Is anybody else concerned that Mark and Beca’s son is named Emmy? And who wants to bet that Emmy was conceived when Beca had an extramarital affair and Mark, having no balls of his own with which to conceive a child, decided to raise Emmy as his own?
okok so to clear this up… it was not a “facebook relationship” like someone said… it was talking about a real one.. just making it public on facebook.. haha and nothing backfired. it says single meaning im NOT with him whatup sarah moore!! hahaha
Wait a minute, are you people sympathizing with Mark?? Why??? Because he’s a total horn dog? Because Beca has enough self-respect to not lay back and spread every time he wants her to? Sex is not a requirement of relationships, and just because a guy isn’t getting any from his gf, for whatever reason, doesn’t mean he deserves ANY sympathy.
Without food and water, a person will die. A person can go their entire life without sex and their health will be in no danger. Priests, nuns, even I have gone my entire life without it, and I feel like a million bucks. I have no “psychological need” for sex because it is not required for individual survival.
wow muep, i must have missed all the “sympathizing with mark” comments… i even read the comments twice more and the only things i only saw 3 comments about mark. nobody said anything bad about Beca. of course people will feel bad for mark though, he’s in a relationship. he wants something from his partner that he’s not getting. kinda sucks.
Okay shinsplints, with that logic, let’s look at some different situations. What about a girl who wants her boyfriend to buy her things and he won’t do it? What about a girl who wants her boyfriend to marry her but he just won’t pop the question? Do we “feel bad for” those girls?
In regards to the second one, the kid’s name is Emit. Yes, E-M-I-T. Mark is a schizophrenic junkie. The kid is about 1 year old. Mark is an overprotective jealous fuckwit. Oh, and he left Bec another post on a wall telling her how much he loves her, and now it looks like everything has been smoothed over. Oh yeah, he was cheating on her for most of her pregnancy, too.
I hope your realize that your personal experience is your own, and you can’t extend it to everyone else.
Men and women are different. They really are. You obviously can’t understand the mind and drive of a man, and clearly are not interested in using any kind of empathy here.
Using priests as an example of someone who commits to a life of abstinence as something good is probably not a good idea. It isn’t hard to see the very destructive and abusive behavior that occurs when one unnaturally tries to curb what is very natural.
Kids that are raised in places like orphanages don’t die from complete lack of physical contact, but the emotional and psychological damage is evident. Not dying is not the same as living.
And finally, you obviously have some kind of huge chip and agenda about this. As someone else pointed out, you had to really search and stretch to even make your initial outraged comment.
Hopefully you are a virgin because you are young. I really hope you are able to find a compatible person and live a complete life. I think you will find that in retrospect, you really were missing something, and maybe there is something beyond what you thought was feeling like a million bucks.
I was in no way trying to sound outraged. I was just peeved that Beca was being treated as the “bad guy” because she wouldn’t give her boyfriend sex. Every day, girls are giving their boyfriends the sex they ask for, no matter how much those poor girls don’t want to, just so they can keep the guy from leaving them, or becoming hostile. I understand that men and women are built differently. I understand that men have an extra part of their brains that creates such a drive that women simply can’t fathom. I just don’t think it should ever be used as an excuse to force girls into doing something they don’t want to do.
I suppose I can honestly say that I do have a personal issue with this. I am a virgin by choice, for the most part. I choose to stay safe and follow the rules that I was raised by. And if 20 years old is young, then yes, you could say I’m young. But with the changing times, what man in the world is willing to stay with someone who chooses to abstain until marriage? People like me are seen as prudes, goody-goodies, or just uncool. There is a lot of peer pressure surrounding sex, and comments like those I’ve seen on this page and the post itself are only making the problem worse.
But my personal problems aside, my argument is that if someone doesn’t want to have sex, for whatever reason, they shouldn’t have to. This especially goes for females, who are constantly under pressure to do whatever their boyfriend says out of fear that if they don’t, not only will he leave, but he’ll ruin her reputation. And I must also point out that, although I’ve never known any, I’m sure there are some relationships where the situation is reversed, and the girl is constantly pressuring the guy when he doesn’t want to. At the risk of sounding sexist, I will include those rare relationships in my argument.
You need to get laid girl! There’s nothing wrong with sex. It’s natural, healthy and fun. It’s a HUGE part of any romantic relationship. If you think for a minute that you can date someone for an extended period of time with NO physical intimacy and be happy, you can’t. The guy definitely won’t put up with that and he shouldn’t. Sex is not dirty or a sin and there’s no reason to wait until you’re married. You’re 20 and you do come across as very bitter which indicates that you need some love and affection and SEX in your life.
However, if you choose to suppress your natural desires and attempt to live like a nun (some of the most miserable, hateful people on the planet, just ask anyone who went to Catholic school), please don’t try to persuade others that that’s normal. In this day and age, the majority of people are following the sexual repression that organized religion tries to force on us. It’s ok for guys to want sex, it’s normal! Girls want it to! Don’t be such a tight ass.
Thank you for your concern. I think it was concern.. Anyway, I have often considered if I would be less of a “tight ass” had I decided to “get laid.” The risks are great, though, and the thought of throwing away the principles that I had pounded into my head from day one is quite alarming. And actually, I was in a relationship where there was no physical intimacy. I was quite happy, but he apparently wasn’t, because he dumped me for someone who would “put out.” If there’s anything I’m bitter about, it’s that.
What I take issue with is the “natural desires” bit. I don’t really feel any natural desires for sex at all. I was simply told that this is normal and good. Is there something wrong with me?
I agree, it is okay for guys to want sex and it is normal. I just don’t think it’s okay for guys to pressure girls who don’t want it into doing it.
Well, now that a good several hundred people know all the details of my sex life, I suppose I should change my name and go into hiding for a few decades…
@Tigerlillies244: “If you think for a minute that you can date someone for an extended period of time with NO physical intimacy and be happy, you can’t. The guy definitely won’t put up with that and he shouldn’t.”
I think that is a very unhealthy attitude, especially the last sentence.
I don’t actually know what else to say… I’m kinda shocked.
I trick virgins into having filthy fornications with me by pretending they are special, declaring my love for them and showering them with expensive gifts. As soon as i’ve broken them in with a round of ‘Cock Rodeo’ (TM)i tell them they were uninspiring sexually and put them in a taxi home.
nah i’m only joking, they can pay for their own fucking taxi.
It IS genuine concern. You said a few things in your post that prove my points. First, you said that “the thought of throwing away the principles that I had pounded into my head from day one is quite alarming” – well, there you go! Your family, whatever religious cult they’re into, has brainwashed you since you were young to believe that sex is dirty, a sin, is only for procreation, & you have to wait until your married, blah, blah, blah. Right? Every single organized religion is famous for repressing your natural sexual urges. Catholics and Muslims are the WORST but it’s present in all religions.
There are risks, yes. But at 20 years old, you are old enough and I’m sure smart enough to get on the pill and use a condom. And no, I’m not advocating random sex with just anyone. Since that’s not something you would ever be into. So have sex when you’re in a healthy, loving relationship. And that brings me to my second point…
You said your boyfriend broke up with you because you wouldn’t put out. You can’t blame him. You can’t expect someone to wait around indefinitely for physical intimacy. It’s part of a healthy relationship. If you were happy with and loved him, you should have slept with him. I’m sorry but I’m just telling it like it is. If you guys didn’t want get married for 6 years, would you expect him to not have sex for 6 years?! It’s unrealistic.
And finally, you said you “don’t really feel any natural desires for sex at all. I was simply told that this is normal and good. Is there something wrong with me?” I don’t believe you don’t have those desires but if you don’t, then YES, something is wrong with you. Everyone loves sex & everyone gets horny. So if you really feel no desire for sex, talk to your doctor. That’s not normal and no man is going to be ok being married to a cold, dead fish. That’s how affairs begin!
idiotlegs, I just speak the truth. I said for “an extended time”. If you’re with a guy for 3 weeks, ok, you shouldn’t feel pressured. But if he’s a great boyfriend and he’s been with you for 6 months, give him some sex! I’m a woman and if my man said he wasn’t going to have sex with me until we were married, I’d dump him. I won’t be pressured into getting married and I won’t put up with the nonsense that some people buy into that sex is sacred. Sex is life. All animals have sex, it’s where all life comes from. And humans derive pleasure from it, so what? Why should any man or woman put up with being celibate if they don’t want to?
Yeah, 20 is young, and it’s cool you’re still a virgin. It isn’t the norm, but isn’t totally crazy.
I do, however, agree with Tigerlillies, I am not surprised your long term boyfriend left.
Please do not interpret this as me saying your had a responsibility to have sex with him. You have an absolute right to your body, and you should only do things that you feel good about. Do not have sex with someone you don’t want to. Even if you are a wife. Lots of wives have sex, even when they “don’t want to”, because they want to express love to their husbands in a way their man actively recognizes it (and in a way he craves at a level that sometimes feels like hunger).
But there are lots of times when someone in a relationship does not want to have sex. For whatever reason. And it is always OK to say no. And in the US non consensual sex is rape even if you are married.
As with any activity in a relationship, it is “OK” for you to assert your rights any way you’d like, but the other person has a right to assert their rights in response. They will react to you. If you decide to spend all your free time going to clubs and blowing all your money on drugs, your boyfriend would probably leave you. If all you ever want to do is sit at home and watch TV, good for you, but your boyfriend might leave you. And, you don’t have to have sex with your boyfriends, but he will probably leave you.
I think it might be worth talking to your doctor about your libido, but from what I understand it is not uncommon for a woman’s libido to be very low until their late 20′s. Although from what you say it is at 0, if you had been intimate with your long term boyfriend you probably would have started feeling it a low level. SInce you haven’t had sex, your feelings haven even been stimulated yet. It isn’t possible for a healthy 20 year old man to not crave sex. It’s possible to not act on it, but it’s something you need to work on — you don’t just forget about it.
I hope you are able to overcome your strong feelings on this topic. It really is a natural thing, and whether it’s right or wrong, withholding it, on principal or capriciously, will damage a relationship. More physical intimacy can strengthen a relationship, and help keep it together during the rough parts.
Regarding the relationship that I had. I was fifteen.
You say “sex is life. All animals have sex.” We are not animals. We are not savage creatures – we’re sophisticated, intelligent human beings. I don’t doubt that maybe my catholic upbringing has significantly brainwashed me into thinking everything that you said up there, but even for someone who hasn’t been brainwashed, but still decides to wait until marriage, you are telling that person that their values are wrong. I just don’t think that’s right. Everyone has their beliefs, and if a relationship partner can’t respect someone’s limits, then I would blame that person, not the one with the principles.
It hurts me to know that people see me as a religious tight ass, with outdated views and unrealistic limits. If it were as easy as it sounded, and with absolutely no consequences, I’d gladly switch over to the other side. It’s just a complicated issue, with so many layers to it, and I can’t discuss the whole story here. I’ve already said too much.
jimmyjames – First of all, no one said anything about RAPE or forcing anyone to have sex. We were discussing sex as part of a healthy relationship and that it’s unrealistic for people to long periods without it when they are with someone. It goes without saying that you can’t rape someone or force them to do something they don’t want to do, so why you even brought that up is beyond me. Second of all, you don’t have to have sex in order to have your libido activated. That’s why plenty of virgins masturbate.
muepsilongamma – I’m sorry your Catholic upbringing has ruined sex for you. I hope that in time you will see it’s ludicrous to deny yourself these things and you’ll just say F it and enjoy your life. If you don’t want to have sex until you’re married, that’s fine, but you do have to expect that most guys won’t wait that long. It’s just the way it is. As far as saying we’re not animals, we most certainly are. We have evolved to a level of consciousness that no other animal has, and that’s incredible. But we are mammals too. All I meant was that sex is a part of life, for every species. There’s nothing wrong with it. The Catholic church is racist, homophobic, misogynistic, unable to admit it’s guilt in covering up sex abuse scandals worldwide, unable to concede that their views on sex & contraception are outdated and dangerous and unable to concede that women have a right to their own bodies. Whatever you decide to follow in life, don’t follow the Catholic church.
Putting that aside, as I said, I agree with a large part of your argument. And if it really was as easy as saying F it and just switching over, I’d do it.
But I stand by this: it was absolutely not unrealistic for me to abstain from sex when I was fifteen. I was just a child, and I had no business getting into all that stuff at such a young age, especially when the relationship only lasted a total of five months. I don’t care how much society says it’s okay, kids should not be having sex. Sex is for adults.
muepsilongamma is the Dan_Fargis of sex. I would call her a troll but she seems to actually be invested in the idea of preaching virginity on a website populated by sexual deviants who have fucked and been fucked in every possible orifice.
Dukey, I’m not preaching virginity. I could care less what other people do with their bodies. I’m only saying that people should never pressure other people into having sex just because it’s the norm of society.
@muepsilongamma, I hate arguing with “alleged” trolls, but the point here is clear. Everybody gets to act as they please AND everybody gets to react as they please. So, feel free to be celibate as long as you don’t mind being abandoned by every guy you meet. Even the guys who stick around will only stick around till they see a stronger prospect for sex i.e no one will force you to have sex, but you can’t expect to force others to stick around either.
Thanks. I now have a very positive outlook on my future relationships. I suppose I’ll end up as that crazy cat lady everyone makes fun of. If I don’t commit suicide before then. After all, nobody wants another cat lady. Not even the cats.
That’s simply not true, I’m always keeping my eyes open for a kind, caring lady to share my life with.
Some folk who comment on here can be quite perverted and have a shallow, dark outlook on life.
I on the other hand have always tried to maintain a certain ethical and moral level to what i write on here. So come and live with me and you can be a virgin for as long as you want. I promise. sort of.
You’ll have to give up on this God fella though, this relationship will never fit three of us in. it’s either me or the crazy, judgemental, imaginary guy with the beard and thunderbolts.
Oh come on, God is not a crazy, judgemental, imaginary guy with a beard and thunderbolts. He’s not a great big cosmic killjoy who’s looking to strike down anyone who doesn’t follow every word the church says. It’s not God who has the thunderbolts, it’s the church. I mean, look what they did to me. You think I like being like this?
I appreciate all that though. Made me feel a bit better.
I wouldn’t call it love, I would call it.. respect, understanding, maybe even compassion. It’s a refreshing change from the usual ridicule I get. And I suppose that’s good enough for me. But it takes more than kindness and understanding to undo decades of brainwash.
No, that is no one else’s job but my own. This is the part where I leave you all in peace, and go re-evaluate my life, possibly seeking professional help, discovering what I truly want out of life, finding my place in the world, attempting to achieve enlightenment, et cetera.
Respect, understanding, compassion and kindness. These are the four corner stones of my existence. The foundation they stand upon is my unswerving love and dedication to muepsilongamma.
Although Dukey you’re starting to look like an attractive proposition too.
Maybe I spoke to soon about there not being enough room for three in this relationship. I think that between me and Dukey we could break you of your God addiction and replace it with a man meat one instead.
I actually registered for this after being a lurker for quite a long time.
While I agree that no one should force anyone else to have sex because such are the social norms, sex actually is a requirement for what could be called a healthy intimate relationship.
As for the rest, Tigerlillies244 beat me to most of what I’d want to say to you.