER))).

  32. Flamboyant stereotype

    http://www.cracked.com/article_16508_6-terrifying-things-they-dont-tell-you-about-childbirth.html

  33. Those would have to be the Elvis Presley and Kirstie Alley of the mosquito world…

  34. The funniest thing about this entire comments thread?

    jjdonkey’s euphemism of “hang a rat” for poop. BIG win.

  35. LOL – David’s was epic.

    Any of you know any more sites like Lamebook, failbook, failfile, etc? Figure this is a good place to ask :)

  36. krasivaya_devushka

    The comments are quite interesting ha ha

    @Peach, the only ones I can think of right now is Epicfail and STFUparents lol : )
    That one is all about baby updates and parents who share crazy stuff.

  37. i’m not sure whether ludakris would appreciate you attributing specious quotations to him, david.

  38. I know of stfu parents and like I said I just discovered FailFile – but I did NOT know Epicfail – Thanks Krasivaya :D

  39. I hate watching videos on Epic Fail, though. It seems like every time I do, there’s always like a minute of video before they actually get to the fail. It’s annoying.

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  41. Wow. I think with all these stories, I’m just gonna adopt a kid from China or something. lol. This all sounds like waaaay too much for me. @_@

  42. @ Kittrick
    Adopt a child from Africa, then you will be cool like all those Hollywood folk :) .

  43. No shit, I came here for some light reading and almost lost my breakfast ..

    Not really, I have alot of respect for the whole childbirth thing but all this talk of crapping and wax jobs..

    Being born when I was, I will assume I emerged from a fairly dense bush…almost 9 pounds.

  44. krasivaya_devushka

    @Peach, you’re welcome :)

    I wish I didn’t click on that link up there.
    However, the alien head one made me laugh out loud.

  45. @TheDon, really? Would adopting a little African baby make me as trendy as holding a Starbucks cup? Lol, sorry, I had to say it. I’m still not sure I even want a kid, but I’m definitely thinking adoption from a less fortunate country would be a good option.

  46. PeanutButtercup

    Note to self: Do not get pregnant.
    Or come to lamebook while eating breakfast…

  47. 1. Has David ever even seen a vagina? That doesn’t make sense.
    2. Never in my fucking life did I think that anyone would care whether their snatch is hairy during childbirth.

  48. This may be TMI but I am currently 6 months pregnant and am definitely keeping it shaved (still managing to do it myself to the relief of hubby). It’s really not for any other reasons than 1)it is more comfortable for me to keep it clean cut. and 2)I still have a sex life and hubby enjoys it.

    I could really care less about what it looks like when I am in labor. For me, it is merely what I prefer.

  49. @joanie

    “to the relief of hubby”?

    Hmmm… I thought all guys liked the thought of shaving their partner? I fully plan to watch/learn/assist during the entire pregnancy of my future baby mama, if not beforehand.

  50. @mcowles

    I’ve heard before that a lot of couples make that a sharing activity. To be quite honest, it has never come up between my husband and I so I can’t honestly say how he would feel about doing it. I don’t, however, think I would feel comfortable having him do it. It’s just… a personal thing to me that I do on my own time and he enjoys the end result. Different strokes for different folks, I guess. Maybe down the road? We were just recently wed. I noticed in my previous marriage that even though we had been together 5 years before tying the knot, after a couple years of being married, I did get more comfortable about certain things. So we will see. I may convert one day :)

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